The Space in Between (9 page)

“So what you’re saying is, you were trying to help me and I basically just bit your head off for it?”

Laughing despite myself, I shake my head. “A little I guess, but no. You snapped and bit my head off because when I got here I made a joke of it. I turned it into something less nice. I deserved it. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I don’t exactly have a filter. I’ll say things without thinking them out all the way.”

“But you still tried to do something nice.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“This is not going the way I imagined it in my head.”

“The last time that happened, we still managed to make something pretty great. Maybe if we start over now, actually talk to each other instead of just snapping, we can do it again.”

“Is this your way of saying you want to try and make beautiful music with me, Emery?”

“Yeah,” I nod emphatically. “You know, I think it is. So what do you say? Do over?”

“Do over.” He agrees, and just like the first day we worked together, his hand juts out in front of him and I waste no time taking it, enjoying the way the familiar heat seems to radiate up and through my arm when our hands make contact.

“Now that we’ve settled that, are you ready to go find Jonah?”

“Sure, but Em, there’s one more thing I gotta know.”

“Okay.”

“Is Jonah as dreamy as he was when you were seven?”

“Oh God! He told you about that?” Mortified as the memory of our time together as kids floods my mind for the second time tonight, I laugh and bury my face in my hands.

“He did, but I’m glad, because now I know that it wasn’t bullshit.”

Pulling one of my hands away, I ball my fingers into a fist and shove it into the side of him hard, making him lose his balance and laugh while he tries to recover.

“Have you ever had your face licked by a dog? That’s what kissing Jonah felt like. I went home and spent about fifteen minutes in the bathroom with a face cloth trying to wipe away the combination of saliva and sweat he coated my face in. Trust me, when it comes to Jonah, the last thing I think is that he’s dreamy.”

“So he’s a wet dog?”

“Pretty much, smell and all. Now if you’re done quoting mortifying moment number 56 from my childhood, I think I’d really like to go see the movie now. I hear Kellan Lutz is in it and we all know he’s the real dreamy one.”

Caught off guard as he moves closer and slips his hand into mine, he motions toward the theatre with his free hand, giving me absolutely no time to react to what’s happening or how I feel about it.

“Lead the way.”

Christian

After spending fifteen minutes listening to Jonah relive all of the scenes he loved from the movie while we walked across the lot to where he parked, I’m more than ready to call it a night, head home and lock myself away in my room with my guitar. Judging by how quiet Emery’s been since the movie ended and we made our way out, she feels the same.

Waving as he starts the car and pulls away, leaving the two of us alone, I turn at the exact moment she must have had the same idea, and just like the first day, we bump straight into each other.

Laughing quietly as I take a step back, I meet her eyes and try again.

“I think I’m gonna need your help.”

“With what?”

“The bus. I need to know where the one that will take me home is.”

“You’re joking right?”

Confused, I shake my head. “Not kidding.”

“Do you have something against my car?”

“No?”

“Well, okay then. Glad we cleared that up.”

“I don’t get it.”

Grabbing me by the hand, slipping her fingers through mine the same way I did to her earlier, she starts walking to where she parked, no other explanation coming until we get to the car.

“Get in. I drove you here. I can drive you home.”

“You don’t need to do that. I can get home on my own.”

“Mikey,” she sighs. “Would you just shut up and get in the car?”

Making her point, she pushes a button on her key ring, the click of the doors as they unlock greeting me as I make my way around the passenger side and climb in, my legs starting to shake nervously as I wait for her to do the same.

When her door opens and she gets in, starting the car, she lets it idle as she twists herself around to face me.

“Do you have to be home right away?”

“No, and even if I did, my dad’s not home to check.”

“Good. I want to show you something. That is, if you’re okay with taking a drive.”

“Yeah, it’s fine. But what exactly do you wanna show me this late?”

Grinning as she turns back and puts the car in drive, backing up before turning and heading out of the parking lot, she waits until she turns onto the street before she answers.

“You’ll see, Mikey. Just sit back and enjoy the ride.”

*****

I have no clue how long we were driving because somewhere along the way I passed out, but the next thing I know, I hear a tapping sound seconds before being roused awake by a wide eyed and smiling crazy person.

“Hey, sleepyhead! Wakey, wakey. We’re here.”

Rubbing at my face and forcing my eyes to adjust, all I can make out in the dark is the bare shadows of what look like trees and further out, water.

Where the hell did she take me?

“Where are we exactly?” I ask as I slip the seatbelt off and step out onto the pebble filled ground.

“Well, Peter. I brought you to Never Neverland.”

Yep. She’s definitely crazy.

“You want to try that again, but this time without the Disney movie references?”

“My favorite place on Earth. That better?”

“A little.”

Now that I’m out of the car, I can take in more of what she’s deemed her favorite place. We’re on what looks like a cliff that overlooks what looks big enough to be an ocean but what I instinctively know is Lake Ontario.

We’re surrounded by trees that every few seconds with the force of the wind seem to sway, almost as if they’re all dancing together, and off in the distance with as quiet as it is up here, I can hear what sounds like a boat horn.

Maybe she wasn’t wrong before. This place does have the same kind of magical appeal that Neverland did.

“Wow.”

“I figured you’d like it.”

“Why did you bring me here?”

Moving over and sitting down on the edge of a huge rock just resting far enough back so that her legs dangle over the edge of the cliff, she pats the space beside her and waits until I’m comfortable before explaining exactly what it is we’re doing here.

“Before I got into writing music, I used to search out really serene places to take pictures of. A lot of them don’t look quite so amazing in the daytime, so I would come out at night and take stills of the way they were then. You know, with just the moon and the stars as the backdrop. I found this place and it just became my spot. Whenever things get kind of crazy, or I feel like I just need a break to decompress, I come out here.”

