The Sins of the Mother (26 page)

“Your brother’s right,” Phillip warned her. “You should do a criminal check on them.” It made him suddenly grateful he didn’t have a daughter who looked like her. He was old enough to be her father, which was embarrassing. He probably seemed like a dirty old man to her, and he was disheveled after storming out of the apartment and walking at full speed for several hours to calm his rage, after what Amanda had said. It was no worse than anything else she’d ever said to him, but it had suddenly seemed worse to him.

“I think they’re fine. They’re younger than I am, they’re all undergrads, and they’re all girls. How bad can nineteen-year-old girls be?”

“Pretty bad, maybe,” he said suspiciously, but he was relieved to hear they were all girls. That sounded less dangerous to him. He didn’t know why, but he was suddenly concerned about this perfect stranger. But she seemed so innocent and sweet.

The waitress refilled his cup of coffee, and the girl took a bite of her salad. Since they were talking, she had closed her book. “Where are you going to be teaching?” he asked suddenly.

“I got assigned to a school in Harlem,” she said, smiling at him again. “I know, I know, it’s dangerous. But I’ll be fine. I did my student teaching at an inner-city school in Detroit, which was probably a lot tougher than this.” He stared at her in horror. She was an accident waiting to happen.

“How could your parents let you come here?” he asked her, and she laughed.

“My parents died when I was eight. I live with my married sister. She trusts me.”

“New York is a tough city.”

“So was Detroit. I was fine.”

“You’re very brave,” he said, looking hard at her, wondering how old she was. Maybe she was older than she looked, or a black belt in karate. He hoped so for her sake. He wanted to add, “or very foolish,” but he didn’t. “How old are you?”

“Twenty-eight. I just finished my student teaching after my master’s. I’ve always wanted to live in New York. I wanted to be an actress, but I wound up teaching instead. I like it. I like the kids. I was in the Peace Corps for two years, in South America.” There was more to her than met the eye. She was just a very open person, and she was clearly very independent, and not afraid to try new things. “I was thinking about working in India for a year, but I came here instead. My sister was nervous about my going to New Delhi. She thought I’d get sick.”

“That makes sense.” And then he asked her an odd question. “Are you always this friendly to strangers?” She laughed and shook her head.

“No. But you seem like an honest person. There are lots of people around. I don’t think you’re going to try and kill me at an open-air café.”

“I could be dangerous,” he said, and they both laughed.

“Are you?”

“No.”

“What do you do?” She was curious about him too. He had looked upset when he sat down, but he seemed more relaxed now, and appeared friendlier. And he was interesting to talk to.

“I work for The Factory,” he said simply. He didn’t say he was the CFO, or that his mother owned it.

“They have great stuff,” she commented. “My sister and brother bought all their furniture there. Do you sell furniture?”

“No, I work in the main office. In finance.”

“That figures. I guessed you were a lawyer or a banker.”

“Do I look that stuffy?”

“No.” She laughed. “But you’re wearing nice shoes and a suit. You probably have a tie in your pocket.” He laughed and pulled it out. It was a dark blue Hermès. Maybe she wasn’t such a bad judge of character after all. And she had traveled the world.

They talked for a while, about her experiences in the Peace Corps, and he admitted that he’d gone to Harvard, when she said she had gone to Duke. She was a bright girl and interesting to talk to, and it sounded crazy, but he wanted to see her again. He didn’t volunteer the fact that he was married and she didn’t ask. She thought maybe he was divorced, and he had admitted he was forty-six when he mentioned business and Harvard. He didn’t want to date her, he just wanted to talk to her again. It was midnight, and he thought he should get home, and he handed her his business card before he stood up.

“This probably sounds silly, and I’m sure you can take care of yourself, but if I can do anything to help you, give me a call.” He handed her the card that said he was the CFO. She didn’t look at it and slipped it into her book, like a bookmark.

“Thank you, that’s very nice of you. I appreciate it,” she said, with her big smile and beautiful teeth.

“Could I call you sometime?” he asked, and couldn’t believe what he had just said. He was a married man. What would he call her about? But she nodded and smiled and wrote her cell number down on a piece of paper and handed it to him. It was as simple as that. For one totally unusual evening, he had felt like a kid again, and a free man. He was acting as though he had no attachments in the world, when in fact he had a wife at home who was about to become a federal judge and thought he had no balls. And then he realized he didn’t know one important detail. “What’s your name?”

