The Shooting (24 page)

She blushed and fished around for something to say, more than grateful when Tom cleared his throat and spoke.

“It’s okay, I’m living over on the north shore now. This time of night, it will take me the best part of an hour to get there. You’re still living in Newtown, aren’t you?”

“Yes,” she replied and wondered when and why he’d moved from the western suburbs. Perhaps he’d been transferred to another station? That would explain why he’d attended a safety talk at an elementary school in Chatswood.

“Good. I’ll see you in an hour, then.”

Another surge of nerves went through her, but she forced them aside. “Okay. See you soon.” She ended the call and exhaled on a rush the breath she hadn’t even realized she’d been holding. She turned as quickly as her awkward belly would allow and hurried to the shower. Despite the fact she’d ended things with him, she wanted to look her best when he arrived.

The sound of the doorbell ringing, in what seemed like an impossibly short time later, sent her pulse skittering.
It couldn’t have been an hour yet?
She glanced at her watch and realized the time had slipped away. Spritzing herself with her favorite perfume, she patted her still-damp hair and gave herself a final once-over in the bathroom mirror.

No matter which way she turned, her belly was enormous. The sunshine-bright yellow stretch-knit T-shirt dress outlined its rounded shape, in sharp contrast to the flat stomach she used to possess, but there was nothing she could do about it. Besides, Tom had already seen her. There would be no more surprises tonight.

The nerves she’d managed to hold at bay suddenly surged again inside her and turned her legs to jelly. Even the baby was kicking up a storm, no doubt sensing her turmoil. As much as she was dreading the upcoming confrontation, she had no choice but to get it over with. Straightening her shoulders, she left the bathroom and walked through the hall to the entryway. Slipping off the chain and unlocking the door, she drew in a deep breath and pulled it open.

His hair was as damp as hers. He must have also taken a shower. His long-sleeved, navy blue T-shirt sported a Police Academy logo, printed in a contrasting white. The fabric stretched taut across his chest and clung lovingly to the muscles clearly delineated beneath it. Heat scorched her cheeks and she swallowed, remembering the feel of his broad chest pressed tightly against hers.

Her gaze drifted lower and took in his jeans and the brown leather loafers he wore on his feet. It seemed like forever before she finally found the courage to meet his eyes. When she did, her heart skipped a beat.

His eyes burned with an intensity that snatched her breath away. Fear and uncertainty, mixed with a hint of anger, appeared at war with the white-hot desire that darkened his eyes to the deepest blue. Her heart pounded, both with excitement and a lashing of renewed nerves. He looked so gorgeous, so sexy, so alive.
So Tom.

She’d missed him like crazy and she suddenly realized the countless weeks and months when she’d done her best to convince herself she’d made the right decision now counted as nothing. She loved him as hard and as fierce as she’d done since the early days of their relationship. Seven months or more of distance and endless pep talks hadn’t changed that. She wanted him, she needed him and she was suddenly terrified all the reasons why she’d turned away from him in the first place were about to explode back in her face.

“Hi, Lily. It’s good to see you again.”

His murmured greeting was enough to break through her panicked thoughts and she blinked and nodded by way of acknowledgement, for a moment beyond speech.

“Th-thank you. It’s… It’s good to see you, too.” The words seemed so mundane compared to the chaos that raged inside her. She ducked her head so that he wouldn’t see the effect his presence had on her. They had important matters to discuss. She was a fool to let her physical reaction to him cloud the real reason for his visit.

With the harsh reminder now front and center in her mind, she cleared her throat and stepped back, allowing him to enter. Turning as quickly as her cumbersome body would allow, she walked into the kitchen.

“Coffee? Tea?” she murmured and moved to switch on the kettle, grateful for the distraction.

“Thank you. Coffee would be great.”

She opened the cupboard near the stove and pulled down two mugs. She spooned coffee and a teaspoon of sugar into one and then reached for a teabag.

“You remembered,” Tom said quietly, a tender smile on his lips.

“Remembered what?”