“Okay, that all makes sense, but why bring me here? Doesn’t that take away from it being your place?”

“Not really. I mean it’s not like I stuck a sign in the ground that said ‘Property of Emery’ or anything. But I guess if you must know why I wanted to bring you here, it’s because of Jonah.”

“What does this have to do with him?”

“I saw the way you were when he was rambling on about the movie. You honestly looked the way I do whenever family comes to visit and they just need to know every minute detail about your life. I figured you could use the escape.”

“Or maybe, and stop me if you’ve heard this one, you brought me out here because it’s the perfect place to dispose of a body.”

Punching me in the arm and laughing when I flinch, she points out over the water. “If I really wanted to get rid of you, I would have dumped you over the edge while you were passed out cold in my car.”

“That’s a very good point. Forget I said anything.”

“At least it was funny. Most of the time, you’re too serious. It’s nice to know you can joke around.”

“Is this about earlier?”

“Nope, but now that you mention it…”

“I’m never gonna live that down, am I?”

“Probably not, but maybe if you told me the real reason you reacted the way you did, I might be able to forget it for a while.”

“I thought we went over this already. I explained what caused me to act like a jackass.”

“No,” She disagrees. “We went over part of it, but there’s always more to it, especially when your parting line is something to the effect of you wanting to give me and Jonah Thomas time alone.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Oh yes, Mikey, you did say that. So you ready to tell me the real reason why?”

It amazes me that for someone whose mind seems to be going at warped speed at any given moment, she seemed to catch on and nail me so quickly. For all of her talk this past couple of weeks about how lost in her own head she always seems to be, she’s doing a damn good job of picking apart mine.

“I was being a jerk that’s all. There is no other explanation.”

“You know, I actually believe that you believe that. So I’ll take it for now, but I still think there’s more you’re not telling me. Which means you’re breaking the friend code a little.”

“The friend code?”

“Yeah, you know. The one where we’re always brutally honest with each other, even if we know deep down it might hurt the other person. So Mikey, is what you’re hiding something that could hurt me?”

No, Emery. What I’m hiding is something that in the end is going to hurt me.

“I don’t know about this whole friend code thing, but no. I’d never do anything to hurt you.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

As an air of silence surrounds us, neither one of us knowing what to say next, or maybe neither of us wanting to break the calm that seems to have settled in, we just sit side by side watching the boats now moving across the water as they ride on to their various destinations.

The only interruption to the moment when Emery moves her body just slightly and as if it’s the most natural thing in the world, leans her body into mine until her head is resting on my shoulder.

And me shaken by just how great—no—how
right
it feels having her there.

“When I was a kid, I used to come out here and pretend that my dad didn’t just up and bail on us. That he was actually one of the guys out on the boats. A fisherman, or some other kind of sea guy that would come home for me and my mom when he was done doing what he needed to do. I bought into it so much—big idiot that I was back then—that one day I actually went home and asked my mom how long he was going to be on the water for.”

The way she easily admits what is probably one of her best kept secrets makes me want to do the same. I don’t know if it’s the magic of the place or the magic of her, but there’s just something about this moment we’re in right now that makes me want to spill my guts.

“When my mom died, she didn’t want to be buried in the ground and be worm food. Her words, not mine.” I laugh when her head lifts off my shoulder and she looks at me in surprise. “She wanted to be cremated. Her ashes spread along the beach she used to take me to when I was a kid. Being here, it reminds me of that beach.”

“Do you ever wish you could go back in time?” she asks softly as she repositions herself back into the space between my head and shoulder. An innocent move to her, but that causes my heart rate to spike once I feel her close again.

“I did before, but not so much lately. I guess it’s because I know that even if I did go back and try to change things, it wouldn’t do any good. We never knew when the cancer actually started so it would still end up the same. Living through it once was enough, ya know?”

“Yeah. I mean I don’t actually know, but I understand what you mean.”

“For so long after she died, all I did was miss her and want to go back and stop it before it happened. My dad at that point was pulling away and working all the time. He was never around, and when he was there, he was so lost in his own grief that I didn’t wanna burden him with mine. I missed her every single day for so long, I had no idea how to function without it. It’s only when my dad brought home my bass that I felt like I could finally breathe again. Do something other than grieve and miss all the time.”

Burrowing herself closer into me as I’m blurting things that have only ever been thoughts in my head and never spoken of, I slide my arm out from under her, bringing it around and resting it gently across her shoulders once she’s gotten comfortable. Squeezing just enough as I do to bring her just a little bit closer.

Enjoying the closeness between us when for so long, no one cared enough to try.

“What do you think hurts more? The pain from not having something that you should have and aching for it, or losing something you were supposed to have forever, way too soon?”

“I don’t know. They both sound pretty shitty to me, Emery.”

“Me too.”

“Can I ask you something?”

Nodding her head into my chest, I shiver again as the small stray hairs at the top of her head brush against my chest, only able to settle when her hand comes around my back and grips tighter.

“Why are we talking about our parents or really, the lack of them?”

“You know how your dad just started dating again?”

“Don’t remind me.”

“Well, the same thing is happening with my mom, and I guess it’s got me thinking about what I’m missing. I’m happy for her and looking forward to meeting this guy if it gets serious enough, especially since because of him, she’s actually letting us eat out more these days.” She pauses, laughing. “It’s just weird at the same time.”

“Tell me about it. All my dad and I did for three weeks when we got here was eat out. Since he’s been going out during the week to see this woman, he actually wants to learn how to make dinners that don’t taste like the bottom of someone’s feet.”

“You know what would be kind of funny?”

“What’s that?”

“If our parents were dating.”

Swallowing heavily, the idea of our parents hooking up too nauseating to even think about, especially with the way I feel having her in my arms like this, I bark out an awkward laugh.