They both laughed then. They had been talking so much, they had forgotten to introduce themselves. His name was on his card, but she hadn’t looked at it.

“I’m Taylor Dean,” she said, holding a hand out to him. When he shook it, her grip was firm but not too strong, and he noticed that her hands were beautiful.

“I’m Phillip Grayson.” He hoped she wouldn’t recognize the Grayson name, or Google him. He was sure that knowing who he was would be too overwhelming for her. But there was no reason to suspect she would discover it.

“Thanks, Phillip,” she said, as she signaled for her check, but he had already taken care of it when he went to the men’s room a short time before. It had cost him ten dollars, which was probably a big deal to her. When she realized what he’d done, she thanked him profusely, and they both stood up. She was tall, he realized, and had a beautiful figure. She looked perfect to him.

They left the restaurant together, and she headed in the direction of the apartment she had just rented. He wished he could go with her, but he had a wife at home. And she was a young girl. He was eighteen years older than she was, which was a lot, and he was married, which made the whole scenario impossible. He knew he’d probably never see her again, and eventually he’d throw her number out. He had put it in his suit pocket, like a lock of hair, or a secret code. It felt magic, and so did she.

“Take care, Taylor,” he said to her, and then he hailed a cab. “Good luck,” he added and meant it, which told her she would never hear from him. She waved as the cab pulled away, and Phillip wanted to jump out and follow her.

He thought about her all the way uptown, wishing he were young again and free. Taylor had appeared in his life twenty years too late. He had been married for nineteen. And twenty years before, she had been eight years old. It was a cruel twist of fate. And when he walked into the house, all the lights were turned off. Amanda was in bed, and sound asleep. There was no note, she didn’t stir, there was no apology, and she hadn’t waited up for him.

Phillip took his clothes off and carefully put the slip of paper with Taylor’s number in his wallet. He knew he wouldn’t call her, but just seeing it there would remind him of the sweet girl he had talked to that night, the fourth-grade teacher from Milwaukee who was going to work in Harlem in two weeks. He felt a lump in his throat, as he took off his clothes and got into bed next to Amanda. She no longer felt like a woman to him, just a judge and the person he lived with who thought he had no balls. He tried to push Taylor from his mind, and finally went to sleep.

Chapter 16

T
he next morning when they got up, Amanda acted as though nothing had happened. She didn’t ask Phillip where he’d gone, or what he’d done. She appeared as though everything was normal, and talked endlessly about the party she wanted to give for her induction. And before that, she wanted to give a Labor Day party in the Hamptons for some important people. It was obvious that she was shifting gears and preparing to enter a whole new world. Clearly, she felt truly important and she expected him to go along with her and do the things she thought necessary to showcase her new status. She told him there would be a printed notice of her appointment in
The New York Times
on Sunday.

“And don’t forget to buy a new suit for my induction,” she reminded him as they both left for work. She had a lot to do at the office. She had to hand off all her cases to her partners before she left. She acted now as though Phillip’s life were insignificant and the only one that counted was hers. “You should let your mother know,” she said as they left the house. “She may want to give me a party too.” Amanda expected to be celebrated by everyone she knew, and although she wasn’t fond of her mother-in-law, she thought that a party hosted by her would be fitting and attract some important people. Amanda was now the new homecoming queen, and Phillip was her slave. As far as she was concerned, she had one-upped the Graysons in a major way. Phillip found her arrogance unattractive and didn’t tell her that he and his mother weren’t on speaking terms at the moment. The last thing he wanted to do, given her affair with Peter Williams and how he felt about it, was ask her to give Amanda a party. It would just have to wait.

When he got to his office, he went through his messages and e-mails, and he could feel his wallet burning a hole in his back pocket. He knew what was in there and how he felt about it. He finally took it out and looked at the slip of paper Taylor had given him. Her handwriting was bold and clear, and it was easy to read the number. He had no intention of calling her, and didn’t know what he would have said if he did, but he couldn’t help himself. It was an impulse that was stronger than he was. He called her number and heard it ringing. He wanted to hang up but couldn’t. And he had no idea what to say. She answered on the third ring.

