situations.”
He glanced at his thin gold watch. “I must go. Is my offer amenable to
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you?”
“Yes, thank you.”
“Will you walk out with me, Jane?”
Mr. Ducharme offered his arm to me and we went outside. He paused in
the shade of a pine. “I can trust in your silence?”
“There’s no reason for me to expose The Family. I might even feel sorry
for them if they showed any sympathy for others.”
“That is very generous of you.”
“You’re laughing at me, Mr. Ducharme.”
“I must, because you’re such a solemn young woman. Don’t stay so
serious or you’ll turn into someone like Hyacinth.”
“I’ll try to avoid that, sir.”
“I’ll make the necessary arrangements for our agreement. Birch Grove’s
Companion program here has been suspended until further review.”
“I’m glad.”
“Good-bye, Jane.” He took my hand in his strong hands. “I believe that we
shall meet again someday under happier circumstances. Perhaps then you’ll tell
me the secrets behind those brown eyes.”
“Only if you tell me yours.”
He chuckled and said, “You are already taking my advice. I have
something for you.” He opened the trunk of his car and took out a sapling. “This
was found in the passageway near the in the school. I believe it’s yours.”
“Thank you,” I said taking it and looking in wonderment at the fragile new
roots and leaves on the branch.
Then he got in the Mercedes and drove away.
I looked down the hillside to the school. The charred roof of the rosecolored main building looked like scabs.
I didn’t want to go back into the Monroes’ house. Carrying the sapling
carefully in my hand, I hobbled slowly around the house to the path that led to my
cottage.
When I reached the amphitheatre, I sat on a bench to rest my ankle. The
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marble was smooth and cool. What had Claire Mason and BB hoped and
dreamed for when they’d been initiated here? What we all dream about: love and
security.
I looked above me into the branches and saw a darker shadow there. I
didn’t know if it the Lady of the Wood, or BB, or a trick of the light, but I wasn’t
afraid this time. The darkness expanded, growing fainter, and then was gone.
Jack found me at the amphitheatre. He sat beside me and said, “You left
without telling me.”
“I needed to come here.”
Wind rustled the autumn leaves, and we sat so quietly that a trio of deer
came out of the trees toward us. They looked at us before ambling off.
Jack said, “I’m glad you decided not to transform into a doe and leap away
with your friends.”
“I thought about it, but something is keeping me here.”
Will you help me get to the cottage?”
“Halfling,” he said with a broad smile, “did you actually ask for help?”
“It’s okay to ask friends for sympathy and comfort.”
“May I carry you?”
“No, you can support me.” I picked up the branch and leaned against him to
stand.
“What’s that?” he asked.
“It’s the branch that helped me last night. We can plant it.”
Jack was patient as I limped slowly down the hill. Once we reached the
steps to the cottage, he ran ahead and opened the door, then returned to swoop me
up and carry me inside.
When he put me on the sofa, I looked around the room and noticed small
changes. “Someone’s been here. Things are moved.”
“The Family’s security team probably came through last night. What now,
halfling?” he said as he sat beside me and took my hand.
“I don’t know. I thought about transferring to another school, but there are
things keeping me here.”
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“Such as?”
“Such as Mary Violet’s poetry and the Free Pop and
The
Birch Grove
Weekly
.”
“Those are awesome reasons to stay. Anything else?”
“Yes, I love the grove and I have friends here and there’s this guy… He’s
incredibly aggravating. He teases me and tells me to leave. But he brings me
pizza and makes me laugh. He’s amazingly sexy and talented. He’s funny, too,
and considerate. I suspect that he’s very smart.”
“I’ll never be able to compete with such a paragon. Is that one of your SAT
words?”
I nodded. “Don’t try to compete. Be yourself. The problem is that he’s
been so inconsistent that I’m not sure he really cares for me.”
Jack put his arm around me, and I inhaled his scent of pine and warm earth.
He said, “I think he was conflicted because he thought you loved someone else
and he was trying to get you to safety, even though he wanted you to stay.”
“Does he want me to stay now?”
“Yes, because he’s in love with you. He’s never met a prettier, braver,
smarter halfling, and all he wants, Jane, is to be with you.”
I pulled Jack to me and kissed him.
When our lips parted he said, “You know this is going to be complicated.”
“Compared to what I’ve been through, it will be a cake walk.”
Jack grinned and said, “My beautiful elfkin made a joke!”
Then he kissed me again and again, his mouth tasting like the stream I’d
tasted in the Other World, his arms as strong as the arms that had carried me up
on the night of the storm, and his eyes the color of spring. And when he said,
“Jane, stay with me,” I said, “Always.”
I slipped my hand under his shirt, feeling his warm body, and he pulled off
his t-shirt. I kissed his bare shoulders, stroked his chest, and then he unzipped the
pink warm-up jacket.
His body kept me warm even though I trembled at his touch. He said,
“Does your ankle hurt?”
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“Not much. Be careful.”
“I’ll only do what you want. Tell me what you want.”
“I want you.”
He hesitated and then said, “We don’t have to rush. I can wait.”
“I’ve already died twice, Jack. I may not come back next time. I’m not
going to wait to live anymore.”
He took me to the bedroom and slowly undressed me, nuzzling, kissing,
and stroking me until I forgot the pain in my ankle, I forgot everything but him.
His naked body seemed miraculous to me and when I touched him, he gasped and
said, “Jane, Jane.”
Because we were so new to each other and he was trying not to hurt my
ankle, we fumbled, our damp bodies sliding and slipping, but Jack laughed and I
laughed, too, because it was better not to be too serious.
