The Silent Waters (15 page)

My stare moved to Cheryl, who was taking selfies, while impatiently waiting for Brooks to show up and be her arm candy. He wasn’t one to ever be late to anything, so I was somewhat surprised to not see him yet. My stomach filled with knots as I rushed to my other window to see if he was still across the street at his parents’ house. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d seen Brooks in a tuxedo, and I would’ve been lying if I’d said I wasn’t interested in the sight. He always looked so handsome—so happy.

My heartbeats rushed through my chest, waiting for him to step out of his house, waiting for him to walk across the street to my backyard, waiting for him to fall in lust with Cheryl.

I shut my eyes and took a deep inhale. A small prayer raced through my head.

Don’t do it, Brooks.

He deserved more than that. He deserved more than Cheryl’s games.

He deserved to be loved by someone who knew how handsome his lopsided smiles were, how brilliant his mind was, and how good he was at communicating with no words falling from his lips.

“You okay today, Magnet?”

It was my favorite set of words. My eyes flew open and I turned to see Brooks standing in my doorway, wearing a navy blue tuxedo, a black and white polka dot tie, and matching polka dots socks. His dark brown hair was slicked back, and his dark brown eyes were smiling all on their own like they always did. In his hand was a clear box holding a wrist corsage, a beautiful array of yellow flowers and pink ribbons.

Wow, Brooks.

He looked better than my mind could’ve imagined and butterflies flew through my stomach as I raked my fingers through my tangled hair. I smiled. He smiled back, always out of the left side of his mouth. I wondered if he knew…? If he knew how dizzy that smile made me?

“Can I come in?” he asked, stuffing his hands into his slacks.

I nodded.
Always.

He stepped into my room and walked over to the window to look down at the backyard, where Cheryl was texting someone, her thumbs slamming on the keys. Within seconds, Brooks’ cell phone dinged. “She’s already pissed at me for being late,” he explained, slightly rocking back and forth. His phone dinged two more times. “That’s the seventeenth message from her.”

I stared down at my sister, who was going out with Brooks just to spite me. For some reason it made her feel better about herself to see how bad off I was with my no speaking or leaving the house.

“I didn’t want to go with her,” Brooks explained. He tilted his head toward me and frowned. “After Lacey broke things off with me, I figured I’d just stay home or something. Play some video games. Maybe come over here and play some music with you or something, but Cheryl kept telling me how much it meant to you that I’d go with her.”

I cocked an eyebrow.

He snickered. “Yeah. I should’ve known.” We stood quietly for a few moments, watching Cheryl panic, and watching Calvin and Stacey fall deeper in love. A few birds danced past the window, and Brooks released a low sigh. “You think Calvin and Stacey know how annoyingly perfect they are?”

I nodded, and he snickered. Yeah, they knew.

“Cal and I are performing at the prom tonight. Did he tell you?”

He had. After spending years listening to them practice in my parents’ garage, it would’ve been amazing to see them live that night. A dream come true.

“Stacey’s going to record the performance and send it to you, you know, if you want to see it.”

I took his hand in mine and squeezed it twice.
Yes.

He squeezed my hand back.

Yes. Yes.

“You want to dance with me, Maggie May?”

I turned his way and his cheeks reddened. My stare met his lips, almost wondering if I had imagined the words leaving his mouth. He nervously chewed his bottom lip as a small chuckle came out. “I mean…you don’t have to. Sorry. That was stupid. I just… With Lacey breaking up with me, and with Cheryl being…Cheryl, I thought it’d be nice to dance with someone I actually care about on the day of my prom.”

My inhales were heavy and my grip on my novel was slipping, as my now panicked stare met his nervous eyes.

I’d never danced. I didn’t know how.

I’d only read about dancing, and proms, and two people becoming one in each other’s arms.

“You don’t have to. Sorry.” He cleared his throat and looked back at the window. He muttered the word “stupid”, and I could tell he was internally beating himself up.

I placed my book against the windowsill and nodded.

He must’ve been watching me out of the corner of his eye, because his smile stretched without turning my way. “Yeah?” he asked.

Yeah.

I ran my fingers through my messy hair and goose bumps formed on my skin. My long white maxi dress didn’t look anything like Cheryl’s and nothing like Stacey’s. I wore no makeup and had few curves to my ghostly pale body, but Brooks didn’t seem to care. He always looked at me and made me feel like I was enough, no matter what.

He turned my way and smiled.

“Can I have your wrist?” he asked.

I held it out, and he opened the box with Cheryl’s corsage then slipped it on my arm.

“Just for now, you know, to make it seem more real.”

He pulled out his iPod from his pocket and flipped through his music before landing on the song of his choice. He handed one earbud to me, and he took the other, then he pressed play and placed the iPod in the front pocket of his slacks. I raised an eyebrow, unsure of the song playing.

“It’s something I wrote and played acoustic a while back. It’s just instrumentals. No one has heard the lyrics or anything, but I guess you can hear them now. Because, I wrote them for you.”

Swoon.

I loved it already.

