The Shade of the Moon (9 page)

“We’ll all be lucky,” Miranda said. “Lisa will pass her evaluation. And you’ll get
your truck, Alex. Carlos is coming for a visit, Jon. You’ll have to come and meet
him.”

“When’s he coming?” Jon asked.

“In a few weeks,” Alex replied. “I keep telling Miranda he’ll love her, but she’s
nervous about meeting him.”

Julie had loved Carlos, her oldest brother. She’d been his favorite. Spending time
with Alex was hard enough. Jon wasn’t eager to face Carlos, even though there was
no way Carlos could know what Jon had done.

“How much longer before you can get your truck?” Jon asked.

“Months,” Alex replied. “Years.”

“First we have to save the money,” Miranda said. “And after I have the baby, I won’t
be able to go back to work right away.”

“There’s talk they won’t reopen the high school next fall,” Alex said. “In which case,
Laura will be out of work, also.”

“Mom said they’d moved the high school to the elementary school,” Jon said. “Why can’t
they keep it there?”

“Maybe they will,” Miranda replied. “It’s all rumors.”

Jon had resented how deeply Mom cared about her students. But he’d never intended
the school to be closed permanently, for her to lose her teaching job. Would she have
to get a grub job? Miranda worked ten hours a day in the greenhouses, with an hour
commute each way and a three-mile walk to and from the bus terminal. How could Mom
survive that?

“If I had the money, I’d give it to you,” he mumbled.

“Thanks, Jon,” Alex said. “But we’ll need more than money. There’s paperwork to be
filled out, and we have to be approved.”

“You will be,” Miranda said. “Your record is perfect, darling. Carlos was a Marine,
and now he’s a guard. You’re just the kind of people who should own a truck. They’ll
have to give you the permit.”

“Unless some claver’s fat-ass brother-in-law wants one,” Alex said. “Then it’s ‘Wait
your turn, grub.’”

Jon had never heard Alex speak that way before. It didn’t seem to shock Miranda, though.

Instead she patted Alex’s arm. “You’ll get your truck,” she said. “And we’ll make
a good life for ourselves. And for little Mulrooney.”

Alex stopped and gave her a hug. “Daniel,” he said. “Daniel Mulrooney Morales.”

Miranda laughed. “See, Jon?” she said. “Alex pretends to be such a tough guy, but
I’ve got him wrapped around my little finger.”

Alex kissed her little finger. Jon felt jealous. He would never love a girl the way
Alex loved Miranda. That was the price he’d pay for what he did to Julie.

They walked most of the way in silence, except for Alex’s occasional coughing. They
slowed down a couple of times so Miranda could catch her breath. It was hard on Jon,
too. He was used to running around in fetid air, but this time there was no oxygen
tank to cleanse his lungs with.

The baby will never survive, he thought. Alex might not either, the way he was coughing.
And what would that do to Miranda?

She seemed to read his thoughts. “You’re not used to this,” she said. “But after a
while you don’t notice. We’re really very lucky, Jon. We have each other and Mom,
and we know Matt and Syl and Carlos and Gabe are all right. And we have a future.
I tell the baby that every day. Things are going to get better. Alex will get his
truck, and we’ll find a safer, healthier place to live.”

Alex laughed, but there was no humor in it. “Miranda pictures the world as some great
big enclave,” he said. “Room enough for everybody.”

“Maybe not tomorrow,” she said. “Or a year from now or even five years from now. I
know everything that’s happened can’t be changed. But look at Jon. See how healthy
he is, how strong. That’s how our baby is going to be. Gabe started out in much worse
conditions, and he’s doing wonderfully. It can happen. We’ll make it happen.”

“Or die trying,” Alex said. “Or die not trying.”

“Don’t,” Miranda said. “Alex, please. Jon’s here, and we’re going to a dinner party.”
She managed a small laugh. “Mom and her parties,” she said. “She spent all of yesterday
cleaning and shopping. I’ve never seen the apartment look so good.”

“It helped take her mind off of things,” Alex said. “So what’s this Sarah like, Jon?
How long has she lived in Sexton?”

