The charades were over. Our words, “cloak and dagger,” had been guessed and we guessed our opposing team, which was “Gunpowder Plot.”
There was to be more dancing but as I stepped from the stage with Matt, my father had come up to me and said: “Your mother is not feeling well. We’re going home now.
You’d better get those things off and come with us.”
So the evening had ended. I took off the clothes in Elizabeth’s bedroom and resumed my own and went back with my parents.
Dear Belle, she had been so happy with her find, sc eager to show Matt so that he could join in her pleasure.
And somehow that incident had seemed as drama?, c as our amateur acting in charades.
We had been so happy together, Matt and 1.1 had looked forward to dancing with him again. He danced beautifully when he was not
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encumbered by those heavy clothes, which did not fit too well. I could not match him but somehow when we had danced together I had felt I danced better than ever before. That was how it was with Matt. I felt different in his company. I felt I had changed my character, become more interesting, more attractive.
That was what Matt had done for me and I wanted him to go on doing it.
It had been a wonderful evening, but I felt faintly frustrated. But I went to sleep assuring myself that Matt did love me.
During the next week a change seemed to have come over everything. My mother was in bed for a few days. She looked very wan when I went in to see her. She was very tired, she said. She certainly looked pale and ill. I suggested she should see the doctor but she refused to do this.
My father was clearly worried about her. It changed the household. Things did not improve when a rumour started that will-o’-thewisps had been seen in the woods and in that patch of fenced-off land. Will-o’-the-wisps were said to be the souls of departed spirits who could not find rest and came back to earth to try to wreak vengeance on those who had wronged them in life.
My father said that it was a lot of nonsense and he was going to put a stop to it, but when I asked him how he had no solution to offer.
“It was all due to that dog getting caught in a trap there. You know it’s the Rooks who are speading these rumors.” He was so vehement that I couldn’t help remonstrating with him.
“It’s all a lot of fuss about nothing,” I said. “Father, you must do something with that land. If you turned it into pasture or grew something there or even took down the fences it would be like the rest of the land.”
“All in good time,” he said.
But he was very uneasy. He was worried about my mother, I was sure. She did not seem to want anyone to be with her except him, and when I had gone in to her room once I found him sitting by her bed holding her hand and saying over and over again: “It will be all right, Priscilla. I’ll see that it’s all right.”
175After a few days my mother was about again but she still looked strained and ill.
I found it very difficult to settle. Matt did not call for a day or so. I had an idea that he was not sure about his feelings for me and I believed that it was all because of my extreme youth. How 1 wished I were a few years older!
Oddly enough my footsteps always seemed to lead me in the direction of Enderby. I was becoming obsessed by the place and the patch of fenced-in land. It was because of all the talk about it; the will-o’-the wisps and the gossip that was circulating about something’s being hidden there. I was sure the Rooks had started that.
Oh, Belle, I thought, why did you want to get caught in that trap!
Then I thought of my father, and I really did wonder why he became so angry about his rights over a piece of land vhich was no good to anyone.
I came close to it. I leaned against the fence and looked towards the house, and it occurred to me that if some nice ordinary family went to live at Enderby it would stop all this gossip. Carlotta must see sense and either let or sell the place.
Then as I sat there I heard the bark of a dog. My heart sank. I thought, oh, Belle, you’re in there again. You’re like everyone else, you are obsessed by the place.
What is the attraction?
If my father discovered Belle in there he would be angry, I was sure. There was only one thing to do. That was climb over the gate. Find Belle and get her out.
There was certainly something eerie about the place. I found myself looking about nervously. Had people really seen mysterious lights about the place? Were there such things as spirits which could not rest-people who had sinned on earth and perhaps died by violent means before they had been able to repent? Will-o’-the-wisps ...
lights shining through the trees. I shivered.
I heard the bark again. I called: “Belle. Belle. Where are you?”
I listened. But there was only silence.
