The Song Remains the Same (4 page)

“I love you, too,” she whispered back.

And I knew she hadn’t heard a fuckin’ word.

Phil

“Sheri and the girls are gonna take Kenna out for a ladies’ night,” Jason informed me. “They think she needs to be rereleased into the wild or some shit.”

“What?” I asked, looking up from the writing book Kenna had given me for Christmas.

“They’re takin’ her out for sushi and then to a show. Sheri said that she might not be able to hear the music, but when it’s loud enough, she could feel it. Plus, she has a thing for dudes on stage. Thinks they’re sexy fuckers. Or maybe they’re takin’ her to a strip club? Either way, sexy dudes on stage and loud thumpin’ music.”

Glaring up at his smirking face, I had the urge to put another kink in his nose.

“Oh, good, you haven’t lost it for her then.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

Jason shrugged and dropped his ass on the edge of my desk.

Douche.

“Only that Alys told Sheri who told me that you hardly bother with Kenna anymore. You leave her before she wakes up in the mornin’, and you don’t show up until maybe dinner. Then, after that, you go work out and don’t show up until she’s asleep, sneakin’ into her room like a thief in the—”

“
Seriously
?”

“Uh, yeah, man. You
have
been exhibitin’ the signs of a grumpy-ass motherfucker, the kind that only comes from the unlaid.”

“What the
fuck
, man?” I exploded, chucking my pen at his head.

A spark of satisfaction bloomed in my chest as it bounced off in between his eyes, and he rubbed the spot with his fingers.

“Ow! Shit!”

“She was fuckin’ blown to hell, and y’all are talkin’ shit about us? You people are supposed to be our fuckin’ friends, our
family
, and you’re all gossipin’ about—”

“It ain’t like that! Well, not really. I think her friends are worried, is all, because she’s fuckin’ depressed, and you won’t touch her or spend any time with her anymore.”

Fire ignited beneath my heart. I was about to unleash unholy hell on my brother until he opened his mouth again.

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

Weirdly enough…I did.

“I nearly lost her, Jace,” I said. “I came so close to fuckin’ losin’ her forever, and…” Just thinking about it had the power to choke me, even after almost three weeks. “She’s doin’ great, you know? She’s healin’ up and gettin’ active again, and I couldn’t be fuckin’ happier. But she’s goin’ for a whole body scan tomorrow, and the doctors will be able to see if there’s anythin’ they missed before, okay? Until then…I don’t wanna touch her. And not because I
don’t
wanna touch her, but because, once I do, I’m scared I won’t be able to stop. She’s supposed to take it easy, and when we…there ain’t nothin’
easy
about our fuckin’.”

“Oh.”

“She
knows
this. We’ve talked about it. But she’s a stubborn little shit. Just because she’s a doctor, she thinks she fuckin’ knows everythin’. Up until a week ago, she was tryin’ to touch me and get me off—”

“Oh, the horror,” my brother snorted.

“Fuck you, man!” I snapped.

“If it’ll make her happy to make you blow your load, I don’t see what the problem is. Sounds like a win-win to me.”

“Yeah? Well, it ain’t! How is it fair for me to get off when I won’t do it for her because I’m tryin’ to keep her safe? Half the fuckin’ fun is gettin’ her off! More than half really…”

“Damn. I never considered it like that.”

“Poor Sheri,” I muttered, earning a glare.

“That ain’t what I meant, asshole. I meant, the fact that it wouldn’t be fair to let her get you off—”

I waved my hand at him to get him to stop. “It’s not like it’s been a fuckin’ walk in the park, man. She’s lookin’ good, and it ain’t easy, keepin’ my hands off her. So, I just fuckin’ stay the hell away. It ain’t like I want to.”

“Yeah, well, her friends aren’t too happy seein’ her messed up over you. Alys and X had a fight because she said that maybe you were goin’ off and findin’ a piece on the side since you couldn’t bother stickin’ around and just bein’ there for your woman.”

I stared at Jason in horrified disgust. “The fuck Alys said somethin’ like that.”

“She did. I get the feelin’ she was springin’ it on him to shock the truth out of him. I don’t think she actually believed it, not about you goin’ off with someone else, but just wanted to make sure, you know? X flipped out and told her you’d never do that to Kenna.”

At least my boys had my back.

“I can’t even get hard unless it’s for her,” popped out of my mouth.

“Seriously?”

“Fuck off,” I grumbled.

“That’s kind of sweet. And they’re only takin’ her out for sushi. No show afterward. I just wanted to see your face when I said she wanted to see some sexy fuckers—”

The second pen went sailing over his head before he ducked.

“So, I guess we’ll order pizza tonight?” he asked before leaving my office.

Asshole.

