“I’ll think about it while I get changed,” she said, turning away from the mirror. “Try to make a decision.”
“Take your time,” Griffin said and moved off. Two new customers had just entered the store. “Give a holler when you’re ready,” she added over her shoulder.
Lauren undressed slowly, carefully arranging the straps of the top on the padded hanger and folding the jeans neatly and expertly. She put the shoes side by side on the floor and kept glancing at them as she pulled her own clothes back on.
If Ava knew how desperately Lauren wanted all three things—and how even so she was hesitating, not wanting to break her word or betray her sister’s trust—she would
have
to feel progress had been made, have to know that Lauren had matured and changed. But Lauren couldn’t risk telling her; if she bought something today, it would have to be a secret. Ava couldn’t see into Lauren’s heart and know how she had struggled over this, so she would simply assume Lauren was being her old extravagant self.
Lauren brusquely pushed aside the curtain, making the rings grate along the pole. She would buy only the top and the shoes. She had other jeans—although, sadly, none exactly like these, and she could really use them—she loved the way the waist curved with her body and the cut was just so modern—but she would resist—although the truth was she would probably get tons of use out of them, and they were the kind of thing she
should
be buying, pretty but also practical—
No. She was resolved: in spite of the many arguments in their favor, she would not buy the jeans.
And just a few short months ago, she
would
have bought the jeans, so she had every right to be proud of herself.
As far as Ava went . . . well, if she asked where the top and shoes had come from (which she probably wouldn’t because when did Ava notice anything about clothes?), Lauren would simply tell her that the items predated the contract. It would be a lie, of course, and Lauren never liked to lie, only did it as a last resort and when she really needed a way out of a tough situation. And Ava was putting her in a position where she had no choice.
She soothed her conscience by promising it that these were the last things she would buy for a long, long time.
A pretty necklace hanging near the cash register caught her eye as Griffin totaled up her purchases, and Lauren scooped it up in her palm to examine it more closely.
“You want that too?” Griffin said, looking up. “It would go great with this.”
“Not today.” Lauren let the necklace drop back into place with a sigh. “Another time.”
H
ey,” Ava said, walking into the apartment and tossing her briefcase on the side table. “Somebody looks awfully fancy tonight. You going out?”
Lauren looked up from the sofa where she was reading a magazine. “I think so, but I’m not sure when. Daniel’s supposed to call.”
“It’s already past eight.” Ava glanced at her watch to confirm it.
“Yeah, I know. He said it might be pretty late.”
Ava thumped down on the armchair. “So what’d you do today?”
“Took Mom to the hospital. Watched her get chemo. Took her home again. Same old same old.”
“How’d it all go?”
“Barrel of laughs,” Lauren said. “As always.”
“Meet any cute guys?”
“Not this time,” Lauren said. “I hear all the good ones hang out at St. Vincent’s now.”
“You know what?” Ava said. “I’m going to go next time. I’ll just move some stuff around on my schedule. I should take Mom, at least once.”
“Don’t be an idiot,” Lauren said. “There’s no reason for you to have to stress about missing work when I have nothing better to do. I like taking her.”
“That’s not what you just said.”
“It’s fine,” Lauren said. “Mom’s a good sport and I like seeing Daniel when he’s there.” The mention of Daniel’s name made them both check their watches again.
Ava said, “If he were smart, he’d call you sooner rather than later. The guy doesn’t know what he’s missing—that’s quite a top.” She meant it, too. Lauren looked great.
“It’s nice, isn’t it?” Lauren said, idly plucking at the hem.
“Very. Is it from your old store?”
“Yeah. I bought it a while ago but haven’t worn it much.”
“Well, I hope Daniel appreciates it.” Ava reached her arms up over her head and stretched. As she arched her back, her stomach growled audibly, and she and Lauren both giggled. “Hmm,” Ava said, dropping her arms back down. “It appears to be time to eat.” She got up and went into the kitchen, emerging a minute later with jars of peanut butter and jelly and a bag of crackers.