I went on through the undergrowth. The fenced-in land was not very large-I imagined about half an acre. My father had behaved really very oddly about it.
“Belle,” I called. “Belle.”
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I heard the bark again. She was answering me. Not caught in another trap. No, no one would dare put a trap here after what had happened to Rook.
I saw Belle. She was not alone. I gasped with astonishment for she was on a lead and Elizabeth was with her.
“Oh, Damaris,” she said, “I heard you calling.”
“I was on the other side of the fence and I heard Belle. I was afraid she might be in another trap.”
“She has a fancy for this place.” Elizabeth laughed but her manner was different from usual. She seemed nervous and her hair was untidy as I had never seen it before.
She was wearing a dark dress and thick woollen gloves. I noticed that there was mud on her skirt.
She went on speaking rather quickly. “I heard her in this place and I didn’t want any more trouble so I came after her.”
“You brought the lead. Belle’s not used to that.”
She said: “I saw her leave the house and I guessed where she had come. I was determined to bring her away so I brought the lead....”
I supposed that she had put on the gloves because she thought holding the lead with a rather boisterous dog at the other end of it might have bruised her hands.
“I was doing a little gardening . . .” she said, as though she had to make excuses to me.
I said: “Poor Belle. She doesn’t like being on the lead.”
“Perhaps I should let her off. Are you going back past Grasslands?”
“I might as well,” I said, “I was just out for a walk.”
So we walked and we talked mostly about the success of the party. We laughed over the charades, and by the time we reached Grasslands Elizabeth was her old relaxed self. But she did not invite me in.
My uneasiness persisted. After my morning lessons the next day I went out again, and once again almost involuntarily I went in the direction of Enderby Hall.
And when I came to the fence I felt an irresistible urge to go into the forbidden territory and look again at the spot where Belle had found the old shoe. I had become adept at scrambling over that gate.
The place was less eerie in the early morning. The sunlight filtered through the trees almost denuded of their leaves by now. I saw two
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magpies black and white against the sky and a cheeky little robin strutted a few paces ahead of me flicking his tail and his head. I thought sadly that many of the birds would already have left for warmer climes. The swallows, the house martins and my beloved sandpipers.
The oaks were bronze now-the leaves dry and ready to drop.
I came to the spot almost before I was aware of it. There it was. The ground was rough. I went closer. It looked as though it had been recently dug up. Surely Belle had not done all that with her scratching?
I knelt down and touched the earth. It was so still all around me. I suddenly felt an irresistible desire to get away from this spot.
There is something evil here, I thought. Get away. Forget it. Don’t come’here again.
I stood up and stumbled away. I did not want to search in those bushes. I felt I might find something there which I would rather not see, that I might discover something which would add to my .
uneasiness. “ (j
My father had been so angry. Why? And why had Elizabeth “”*!
Pilkington brought Belle out on a lead? Why had she been so ner- £i
vous, so full of excuses, so anxious to make me feel that what she had ;
been doing was perfectly normal?
That afternoon Elizabeth came over to see us.
“I have to go to London,” she said. “I may be away for a week or so.” :
“Is Matt going with you?” I asked quickly. I had spoken before I could stop myself.
“No,” she said. “He will stay here. Of course, he will have to go away soon.”
We talked awhile of the successful party she had given and how well staged the charades had been; but I sensed some tension even in Elizabeth. My mother’s nerves were certainly on edge.
Elizabeth left the next day.
I often think how strange it is that we have no warning of events which are going to shatter our illusions and change our lives. I had been so happy after the party.
I was so sure that Matt loved me-
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perhaps not so intensely as I did him, but I did not expect that. Carlotta’s opinion of me, so often expressed, had so influenced me that I still saw myself as a very ordinary, rather dull and not very attractive creature who must be grateful for every crumb of affection which fell from the tables of the irresistible such as herself.