And when we found our rhythm and the sensation built up in me, I clutched
his shoulders and it was better than I could have imagined, because he was
looking right at me, seeing
me
, and I cried out in pleasure and happiness.
IN THE MIDDLE
of the night, when the birches danced in an autumn wind and
sang their song, Jack and I built a fire and wrapped ourselves in the comforter.
His calloused fingers went to my scar and it throbbed warmly, as if it
craved his touch. He asked, “It’s shaped like a leaf. What’s this from?”
“My stepfather shot me, and I climbed into a tree,” I said. “No, what really
happened is that the tree lifted me up and saved me. That was the first time I
died. I always thought the scar was the mark of the bullet, but now I realize it’s
the mark of the tree that saved me.”
“So I was right, and you are magic.”
“Not me. The Lady of the Wood.” I looked up at my painting and listened
to the branches brushing against the cottage. “She watches over me.”
“No, I think it’s
you
, Jane.” His fingers traced my tattoo. “What does this
H mean?”
I told him about Hosea and how I had loved him.
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“He sounds like someone who wanted you to be happy. H is also for happy
and for hope, and…” He thought for a moment and said, “And for honey, which is
both an endearment and nice with peanut butter in a sandwich.”
“It’s for hilarious, which you think you are.” I ran my hand along his
muscular leg. I thought he was so beautiful.
“H is for Halfling, and I love Halfling.” Then he said, “I have something to
say to you,” and then he spoke very slowly and carefully:
‘Karissima, noli tardare
studeamus nos nunc amare
sine te non potero vivere
iam decet amorem perficere.”
I translated the poem in my head as he spoke: “My dearest, do not hesitate!
Let us now study the art of love. Without you I cannot live. Now is the time to
perfect our love!”
“But I want to say it in English because I can’t run to Catalina for old Latin
poems every time I want to tell you something,” he said. “I love you, Halfling.”
“I love you, too, Jack.”
He stayed with me during the week that Birch Grove was closed. He
brought down his guitars, bikes, grubby shorts, and several t-shirts, including an
extra-small Dog Waffle Research Laboratories tee for me.
He took care of me, making tea and toast in the morning and bringing pizza
at night. He washed the dishes and played songs for me. He hung the birch
painting above the fireplace and planted the sapling outside my bedroom window.
And when Jack touched me, I felt every nerve come alive, as it had on the
day that we’d met when he’d placed his hand on my shoulder.
Mary Violet and Constance visited, bringing Mrs. Heyer’s cupcakes,
movies, and flowers.
Mary Violet waited until Lucky had gone to band practice to say, “Hattie’s
so busy with Lucky that we haven’t seen her in years.”
“She stopped by yesterday,” Constance said and winked an almond eye at
me.
“Only for a nanosecond.”
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Constance said, “It was at least four hours.”
MV looked at Jack’s things scattered around the room and sighed.
“Everyone’s got lovers, but me. Even Constance is seeing Joe, who’s our year at
Evergreen. When we were in seventh grade, Joe laughed out loud when I got
beaned in the head with a softball at the Fourth of July picnic, so I don’t approve
of him at all. My self-esteem is in shambles.”
“She’ll recover,” Constance said to me. “Three guys already asked her to
the Winter Ball.”
“They don’t count. I’ve known them since we were all embryos and our
mothers were in the same birthing classes. I think I’ll dress my sister Agnes in a
tux and take her as my date.”
“You wouldn’t!” Constance and I said together and then we all started
laughing.
AFTER A FEW
days, when I could walk short distances, Jack and I would go
into in the grove at night. We’d stop at the amphitheatre and he’d wrap his arms
around me, keeping me warm, as we talked.
I began remembering more things about my life before: my mother pushing
me on swings at the park, a gray cat we’d had, blowing bubbles on a summer
day…
The pieces of me began coming together. Sometimes I could even imagine
the woman I would become: quiet, thorough Jane Williams, who loved solving
problems in a laboratory and was happiest when she came home every evening to
her family.
When the week ended, I said, “Jack, you have to move out of here and go
back home.”
“There’s too much drama there. Hattie and my mother are always going at
each other. Besides I want to be with you.”
“Classes start on Monday, and I won’t be able to study if you’re here all the
time,” I said. “Don’t forget the moral turpitude requirements. Mary Violet is
already writing poems about my lost innocence.”
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He grinned and said, “We wouldn’t want a scandal. Okay, but I demand
visiting privileges.”
“Constantly and maybe you could start looking into colleges.”
“Are you tired of me already?”
“Colleges with a good music program and a great chemistry department and
terrific pizza. A college set in the woods,” I said. “I want to live where there are
trees. I want to live with you.” I fiddled with the silver leaf necklace that Jack
had made. “JFM. What’s your middle name?”
“Forrest,” he said. “It’s my birth family’s name. Jacob Forrest Monroe.”
IN SCIENCE AND MATH,
one is always trying to find an elegant solution: an
answer that is at once simple and true. Jack is that to me, my elegant solution,
and I stepped out of the shadows forever.
I still dream about the nights that I died. Sometimes I have nightmares
about being lost in the hidden passages, unable to find a way out. The escape has
become the prison.
More often, though, I dream that I am in the grove. The wind is blowing
and the birches have lifted their roots from the soil and are doing a lumbering, yet
graceful dance. They’re singing their whispery song in a language that predates
time.
I’m very young and playing Ring-around-the-Rosey with other small girls.
We’re singing, “Ashes, ashes, all fall down.”
Somehow I know that my playmates are Claire Mason and BB. There are
others girls here, too, and many wear Companion rings, the stones glinting like