The Smiths and Joneses (4 page)

Read The Smiths and Joneses Online

Authors: Ira Tabankin

              “Got a point there.”

              “It’s going to be very strange not seeing your police car parked in the neighborhood anymore.’

              “I wouldn’t worry about that; you’ll see when we return from our second honeymoon.”

              “Are you and Bev going to be able to watch the program about the progress both countries have made in the past twelve years?”

              “We wouldn’t miss it. We land in Vegas at 1:00 PM local, we’ll have plenty of time to have fun and watch the program. One of the jokes going around tonight is there won’t be any crime in either country the next four nights because so many will be watching the program.”

              “Kathy and I will be two of them.”

              The ceremony is both funny and sad. The Mayor, the Captain of the State
Police, our Representative and even our two Senators, made a surprise visit. The Governor surprised all of us by calling in with a live video link to thank Ron. I never realized Ron was so well known. I’m very honored to be friends with him. He was given a couple of funny awards plus a few serious ones. One of the most moving awards came from the local PTA, who thanked Ron for keeping their children safe. Ron led the movement to place armed off-duty and retired police and military people in the town’s schools. One of these people stopped a teen carrying a shotgun from entering a school full of young children. At first Ron caught a lot of flack for the move, later he was held up a model police officer for having the foresight to save the children.

I was surprised when, after the local militia commander awarded Ron an award, I was called up to the podium. I was surprised and worried as to what the Mayor had planned. The Captain joined Ron; they told the story of my fight with the terrorists at the mall and my efforts to stop the Russian invasion. They reached behind the speaker’s stand to pull out a large round medal they place around my neck. Looking at it, the entire room broke up laughing. It was a large bull’s eye. The Mayor said next time don’t be a target. They also handed me a letter signed from President Brownstone thanking me. I was shocked and at a total loss of words. I just stood there while the audience applauded me. Kathy and Ron escorted me to my seat. I don’t think I could have made it without their help. I was moved to tears. Sitting down, everyone patted me on the back or asked to shake my hand. Ron came over saying, “See, I told you it was important you be here tonight.”  

              “Ron, you had a hand in this?”

              “Guilty as charged. The Captain and I send a letter to President Brownstone. We were surprised when he called us to discuss it. He’s asking President Brand Paul to award you the Presidential metal.”

              “Oh my God, I don’t know what to say.”

              “Don’t say anything.”

As the evening ended, Bev, Ron, Kathy and I held onto each other in a group bear hug.

Bev said, “We love you guys.”

Kathy responded saying, “We love you too, take care and have a great time in Vegas.”

“We will; we may never leave our room.” She replied winking her eye at Ron, who smiled back.

 

 

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Tuesday evening at 8:00 PM, millions of families tuned to one of the two broadcast stations or their internet sites. The screen opens showing the logos of both broadcast stations and the title, “USA and LSA twelve years after separation. Meet the Joneses and the Smiths” Two news anchors, sitting next to each other announce, “Wolf News Network in partnership with CNN (Continuous News Network), are proud to have produced the following program: an in-depth look at the LSA and USA twelve years after the split.  The program will run for the next four nights, twelve hours in total, with very limited interruptions for commercial breaks.

“To understand the differences between day-to-day life in the LSA and USA we’ve selected two average families, one from each country. We’re going to broadcast live interviews with our two families – the Smiths and the Joneses. We’re also going to take live questions from you, our viewers. Log into either of our websites, there you’ll find two boxes, one labeled, ‘Question for the Jones family’ and one labeled ‘Question for the Smith family.’ Tap the corresponding box for the family you’d like to ask a question.

“Both families were selected from thousands of volunteers. We selected two families that closely mirrored each other, each has two children, a boy and a girl, each family earns a similar level of income. Each lives in similar types of homes. Both families are of similar ages. We didn’t script the program. Each family agreed to let us ask them anything in their homes with their children. We want to remind you, both families have young children, so watch the language you use in your questions.

“In addition to our two families, we’re honored to have two very special guests to help explain various unique activities, please join us in welcoming President Brownie from the LSA. President Brownie took over the reigns after the LSA founder President Obsma died, and President Reid was arrested and jailed for possession of kiddie porn. President Brownie promised to serve a single six-year term, which he did. President Brownie has said that due to a very tight personal schedule he will not be able to spend all twelve hours with us. He’ll spend most of his time on Saturday evening in our review where he and our second special quest, President Brownstone, will discuss the separation of the two nations. President Brownie was succeeded by President Bloomberg, who has refused our request to join us, as has the current President of the USA, President Paul. We understand why both of the current Presidents have had to turn our requests down. 

“President Brownstone really needs no introduction, however, in case any viewers don’t remember the previous twelve years; President Brownstone oversaw the impeachment of President Obsma. He took over the leadership of the USA during the split of the LSA and the USA. He made a number of promises to the citizens of the USA, and unlike many politicians, President Brownstone kept almost all of his promises. He will take us through why he made the decisions he made, why he selected the staff he did and why he allowed the LSA to split and secede from the United States. President Brownstone was kind enough to join us as a guest host for the entire program; we look forward to hearing his comments and thoughts.

“We invited President Cruise to join us. President Cruise declined because he was still in office when we started this program; he didn’t think a sitting President should be part of a commercial program, which is the same reason President Paul gave us. We respect their decision. President Bloomberg demanded changes to the program and wanted to review and have approval of the questions going to be asked the Smith family before he would join the production. We couldn’t accept his request as it would ruin the spontaneous back and forth we’re looking for.  We have offered both Presidents to join us anytime during the broadcast of the program this week.

