The Serenity Solution: How to Use Quiet Contemplation to Solve Life's Problems (4 page)

Though
The Serenity Solution
is divided into four parts, it can be clas-sified into two major areas. The first area comprises Parts One through
4 Introduction

Three, which covers the basics of calm focusing and lays the foundation for the more advanced skills in Part Four, which is the second major area.

In particular, Parts One through Three teach basic meditative skills; this includes mindfulness, which we describe here as broad awareness, and intention control, which we call concentrated awareness.
Mindfulness
is a state of mind where we have greater awareness of our focus and thoughts, as well as access to broader insights, and this awareness then allows us to concentrate our focus on the best solutions or intentions.

Intentions
are desires for specific outcomes and they can have significant effects on our lives when we dwell or concentrate on them. They can be conscious or subconscious. When they are subconscious and un-wanted, we call them fixed notions, confirmation biases, or self-fulfilling prophecies.

In Parts One through Three, we learn how to be aware of and control our intentions so that we can consciously create the ones we want and produce solutions that get us out of problems. Here, we explore how consciously-controlled immersion in detail, or the act of
visualization
, leads to wanted intentions. This prepares us for Part Four where we learn how to use small but significant quantum effects to produce the most effective intentions.

As we will learn in Part Four, the universe at its fundamental level (the quantum level) exists as a field of possibility, and one of the things that can produce specific realities from this field are our focused thoughts or intentions. It is our focused thoughts that are the active ingredients in prayer, visualization, positive thinking, faith healing, and the popular concept known as the law of attraction, which basically states that what we focus on with conviction we tend to draw into our lives; our dominant thoughts tend to find a way to manifest.

Overall then,
The Serenity Solution
shows us how we can use the two main skills of broad mindfulness and concentrated thought or intention to overcome problems and create desired outcomes. Broad or mindful
Introduction 5

awareness opens us up to solution insights and keeps us oriented to our target objectives and concentrated intentions create the steps we need to reach these objectives.

Throughout this book exercises are provided that build on these basic concepts and offer opportunities to try them out and hone broadening and concentrating skills. As you learn these skills and perform the exercises presented, you may want to record your observations in a journal.

This will help you keep track of your progress as well as see patterns in your thinking and overall responses.

How This Book Came About

The genesis for the ideas presented in The Serenity Solution began while I was working on my master’s degree in perception. Perception is a field of study in psychology that explores the underlying mental processes involved in how we make sense of our world, particularly how the mind organizes stimuli into meaningful information.

The two fundamental processes the mind uses to organize the per-

ceived world are synthesis and analysis, which are related to the broadening and concentrating awareness concepts presented in this book.

I explored these two states during my doctoral work in hypnosis and noticed that the detached, observant state of mind is usually accompanied by attention to a wider range of stimuli, whereas the immersed or trance-like state is usually associated with attention to a narrower range of stimuli. The biofeedback researchers, George Fritz and Les Fehmi, also explored these two modes of consciousness (which they call open and narrow focus) and documented their effects on the body.

Today, in my work as a counseling psychologist, I keep these two fundamental processes in mind as I work with clients. Typically, we work by alternating between gathering a broad view of a client’s problem followed by concentrating on specific solutions, goals, and actions. Part Three of the book presents an overview of this, which I call Solution Targeting.

6 Introduction

Solution Targeting focuses on constructing one’s destiny and identifying unique strengths to shape that destiny, as well as on present actions and solutions rather than on problems and how these problems developed in the past (which is common among older approaches to change).

Does Solution Targeting work? My clients tell me so. After 18 years of work as a hypnotherapist, wellness counselor, and psychologist, I continue to get calls, letters, and referrals from clients attesting to how helpful it has been for them. Now, you too can test these ideas and techniques out for yourself and let them work for you.

Calm Focus and Problem Solving

Observation of successful problem solvers in action reveals that

a calm focus opens access to solutions. From these observations

researchers have found that solutions arise best when problem-

solvers:

• Take time to reflect on a problem

• Ponder deeper about a problem

• Shift their focus often and look at a problem from multiple

angles and

• Trust their hunches

In contrast, those who spent the least amount of time in calm

focus came up with the least amount of solutions.

and Problem

Perception

one

Focus Determines View of a

Problem and its Solution

“People are disturbed not by things,

but the view they take of them”

—Epictetus, Greek philosopher

As the title implies, the purpose of this book is to teach you how to use a
calm focus
in order to solve problems. Problems—such as work and finance issues, health concerns, and relationship conflicts—are a normal part of life and typically involve our difficulty at seeing options associated with these troubles. But a calm focus can make it easier to do so.

We’ve all experienced a calm focus at one time or another. Consider for a moment when we have argued with a friend. At times, when we hear unkind words we may jump to the conclusion that we were insulted. At other times, instead of reacting quickly to one viewpoint, we may stand
9

10 One

back and look at the situation from other viewpoints, such as the views that our friend used the wrong words or was having a bad day or we simply misunderstood. If so, we may approach the situation in a wholly different manner.

In the first reaction, we are using a hard narrow focus. In the second one, we are using a calm focus. Unlike a hard narrow focus, a calm focus enables us to look at a situation from a broader view, and as a result, we have more options and recourses available to us.

