Authors: Kristopher Rufty
“I’m
sure he is,” she said. “I just don’t know what kind.”
“Well,
tell me what you
do
know.”
She
nodded while putting another cigarette in her mouth. She lighted it, inhaling
deeply. “I think he’s back on the shards again.”
Andy
groaned. “Why do you say that?”
“It’s
easier to explain his behavior if he is.”
Frowning,
Andy shook his head. “I don’t…understand what you mean by that.”
“Well…he
lost his job at the scrapyard.”
“Oh
boy, I bet his probation officer loved that.”
“This
time it wasn’t his fault. They didn’t have the money to keep him on payroll.
So, he was back at home on unemployment while they hunted for a job for him. He
started spending a lot of time on the internet.”
“Was
he watching a lot of porn?”
Danny
had always been a porn addict, even when they were kids. Back then, while
hanging out at the mall, Danny would find an adult willing to pick up a couple
nudie magazines in the bookstore for him. So, he’d slip them a twenty dollar
bill, and they would return with a bag toting three magazines, which Danny
would spend all night devouring.
Nicole
had never acted bothered by Danny’s obsession with porn, so if his brother was
watching it now she wouldn’t be here to complain about it.
“Barely,
and that was what bothered me. He was looking for something.”
“Like
what?”
She
flicked a chimney of ashes into the cup. It sizzled when hitting the water. “I
don’t know. All I know is that he was obsessed with whatever it was. I couldn’t
even get him to fuck me anymore.”
.
Andy
felt a hot pinch in his stomach. He looked at Nicole’s legs again and couldn’t
stop the vision he had of them wrapped around his brother’s waist. Picturing
her body jerking upward as Danny thrust into her made his mouth go dry.
“I
don’t need to know the specifics.”
“Good.
I’m honestly too embarrassed to share them. I tried almost everything to get
Danny to notice me again.”
“And
you don’t know what he was so hooked on finding?”
“All
I know is it was a place, some kind of club, I think. You know how Danny is
with anything…he allows himself to become addicted to it. His lawyer called it
an addict’s personality. So, finding this place consumed him. I think Rosco
told him about it, because they both were crazy about finding it. But, I don’t
know for sure.”
“Great.
He’s running around with Rosco again?”
“Can
you believe it? Why tempt the snake to bite you?”
“Does
Rosco still deal for his brother, Lou Manchu?”
She
nodded. “Oh yeah. But, they never did any drugs in the trailer; I made sure of
that
.
I kept reminding Danny that if he failed a drug test, he’d go back to jail and
have to serve the remainder of his eight year sentence. It seemed to keep him
in line for a few days.”
“When
did all this start?”
“Not
even two weeks ago, but he lost his job last month. So, sometime in that short
span of time he heard about…whatever this place is.”
“Where’s
Danny now?”
She
took a long, deep pull on the cigarette. The paper and tobacco crackled as the
end lit up to a bright red. She exhaled a thick grayish cloud. “I have no idea.
He hasn’t come home since he left with Rosco on Friday.”
Andy
resisted a shiver.
Nicole
continued. “And he was supposed to meet his probation officer this morning.
She’s been blowing up my phone, trying to find Danny, I’m sure. I’ve been
avoiding her calls because I don’t know what to tell her. I’m worried, Andy.
Either way, he’s screwed, but I’d at least like to know where he is so I can
get him home.”
“Do
you know where to look for him?”
She
shook her head. “Have I ever?”
“Well…”
“You’ve
been much better at finding him in the past. And I’m sure he’s off on a binge
somewhere, sleeping on someone’s floor all day, getting high all night. He
wiped out our bank account. Not that there was much in there to begin with.”
“Do
you need any money?”
“No.
I have my secret stash. The last time he did this, I started a secret account
that he doesn’t know about. I’ve been saving money in it.”
Nodding,
Andy leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. He pushed the tips of his
fingers together. “Have you called the police?”
“No.
Not yet. I know what they’ll say if I do. They’ll just pass it off as another
ex-junkie relapsing and not care. Since he’s done this a couple times before,
they’ll tell me to wait on him to run out of money, and he’ll come home.”