“The coffee. You remembered how I take it.”

Lily frowned at his words and then realization struck. She hadn’t given the makings of his coffee any thought. It was like she’d made him coffee only that morning, not seven months earlier. It just went to show how everything about Tom Munro lingered in her subconscious.

A short time later, the water boiled and she filled their cups. After adding a dash of milk, she stirred both mugs and then handed the coffee to him. Their fingers collided and she shivered from the contact. It had been way too long since she’d touched him.

For two glorious months, they’d touched and kissed and fondled and there hadn’t been an inch of his tanned skin that she hadn’t known. But that had been a lifetime ago and she no longer knew if she had the right to even think about touching him, let alone acting upon it.

That awareness was beyond depressing and with determination, she thrust it aside. Tom had called her. He wanted to talk. She’d focus on the present and hope that the outcome of their conversation would work out for the best for everyone, whatever that might be. But right here, right now, with Tom strong and sure and sexy, smiling at her in her kitchen, she was more confused than ever about what she hoped that outcome would be.

“Shall we sit down?” Tom asked. “You might find it a little more comfortable.”

Lily collected her mug and walked to the couch in silence. It was a three-seater sofa in a brown faux leather fabric that she and David had bought at a yard sale not long after they’d moved in together. They’d got it for a bargain and the owners had even had it delivered when they discovered Lily and David didn’t own a car. What Lily loved most was that it was comfortable. After a long day on her feet, there was nothing that could compare to its softness.

Now, it almost looked too small for the two of them to fit on. With Tom’s broad shoulders taking up more than his share, and her protruding belly, she wondered if it would be better if she sat on a kitchen chair. The thought had barely formed when Tom moved over and patted the space beside him.

“There’s plenty of room. I won’t bite.”

His grin should have relieved the nervous energy that was somersaulting way deep inside her, but it didn’t. The humor on his lips didn’t reach his eyes and Lily clenched her fists together at her side to keep them from trembling. It was obvious he was still upset. She hoped, once she’d given him her explanation, he’d understand.

Gingerly, she perched on the edge of the couch and drew in a deep breath. Tom moved closer, until their thighs were all but touching. Lily jumped.

“It’s okay, Lily. I meant it when I said I don’t bite. There was a time not that long ago when you couldn’t get close enough to me on this very couch. Surely, I haven’t changed so much?”

Lily shook her head. “No, of course not. You haven’t changed. You look as gorgeous as you always did.” When she realized what she’d said, she blushed to the roots of her hair.
Where had that come from?
They were meant to be having a serious, possibly life-altering conversation about their future. She shouldn’t be getting hot and bothered about his appearance.

Tom merely smiled a tiny, pleased smile and Lily was grateful when he didn’t pursue her comment any further.

“I’m sorry,” she said quickly. “I shouldn’t have said that. You’re still upset and I didn’t mean to make light of any of this.”

“I know. And you’re right. I am still upset, but I also miss you. I miss
us.
And I don’t think I’ve ever seen you looking so beautiful. So, now we’re even. Let’s get on with the hard stuff.”

Lily swallowed the ball of nerves and blinked back sudden tears. Her love for him was as strong as ever and she didn’t know how she was going to find the courage to walk away from him a second time if he wouldn’t see things her way.

“Talk to me, Lily.”

It was the gentleness in his tone that brought her unstuck. She caught her breath on a sob, but the tears came anyway. The stricken look on Tom’s face made them fall even harder.

“Lily, please… Please don’t cry.” He scooted closer and pulled her gently into his arms. He caressed her back and she leaned into the warm strength of him and prayed that things would turn out all right. After a moment or two, she drew in an unsteady breath and pulled away from him.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to fall apart on you like that. It’s… It’s the pregnancy hormones. They play havoc with my emotions.”

He reached for her again, but she put her hands up to stop him and moved even further away.

“I’m fine, Tom. I promise. Now, let’s get this over with.” After another deep breath and in halting sentences, she began.

