The Songbird and the Soldier (22 page)

The next afternoon, Andy got a call from a tearful Kate. Sam’s health had worsened. Kate had been at the hospital visiting when it happened. Her parents had asked her to call him.

Despite his leg, Andy fairly sprinted up to the ward, taking the stairs two at a time, only slowing as he neared the doors. Sam’s parents were with her, one either side of her bed, their faces drawn and pale. Fear clutched at his heart. He knocked on the door, more gently than usual. Mr Litton looked up and beckoned him in.

Andy walked slowly inside and stood at the back of the room, afraid to move closer. Mrs Litton’s eyes were red-rimmed and frightened. He pulled a chair to the bed and sat down. Mr Litton caught his eye for a moment, but obviously could not trust himself to speak. Andy turned to look at the woman he loved, lying unconscious in the bed, only her labouring chest showing any sign of life. He looked at the harrowed faces of those who loved her and it was more than he could bear.

“I’m sorry,” he said, bolting for the door as panic gripped him.

Mr Litton looked across at his wife and got up to follow him out. He found Andy a short way along the corridor, his back pressed hard against a wall and his teeth clenched. His eyes glistened with unshed tears. Mr Litton put his hand on Andy’s shoulder. “Follow me,” he said.

Andy followed him into the day room where one of the nurses was tidying up. She smiled and then took one look at their faces and immediately excused herself.

“They’ve tried all they can,” Mr Litton said, the effort clearly visible on his face. He took a deep breath. “It’s not good, I’m afraid.”

Andy was in Hell. He was finally with the love of his life and she was being ripped away from him before her time. This was not the way it was supposed to be. If anyone was meant to check out before their time it was him. He was the one putting his life on the line in dangerous places. It was meant to be her facing the possibility of life without him, not the other way around. Why hadn’t he died in Afghanistan? She would have found someone new, someone who would have taken care of her and listened when she told him about her fears. She could have been saved and he…? He would not be facing the possibility of life without the woman who meant everything to him; the woman he loved. His eyes filled with tears, but he wiped them away as quickly as they appeared. He shook his head. “It’s all so wrong. It’s so bloody unfair.”

“You were the last to speak to her,” Mr Litton said and Andy looked up. “She never regained consciousness again after you made her smile, telling her about your picnic in the park.” He patted Andy on the shoulder. “We’ll be in there with her when you’re ready.”

Alone, Andy slumped down into a seat and held his head in his hands. He sat for a few minutes like that, until he found the strength to hold his head up and pull himself together. She was still there for now and if he had anything to do with it, she was going to stay there. She was going to fight for her life, for his sake, if not her own. He stood up and braced himself. “Right,” he said and walked purposefully back around the corner and in to where Sam needed him.

For a long time he sat there saying nothing. No nurse came to hurry them along at the end of visiting time. Sam was in a room on her own and he supposed the nurses were allowed to bend the rules in cases such as this, and for that he was grateful. After a while, Sam’s parents started to ask Andy about the time he had spent with Sam and he was pleased to be able to explain to them all that their daughter had meant to him. He asked them too about her childhood and learned a little more about the woman they all loved so much.

As the evening drew in, Andy asked Mrs Litton if she minded him staying with her. There was a grave anticipation among the staff and he couldn’t bear to leave her in case that time left with her was all he got. Mr and Mrs Litton seemed to see the pain behind his eyes and agreed to his presence in their vigil overnight.

Andy made sure Sam’s parents were as comfortable as they could be and made the best of what seating was left. He had managed to sleep in far worse conditions than this and he doubted very much if sleep was going to find him that night anyway. A nurse came in to check on Sam’s condition every once in a while, but there was little change for the better, and so the night dragged on.

A second day passed in limbo, each of them reluctant to leave her side, just in case. But they needed to at times. Sometimes Mr and Mrs Litton would go for a little walk and leave Andy to be alone with Sam and then at other times, Andy would take a stroll up to the vending machines or the canteen in search of sustenance to keep them going. They took their turns to spend a few moments with Sam, saying all the things that should not be left unsaid, or just sitting in silence holding on to her hand and praying, making deals with God. Then finally as the sun rose on the third day, Sam’s frail little hand began to move.