It was true that I was aware of a heightening of tension, a certain uneasiness about me which had been caused by the discovery of Belle in the trap and the dismissal of the Rooks. But unfortunate as these incidents were, they did not seem to concern me personally.
The day after Elizabeth Pilkington had left, my mother and I were in the stillroom.
She had always taught me her skills in that direction and I had been a good pupil, which pleased her. She had often said: “At least I will make a housewife out of one of my daughters.” Which indicated that she had long despaired of doing so with Carlotta.
There were sounds of arrival in the courtyard. We looked at each other. We we always excited by visitors. Sometimes they came from Westminster and we loved to hear the news; but mostly they went to Eversleigh, where my grandparents and Jane could entertain them more easily, having so much more room.
But this sounded like visitors for us.
We went hastily down to the hall and my mother gave a cry of joy, for there was Carlotta herself.
Whenever I saw Carlotta after an absence I was always overwhelmed by her loveliness.
She looked so beautiful in a dove-grey riding habit and a dark blue hat with a feather of a paler shade. Her eyes were sparkling blue, the colour of bluebells; there was a faint colour in her cheeks and startlingly thick black brows and lashes made such an entrancing contrast to her blue eyes. Her dark curls escaped from under the hat and she looked as young as ever. Having a child had certainly not detracted from her beauty.
“My darling child!” cried my mother.
Carlotta embraced her.
“Is Benjie with you?”
“No,” she said.
My mother looked astonished. It was unthinkable that Benjie should not travel with his young wife.
“I just wanted a few days to be with my family,” said Carlotta. “I insisted on coming alone.”
179”Alone,” said my mother.
“There were of course the attendant grooms. Ah, sister Damaris.” She put her cheek against mine. “Still the same young Damaris,” she said and I immediately felt stripped of the confidence I had been acquiring over the last weeks.
“And Harriet and Gregory?” said my mother.
“All well. They send their love and greetings.”
“So you’ve come alone, Carlqtta.” My mother looked worried. “What of Clarissa?”
“Clarissa is being well cared for. Have no fear of that. She is rapidly becoming a spoilt child.”
“Well, you have come and I’m delighted to see you.”
Carlotta laughed. She had a lovely laugh. Everything about her was more beautiful than I remembered. I was beginning to experience the old feeling of being plain and awkward.
“Come up to your room. Leigh will be so pleased to see you and so 0$
will they be at Eversleigh.” _ {’
“What of little Damaris? Is she pleased to see me too?” “ Jj
“Of course,” I said. 7
“Well, I could do with a wash and I should like to change. I’ve told (r
them to bring the bags up to my room. They will be taking them up “”3
now.” I
My mother slipped her arm through Carlotta’s. ;
“It is wonderful to see you, darling,” she said. ;
I stayed with my sister to unpack. ‘
She had some beautiful dresses. She had always understood what became her most. I remember the scenes we had had with Sally Nullens and old Emily Philpots over clothes.
Once Carlolta took off a red sash and threw it out of the window because she insisted on having a blue one. One body’s work, they said Carlotta was. “Give me a good child like little Damaris.”
I hung up her dresses for her while she stretched on the bed watching me.
“Do you know,” she said, “you’ve changed. Has anything happened?”
“N-no.”
“You don’t sound very sure whether anything has happened or not.”
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“Well, nothing very much. Elizabeth Pilkington gave a lovely party a little while ago. We did charades. I was Queen Elizabeth.
Carlotta burst out laughing.
“My dear Damaris. You! Oh, how I should have loved to see you.”
“They said I did very well,” I replied somewhat nettled.
“What were you doing?”
“Raleigh and the cloak.”
“Oh, I see, and you most regally walked on it.”
“Elizabeth did my dress and my hair. She’s been an actress you know . . . like Harriet.
They can do such wonderful things with ordinary people.”
“She must be a miracle worker if she could turn you into Queen Elizabeth. Who was Raleigh? I’m trying to think of someone round here. I suppose they were all from these parts.”