The Solitude of Passion (35 page)

Mitch gently lifts my chin with his finger, and for the first time tonight his eyes glitter in the dim light.

“A part of me is afraid I’m not a permanent fixture in your life, Lee,” he whispers, pulling me over until I’m sitting in his lap. “If I get too close to Max, if I befriend him, it might make it easier for you to choose him. I’ll die before I lose you again.” He buries a kiss in the back of my hair, and my stomach bottoms out.

Mitch is afraid. Max is hurting. My worst nightmare and my wildest dream have merged, and I’ll probably lose them both to other women who are fully willing to commit.

We sit there and stare at one another under the watchful supervision of an angel wing moon. A silver mist sprays over us in saline puffs, trying to cool the building fire that’s walling in all of our lust.

Mitch. He looks godlike, nothing but statuesque perfection. My stomach cinches with intensity as he bears into me with those tear-filled eyes. He lands a searing kiss over my lips that says so much more than I’ve missed you. It spells out I need you in the most intimate way.

I don’t fight it. I don’t think I ever could.

Mitch

I’m hungry for Lee.

Sitting on the beach with her lips melting over mine is the perfect end to any given day.

There is not one part of me that’s interested in Dr. Be-On-Guard or his rules about abstinence when it comes to my wife. For sure I couldn’t care less about Max and the shiny band of gold he flaunts like a trophy he bought at a dime store, with just about as much relevance. And I’m not breathing a word about either tonight. The only thing I want Lee to think of, to
feed
on tonight, is me.

Lee twists into my lap, and I pull her legs up over my hips. I miss her mouth, her teeth, the sweet smell of Lee you need to be deep inside of to appreciate. We pull off a kiss that stretches out for miles. Hours bleed by—all of time stands still in honor of our latent brand of affection. She pulls away slightly, but I draw her back, make her stay with me just a little while more. I love Lee. God moved a mountain—an entire civilization—for us to be together again. I’m not swatting my hand at his efforts and walking away for anybody—least of all Shepherd.

“What are you thinking?” Lee pulls back with a reserved smile. Her eyes sparkle even in this dim light.

“I think this is bigger than the good doctor. I think we’ve already got our miracle, Lee. The metric distance closed between us, and I’m forever grateful that you’re in my arms, right this second.” I press a kiss in over her lips and trail up to her ear.

“It’s odd how a little divine intervention can heal and hurt at the same time.” She warms her cheek against mine.

“I think Max should disappear—for at least five years. It’s only fair.” I scoff at the idea. Max Shepherd has an aversion to bad luck. He was born at the end of a rainbow with gold coins shooting out of his ass.

Lee pulls back, and gives a wry smile. “It’s your dad you’re mad at. It was never Max.”

“Not true.” I press it out before the idea can stick. “My dad is dead, and his mother lives.” I sigh into her hair and wonder why we even bothered to go there. “So what’s going to happen when we get home? I bet you a thousand bucks Max asks for the minutes of our meeting.”

“He’s forever the business man.” Her back vibrates with a dull laugh. She’s so thin I can feel each of her vertebrae—count them if I wanted to. “But he would never do that, so you’re going to owe me a lot of money.”

“He’s a moron.”

“Be nice.” She tickles my ribs.

“I am nice.” I run my fingers to the tender spot just under her arms and rail over her until she’s on her back screaming with laughter. Her teeth catch in the light and sparkle like jewels. Lee detonates like a brilliant star against the backdrop of the velvet sand.

“Hey, keep it down.” I land a soft kiss on her lips. “People are going to think I’m killing you.”

Her eyes glisten with tears as the moonlight cuts through them like prisms. “You are killing me,” it comes from her soft, and a little too honest.

“Lee,” I whisper, interlacing our fingers. “You’re everything to me—always have been, always will.”

I bow down with a kiss—lay my body over hers and take root in a heated exchange of lingual affection. God, I love kissing Lee.