Her father was with her at the time. At first he didn’t believe he’d felt it, but as he stared in shock he saw her hand move again. Then her lips twitched and parted. Mr Litton almost cried out in wonder. “Sam? Mary, she moved, look!”

In an instant, both Mrs Litton and Andy were by his side, watching Sam closely for any signs of movement. Mrs Litton started to talk to her and she stirred again.

Mr Litton turned to Andy. “Quick. Get a nurse.”

Andy hurried out into the corridor of the ward, his shirt half out and his face creased from resting against a rolled-up blanket. He found the night nurse sitting at the desk in the centre of the ward. She looked at him and stood up immediately. “Can you come?” he said.

The nurse followed Andy down to Sam’s room where Sam was just beginning to wake. She opened her eyes a little and groaned as she moved. The nurse was amazed. She walked up to Sam and began to check on her. “Her breathing is better,” she said. She asked Sam how she felt and a hoarse whisper crept from the corner of Sam’s lips. The nurse asked Mrs Litton to pass her some water from the cupboard on the other side of the bed and she put it to Sam’s lips. Sam took a small tentative sip and opened her eyes a little more. She looked around and smiled weakly at her mum and dad, who gushed with tears at the relief of it all and then she noticed, behind everyone else, at the back of the room, Andy.

Andy was still too afraid to believe his eyes. His face echoed his pain and Sam shone her warm gaze on him. “Andy?”

Andy crept slowly forward and stood at the end of the bed, his gaze fixed on her face, unable to tear his eyes away, as the nurse wandered around checking on Sam’s signs and writing everything down in her charts. Sam was alive. He had no idea if this was it, or whether she would relapse at any second.

For the next couple of days, Andy found it impossible to tear himself away. He was too afraid that he would wake up to find Sam had slipped away in the night, or while his head was turned. Eventually the staff managed to reassure him enough, and Mr and Mrs Litton promised to ring him if there was any change in her condition and only on that understanding did he agree to go home, spend some time away from Sam and let them all get some rest.

Against all the odds, Sam continued to improve and over the weeks that followed she battled on with her treatment and fought against all the difficulties that her illness threw at her. The hardest of all these was the news that as ill as she had been, the doctors had been forced to act quickly and due to the drugs they had used, she would no longer be able to have children. Sam was devastated. Apart from the personal tragedy of never holding her own baby in her arms, she knew this would mean the end for her and Andy. She was not prepared to lose him again so soon. So she kept it to herself for the time being and learned to hide the creeping pain it caused her.

And
y knocked on the door of Lieutenant Durbin’s office and was beckoned inside. He saluted. “At ease, Sergeant. Take a seat.” Andy sat down opposite. “I won’t beat about the bush, Sergeant; it’s about your personal conduct.”

Andy had been half expecting something like this. “Sir?”

“You’re an outstanding soldier, Andy. Nobody is denying that. But some of us are having doubts about your suitability for the recruit training position you have applied for. It’s a position of great responsibility and it requires a good instinct for searching out weakness and dealing with it in a positive way. The latter part we feel you may struggle with. You always have high standards, Andy; we all do. You have to, to be the best; but the ability to spot potential and nurture that potential are where we think you may not be suitable. Do you have anything to say to that?”

“Yes, Sir. I am aware that I tend to criticise others too harshly at times. It’s one of many lessons in life that I have had to learn of late.”

“Yes, I am aware you’ve been through the mill recently. But it’s important we can rely on you to find the spark in every man that comes through the training system and make sure he reaches his potential.”

“Yes, Sir.”

“How is your woman doing, can I ask?”

“She’s getting there, Sir, thank you.”

“And you’re happy with her?”

“Hopefully, Sir. Very soon.”

“Good news. Right, well, I’ll put this through to be considered. That will be all, Sergeant. Thank you.”

Sam was resting quietly in her room when Andy’s face appeared around the door and winked. “Your chariot awaits, my lady.”

Sam smiled; pleased as always to see him, but a little uncertain of exactly what was going on. Everybody had been behaving oddly that day so far, from the daftly grinning nurses to her distracted parents.

“I’ve been given the okay to break you out of here for a couple of hours and it’s a gorgeous day outside. What do you say?”

Sam looked out of the window and felt a mixture of anxiety and release. Her hair was all but gone, which she had dealt with in the controlled environment of the hospital, but outside? That was a whole different thing. She touched the scarf around her head, self-conscious about the way she looked.