Lauren’s cell phone was lying on the center of the kitchen table, and as Ava picked it up to move it out of the way, it rang. She glanced at it, but Lauren was already on her feet. She pounced on Ava and grabbed the phone out of her hand, flipping it open and getting it to her ear with a single motion. “Hello? Oh, hi! I wasn’t expecting it to be
you
. You still at work? . . . That sucks . . . Were you looking for—” She stopped and listened intently, then moved a few steps away and turned her back to Ava. “Yeah, I do,” she said in a low voice. Another pause. “Close. That and a half . . . Right. Okay? . . . Okay. Good. So I’ll see you soon?” Then she gave a flirtatious little laugh. “Too true. Okay, I better go. Bye.” She flipped it shut again with a guarded look at Ava and shoved it into her back pocket.
“Who was that?” Ava asked.
“Huh?”
“Who was that?” Ava repeated, a little sharply.
“Oh. My friend Joseph. You know, from New York? He wanted to say hi.”
“Really?” Ava said. “If he’s in New York, why’d you say you’d see him soon?”
“Oh, you know. Habit. I always say that at the end of a conversation.” She drew closer to the table. “Peanut butter and jelly—yum. I’ll get the knives.” She went into the kitchen, leaving Ava alone to chew on her thumb and think about the name she had seen pop up on Lauren’s caller ID and wonder why her sister hadn’t wanted her to know that Russell Marko-witz had called.
Daniel did call, but not until almost nine-thirty.
The sisters were watching a TV show, and Ava muted the sound while Lauren answered her phone.
“I’m sorry it’s so late,” Daniel said.
At least he had bothered to apologize.
“I was going to call you right after my brother got here, but my mother said she had some stuff she needed to talk to us both about immediately. It was—” He paused, then said, “It was kind of heavy. Not the sort of thing you walk out of to make a phone call.”
“No worries,” Lauren said.
“Anyway, Mom’s asleep now and Matthew’s here if she wakes up. I know I said coffee, but I’m starving—you up for some dinner?”
“I kind of ate already.”
“Make him come here,” Ava hissed in her ear. “So I can meet him.”
Lauren nodded. She was eager to get Ava’s opinion of Daniel. So far, she had pretty much only seen him in a one-on-one vacuum, and maybe that was why she found him so enigmatic—maybe Ava, who was smart, would have some insight into him that was eluding Lauren. “Why don’t you just come over to my place?” she said into the phone.
There was a pause. “I haven’t eaten yet.”
“I’ll make you something here.”
He was silent.
She said, “Or we can run out and grab something. Come over and then we’ll decide.”
That bought her a wary “Okay.”
“There’s wine and beer too,” she said. “If you’re in the mood.”
“Okay,” he said again, with a touch more enthusiasm. “I’ll be there in half an hour.”
Lauren folded up her phone and Ava said, “Do you have any idea how much that sounded like you were inviting him over to have sex? All that stuff about being ‘in the mood’ and having drinks?”
“Really?” Lauren said. “But you’re here.”
“He doesn’t know that.”
“Oh, right.”
“He thinks you want to have sex with him.”
Lauren grinned. “I’m okay with that.”
“Because you do?”
“Because I don’t mind his thinking I do. Speaking of hot sex, what’s going on with you and Russell?”
“Not much,” Ava said. “What’s going on with
you
and him?”
“What are you talking about? I’m not the one who almost had sex with him a few nights ago.”
“I’m so glad I didn’t.”
“Why are we suddenly down on Russell?”
Ava just shrugged and didn’t answer.
“You’re doing it again,” Lauren said. “That thing you always do where you push guys away as soon as they start to like you.”
“What?” Ava stared at her and then shook her head. “You’re crazy. I don’t do that.”
“Maybe not consciously,” Lauren said, “but you get suspicious when someone likes you—it’s like you can’t believe anyone
would
, so the second someone does, you stop trusting him, and you get all prickly and difficult and make it even harder for him. It’s like he has to cut down all those prickles and thorns around you—like the guy in the fairy tale—just to prove to you he’s worthy.” She was pleased with her metaphor.
Ava didn’t seem impressed by it. “That’s the dumbest thing I ever heard,” she said. “And I’d like to point out I’ve had plenty of boyfriends.” She stood up. “Help me get the dishes into the kitchen.”
“I never said you didn’t.” Lauren picked up the lid to the jelly jar and screwed it back on. “But it’s like the way you won’t make yourself look good for a guy—it’s part of the same—oh shit!”
Ava glanced up, licking peanut butter off her finger. “What’s wrong?”
“I got jelly on my new top.”