“Taylor?” His voice was barely more than a whisper.

“Yes?” She obviously had no idea who it was, but she sounded as innocent and open as the night before. He could still see her smiling at the table next to his at the café downtown. She looked as bright and new as spring.

“Hi. It’s Phillip Grayson,” he said, feeling stupid. Then what? Now what was he going to do? “I just wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed meeting you last night.” He hadn’t done this in twenty years. “I just thought I’d say hello.”

“Well, hello,” she said, with a smile in her voice. “I enjoyed it too. I was just opening all my boxes. I’ve got books stacked up to the ceiling. I think I’m going to have to go to The Factory and buy a bookcase.” She was laughing, and he could just see her, surrounded by books.

“Maybe we could go together,” he suggested, and then felt stupid again. That was all he needed, to show up at one of their stores with a pretty young woman. Everyone there knew who he was. “Actually, I was wondering if you’d like to have lunch with me today. Does that work for you?” She didn’t hesitate for an instant, which told him that she didn’t mind how old he was. But she still didn’t know he was married.

“That sounds great. Where would you like to meet?”

He suggested a restaurant in the West Village, and they agreed to meet at one o’clock. She sounded bouncy and young and alive, and he felt like an idiot when he hung up. What in God’s name was he doing? He had no idea. He had never done anything like it before, but he felt as though a force more powerful than he was making him do it. He
had
to see her again.

After that, he asked his secretary to find him their current catalog. He wanted to take it to lunch with him. He was going to help her pick out a bookcase and have it sent to her. He felt protective of her, and he wanted to make life easier for her. She brought out his best instincts. And it was such a small thing to do. His secretary had the catalog on his desk a few minutes later. And he arrived ten minutes early for lunch.

She was wearing a pink cotton skirt when she walked into the restaurant, with a white blouse, and her shining hair cascaded past her shoulders. She looked like a shampoo ad, and she was wearing the same sandals she’d worn the night before. It was hot outside, and she looked crisp and immaculate as she walked across the restaurant toward him with a smile.

“Thank you for coming,” he said as he stood up, and she sat across from him in the booth.

“I’m happy to get out of the mess in my house,” she said brightly, and he remembered the catalog then and handed it to her.

“I thought we could pick a bookcase for you, if you know what size you want. It’s a lot easier than going to the store. I can have it delivered to you.” She looked first surprised and then pleased. He was being so nice to her, and she looked up at him with a shy smile.

“Will you get in trouble for this?” she asked him kindly, and he laughed. She was so innocent and young and looked so concerned. “I want to pay for it, of course.” She didn’t want to take advantage of him.

“No, I won’t get in trouble. It’s not a big deal, I promise. And I get a big discount. I’d like to give it to you as a gift, if you’ll let me.” She felt awkward about it, but she didn’t want to hurt his feelings.

“Well, it’s a big gift to me,” she said gratefully, as she looked through the catalog and found one that was exactly the right size and showed him. It cost ninety-nine dollars, and he was sure he could have it for her by that afternoon. They marked the page, and then they ordered lunch. She asked for a salad again, and this time so did he. And when it came, he couldn’t eat. He just wanted to talk to her. He was nervous. His palms were sweating, and by the end of lunch, he knew he had to level with her.

“Taylor,” he said, when the waitress poured them both iced coffee, “I want to be honest with you. I think you’re the most amazing young woman I’ve ever met. And I have no idea what I’m doing here. I just knew I had to see you today. You knocked me flat on my ass last night.” It was the most honest he’d ever been, and she looked touched.

“I did? I don’t know how, I didn’t do anything.”

“Yes, you did. You’re like a breath of fresh air in my life. I’m old enough to be your father, but I feel like a kid with you. Everything about you is so decent and wholesome and alive. I suddenly realize I’ve been dead for twenty years. But there’s something I have to tell you. I have no idea what it means to us, if anything. Or where we go from here, if we do. I’m married. I have been for nineteen years. We have no kids. My wife didn’t want any. She’s an attorney. She’s an extremely bright woman, I’ve always respected her. I’ve never cheated on her, and I don’t think I’ve been honest with myself about our relationship until recently.