“You look beautiful,” he said.

Sam got up out of the chair where she was sitting and looked at the nurse for reassurance. The nurse nodded eagerly. Sam looked back at Andy and then down at her lightly crumpled clothes. She tried to smooth out the creases with her delicate hands until Andy came over and took her in his arms. “Stop fretting,” he told her. “You look wonderful and besides, we’re not going out among hordes of people. I want you all to myself.” Sam hoped that was true.

Over the weeks since they had been back in each other’s lives, Sam had found such devotion and peace in Andy’s presence and she dreaded more than anything that the moment she was back on her feet, he would disappear again, or only stay with her through pity, or guilt.

“What do I need?” she asked.

“Nothing. Everything’s taken care of.” He held out a wide-brimmed sun hat that Sam’s mother had brought in for him and Sam put it on delightedly. “I just need you.”

Sam picked up her cardigan from the back of the chair and started to walk out but Andy was having none of it. “Get in the chair, you foolish woman. You’re in a hospital for heaven’s sake. Nobody takes a blind bit of notice of a person in a wheelchair.”

Sam knew he was right, although her need to fly under the radar was strong. She sat down in the chair and rested her hat in her lap. Andy kissed the top of her head and turned the chair around and made his way back up the ward. As they passed, the nurses on the ward waved them off one by one and wished them both a lovely day.

Sam was wheeled out into the fresh air and sunlight and it dazzled her. She shut her eyes and turned her face to the sun, enjoying the warmth she found there. A taxi pulled up and Andy helped her in and then climbed in the other side.

“I’m afraid they wouldn’t quite sanction a trip out on our bikes just yet,” he joked, and Sam squeezed his hand and said “Thank you.”

The taxi drove out of the town and into the countryside, finally pulling up by a gate to a field. He helped her out and swung a rucksack up onto his shoulder. Andy turned to Sam and held out his hand. “Ready?”

Sam nodded and took hold of his hand. Andy opened the gate and told Sam to rest her weight on him as they walked very slowly across the field, away from the trees and out into the sunshine. The field sloped away from them and after they had gone a little way, she could see a large oak tree in the middle of the field and Andy suggested they aim for there. Sam was weary with the effort of walking so far for the first time in months, but she was determined that she would get there under her own steam. Although he never complained, Sam was well aware that Andy’s stump was causing him a fair amount of discomfort and she was not about to add to that.

When they reached the shade of the tree, Andy opened up his rucksack and settled down a blanket on the ground so that Sam could rest. He sat down next to her and they looked around. The forget-me-not sky sang to them as a dozen different birds went about their daily business. Lower down the hill, a second field ran gently down to the river beyond. The air was still and warm with only the occasional wisp of a breeze to stir the leaves from their sleep. “It’s beautiful,” Sam said as she wondered how she had ever been reconciled to leaving this heaven on earth.

“I hope you’re hungry,” Andy said after a minute or two of admiring the view. “I’ve got plenty.”

Sam watched in amazement as Andy unpacked tub after tub of wonderfully prepared picnic food. He tried to tempt her to eat a lot, and although Sam was not up to big meals yet, she did try a little of most of the things he had brought.

It was an idyllic spot and for a while, Sam found it hard to believe the events of the last year had even happened. But then she looked across at Andy’s scarred arm and the lines on his face and she knew they had. But they had made it, at least for now. She looked at her man, even more beautiful to her now than he ever was, and she was momentarily content with her lot. If all that she had been through was to bring her to this place and time, then it had to have been worth it.

With her mouth full of fresh strawberry, Andy turned to Sam at last and said, “Are you happy, Sam?”

Sam finished what she was eating and said, “Yes, very.”

“Good.” Then, from the side pocket of his trousers Andy pulled out a small red box. He hesitated for a second as if considering something and then held it out toward Sam. “I love you, Sam, I always have. I know I’m not the man you fell in love with anymore, but I’ve got the chance of a job training new recruits, so I wouldn’t be round your feet all day. It’s a good living and I’m good at what I do, so I won’t be a burden on you. What I’m trying to say is I can still provide for you, for us, so you wouldn’t have to work, unless you want to. I mean, I wouldn’t stop you, but… kids.”

