The Siren (16 page)

“Thanks, Kahlen,” he whispered. I forgot what I was even thinking. I loved the way he said my name. We sat there on the bed, just watching each other. I don’t know what my face looked like, but I saw the emotions walk across his. There was sadness, then calm, gratefulness, and then… wonder? It was a beautiful look on his face. I smiled, apparently a little too warmly. He leaned in a bit. I was unprepared, and my body flinched just a little. That small movement was enough to knock the plate, which had been balanced on my knee, onto the floor. It didn’t break, but the noise was enough to snap us both out of the moment.

 
CHAPTER
7

I
didn’t mind that we were stuck inside all day, but Akinli kept apologizing. I
liked
being alone with him, and I could guess that he felt some of my enthusiasm. I didn’t know how to hide it. I kept telling myself to be careful, that these feelings were most likely one-sided. I knew I was incredibly naïve when it came to romance, but it had felt like he was going to kiss me earlier. If I was wrong, I didn’t want to let myself hang onto that possibility. I repeated what I knew for sure: I was someone he felt obligated to take care of. I was someone he had to keep amused. Those were things that I knew were true.

Still, stupid as it was, I entertained the thought of kissing Akinli.

The reason we were indoors was completely practical. The only outfits I had were men’s boxers or an evening gown. I doubted either would go over well in what I assumed was a small town. I had never heard of Port Clyde before, so it couldn’t be that big. And the view gave me absolutely no clues as to my whereabouts. The road wound into a wooded stretch one way, and houses blocked the curving coast to the other. Across the street were houses similar to the one I was in, backed by thick woods that further impeded the view. An older woman lived in the house directly across from us. She came over with the ambulance last night in tears, worried for either Ben, Julie, or Akinli’s welfare.

My limited vision was obnoxious. I was curious about where I was exactly. I couldn’t see if the Ocean was my only way out. On the other hand, Akinli was right— this place would be beautiful in the fall.

I made all these observations while he was taking a shower upstairs. I wasn’t going to go up there to see if the view showed anything more until I was invited into that part of the house. And also, he wasn’t clothed up there.

Over the course of the morning, I had learned that Ben was Akinli’s cousin. Ben and Julie had been living together for years now, spanning the end of college and their jump into adulthood. They suited each other. She was sweet and cautious; he was spacey and comical. Akinli had only been living here a few months. I could guess why.

Akinli was here trapping lobster with Ben and two other strong, young men that made up their crew. I knew Maine had a reputation for good lobster, and these guys helped supply it. Knowing that he did such a labor-heavy job, I was a little surprised to find his name written into the margin of several books in the downstairs nook. It appeared he was studious, reading everything from fiction to history. There were even a few textbooks down there. But maybe those were Ben or Julie’s.

The way he talked about Ben, you could tell he was like the brother Akinli never had. They had grown up together, and Akinli admitted that Ben had been his best friend since he was eight or so. The thought of the two of them small and causing trouble was incredibly amusing to me.

I could hear in his voice that he had a certain reverence for Julie. I sensed he thought it was a miracle that any woman could tolerate Ben. Akinli loved him, undoubtedly, but he was still surprised that Ben could hold onto someone as put-together as Julie. I don’t know. Ben seemed like a nice enough guy to me.

The home was marked with signs of family. There were knickknacks on the shelves; someone in the house had a fondness for moose. One spot on the couch seemed particularly worn, and I guessed that was someone’s favorite spot. A collection of pictures sat in frames and hung on the walls. Ben and Akinli held lobsters in both of their hands, sticking their tongues out in one. Julie sat on a bench surrounded by people I assumed were her parents and siblings in another. Ben and Julie sat together in a photograph obviously taken by a professional. Faces of people I had yet to meet were dotted around the house. This place was entirely theirs.

I heard a door open.

“The shower’s all yours,” Akinli called from upstairs. Another door closed. I didn’t really need or want a shower, but I had to pretend to be something close to normal. A normal girl would want a shower. I grabbed my dress, since it was all I had, and climbed the stairs to the one shower in the house. There was a half bath under the staircase, but no tub. I took in the upstairs quickly. I could hear Akinli moving in his room. The door to Ben and Julie’s bedroom was open. It was predominantly feminine but a little messy, which I liked. And then there was what looked like an office space in another small room. The office window was open— nothing but trees.

I took a fast shower. The warm water felt good but also unwanted in a way. I knew She wouldn’t feel me here, but the way the liquid ran across my skin was entirely too familiar. The dress was an issue, too. After the discomfort of the shower, I didn’t want to be in something that was Hers right now. It was my vanity that won out. I was comfortable wearing Akinli’s clothes at this point, but I looked better in the dress. I ran my fingers through my hair so it would pull apart and curl, and away I went.

I galloped down the stairs and found Akinli in the kitchen getting more food. We’d just eaten! Maybe I used to eat that much too and just couldn’t remember. He was barefoot in plain old jeans and a black cotton shirt. I knew he was strong; he had carried me here. But it was different to see his muscles pulling at his clothes. I fought back a blush. This whole situation was going to get a lot worse if I couldn’t keep some sort of hold on my thoughts. He looked up from whatever he was snacking on and saw me in my dress. He sighed and then smiled.

“Hold on. Wait right there,” he said, dashing past me up the stairs. I heard drawers opening and closing. A moment later he ran back down wearing a red silk tie and a silver cummerbund over the same t-shirt and jeans.

“There,” he said, straightening his tie. “Now you won’t feel overdressed.”

I breathed a laugh. It was tricky to keep the sound out, but the action could not be helped. He was just funny.

With pen and paper in hand he took me into the living room where we spent most of the morning. We were going through channels when I noticed that the house had a small collection of movies.

