The Space in Between (46 page)

“No, because you already know. You lived it.”

“I just want to be sure that you’re not doing this because of something you read. That you’ve actually given it the thought it deserves and aren’t letting emotions and the past guide you.”

“The only thing guiding me here is Emery, Dad. I’ve thought about it, planned it out and never once in the time it took putting it all together did I doubt it. I want this and I think deep down, you want it for me too.”

“I do.” He smiles before backing away and letting his gaze fall to where his wife sits with the girl that will one day be mine in every way.

There’s not even doubt about how she’ll answer.

Thanks, Mom.

Fingering the ring in my hand, a gift that had been attached to the letter and belonged to my mom, one that may have been even more important than her wedding band because of what my dad was feeling when he gave it to her in high school, I embrace him one final time before making my way over to Emery and slipping my arms around her.

Kissing the side of her neck softly, breathing in her scent as she leans back into me, sighing contented over how good having her like this still feels, I finally release her and nodding to her mom, take her hand in mine, slowly leading her away from everyone’s eyes, stopping only when we finally reach the spot that truly does belong to us.

The rock.

Motioning to it, asking her to sit and laughing at her confused expression, I finally open up my hand when she’s comfortable and slide down to one knee.

“Oh my god, Mikey. Get up. This isn’t funny.”

“Wasn’t meant to be, but hear me out?”

As soon as her head begins moving up and down, I slip the ring to the top of my fingertips and hold it out in front of her.

“Six months ago, I had a conversation with my mom. It was a little one sided, but she did something that day and it justified everything I’ve been feeling since I got you back, but have been too afraid to express.”

I can tell that she’s with me, can even see how surprised she is at what I’m admitting to, but where I expect to see some sign that she thinks I’m totally crazy for saying I had a conversation with my dead mother, all that’s there in her eyes is what’s been there all along.

Love, understanding and acceptance.

“She validated everything I feel. Understood the person standing here now even though the thirteen year old she remembers died inside the day she did. She predicted this long before it happened, and instead of embracing the fear I’ve been guided by since she passed, I want what she saw for me back then. What’s sitting in front of me now. I want you, Emery Carmichael. I want you for as long as forever allows.”

“Mikey…”

The soft way my name escapes, the same way I imagine the letter from my mom starting had she been alive to read it aloud, is another sign. As scary as the future looks and the uncertainty that surrounds it, it’s like my mom said. It can be defeated and this moment with Emery is proof.

Fear has no place here anymore.

Today, love wins.

“This ring,” I say, looping it around my own finger. “Is the ring that my dad gave to my mom for their first anniversary, dating—not married, promising her the world as he slipped it down on her finger. Today, I want to do the same thing, but different. I don’t want to promise you the world, because for me, you are the world, but I do want us to make a promise before I ask you to wear it.”

Lifting her hand and wiping a stray tear from her eye, she brings her hand out, fingers grazing against mine as she slips the ring from my hand, sliding it down over her finger before I’ve even gotten to explain what I want to promise.

“What are you doing?”

“I figured that was obvious. I’m putting on the ring.”

“But shouldn’t you know what you’re signing up for?”

“I went all in with you over a year ago, Christian. I bet on the sure thing. There’s nothing left to say, unless, I mean, you’re planning on asking me to marry you right now.” Eyes locked on mine with not even so much as a bat of her eyelids to show that she’s unsure of what she’s saying, I struggle to find the words to say before she laughs and breaks me of it. “Just to clarify. You’re not asking me to marry you, right?”

“I’m not, at least not yet, but I was hoping that we could promise each other a few things.”

“Well, since your dad promised the world to your mom, taking that off the table, I’m not sure what else is left.”

Giving in and laughing despite the seriousness of the moment, I slide across the ground, taking both of her hands in mine and attempt to salvage all of the words designed to melt her that I had planned.

“Promise me that no matter where your career as a photo journalist takes you, or how many tours I do in whatever band I end up playing with, that we’ll always make a point of coming back to this spot at least once a year.”

“Done.” She replies with a grin. “You can do better than that, Mikey. That one was a given.”

“Promise me that no matter how much I annoy you with my inability to clean up after myself, or how often I go behind your back and use the honesty loophole in order to spoil you, that you won’t hold it against me.”

“Deal, but we might need to draw up a contract about that loophole because you’re abusing it.”

“Anything you want, but I’m still going to do it.”

“You’re frustrating.”

“And you’re adorable when you’re full of bullshit.”

“Aww, Mikey. Always the romantic.”

“That’s me.” I agree. “Are you ready for the final promise now?”

“Hit me with your best shot, lover boy.”

“Promise that when the time is right, the planets are all aligned and we’re where we want to be in our life, that you’ll come back here and let me do this all over again as I ask you to be Emery Cayne.”

This one gets her. What had been a few stray tears here and there as she tried to replace them with humor, can’t be held back and tamed anymore, as the sound of her name makes her eyes begin to water and spill over.  The reflection of my own glistening through hers and blanketing the moment in pure emotion.

Moving in and helping her wipe them away, I wait for her to compose herself enough in the moment before asking again.

“Can you do that, Emery? Do you promise to let me do this again in the future?”