The ocean roars in a fury—solid and pissed, as angry as Max. But we lock off the world with a pronounced finality. There’s no one but Lee and me left on the planet tonight. It’s nothing but a riot of emotions—the appeasing of our flesh. Our mouths fuse over one another in a series of explosive waves.

Peace. It’s come to me at last. I found nirvana, paradise, happily ever after right here in the deep well of Lee’s scorching mouth.

I feel at peace for the first time since I’ve come home.

Just breathing God.

Breathing Lee.

We head home and walk up the driveway hand in hand.

I sneak in one last kiss before Lee slips the key in the lock and turns the handle.

The porch light casts a halo of fog around us. It bleaches us out into vellum, leaves us transparent as unearthly visitors.

I place my hand over hers and stop her from opening the door.

“I can’t do this too much longer.” I don’t mean for it to come out like a threat. Like some ultimatum I’m tossing out at the eleventh hour, but my entire body sags with relief after letting the words out.

Lee’s face melts with fear. All of the good intentions I showered her with tonight have dissipated with a few simple words.

“I know,” she whispers. “I really feel the same. I’m not sure the therapy will help, but I’m hoping it will.” She steps into me, her eyes pleading with me on a rudimentary level. “I can’t really expect you to know how I feel, but I can’t find it in my heart to just throw Max away.” She shakes her head struggling for the next words to make this right. “Come here.” She stands on her toes and pulls me in by the back of the neck. Lee touches her lips to mine, and I don’t bother restraining myself. Fuck Max and his good boy ideals. Lee is my wife, the love of my life, and I’ll be damned if I’m not putting in every effort to fight for her.

Lee sweeps her tongue over my teeth. She roams around my mouth as if she never wants to leave. I never want her to. I never want this feeling, this moment to end.

Never in a million years would I have imagined us kissing like teenagers outside of the door I hung myself, in front of our home. Lee and I have become a dirty secret to be kept from, of all people, Max Shepherd.

We head inside and smack right into the idiot himself. Max glides down the stairs like some lovesick puppy—albeit, aggressive and angry, lost in a jealous rage,
rabid
puppy.

“Where’d you go?” He doesn’t bother acknowledging me. Instead, he wraps his arms around Lee and dots her forehead with a kiss. I bet he thinks we hit the nearest motel and laughed at him for two hours straight while fucking our brains out. That was my first plan of action, but I didn’t think Lee would be up for it.

I shoot him a look and head toward the back.

“Just the beach,” she says, making her way to the kitchen.

Just the beach? I glance over at her mildly alarmed. I thought I had impressed the hell out of her with those kisses. I thought we revisited who we were and held the residue of our love all the way up the porch.

Her lip curves into a smile as she passes me on the way to the fridge.

There she is. Her play down of our date is nothing but smoke and mirrors for Shepherd’s sake. She’s probably afraid he’ll hack us all to pieces in a jealous rage if she fesses up to how she really feels. And quite frankly, I’m getting pretty tired of the way she guards his heart like it’s some fragile ball of glass. You’d think it had the power to unravel the universe if it shattered the way she protects it.

“Get some rest.” Max wraps his arms around her from behind and drops another kiss on her temple. “I’ve got a big day planned for us tomorrow.”

My insides cinch.

“A day?” She marvels. “What about the kids?”

“Mitch can watch them.” He blinks a smile at me. “He’s probably dying for a nice long day with Stella and Eli.”

“Sure.” I reach into the fridge and pluck out a soda. Swear to God if he kisses her one more time I’m going to disembowel him right here in the kitchen. Or maybe I’ll dust the floor with his head before I push him out a window. The rails of this crazy train are clattering. I can’t check my emotions anymore.

I shoot him a dirty look as he cages her in with his arms, brushes his cheek against hers like I wasn’t even in the room.

Lee glances up, alarmed, totally aware of Shepherd’s late night scheme.