They spent the rest of the walk talking about Sarah, Lisa, school, soccer. Jon felt
much better about things—until he got to Mom’s apartment and saw her sitting at the
kitchen table having an animated discussion with Sarah and her father.

It made perfect sense that they would have gotten there before him. The clinic was
only a few blocks away, while he had the commute and the three-mile walk. But Jon
had imagined himself there when Sarah arrived, to reassure her that she shouldn’t
be uncomfortable, that soon she’d be back in Sexton where she belonged.

Sarah didn’t look remotely uncomfortable. She and her father rose when Jon, Miranda,
and Alex entered the room. Jon could see the resemblance right away. Sarah and her
father shared the same sandy hair and inquisitive green eyes. Introductions were made,
hands were shaken, and before Jon knew it, Mom was fussing at the stove while continuing
her conversation.

“Wine?” Alex asked, seeing the bottle on the table.

“My contribution,” Dr. Goldman said. “I brought a red and a white, since I didn’t
know what dinner would be. Laura’s agreed to keep the unopened bottle for next time.”

“White with chicken,” Mom said. “Isn’t it amazing the things you remember?”

Clavers didn’t have to pay for their groceries, so Jon could only guess how much the
chicken had cost. He saw Alex and Miranda exchanging glances, and Alex shrugging.
Dinner for six, Jon thought. Who knew when Mom would eat next?

“I borrowed the table settings from our downstairs neighbors,” Mom said as she began
serving the chicken and vegetables. “The apartment came with service for four. White
meat or dark, Jeffrey?”

“White,” Dr. Goldman said.

Jon couldn’t get over the fact that Mom was already on a first-name basis with Sarah’s
father. Or that Sarah was chatting with Miranda like they were old friends.

“We kept all our old china when we moved to Sexton,” Sarah said. “Daddy insisted.
I have no idea why.”

“It was your grandmother’s,” Dr. Goldman replied. “And very important to your mother.”
He took a bite of chicken. “You know, we never used the good china back home. My wife
didn’t want to risk putting it in the dishwasher. But now, with the domestics washing
the dishes, that’s not an issue. Sometimes I feel like we’ve gone from the twenty-first
century back to the nineteenth.”

“The nineteenth wasn’t that great,” Alex said, helping himself to a slice of potato
bread. “Child labor. No universal suffrage.”

“No indoor plumbing,” Miranda said. “I’ll take our twenty-first century with all its
problems as long as I have a bathroom.” She laughed. “Oh, Mom. Alex’s agreed to Daniel.
Daniel Mulrooney Morales.”

“It’s a girl,” Mom said. “I just know it. My first granddaughter.”

“It is kind of nineteenth century not to know if it’s a boy or a girl by now,” Miranda
declared.

“I can’t wait to have babies,” Sarah said. “Dozens and dozens of them.”

“You can wait,” her father said. “High school, then med school, and then babies. As
many as you want.”

“I’d like to have more than one,” Miranda said. “Maybe because there were three of
us growing up.”

“I was one of four,” Alex said. “Let’s see how we do with one before we start adding
on.”

“It’s natural for girls to want to have children now,” Mom said. “Like the baby boom
after World War Two. Offering life, after so much death.”

“But the 1950s were a time of prosperity,” Alex pointed out. “Now we don’t know one
day to the next if there’ll be enough food to survive.”

“Stop it,” Miranda said, putting her hands on her belly as though to keep her baby
protected. “Jon, do you remember when Dad and Lisa came to visit? She was pregnant
with Gabe, and we got to talking about the future, how bad things might be, and she
walked away from the table? She couldn’t bear to listen.” She shook her head. “I didn’t
understand. I didn’t understand anything in those days. But now I know just how she
felt. My baby, Daniel or Liana, is going to live in a better world. I won’t hear otherwise.”

“You’re right,” Dr. Goldman said. “We can’t accept that things will always be bad.
If we do, we won’t fight to make things better.”

“I’m sorry,” Alex said. “But that’s easy for you to say. You have your family china
and the domestics to wash them. You have college for your daughter. You’ll be driven
home in a private car to a house with clean air. Sure, you’d like things to get better.
But we dream of what you have now. And we know we’ll never have it.”

