“
To clean them, that’s all right, but not to bring the skin back. That’s one thing water isn’t very good at.”
“
I thought water could cure everything.” She laughed, trying to tease but he didn’t respond.
Even though he was gentle as he rubbed the ointment onto her feet, as he touched the sores, pain shot though her. She jerked back her foot several times but he steadied it. By the time he finished, her feet were throbbing.
“
I’m dead serious. You must come home with me, Izzie. This search is in vain. The girls could be anywhere by now. You look emaciated.”
“
I waited too long. I should have brought them to Rochester so long ago.”
He sat next to her on the bed. “You couldn’t have known things were as bad as they were.”
“
I should have known. I knew Papa was different after Mamma died.”
All three of her siblings, the twins only fourteen, and Euphora only twelve, were out there somewhere all on their own. Maybe Papa was hunting them down like a bloodhound after runaway slaves. Maybe he’d already found them and taken them somewhere.
“
I’ve missed you, Mac.”
“
I’ve missed you, too. Terribly. The Upper Falls Water-Cure is meaningless without you.”
His eyes were dark as a midnight lake. She wanted to feel his skin against hers. She scooted back on the bed, drew back the quilt, and slid under. She reached an inviting hand toward him.
“
Let’s not talk about going back to Rochester. We’re here now,” she said.
As Mac undressed, the sight of his black-haired chest made her smile. He crawled under the covers with her and slid an arm over her stomach.
“
Brrr. It’s bloody cold out there,” he said. “Are you still doing the water douche, my love?”
“
No. I had no reason.”
He drew back his arm. “We shouldn’t then.”
“
Do you have one of your French Safes?”
“
I’m afraid not. I’ll get some tomorrow.” He swung away from her and lay on his back, crooking an arm under his head.
It didn’t matter, she thought. She’d longed for him every moment she was away from him. She rolled toward him, kissed his neck, his wiry sideburn. She raised herself onto his torso, her bosoms coming alive against him. She kissed his mouth.
For a brief moment his hands held her upper arms firmly as though he might push her back, but she kept kissing him, delicately, then she let her tongue search between his lips. After a moment, he pulled up her shimmy, took it off her and steered her fully on top of him. A flush of excitement exploded inside her. She pressed into him with all her weight, then slid over him. The friction of skin against skin made her dizzy. She spread her legs apart and he guided his erect member inside her.
He kissed her hard, embraced her tightly, then rolled her over onto her back and began to pump slowly inside her. She was completely open, pulling and pushing with him, her hands tight on his lower back.
Breathing deep into her belly, she was aroused beyond anything she’d felt before. Waves upon waves floated through her pelvis, her back, her legs. She moaned and moaned. And just as the waves subsided, Mac called out “Izzie, Izzie, my love.”
They lay still for a while. He stayed sweetly inside her. Then he withdrew and she nestled into him. She listened to his heart beating and then, when she heard his light snore, she drifted off.
At the gray light of dawn, Izzie woke and found that Mac was sitting up in bed next to her. She reached an arm around his waist. He leaned over and kissed her head.
“
We’ll go tomorrow. I have train tickets. I want to visit Trall today and see his New York Hygieo-Therapeutic College on Laight Street. I’d like you to come.”
“
Haven’t you heard a word I’ve said? I’m staying to look for Clara and Euphora.”
“
Yes, but rather, did you hear me? I said you have no idea where they are. When they can, they’ll send word to Rochester, because that’s where they think you are. They don’t think you are here. What if they were to show up there today? You are making it all more confusing than it needs to be.”
This was the most obstinate thing she’d ever heard from him. She locked her jaw and thumped herself up against the bed board next to him.
“
I’m not leaving.”
“
Be reasonable, my love. I beg you. You are not thinking clearly. You’re worried. It’s clouding your mind. And you are withering away.”
“
I’ve been worried for months. If I had acted instead of stayed home and let you wrap me in a sheet like a sausage twice a day, this might not have happened.”
He took her hand, but she yanked it back. She reached for her shimmy on top of the quilt, tugged it on, then crawled out of bed.
“
You haven’t told me about the voices yet,” he said.
Shivering from the chill in the room, she plopped down in the chair by Anna’s writing table, and said nothing. Mac got up and rummaged in his bag. He lifted out his brown wool robe. That color had always been handsome on him. It reminded her of their nights at home. He put it on and tied the sash around his waist.
“
Do you have your robe here?” he asked.
“
In the armoire.”
He found it and brought it to her, then helped her into it. Why did he have to be considerate in these little things, but not be able to understand the greater things? Delicately, he took her chin in his hand and attempted to raise her face up, but she refused him. She didn’t want to see him close, his bushy brow, his brown magnetic eyes, the sweet purple scar on his chin, his mussed wavy hair. She might lose her resolve.
He returned to the bed and sat. “What about the voices? Are they still disturbing you at night?”
“
Why? Why do you want to know about that? So you can take me home and wrap me in the wet sheets?”
“
I am only trying to care for you.” He sounded calm.
Sighing, she rose from Anna’s chair and stood by the desk. “A few times. They’ve disturbed me a few times, but not every night.”
Locking his jaw, he nodded quietly.
Drat
. Why did she tell him that? Why did she tell him anything?
“
That seems like an improvement. Perhaps the water-cure wasn’t the right path.”
She was trembling inside, but he seemed completely unruffled.
“
No, I don’t think it was.”
“
If you return with me, we can explore other remedies. Perhaps pure rest.”