Sam tried to speak, but Andy stopped her. “No. Let me finish, please, or I’ll never get this out. I know now that life is too short to throw away the things that really matter to you. And I’m a better man when I’m with you Sam. I can’t promise I’ll never be a stubborn bugger again, but I’ll do everything in my power to make you happy.”

Sam was getting more and more anxious by the second. There was nothing she had longed more to hear, but she had a huge flaw in her appeal now, and it could well mean the end for them. She struggled to fight the rising panic within, until trembling and pale. Andy suddenly stopped and looked at her. “What is it? You look dreadful, Sam. Are you all right?”

“I can’t have children, Andy.” Hearing the words for the first time spoken from her own lips, Sam began to weep. She had wanted children so much. They had always figured largely in her plans for the future. But there it was. There was nothing she, or anyone else could do about it. But if he was serious about her, Andy needed to know. She had done the right thing, but it hurt.

Andy paused, motionless for a minute and then he spoke. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I know how hard it must have been for you to hear that. How long have you known?”

“A couple of weeks.”

Andy said nothing.

Well at least she had saved him the embarrassment of having to take back a proposal.

“Marry me, Sam.”

“Didn’t you hear me? It’s not a ‘maybe’. I won’t be able to have kids. You have to understand that.”

“I know. I heard. I need to tell you something, Sam. I met a girl once, while I was on holiday in Tenerife. She was beautiful. She was the kindest, most gentle girl I had ever known and it was love at first sight. I couldn’t help myself falling for her. We spent hours just talking and when we parted on that first night I felt like a piece of me had been taken with her. And when she didn’t show up the next day I was lost, Sam. I searched all over for her, but I never found her again.

“I got married and let that chance of happiness slide through my fingers because I was still in love with another woman. Can you imagine that, Sam? All those years of waiting and wanting.

“And then one day, just over a year ago, I walked into a bar and heard the most beautiful voice singing to me and I followed it and found… you. It was you.”

Sam’s stomach clenched as she suddenly realised how the story related to her. Her eyes opened wide with wonder.

“I have been waiting to find you again for so long, Sam. I should have told you straight away, I know. But I didn’t want to scare you off, and then Dean and Afghanistan happened and it was all such a mess. But you’re here, now, with me. I love you, Sam. Nothing can change that. If you can bear to live without having your own children then I’m sure I can manage it too. We can adopt if you like. Or not. I don’t care. I want you. I’m no good without you, Sam. The rest is still to play for, but if I have you by my side I can take on anything. But the question I’m asking is: Do you still want me?”

Sam could see Andy’s hands beginning to tremble as he opened the little box. He looked more afraid in that moment than Sam had ever seen him before. She looked down at the trio of diamonds nestled in a delicate gold ring and looked back up at Andy. Her heart was smashing holes in her chest as the rush of overwhelming love raced through her. A solitary tear sprung from one eye and wound its way down to her beaming smile. “Yes,” she said softly and then again with more vigour. “Yes, of course I do. How could you ever think anything else? I love you, Andy Garrington. I’ve loved you from your very first letter. I was just afraid you wouldn’t want me.”

Andy shook his head in disbelief. He put the ring on Sam’s ring finger and pulled her into his arms. “I could never love anyone more.” And they kissed under the oak tree on a warm summer’s afternoon, and Sam was content that Andy could not make her any happier if he tried. And then he did.

Not ten minutes after Sam had agreed to marry him, another car pulled up at the top of the field. Sam noticed its arrival, but thought little more about it until she heard a familiar yapping and down the hillside raced none other than Humphrey himself, fresh from her parent’s house and following him over the horizon, they were there too.

Humphrey reached her and erupted in a frenzy of licks and wags as Sam did her best to contain him. She waved at her mum and dad as they wandered down the hill towards them and as soon as they arrived, Sam’s mum looked from Andy to Sam and for the ring, and seeing it in its rightful place she beamed with delight. She looked expectantly at Sam and Sam held out her hand. Her mother cheered and hugged them both, congratulating them on the wonderful occasion. Humphrey leapt up and down and managed to get muddy paw prints all over Sam’s clothes, but she didn’t care. She was too happy for words, for on that glorious afternoon Sam knew that a long journey still lay ahead of her, but that with Andy by her side, whatever life chose to throw at her from then on, they would be able to handle it, together.