Proving every word my mom wrote in her letter right, she leans in until her forehead is resting against mine and with a brush of her hand across my face, whispers the two most beautiful words I’ve ever heard.

“I do.”

*****

Two words that exactly four years later, I’d brought her back and made her repeat again as I made her my wife. Officially making her Emery Cayne.

Finally proving to the world what I’ve known from the day she crashed her way into my life.

Some of the most beautiful things can be found in the spaces in between.

The End

Emily’s Letter to Christian

My Dearest Mikey, 

I wish I could tell you the reason I’m writing you is because they found a cure for the cancer I’ve been stricken with, but I think at this stage, given your reluctance to leave my side for any reason, we both know it would be untrue.

What I can tell you is the real reason I sit here and pen this letter to the little man that is both my greatest achievement and most precious joy.

It’s because right now there is a woman in your life that you’ve allowed past the wall that is your heart since the day we found out I was sick. Someone so incredibly special, she is able to see past the mask you show the rest of the world to what lies underneath, and the one that I have no doubt, will one day become your wife.

Recalling the way the sun seemed to rise and fall with your father when we were around the age I’m sure you are now, I can imagine how it feels for you. Equal parts frightening and exhilarating if my recollection is correct.

Run with those feelings, sweet boy, because there is no greater feeling in the world than finding the one that can affect you so deeply, move you in ways previously thought impossible, altering your life before you’ve even realized they’ve done it.

But nothing worth having ever comes free of complication, so that fear you have deep down inside, the one that says in opening yourself this way, you’ve left your heart vulnerable to hurt, it
will
be your greatest complication, but I’m living proof, as is your father, that it can be defeated.

Just trust in each other, always being honest, even when it might seem as though it’s better not to, and before you know it, the fear will evaporate completely and all you’ll be left with is the purest of loves. 

That is my wish for you, beautiful little man. That you’re given the chance to experience the very best that life and love has to offer the same way I did when I met your father and we were blessed enough to have you.

Now Christian, please pay close attention to what I’m about to tell you. It will serve you well as you begin your lives together. 

Tell her every day—as many times as you can, that she’s beautiful and the center of your world. How blessed and lucky you are to have found her. Never let her go to bed angry, or if you do, make sure that you kiss her before she goes, so that even in the midst of the storm that is her anger and upset, she will always know the power of your devotion. Treat her with respect always, even when she’s lost her mind and you don’t think she deserves it, and I promise it will all come back to you tenfold.

Most of all, be yourself. Always.

That’s the person she fell in love with, and if she’s how I imagine her to be, it’s the one she’s always going to love, whether you be filled with flaws and imperfections or as close to perfect as it gets.

If you don’t believe me, just ask your dad.

It’s why even now, while I’m facing the uncertainty of what comes next, I’ treasure each and every day I got to spend with him.

Loving him brought me to life, making me stronger than I ever thought I could be, but being loved by him in return, it’s given me the courage to stand tall and ready for whatever comes next in my journey from this life into the next.

He was my one and only love…until you taught me what the purity of love really is.

I love you, Christian, and even though it is spoken so casually these days, effectively losing its real meaning, I mean every word.

I am watching over you from wherever God has seen fit for me to be and I’m proud of you.

The boy you are now and the man you will become as time continues to move, is a man any girl would be lucky to have, but that the best girl has already found.

Thank you for giving me the best thirteen years of my life, and when you see your girl again, tell her your mom approves.

Love Always, Mom

The Space In Between Playlist

Listen To Your Heart –
The Maine

Pretty Little Girl –
Blink 182

Amnesia –
5 Seconds Of Summer

Lights Off –
Jay Sean

Between You and I –
Every Avenue

Photograph
Ed Sheeran

Tonight, I Love You –
The Latency

I’m In Love With My Guitar –
Alexz Johnson

Don’t Go –
The Latency

Lego House –
Ed Sheeran

Dare You To Move –
Switchfoot

Hole In My Soul –
Aerosmith

Still In Love With You –
The Latency

Pretending –
Glee Cast

Secrets –
OneRepublic

Without You –
Ashes Remain

Between The Raindrops –
Lifehouse ft Natasha Bedingfield

Photograph –
Def Leppard

All About Us –
He Is We ft Owl City

Your Love Is A Song –
Switchfoot

Thinking Out Loud
Ed Sheeran

Love Me Like You Do –
Ellie Goulding

Acknowledgements

Caleb, Noah, Raine and Isabella

If it weren’t for all four of you being the awesomesauce kids that you are, this book never would have seen the light of day because it never would have gotten finished. So for allowing me the chance and time to do this crazy dream of mine, while at the same time showing me each and every day what true love for another person really is, thank you. I love you.

Joey

My guard dog, best friend, co-author, beta reader and overall superhero, thank you for all of your love and support while I spent most days ignoring you and our story together to write Christian and Emery’s tale. It means the world to me, just as you do. Forever and Always <3

Pamela Sparkman

You are so much more to me than a beta reader and fellow writer. You’re also my best friend and I thank God that you are a part of my life each and every day. Thank you for your non-stop support of this project and all the others. You will never truly know how much it means to me, but I’m hope that seeing your name here shows you at least a little. At least until I can tell you again in oh say, ten minutes.