He walked over to me and held his hands out. I stepped forward, and he wrapped his arms around my lower back, then my arms fell around his neck as he pulled me closer. His skin smelled like shaving cream and honey—my new favorite scent. If it was a dream, I swore I’d never wake. As we swayed, he pulled me closer. And as he pulled me closer, he began to sing.

She lies against my chest as her raindrops begin to fall

She feels so weak, floating aimlessly, slamming against the walls

Praying for a moment where she won’t begin to drown

Her heart’s been begging for an answer to the silent hurts her soul keeps bound.

An ache formed in my chest as I listened to his voice. His lips lingered over mine, his words falling against me. I felt the small breaths he exhaled into me and felt his shaky fingers against my spine. I felt his soul, my body pressed against his, my eyes staring at his singing lips.
Brooks…

I’ll be your anchor

I’ll hold you still throughout the night

I’ll be your steadiness

during the dark and lonely tides

I’ll hold you close, I’ll be your light, I’ll promise you’ll be all right

I’ll be your anchor

And we’ll get through this fight

He drove me crazy. His hold, his touch, his voice, his words. Everything about his soul lit me on fire, and I was proud to burn beside him.

She tries each day to escape the flooding of her mind

She loses hope when darkness locks her in a bind

She slips away from me and I try to hold on tight

I promise it will all be over by daylight

I’ll be your anchor

I’ll hold you still throughout the night

I’ll be your steadiness

during the dark and lonely tides

I’ll hold you close, I’ll be your light, I’ll promise you’ll be all right

I’ll be your anchor

And we’ll get through this fight

I’ll hold you close, I’ll be your light, I’ll promise you’ll be all right

I’ll hold you close, I’ll be your light, baby, we’ll be all right

I’ll be your anchor

And we’ll get through this night

“Maggie,” he whispered against me, our lips not yet touching. Our bodies shook against one another and he laughed. “You’re shaking.”

So are you.

He smiled as if he’d read my mind, and I tried my best to read his.

“You’re my best friend, Magnet, but…” His lips grew closer, and I swore I felt them brush against my own. His fingers massaged into my back in circles, and I melted each time a circle was complete. “What if she was right? What if Lacey was onto something? What if there is something more than friendship between us?” His grip on my lower back got tighter, pulling me closer. Our lips brushed together again, and my stomach knotted.

“Step back, and I’ll step back, too,” he told me. I moved in closer, placing my hands against his chest, feeling his heartbeat. His stare fell to my lips, and his trembles became my own. “Tell me not to kiss you, Maggie. Step back, and I won’t kiss you.”

I stayed still.

Of course I stayed still.

I stayed and waited, and died, and waited.

When he found his place, when his lips glided against mine, my brain went dizzy and I came back to life.

His lips pressed against mine, gently at first, and everything inside me became a part of him. His fingers wrapped around my back and he pulled me in closer, pushing his lips harder against mine, and for the first time in a long time, I felt it.

Happy.

Is it real?

Am I allowed this?

Am I allowed to be happy?

The last time I’d been kissed was by the same boy who wrapped his arms around me, who held me as if I were a promise of a dream he didn’t know he had.

This kiss was different than all those years ago. This time we didn’t count the seconds, but I did count the breaths he stole from me.

One…

Two…

Twenty-five…

This time the kiss felt so real, so perfect, so much like forever.

This time is forever.

“Maggie, have you seen—”

Brooks broke his hold on me and jumped backward, turning his back to the person at the door. The headphone in my ear was snatched out, making me stumble forward.

My eyes flew to Mama standing there, shocked. “Cheryl’s red lipstick,” she finished her sentence. An awkward silence rose, and Mama narrowed her eyes as Brooks straightened out his tie. “Brooks, I think Cheryl is waiting downstairs for photos.”

“Right, of course. Thanks, Mrs. Riley. Let me just get…” He walked over to me and took the corsage from my arm, then just like that, forever was over. “I’ll-uh-I’ll see you later, Maggie.” He hurried past Mama, keeping his head down from embarrassment.

Mama stayed there staring at me, and I could feel the disappointment in her stance. I hurried over to the dresser where Cheryl had left her lipstick, then handed it off to Mama.

She frowned. “She’s your sister, Maggie May, and she’s going to prom with Brooks. What do you think you’re doing?”

My head lowered.

I don’t know.

“I know Cheryl can be a handful at times, but…
she’s your sister
,” she repeated.

She left before I could write down any kind of response. She wouldn’t have read it, anyway. Mama was like Mrs. Boone in that way—she wanted actual words, not pieces of paper.

I headed over to my window and looked down at Brooks’ arms wrapped around Cheryl’s waist for the photos. He was giving the camera his best fake smile, and whenever he’d look up at my window, I’d step out of view.

It was a beautiful dream, he and I.

But that’s all it was.

A dream from which I was forced to wake.

“You bitch!” Cheryl screamed, barging into my bedroom as I changed into my pajama pants. My arms yanked my pants up and I stumbled backward, taken aback. Her mascara raced down her face with her tears and her red lipstick was smeared. The bottom of her dress looked as if it had been dragged through grass, and her eyes were wide. “I can’t believe you! I can’t fucking believe you told them!” she screamed.