“Both networks decided that this program is so important and informative it should be broadcast without commercial interruptions. As such, we will have very limited commercial breaks. The program is going to run over four nights. On Saturday, we plan to hold a live call in town hall meeting to discuss the issues discussed on this program. Our hosts for the call in town meeting will be President Brownstone and hopefully, President Brownie.

“We’re going to broadcast the program at 8:00 PM every evening on both channels and our websites. We, the two broadcast stations, each selected one anchor who is going to be a host for all five evenings. Representing Wolf is Sean Hannd. Representing CNN is Wolf Bracken. Both Sean and Wolf worked out a sharing agreement in advance of the filming of the program. Both hosts will share the interviewing. Each will be allowed follow-up questions.

“One bit of information both Wolf and CNN would like to make very clear is neither station is going to make any statements on whose system is better or why. We’re going to report the events and let you decide; we’re going to report how the average family in each nation is getting along twelve years after the split. 

“Sean and Wolf agreed that each will be pointing out aspects of our families’ lives during the program. Each will also act as a representative from their respective country.”

Both Sean and Wolf stand facing the television cameras, “Ladies and gentlemen, we’re going to start the program in three minutes, this would be a good time to grab some snacks, or use the restroom because once we start, you won’t want to miss a minute.”

The next three minutes are filled with images of the headlines and videos from twelve years ago; the headlines lead up to the split. When the screen shows the headline from the
New York Slimes
, “USA to be split apart,” a large screen behind the anchors comes alive with the theme of the program. It changes to show the flags of the LSA and the USA, and then shifts to two different homes on what appears to be any normal subdivision street. Each house has a neatly trimmed lawn. There are two cars in the driveway. Both houses are well kept in clean neighborhoods. From a distance, one would be hard pressed to see any difference between the two. Only when looking closer do some different details become clear. An example of the differences is one home has two micro electric powered cars in the driveway, the other has a medium sized SUV and a sports car. One house has metal bars covering its windows, and one doesn’t. Children’s voices can be heard playing behind one of the houses; the other is quiet.

Sean and Wolf look at the images behind them, they jointly announce;

“Thank you for joining us. To start our program off, we’d like to introduce our two families:

“From the West Coast, living in Beaverton, Oregon, the Smith family; Jason, his lovely wife Sharon, and their two children, Scott, 14 years old, and Sissy, who’s 7.” The screen shows pictures of the Smith family, each member of the family waves to the camera.

“From the East Coast, living in Burlington, North Carolina, the Jones family; Robert, his lovely wife Carol, and their two children, Leon, 15 years old and Elizabeth ‘call me Beth’ aged 6.”  They also wave to the camera.

“We followed these two families for three months; we wired their homes, their cars, their offices, their playgrounds, everything and themselves. We recorded over 15,000 hours of video and audio which we’ve cut down to twelve hours that we’re going to broadcast three hours a night over the next four nights. Before you ask, in order to respect the privacy of our two families, we are not going to release the hours of recordings we didn’t use. Both stations and our two Presidential consultants helped select the images to show. We tried very hard to ensure the same questions were asked of both families. As the program developed, we decided to change the format and use the recordings we collected as background. We made a last minute decision to turn the program into a live interview. We’re going to start off tonight with the Smith family, tomorrow we’ll meet the Jones family, Thursday we’ll be back with the Smiths and Friday the Joneses.

“We’re going to try to show the differences and similarities with both of these common American families, one living and working in the LSA and one in the USA. Right up front we’re going to tell you, we were surprised by the differences and also the similarities plus the core values our two families share.

“To start our program, we’ve asked President Brownstone to join us. Before we get into the details of our families’ lives, President Brownstone will discuss why he allowed the country to split. Most of the world thought the question of states seceding had been settled in the civil war of 1860.”

President Brownstone enters the stage from behind Wolf; the audience gives the President a warm welcome. President Brownstone waves at the crowd, he walks with a cane that surprises many people who haven’t seen him in public for many months. He takes his seat at the empty chair between the two anchors.

Wolf and Sean shake the President’s hand. “President Brownstone, our deepest condolences on the loss of your wife. The news hit the entire country very hard.”

“Thank you Sean and Wolf, I’m trying to learn how to live alone after being together for 45 years.”

“I’m sure you’re not completely alone, doesn’t the Secret Service provide you a protection detail?”

“Yes, it’s a bit of a game, I see if I can ditch them and they see if they can anticipate where I’m going.”

Wolf says, “Mr. President, are you OK? Frankly seeing you walk with a cane is a surprise to us, and we’re sure most of the audience.”

“Thank you for asking. I’m OK, just age catching up with me. My old back needs some additional support.”

Smiling, Sean says, “There’s a wild rumor going around the internet that you left the Secret Service behind and even outran one of their helicopters behind in your new toy, is this true? And is it true - did you really drive up I-95 at over 175MPH?”

“Sean, I won’t admit to breaking any laws on television.” says President Brownstone smiling and laughing.

Wolf laughs saying, “Mr. President; I didn’t hear you deny it either. Hypothetically can your new car reach 175MPH?"

“Wolf, it’s rated by GM to hit 205.”

“Mr. President, did you buy a GM car because of the bailout?”

“Of course not. I’ve always liked Corvettes.”

Sean says, “Mr. President, I think we’d both like to book a ride with you in your new car.”

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