There was no way I was getting anything else done right then. Kenna was depressed and lonely. I really had been avoiding her, especially the last few days. The other morning, I’d woken up with my hand between her legs while grinding my cock against her ass. Kenna had still been asleep, but she’d been making those sexy noises that drove me out of my head, and I’d woken up close to spunking in my drawers. Fuck, she had been so soft and soaking wet, pushing her perfect ass into my groin. As quietly as possible, I’d gotten up and snuck out of our bed, out of the room, taking my clothes with me and dressing in the hall before running back home.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. This is just so fuckin’ fucked up.

I wanted to bury myself inside her, watch her face when she felt me hit that heartbeat, see the way her eyes rolled back and her brows drew together.

Now, my dick was swollen and aching.

“
Fuck
!” Jumping to my feet, I headed for my bathroom, slamming the door and locking it behind me.

Kenna

Digging through my closet, I found what I had been looking for. I’d forgotten about it until that moment, and I decided that maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad idea. My trusty vibrator was in a box in the back, looking a bit dusty. It was disheartening because, even though it was one of the bigger models with nodules and a clit stimulator and everything along with three different speeds and the ability to rotate in both directions if I so desired, it had nothing on Phil.

Hello, old friend. It’s been a while.

With a resigned sigh, I headed into my bathroom and locked the door. Recently, my friends had just taken to walking in since I couldn’t hear them knock. The last thing I needed was mortification added to my list of Shit That Sucks Since My Life Blew Up.

The worst thing on the list was the fact that I hadn’t heard a single peep in almost three weeks. Just a dull
wah, wah, wah, wah
that had receded into some semblance of normal, everyday life. At first, it had frustrated me, made me angry. I couldn’t have a decent conversation with
anyone
. The fact that I hadn’t heard music was horrific to me. However, after the memorial service, the fury had mellowed, and I’d just ended up seriously depressed.

More than anything, I wanted to hear Phil’s voice. I mourned the loss of it deep in my soul.

What I needed was a big, fat orgasm. Maybe three or four of them. Since it was impossible to tap my main source, I was going to have to resort to Plan B. I’d taken to masturbating on a daily basis, but I really needed to feel something substantial.

Enter: The Vibrator.

Phil was adamant that there be no sex, no touching of each other’s naughty bits, but it was okay if we touched our own. I’d even asked him to jerk off in front of me, and I’d touch myself for him, but that had apparently been a no-go as well. We could touch ourselves, by ourselves, alone.

Stripping out of my clothes, I hopped into the empty bathtub. My go-to orgasm inducer buzzed to life.

The first one was so good that I had to have another go.

And then another.

“Oh, thank the gods…” I groaned, as replete as I was going to get without Phil.

On wobbly legs, I stood and showered. Then, I cleaned off the vibrator in the sink. I was going to put it in its box and hide it in the back of the closet again. Tank top and underwear on, I unlocked the bathroom door and walked out, vibrator in hand, ready to stride into the closet.

But I froze.

Phil was sitting on the bed, a bunch of lotus blossoms in his hands. His eyes dropped to the gadget clutched in my fist, and they grew wide with shock. Then, they snapped back to my face, and I felt hellfire heat my cheeks and chest.

Mortification had just been added to My List.

Phil

My talk with Jason had made me realize that I needed to fix this shit. Kenna didn’t deserve this. I had always known it wasn’t the right way to handle the situation, but I couldn’t figure out anything better. I’d headed to the florist and bought her favorite lotus flowers, wanting to surprise her. She needed to know that I loved her, that I was always thinking of her.

When I had gotten to her place, the house had been quiet. Heading up to our room, I’d heard the shower going. I had been sorely tempted to bust in and see her all naked and wet, but I hadn’t wanted to fuckin’ have to whack off
again,
so I’d copped a squat on the bed.

Will she come out naked?

I wanted to see her naked.

Naked. Naked, naked, naked.

My Baby Girl had the most amazing body—long legs and arms, lean torso, all of her curves cut with strong muscles. She looked like those old drawings of heavy-metal warrior chicks, the ones from the ’70s and ’80s, waving swords and wearing fur undies and metal bras, except Kenna’s tits weren’t as massive. I loved her tits. I could suck a whole one into my mouth. They had the most perfect rosy nipples, and when they got all tight and hard, they looked sweet enough to eat.

Damn it.

It’d looked like I’d be going for round three on myself later.

The lock on the bathroom door had clicked, opening to reveal her in her white tank and white cotton panties.

Fuck, that’s hot.

And she had a huge fuckin’ purple vibrator clutched in her hand! My brain fritzed.

She has a vibrator?
I stared at that thing for a good fuckin’ minute.

Son of a bitch! She has a fuckin’ vibrator!

Looking up into her beautiful little face, I saw she’d gone the color of a deep sunburn. I glared at her.

I was fuckin’ stupid jealous.
I
wanted to be up inside that sweet, hot, tight wet cunt of hers, but that…that
thing
…that obscene purple alien space dick had had the pleasure while I was chafed from whacking myself off half to death.

I stood up, and she whipped her purple alien dick behind her back, as if she could hide it
now,
after I’d stared it down.