He
understood why she thought that. It was basically the exact wording the cops
had used on her two years ago.
“And,
if I call the police,” she said, “they’ll alert his probation officer and
that’ll be it.”
“Like
you said, it’s going to be
it
no matter what. I’m afraid he’s really
screwed himself this time.”
“I
know.” Tears misted her eyes.
“All
right. I’ll go check his usual places and see what I can come up with.”
“Are
you sure you don’t mind?”
Andy
did
mind. He was tired of Danny’s behavior a long time ago. Being only
two years younger than Andy, he acted as if he was still a teenager. He
struggled with authority and seemed to go out of his way to hurt those that
cared about him the most. Like Nicole. Andy hated seeing her so upset, so lonely.
Whenever he saw her, he was reminded that his feelings for her had never waned.
He still loved her. And when he saw her like this, he seemed to love her even
more.
She
chose this life. She broke up with me for Danny. This is her bed.
He
immediately felt awful for thinking such things.
“No,”
he answered, “I don’t mind.”
She
smiled. “Thank you. You always take care of me.”
Andy
wanted to remind her that he
cared
about her. He didn’t. She didn’t need
to hear his lecture about the kind of man she’d chosen to marry.
Nicole
started to stand.
“Where
are you going?” he asked.
“I
was going to head home. It’s late. I’m tired, and I’m sure you are too.”
“Sure
you wouldn’t rather stay?”
Her
eyebrows rose. “Inviting me to a sleepover?”
“Sure.
I’ve got more strawberry syrup and nearly a gallon of milk. We can go crazy.”
Nicole
laughed. To Andy, it was a cherished sound. Nodding, she sat back down on the
couch. “Are you sure you don’t mind? I was dreading the drive back anyway.”
“It’s
fine. You can take the bed and I’ll take the couch or vice versa.”
“Where
are you sleeping?” she asked.
“I
planned on the bed, unless you want to take it.”
“Can
I join you?”
“Wha…um…”
Andy’s stomach felt as if it burst into a flurry of pinpricks.
“I
don’t want to be alone.”
“Okay,”
he said, his voice betraying him and dropping to a whisper.
Lying
on his back in bed, eyes glued to the ceiling, Andy listened to the pattering
hiss of the shower coming through the closed bathroom door. Although the house
was small, it had two bathrooms crammed within. The one in his bedroom had been
added by his father back when Andy was twelve and Danny ten. Tired of the boys
hogging the one bathroom, he added this one in the master bedroom just for him
and Mom.
Andy
felt the familiar lump in his throat that always appeared when he thought about
his childhood. Sometimes he regretted not selling the house. He’d lived here
for a year and a half and still wasn’t completely comfortable.
When
a motorcycle crash killed his father four years ago, everything was left to Mom,
except a separate life insurance policy that was split between the boys. Andy
put his in the bank and lived off it while he went back to school to straighten
his life out. When Andy walked away from his old lifestyle, he also walked away
from friends he’d known since middle school. He gave up dealing, partying,
going to clubs. Old friends started accusing him of having a ‘better than you’
complex. Now that Andy was better off, he’d never been more alone in all his
life. No one came to hang out, no invites to go out. Andy Raab had become a
hermit, an internet college recluse.
Danny
spent his share of the life insurance money on drugs and an abundance of useless
crap he later pawned for more drug money.
Two
years ago Mom’s health declined. The doctors told Andy she’d given up on
herself. Life without Dad was too much for her and her body had begun to shut
down. She died of heart failure in a hospital room with Andy sitting in a chair
at her bedside. It took him two days to find Danny and tell him the news. He
hadn’t shown up for the funeral but made sure he attended the will reading. It
had been pointless for him to come, though, because Mom left everything to
Andy.
That
was the beginning of the end to Andy and Danny’s diminishing relationship.
What
have you gotten yourself into now, Danny?
Andy
wasn’t sure he cared anymore. He must, since he was willing to venture out yet
another time to find him. If Nicole hadn’t pled for help, Andy might have left
Danny to rot wherever he was.