“Serves you right,” Ava said. “Teach you to try to psychoanalyze your big sister. And I thought the top wasn’t new.”
“I haven’t worn it much yet—you know what I mean.” Lauren ran into the kitchen and wet a dish towel, then wiped furiously at the dark purple spot right in front.
Ava came in with the rest of the dishes. “Is it coming out?”
“I can’t tell. The water’s making a bigger stain. Oh, God, Ava, I hope I haven’t ruined it permanently.” If she had spent all that money just to stain the top before anyone even saw her in it, she’d be beyond furious. At herself and the world. “I better change.”
“That should make you happy,” Ava said. “You love to change your clothes.”
Lauren didn’t respond to that, just left the kitchen and went on into Ava’s bedroom. The clothes she had hanging in the closet were mostly dresses, too formal for tonight, so she looked through the box of folded clothes she kept under Ava’s bed and rediscovered a dark gray jersey tank that had briefly been a favorite piece when she first bought it a few months earlier. It fit her well and was kind of sexy in a relaxed, tomboyish way.
The truth was that the other top had really been too dressy for what this date had turned into—which didn’t exactly make her feel any better about having bought it in the first place. And once she changed her top, the beaded, glittery shoes looked absurdly prom-nightish, and so off they went too. (Maybe she could still return those? Except, on examination, the soles already had slight scuff marks, which could have been there when she bought them—she hadn’t checked—but might even so give the store an excuse not to take them back or at least to insist on an exchange rather than a refund.) She thrust her feet into a pair of Kenneth Cole flats and consoled herself with the thought that at least she hadn’t bought the jeans. She would probably be regretting that purchase right around now, too.
She made a face at herself as she passed the full-length mirror. Remorse was a rare companion for Lauren, and she wasn’t enjoying its current visit.
Daniel buzzed up about half an hour later. Lauren let him into the apartment and he pecked her quickly on the cheek.
Ava stood up over by the sofa, and Daniel spotted her. “Who’s this?”
“My sister,” Lauren said. “This is her apartment. She’s letting me stay here.” She flipped her hand back and forth between them. “Ava, Daniel. Daniel, Ava.”
“Nice to meet you,” he said with a lazy jerk of his chin in Ava’s direction.
“Same here.” She came around the sofa and leaned against its back. She was still wearing her work clothes, a navy skirt and a white blouse, but she had taken off her shoes, which made the already overlong skirt look even longer and dowdier. Every time Lauren looked at her, she had to fight the urge to pin her sister down and forcibly hem her skirt to a more flattering length. “Were you able to find parking?”
“Yeah,” he said. “It’s a barely legal space, but I think I can make a case for it in court.”
“Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that. Lauren said you hadn’t had dinner yet. Can we make you something?” Ava gestured in the general direction of the kitchen. “We’ve got eggs and pasta and sandwich stuff—we can make pretty much anything, so long as you don’t start thinking beef Wellington or something like that.”
“Huh,” Daniel said with a clear lack of enthusiasm. “I’m okay for now.”
“There’s also a little Mexican grill within walking distance,” Lauren said quickly. “The food’s pretty good there and I think they’re open late.”
“Let’s do that,” he said, clearly relieved, although Lauren didn’t know whether it was the idea of real food or the escape from her sister’s scrutiny that appealed to him.
Ava didn’t seem too offended by Daniel’s eagerness to be gone. All she said was, “They have great margaritas too. Which makes it especially good that it’s within walking distance.”
“I’ll get my jacket,” Lauren said and went into the bedroom to find it. She could hear Ava asking Daniel how his mother was doing and winced, guessing he’d be annoyed that Ava even knew his mother was ill. She’d never met anyone as private as Daniel. But how could she
not
have mentioned his mother’s cancer, since that was how they met? At any rate, he barely answered—just muttered a “Fine”—and then there was silence and then Ava said something about what a beautiful day it had been and Lauren quickly grabbed the nearest jacket and rushed back into the living room so Ava wouldn’t have to struggle to make any more conversation. Daniel’s rudeness had never bothered Lauren, since it came in bursts and was tempered by the occasional revelation of something softer behind it all—or at least more interesting—but to hear him not even make an effort to be pleasant to her sister was agonizing. She wanted Ava to like him. Ava’s approval made a difference to her, even when she wished it didn’t.