“You’re a good, kind, honorable man, Tom Munro and that’s one of the reasons why I didn’t tell you. We might have only been together a couple of months, but even then, I knew the kind of man you were, the kind of man you
are
.”

Tom shook his head in confusion. “I don’t get it. I mean, I’m far from the paragon of virtue you’ve just described, but I was certainly brought up right. I don’t get how that became the reason why you kept the baby from me.”

Lily frowned and looked away. “I’m sorry, I’m not explaining myself very well. What I mean is, it’s your very upbringing, your code of honor that’s the problem. I was pregnant, but we barely knew each other. Okay, we were in love and having a great time, but that doesn’t equate to being ready for marriage. If I’d told you I was pregnant, you would have wanted to get married.”

“Of course I would have! It’s the right thing to do. What’s wrong with that?”

Lily held his gaze. “And then there was the drinking.”

Tom frowned. “What the hell are you talking about? After that night when you told me about your father, I never drank in your presence again.”

“But, you did drink. I saw you. One night outside your apartment. I saw you through the window. I saw you surrounded by empty bottles, moments before you sent them flying all over the room. They shattered against the floor. There was broken glass everywhere and you didn’t seem to care. It scared me, Tom. It reminded me of my father. I couldn’t take the risk of bringing our baby into that world, a world I vowed never to go near again.”

“Lily, that’s not fair. I was upset, I was hurting. We hadn’t long been over. I did what a lot of men do—I got roaring drunk. I’m not proud of it, but I didn’t even know you were there. How could you think I’d ever be violent around you or our child?”

Lily shook her head, hopelessness surging through her at his anger and bewilderment.
How could she make him see?
Before she could find the words, Tom leaped to his feet and began to pace the floor in front of her. He ran a hand through his hair and then uttered a curse.

“For Christ’s sake, Lily, I still don’t understand. Why did you walk away? You saw me drunk, but I’m not your father! I’m not a violent, abusive man. I loved you and you loved me. Okay, I get that a baby wasn’t exactly in our plans, but it wasn’t a deal breaker. At least, not for me. And it’s not like you didn’t want to keep it. You’re a couple of weeks away from giving birth.” He shook his head, his frustration evident, but his voice softened. “Please, Lily. Help me out here. I’m struggling. I really am. Help me to understand.”

She closed her eyes briefly and prayed for the words that would help him see.

“You’re right. A baby wasn’t in our plans. When I found out I was pregnant, I panicked. You know a little about my childhood. It was far from ideal and in my defense, I think it goes a long way to explaining my reaction to your lapse in judgement.”

She paused to gather her courage. “But, there was more to it than that. What I didn’t tell you was my mother was pregnant with me before she married my father and he never let her forget it. My father was a nasty, vindictive man. He resented her for trapping him into marriage. He threw it in her face nearly every single day.”

She risked a glance in his direction and was relieved to see the anger in his face had eased and was replaced with sympathy and understanding. “I didn’t want that for us, Tom.”

“You have to be kidding? I would never—”

“Like I said, you’re a good and honorable man, Tom Munro. Once you learned about the baby, you’d want to get married. Not a moment ago, you said as much. You say now you wouldn’t resent being forced into marriage before you were ready, but you don’t know that for sure. What’s more important is that
I
don’t know that for sure.”

Tom shook his head in disbelief and cursed again. “How can you even think something like that, let alone say it? I love you, Lily. I fell in love with you the moment I saw you across the room in Charlie’s noisy, crowded apartment. I didn’t even know your name. I was ready to propose after our first date, but I restrained myself, knowing I’d probably scare you off.”

He shook his head again. “You’re nineteen years old with the world at your feet, on your way to a professional career. I figured marriage was the last thing on your mind, so I kept it to myself. I was happy to have you on any terms and when you were a little older, or had come around to the idea of being with me forever, I was going to propose. Baby or no baby, I’ll love you until I die. I can’t explain it. Most people wouldn’t believe it. But
I
do. I
know
. It’s
real
. And it’s never ever going to go away.”