“
Stop it.” She stood. “Stop. I will only say it one more time. I am staying here to search for my sisters.”
He came close to her, took her hand. “Izzie, please.” She tried to back away from him, but he wouldn’t release her. “You must see it is best for you at home. You must.”
“
No.” She wriggled her hand from his and crossed her arms. “It is not best.”
“
You are my wife.”
“
Does that mean I am not a sister too?”
“
It means I am first.” A growl slipped into his voice.
She grabbed a book from Anna’s desk and thrust it at him. He flung his arms up to shield his face. The book hit him and dropped with a thud. Watching her carefully, his face flushed, he brushed his hair back with both hands.
“
Not only am I staying here, but I am going to try a trance tomorrow,” she said.
As her words spewed out, they surprised her. She hadn’t said such a thing to herself yet. But she was ready. If there were any possibility she could hear Mamma, or anyone on earth or in other spheres who might lead her to her sisters, she would try it. If there were truly spirits, then they could see Clara and Euphora, and if they could speak through her, she could find her sisters. And if she lost her sanity altogether, so be it. So be it.
“
But why? Have you changed? Do you believe this Spiritualist nonsense now?”
“
You are always experimenting with ideas, Mac. Now I must experiment with the spiritual realm. I must.”
“
Can’t you leave it to Mrs. Fielding and Miss Santini? What if your voices become more than you can bear? You shouldn’t encourage this aspect of yourself. It’s dangerous. You may end up in the State Lunatic Asylum in Utica.”
“
I have to try.” She turned from him, stepped to the window, and drew the curtain back. Snow was falling in the dull light of dawn. The deserted street was already covered in white. “Then I will know once and for all about myself, and you will too, and if I am very fortunate, I will find my sisters.”
Two riders on a black horse, a man and a boy, approached from the east.
“
It’s perilous,” Mac said.
“
How?” She spun from the window and looked at him.
“
The voices you hear have already made your mind vulnerable.” His brown eyes were concerned, not angry.
“
I want you to witness my trance. Will you?”
“
I beg you not to try this. Come home with me. I’ll find a treatment for you.”
She remembered the wet sheet, cold, damp, and constraining around her.
“
Will you witness my trance, Mac?”
He was silent. She looked out at the snow again. The riders and horse had passed below her, leaving the snow disturbed. She wouldn’t look into his eyes. She might give in. She might get on the train with him and go home—their new home together.
“
Yes.”
Finally, she looked at him. “You won’t interfere with whatever Mrs. Fielding and Anna do?”
“
No, but my promise is only good for tomorrow.”
She went to him then, took his hand and pressed his cool palm against the side of her face. “I was hoping you would be with me.”
Forty
AS IZZIE AND MAC WAITED FOR MRS. FIELDING and Anna in the parlor to attempt the trance, Izzie was so nervous, she felt faint.
“
Will I die?”
“
What do you mean?” Mac asked.
“
If I let the voices in, will I lose myself completely? They’ll take my soul.”
“
I don’t know. You won’t die, though. You’ll still be in there.” Smiling, he tapped her forehead gently as though knocking on a door.
She glanced at the parlor doors again. Anna and Mrs. Fielding had said they’d be here at noon. They were late.
“
I may faint.”
“
I’ve never seen you this way. Please change your mind, Izzie.”
“
Don’t ask me that again.”
He nodded, then paced away from her through the outer parlor toward the front door. She was spinning a bit and grasped the fireplace mantel to steady herself. The house door clicked open.
“
We’re sorry to be late.” Mrs. Fielding was suddenly at the door with Mac.
“
Izzie is quite rattled. May we get it over with?”
Mac’s sentiments weren’t very different from her own. She desperately wanted the trance over with as well.
Beaming, Anna came in and walked directly to her and touched her hands. “It’s all right. You won’t be harmed.”
Looking down, Izzie saw that her own hands were clasped so tightly that her fingers had turned red, her knuckles white. Mrs. Fielding was moving with purpose about the room, setting out four chairs around a small marble-top table, closing the maroon damask curtains, and lastly lighting a candle. When done with her tasks, she joined Izzie and the others by the fire.
“
You are awfully pale, my dear,” Mrs. Fielding said. “Anna is telling you the truth. You won’t be harmed. If you hear or see anything you don’t want to hear or see, you just ask the spirit to leave. They are usually respectful.”
“
They aren’t, though,” Izzie said.
“
What do you mean?”
“
I’ve only told Mac this.” Izzie glanced at Mac, then looked back at Mrs. Fielding. “I hear voices, many voices, at night, in the dark. I tell them to leave and they don’t unless I have light.”
Mrs. Fielding’s mouth dropped a bit as she exchanged looks with Anna. “You’re clairaudient. Then, we must teach you how to listen and how to not listen.”
“
You can do that?” Mac crossed his arms.
Nostrils flaring, Mrs. Fielding threw back her head and looked up to Mac’s face looming down. “It is a skill all mediums must learn. Izzie has a gift, but she has much to learn.” She swept her arm toward the daguerreotypes on the wall. “Your wife is about to join the famed Spiritualists of our time. Mr. Fishbough. Mrs. Eliza Farnham. Mrs. Emma Hardinge. Miss Cora Scott. Mrs. Edgeworth from your own Rochester. Our dear friend Mrs. Kellogg.” Blue eyes aglow, she looked directly at Izzie. “And soon, after a little training, I suspect we’ll be taking Isabelle down to one of the daguerreotype studios on Broadway so that we can add her portrait.