Which one is your favorite? I wrote.

He pulled out a box with a cover I hadn’t seen before— obviously a comedy.

“Have you seen this?”

I shook my head no.

“You. Couch. Now!” he commanded.

I smiled and bounced onto the couch. I rustled a little as I settled. Akinli put the movie on and sat close. But not too close.

The movie was ridiculous. Funny, for sure, but even gross in some places. I had to guard myself so I didn’t laugh out loud, and that was really, really difficult. Not because of the movie itself, but because of Akinli!

Before the first scene even happened, he was giggling. I was completely enthralled. I tried to watch the movie, but most of the time my eyes were on him. His eyes crinkled into slits when he laughed. He was just so beautiful. I couldn’t keep myself from studying him.

After lunch— which I was forced to eat and Akinli was eager to help himself to— we stayed at the kitchen table and found ourselves playing cards. I knew how to play poker because of my recent years around teenage boys. Jillian and I learned to play because it was something Micah liked to do. She wanted an excuse to be around him, so we started up weekly poker games. Jillian wasn’t quite comfortable doing this on her own, so I learned to play and went with her. We learned the rules and what hand beat what all by ourselves. We could actually hold our own in the games with the boys. Our little gang wagered M&M’s since gambling wasn’t exactly permitted on school grounds. No one was ever brave enough to actually eat the M&M’s after all our hands had been on them. Before the games started, Jillian would always set aside a handful of blue ones… her favorite.

I wasn’t aware of the tears that memory brought on until they were spilling down my cheeks. They didn’t escape Akinli’s notice.

“Hey… hey, Kahlen? It’s okay.”

He started rubbing my arm. Being consoled had the same effect as Miaka and Elizabeth’s warm words— the tears came faster. The ache for Jillian made me want to wail. Silence was torture. I stayed quiet, but the tears ran anyway. Suddenly, Akinli was beside me with one arm around my waist. I felt bad for him. I was sitting there with two pair and a jack high— I was going to squash him— and then, for no apparent reason, I was sobbing. I didn’t want to make him uncomfortable; he had already done so much for me.

“Do you want to talk about… well… do you want to write about it?” he asked encouragingly. The way he phrased things made me smile.

I figured if I set the precedent, he wouldn’t feel like he had to be so guarded around me. But pretending not to remember things left me unsure of how to honestly explain myself without making things more complicated. He took my pause as a “maybe” and went to get my paper. I tried to collect my thoughts. He returned and pulled his chair close to mine, setting the pen and paper in front of me. What was I supposed to say? I paused with the pen in hand.

I think I had a friend who liked poker.

“Oh! Do you remember anything about him?”

Her.

“Sorry. Her, then?”

What was I supposed to say? The truth I guess…

Just that I loved her.

“Was she with you? When you got lost, I mean?”

No. She’s gone.

“Oh…
oh
.”

We were quiet for a minute.

“Well, you know I understand that, Kahlen. I’m sorry that something so sad is the first thing you remember.”

We looked at each other. His eyes were full of compassion. I liked that he gave me the room to be sad. Finally, someone who would let me be.

I felt awkward at being gloomy around him, but if that was what I needed, he wouldn’t try to make me feel any way I didn’t. It was almost comforting to not have to pretend.

“But, on the plus side, you remembered something. Yeah? That’s good. Do you remember her name at all?”

I didn’t want to write Jillian’s name on the paper. It felt criminal. Mercifully, Julie walked through the front door— that strange door that landed in the kitchen— and saved me.

“Is everything okay?” she asked. I saw her eyes go over our closeness and my tears. She had bags in her hands.

“Yeah. Kahlen here remembered something. Nothing to do with her getting lost. Just something… well, something sad,” Akinli spoke for me.

“Oh.” Her face fell a little as she looked at me.

It hurt to have people feel sorry for me. Maybe I deserved pity, but I didn’t want it. I gently pushed my chair back and went to walk out of the kitchen.

“Kahlen?” Ankinli’s voice was soft, wondering if I still needed company.

I shook my head no and put up a gentle hand to stop him. I needed a moment alone.

I walked into the guest room and shut the door. I wasn’t sure what I’d see if I closed my eyes, but I slept anyway.

I woke to the sound of the TV going. It sounded like a crowd cheering. And then someone in the room yelled “Yes!” followed by another voice shushing the exclamation. It was dusk outside. I’d slept through the rest of the afternoon.

I didn’t know which was ruder: to stay in the room and ignore the people who were opening their home to me, or to go out into the living room and make them remember I was still here while they were obviously enjoying some time together.

I decided to do the latter, but only because I wanted to see Akinli again. I was going to have to find a way to say good-bye. Soon. This afternoon had readjusted my perspective. My proximity to Jillian had hurt her. Yes, she would have died even if she hadn’t known me, but those last few moments of her life would have been different. At least, along with the fear, she wouldn’t have felt betrayal. I didn’t want to have an opportunity to hurt Akinli.

Though it had been a little more emotional than I’d expected— with me sobbing and him near tears at one point— all in all, I had a good day with Akinli. I knew his voice now. I knew his laugh. I knew how his hair looked wet. I knew his face, either pale or tan. I knew how he absentmindedly popped his fingers. I knew that when he sat on the couch with any sort of intensity, he set his elbows on his knees leaning into whatever had his attention. I knew that when he was relaxed, he stretched out his legs and balanced his feet on his heels. I knew he scratched his head when he was bluffing at a good hand. I had a bundle of material. If those moments on the beach had helped me through a handful of months, this last day could surely occupy my mind for nineteen more years. I would have the best of him. In my mind, he would never age, just like me. He would always be perfect and happy in my head. Until… until a day came when I’d forget him. Forgetting Akinli… the thought was painful.