“You got a problem?” He needles me with that unibrow of his and a laugh huffs from my chest.

“Yeah, I’ve gotta problem.” A visceral rage brews deep inside me. I’ve been waiting for weeks for Shepherd to start shit so I can clock him a few dozen times, but I was sort of hoping he wouldn’t be holding Lee like some hostage when he did it.

“Stop—both of you.” Lee closes her eyes and carefully untangles herself from his gorilla-like embrace. “Max”—she shakes her head and gives a hard sniff—“maybe it’s not the best idea to hold me like that in front of him.”

Did she just say it was okay for him to hold her like that in private?

Lee darts out of the kitchen and bolts upstairs.

“Nice going, shithead,” he grunts. “You put her in a good mood.” He doesn’t bother hanging around, just bolts up after her.

She
was
in a good mood. Lee is no fool. She knows his awkward displays of affection are designed to piss me off. The more he tries to paw her, the more he riles her up. It looks like the noose just got a little tighter. And I’ll be more than willing to kick the chair out from under him as soon as he’s ready.

Voices boom from above, followed by swift angry footsteps. I don’t ever remember arguing with Lee. Must be one of those adorable quirks Shepherd brought to the marriage table. The fact he raises his voice to her should send up a dozen red flags, make her think long and hard about leaving him. I’m sure it’s something he picked up from his folks before cheating became a part of the equation. I don’t really remember Max’s father too much,
Eli
. He seemed like a nice guy. Always hung out with my dad who also mistakenly seemed like a nice guy. Turns out they were both a joke. My dad the philanderer extraordinaire—he was no prize after all. Mom deserved better than that. Makes me sick to think of all that crap he put my family through.

A thunderous clap explodes from above, and I sprint upstairs.

Hopefully Lee pumped some serious lead into his chest and not the other way around.

I blast through the bedroom door without bothering to knock, and both Lee and Max turn around. They’re sitting on the bed, Max with his shirt off.

“Kids okay?” I pant as I take in the scene. Max has his shoes off at the foot of the bed. His jeans lie folded over the chair, and it’s only then I notice he’s in nothing but his boxers. My stomach tightens at the thought of him hanging around my bedroom like this.

Lee’s eyes are bloodshot, her face slicked with moisture. She walks past me over to the linen closet and digs for something in the back like her life depended on it.

“Kids are sleeping,” Max gruffs at me while pulling on a pair of sweats.

I head over to Lee and step in close until I can feel the warmth emanating from her body.

“I thought you blew his head off,” I whisper. “I was going to help you hide the body.” No joke.

Max steps in. “You wish.” Shepherd doesn’t break his hard glare.

“Seeing that all my wishes have a way of coming true lately, I’d take cover if I were you.”

“Get back down in your hole,” he cuts a quick glance to Eli’s room. “Upstairs is off limits to you.”

Lee swipes us with a look before burying her head in the closet again.

Shepherd’s got balls of steel, that’s for sure. “The only territory around here is the one I built. Upstairs, downstairs, it belongs to me.”

“Found it.” Lee holds up an air pump before tracking back to the bedroom.

“We’re not doing this.” Max trails in after her with his head on fire. “That thing sounds like a jet engine. You’re going to wake up the kids.”

“Mitch shut the baby’s door.” Lee instructs, so I do. I pace back over to the master bedroom for the rest of the show. Lee’s got the nozzle injected into an air mattress, and it magically starts to inflate.

Max’s face bleeds out, white as snow on Christmas morning. Passing out seems like a promise on the horizon. I blink a smile over at him. Already I like where this is going.

“Get out.” His brows dart in a line over his features as he glares at me. All these years of knowing Max I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so worked up, so locked up in his anger to the point he can’t even breathe. All of the misery the Shepherds have caused my mother, my brother, and me, has finally caught up with him. Max is about to be handed his balls by the only person he’s ever worshiped—Lee.

“Done.” She screws the cap on and slides the mattress over to Max.