His
parents would have hated that. Danny was a prisoner to his own afflictions, but
he still needed help. No matter what, though, this would be the last time Andy
offered any help. Didn’t matter if Nicole came crying, dropped on her knees and
begged, he wasn’t going to bail Danny out of another jam. Not after this one.
Andy
heard a soft thump from the bathroom and realized the water was no longer
running. He envisioned Nicole on the other side of the door, toweling off her
slippery body. He could see little beads of water trickling down her skin, a
thin steam rising from her pores. One foot propped on the side of the bathtub,
she slowly ran a towel down her thigh, over a knee. He felt himself becoming
aroused. Reaching under the blanket, he tugged at his shorts to give some room
while he willed the erection down.
Andy
had already brushed his teeth and was wearing a pair of running shorts and
nothing else. He’d thought about putting on a T-shirt, but the only one that
was clean, he’d loaned to Nicole. He could have found something to put on, but
he kind of wanted to be shirtless being so close to Nicole. Somewhere deep
inside himself, he hoped they would be doing more than sleeping tonight. It had
happened in the past multiple times, and when he dated Nicole, it happened
frequently.
You’d
be a pretty big bastard if you allowed yourself to take advantage of Nicole.
Sighing,
he was about to climb out of bed and put on a shirt from the hamper when the
bathroom door opened. He gasped at what he saw.
Nicole’s
hair, damp and freshly brushed, draped the oversized T-shirt. It dampened the
shoulders, making the shirt as clear as glass. He could see the dark streaks of
her skin through the wet fabric. With the light behind her, the T-shirt was
translucent. The dark shapes of her breasts showed like shadowy humps. He saw
no lines for panties or a bra. She was naked under the T-shirt.
Andy
had expected her to put the shorts she’d been wearing back on. She hadn’t.
Seeing her this way caused him to involuntarily gulp. His penis started to
stiffen once more.
Nicole
sighed a relieved breath.
“Feel
better?” he asked.
“Much.
Thank you. I don’t know what it is about taking a shower somewhere else. You
always feel so refreshed afterwards.”
“Yeah.
Like at a hotel.”
Nicole
nodded. “Right. Those are the best.” She shook a hand through her wet hair,
pausing when she noticed his bare chest.
Although
she didn’t say anything about it, Andy pulled the blankets up higher.
“Are
you sure you don’t mind me sleeping with you?” she asked.
“No…I
don’t mind.”
“Don’t
have any girlfriends that might make a surprise visit and find me snuggled up
to you, do you?”
Andy’s
chest vibrated. “No. No girlfriends.”
What
if Danny drove by and saw Nicole’s car parked outside? That would be a surprise
neither of them needed.
He
won’t.
Nicole
shook her head. “They don’t know what they’re missing.” Smiling, she reached
into the bathroom and turned off the light. All that illuminated the room now
was a lamp on the nightstand. It was a low-wattage bulb that hardly reached the
other side of the room, but it was great to read a book by.
She
started making her way around the foot of the bed to the other side. Andy
supposed he could have slid over to save her the trip, but he hadn’t thought
about it until now. He couldn’t wait to have her close to him, but he was
dreading the mind games he’d suffer afterward. The guilt, confusion, the shame,
would nearly tear Andy apart, just like the other times. He’d brought it on
himself, permitting her to get in bed with him. If anything else happened, he
would be just as much to blame as she was.
And
what about her? Why does she always come to me whenever something goes wrong?
And
now, like before, he wondered why she’d chosen Danny over him.
The
pull of the blankets recalled Andy back to the bedroom. He looked to his left
and saw Nicole folding down the blankets so she could get in. She climbed onto
the mattress. The shirt fell back on her legs and Andy glimpsed between her
legs. He quickly looked away as she adjusted the shirt, then pulled the
blankets over her shoulder. She squirmed close to him, nudging his arm with her
head.
“Open
up,” she said.
Andy
raised his arm so she could wiggle into the spot on his chest. She’d called it
her spot and he supposed it was. He’d never let anyone but her lay there. He
felt the cool dampness of her hair on his skin.