“I know we’re spoiled,” Sarah said. “Jon and me and everyone in Sexton. But I really
think we’d give up some of what we have so everyone could live better. Wouldn’t you,
Jon? Eat a little less so your family could eat more?”

“You’re putting Jon on the spot,” Dr. Goldman said. “What’s he supposed to say, no,
he won’t? And even if he would give up some of his food, how would his family get
it? We’re not there yet, Sarah. We’re not at a point where we can make those kinds
of sacrifices work.”

“You’re right,” Alex said. “Right now all the sacrifices go one way.”

“Alex,” Miranda said sharply. “Dr. Goldman, I’m sorry. Alex is tired. He hasn’t had
a day off in weeks.”

“It’s not slave labor,” Alex said with a grin. “Just making as much money as we can
before the baby’s born.”

“You’re working too hard,” Mom said. “Take Sunday off.”

Alex shook his head. “They tip better on Sundays,” he replied. “I’ll take a few days
off when Carlos comes.”

“Daddy works too hard,” Sarah said. “He’d be at the clinic on Saturdays if I’d let
him.”

“One doctor for all of White Birch,” her father said. “I’d clone myself if I could.”

“They’re doing a lot with cloning,” Jon said. “Plants mostly, but chickens and goats,
too. The animals we need to survive.”

“I wish they’d clone cows,” Mom said. “I really miss hamburgers.”

Everyone laughed.

“You miss the strangest things,” Alex said. “I miss the smell of a bodega. My uncle
owned one. I never liked going there, but now I think about all the different smells,
the fruits, the spices, even the beer and the cigarettes.”

Miranda nodded. “I miss my high school cafeteria,” she said. “If you’d told me four
years ago I’d ever be nostalgic for the cafeteria, I would’ve said you’re crazy. But
we were so alive in there. So much drama, so much laughing.”

“I will never ever miss the Sexton cafeteria,” Sarah said so solemnly that everyone
burst out laughing. “All right. It’s not the worst place in the world. It only feels
that way. What do you miss most, Jon?”

“Baseball,” Jon said, without even thinking about it.

“Well, that’s flattering,” Miranda said. “You miss baseball more than your family?”

“Jon has his family,” Mom said. “Right here.”

“I thought you might say Julie,” Alex said. “The two of you were pretty close.”

I don’t miss Julie, Jon thought. She haunts me. But all he said was, “I think about
her a lot. But if you start listing all the people you miss, you’ll never stop.”

“Speaking of missing, we’re going to miss the car they’re sending us,” Dr. Goldman
said, standing up. “Come on, kids. We need to get going.”

“I hope you’ll come again,” Mom said. “And not just for the wine.”

“I’d like to,” Dr. Goldman said. “I haven’t enjoyed myself so much in a long time.
Alex, Miranda, hang in there. Better times are ahead.”

Jon hugged Mom and Miranda. He’d be riding back with Sarah and her father in a chauffeured
car, back to Sexton, to school, to vitamin supplements and purified air, chicken twice
a week, and domestics to do all the cleaning. Back to the life Julie had given him
in exchange for her own.

“Your mother’s wonderful,” Sarah said as they sat in the car, driving out of White
Birch. “I like Alex, too. I wish he and Miranda could have what we have.”

“Someday they will,” her father said. “As long as you and Jon and all the young people
work toward it.”

“We will,” Sarah said. “Jon promised me we would.”

Jon nodded in the darkness. It was easier to agree than to tell the truth. They’d
never give up what they had. Sarah was the only person he knew who thought grubs were
entitled to a better life. And for all her talking, Jon didn’t think she’d trade places
with anyone in White Birch. She liked her purified air and vitamin supplements as
much as the rest of them.

“Someday,” he said because he knew Sarah wanted to hear it. And what difference did
another lie make? He was living a life of them. That’s why Julie haunted him day and
night.

Tuesday, June 2

“Who’s Julie?” Sarah asked first thing that morning.

Jon wasn’t surprised. He knew Sarah would be asking. You promise her to solve the
world’s problems, and she still wasn’t going to be satisfied.