The Elepant and the Six Blind Men

There’s an old story in India about six blind men who went to see

the prince’s newly arrived elephant. None of them knew what an

elephant was and so were curious. One-by-one, they approached

the elephant. One felt the elephant’s side and thought an elephant was like a wall. The next touched its trunk and thought an elephant to be a snake. The third grabbed the tusk and thought it

was like a spear. The fourth a leg and thought tree. The fifth an

ear and thought fan. And the sixth touched the elephant’s tail and thought it was like a rope.

Now, each was partly right and partly wrong, but they failed

to understand the larger truth of the elephant. They could get this only by moving around the elephant and touching all of its parts.

If we, like the six blind men, fail to size-up a situation and look at it from a broader perspective, we too will fail to see what we’re really dealing with and how to deal with it. A calm focus makes it more likely that we will shift and see a problem from multiple views thereby opening a solution.

Focus Determines View of a Problem and its Solution 11

Calm focus is an optimal state of mind for solving problems because it offers a balance of arousal: a balance between alertness and relaxation.

When we are both alert and relaxed, we can focus on a problem, but our focus isn’t so fixed on one view that we can’t see other views.

Problems often persist because we get stuck in one view of them and can’t see other options. A good example is when we’re in a hurry and can’t find our car keys. In this example, we’re so focused on getting out the door that we don’t have room to consider where we last left our car keys.

With the balance of arousal afforded by a calm focus we need not stay stuck. We can explore a situation from multiple views before choosing the best view. For instance, in our earlier example, when we calmly disengaged from the view that our friend meant to insult us, we could explore the equally valid views that he used the wrong words, was having a bad day, or we misunderstood; and then from this broader vantage point, we could see the best course of action, which in this case, would be to clarify the matter with our friend.

Psychologists, athletes, and artists call the state of calm focus “being in the ‘zone’ or ‘flow.’” It is where thinking and performance are most fluid and productive. As mentioned, the optimal zone of calm focus is where we can move easily between observing an activity or situation with a degree of detachment and also immerse ourselves in it. The result is an increase in the range of our thinking and performance.

Calm focus is present any time we are performing a well-honed physical feat, creating a work of art, or discovering a solution to a problem.

Dancing is a perfect example. When we dance in calm focus, we can move easily between a broad awareness of our bodies in space and an immersion in the music, and as a result, move rhythmically.

Focus as Lens and Filter

Calm focus works much like a camera lens. If we adjust a camera lens between broad and narrow views of a scene, we will increase the scope of our
12 One

awareness of that scene. Likewise, if we calmly adjust our focus between broad and narrow conceptions of a problem, we will increase the scope of our awareness of that problem.

As you can see, the reason our focus is so important to solving problems is because it determines what we see in a problem and how we will go about solving it.

In particular, our focus acts as a filter for the mind, selecting and determining what gets noticed by it. Thus, our focus determines how we will approach a problem and what thoughts we have available to solve a problem. If our focus is limited our awareness of the problem and its solution will likewise be limited.

You Get More of What you Focus On

The notion that we are what we focus on and think about is as

old as man:

• The Old Testament says: “As a man thinketh, so is he.”

• The Hindu text, Bhagavad Gita, echoes this sentiment:

“Man is made by his belief. As he believes, so he is.”

• It is further reinforced by Buddha: “The mind is everything.

What we think we become.”

• The Greek philosopher Plato: “We become what we

contemplate”

• And the English Poet, John Milton, in his work
Paradise

Lost
, when he offered this now-famous phrase: “The mind is its own place and in itself can make a heaven of hell—a hell

of heaven.”

Focus Determines View of a Problem and its Solution 13

Think of our camera lens again. Just as the scope and direction of the lens determines what we see through it, so too, the scope and direction of our focus determines what we entertain in our mind.

For example, if we jump to the conclusion that we are sad because

people are mean to us, we will search for a solution in other people, and overlook the simple possibility that our sadness may stem from our own thoughts and perceptions.

Therefore, where we place our focus will determine in large part

whether we will figure a way out of a problem. If, for instance, we can’t get others to change, then we’re stuck with sadness.

In fact, much of the struggle we experience with life situations comes from the limited way we are focusing on them. It is our current viewpoint at any moment rather than any other factor that gives the illusion that a problem is insurmountable.

This is no more evident than what I see in my private practice. In my role as a counselor, clients bring me all kinds of problems, yet invariably, most of these problems stem from a limited focus. Often, when clients learn how to use their focus effectively they start to see these problems dissolve.

Most of us are familiar with perceptual illusions or drawings that have two meanings depending on how you view them. One of the most classic ones is the vase/faces illusion. Depending on where you place your focus, you can see either two faces facing each other or a single vase in the center.

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Illustration 1.1: The Vases/Faces Illusion

So it is with life situations. Often, like this perceptual illusion, life situations are ill-defined and can have multiple meanings depending on the perspective you take. Two people may suffer the same circumstance—say the loss of a job or illness—yet one sees it as another challenge, whereas the other, as the end of his or her world.

As you can see, problem-solving can become hampered when we hold

onto the same view and do not change it. We end up getting more of what we focus on. Psychologists call this
confirmation bias
; that is, when locked into a single view, we tend to continue to see only those aspects of a situation that confirm this view. In short, we see what we what to see. For example, if our view of people is that they are unfriendly, we will tend to act defensively and cause others to act in kind, thus confirming our bias that people are unfriendly.

We will discuss how this common tendency when over-used can trig-

ger not only overt actions that create a self-fulfilling prophecy but also
Focus Determines View of a Problem and its Solution 15