Authors: Margaret Frazer
Gil had taken Robert to sit on the chest at the foot of the bed then, and Katherine had brought him wine, and Ned had made him drink it, until finally, still sick and shaken inwardly but outwardly quieted, he had been able to look across to Geoffrey dragging himself up to sit back against the wall, blood at the corner of his mouth, and ask him without the outward rage this time, “Why?”
Geoffrey had wiped blood from his mouth and held out his hand to show it, saying bitterly, “Look.”
No one had, except at him, and what he must have seen on all their faces made him drop his hand into this lap, lean his head back tenderly against the wall, and set his gaze disgustedly toward the room’s far side rather than to any of them while he said, sullen, “At evening’s end yesterday, I went to Benedict in his room, to tell him how his mother did and see how he was. He was still angry. Mostly at ‘Master’ Fenner.”
Robert had wondered briefly from where the black scorn Geoffrey put into his name came.
‘I thought he was angry enough he’d take well to the thought of how much better it would be to have me married to his mother instead.“
Gil had sworn at that and Ned had demanded, incredulous, “This was something you’d thought on?”
‘Of course I’d thought on it.“ Geoffrey had been still full of scorn. ”Almost since I’d first come into the household I’d been thinking on it. There was Lady Blaunche, ripe and ready for anything a man could give her, and there he was— ’Master‘ Fenner—tucked into as soft a place as a man could hope for and too stupid to make the most of it. All I needed was time enough to bring her around to seeing how much better I would be to her than he was, and then if it happened he died, I’d be here to hand to be first her comfort and then her next husband.“
‘And if Robert didn’t ’happen‘ to die one way,“ Ned had said in a dangerously level voice, ”you would have seen he ’happened‘ to another?“
‘Why not? He wasn’t anybody. He’d have had nothing, been nothing, except she married him. Why shouldn’t she do as much for me?“
‘You said that to Benedict?“ Robert had asked and been surprised by how evenly he said it, not realizing until later how numb he was.
Geoffrey’s scorn had only deepened. “Of course I didn’t. I started something about how you were failing his mother. He agreed to that readily enough. He said you were a fool who didn’t understand anything. I said that at least I could quiet her, could keep her happier than he did and added, as if half-jesting, that it would be better all around if she had married me instead of him. The young idiot…” Geoffrey’s bitterness had been immense. “… he laughed in my face. He said he’d rather quarrel with Master Fenner about anything, anytime, than ever even try to think of me married to his mother. The whelp. He laughed and turned away from me, still laughing. He made me so angry, laughing like I was some sort of jest…” Geoffrey put out his hands and made a quick, small twisting gesture, as if he held a neck and to break it was a simple thing; and shrugged, dropping his hands into his lap again. “I learned about necks in France, for when there was a guard that needed to be quietly dead. I didn’t even think about it, just did it, and afterwards sorry was no use, so why bother? Besides, I knew, when I came to think about it, that he would have poisoned his mother against me if he’d lived. This way, with him dead, I could better my chances with Lady Blaunche by ‘comforting’ her in her grief. I waited until everything was quiet, took him out, and dumped him at the foot of the stairs, hoping it would be taken for chance he was dead. It was only later, when questions were being asked, I realized there was chance I could make Master Fenner look guilty of the killing and be rid of him, too, and that was all the better.” Geoffrey touched the sore corner of his mouth where the blood was drying. “It would have worked, too. It only all went wrong because of her, the stupid bitch.”
With a hand bearing down on Robert’s shoulder to keep him from rising, Ned had asked, “Lady Blaunche?”
‘Who else?“ Geoffrey had been too lost in angry memory to notice anything besides himself. ”There she was. She’d wanted no one with her but me and we were alone together. I’d quieted her out of crying, was holding her by the hands, flattering her with hope and suchlike, telling her anything I thought she might want to hear, and she was all grateful and warming to me so I told her I loved her and that I wished I was her husband, how different everything would have been if I was. And you know what the bitch did? She looked at me as if I’d never had a wit in my head, as if there was nothing between us and never had been, and said, all scorn, ’Ha!‘ and started to turn her back on me, just like her cur of a son had done. Turned away like I wasn’t even worth the looking at. She made me that angry, I hit her.“
Robert had groaned and bowed his head into his hands. If Geoffrey heard him, it had not mattered; the man had been deaf to everything but his own grievance, going on, “Harder maybe than I meant to. It knocked her sideways. She hit the side of her head there, on the corner of that chest.” He had pointed to the one beside the bed. “Hard enough it half stunned her. She slumped down without even a sound and left me standing here knowing I’d lost my chance at everything. I’d have no chance with her after that and she’d ruin me for life into the bargain if she had the chance. So I took the dagger…”
‘How did you know it was there?“ Ned asked.
‘It was one of those idiot things she was pleased about.“ Geoffrey shrilled his voice like an unlikely woman’s with, ” ’Robert keeps a dagger in the chest by our bed, for better safety, he’s that careful for me.‘ As if we all lived in constant peril of attack.“ Geoffrey’s contempt was open.
‘It was my father’s,“ Robert said thickly. ”The only thing of his I have. That’s why I keep it there.“
‘Well, she’d gone on about it enough that I knew where it was. She was still so dazed from the blow to her head, she was just lying there, didn’t see me take the dagger from the chest, was hardly aware when I dragged her to her feet and over to the prie-dieu. She was even holding on to me while I did, moaning a little. She managed to ask, ’What?‘ like she wasn’t sure what had happened, and I said it was the baby, there was something wrong with the baby, she had to pray while I went for Dame Claire, and forced her down to her knees at the prie-dieu like she was praying while she was still trying to understand what I’d said. Then I ran the dagger into her without her ever seeing it was even in my hand. All she felt was the pain when I pulled it out. Her eyes widened at it and she gasped, ’The baby,‘ thinking that was what it was, and I grabbed her hands before she could feel at her side, wrapped her fingers around the edges of the prie-dieu and told her to pray while I went for help. She was already past speaking, in pain so bad she could only gasp and nod at what I told her. I knew she wouldn’t last long, not with where I’d stabbed her. All I had to do was get out of there while she was still upright. It took hardly an instant to make the dent in the wood and put the dagger under the edge of her skirt.“ He cast an angry look at Dame Frevisse. ”Just as you guessed. And I made sure some of you saw her when I came out the door so you could say she was alive when I left her. All I had to do then was wait until someone wanted to go see how she did and be sure I reached her first, to ’find‘ the dagger that proved she’d killed herself. It all went right, except for you,“ he had said at Dame Frevisse. ”Except for you, nobody would have thought anything but what I meant them to.“
She had not answered him, and only finally had something of the cold stares and silence all around him begun to pierce his self-concern about his cleverness and wrongs, and he had stiffened, had looked around at all of them, and said angrily, as if anger would make them understand where his reasons had not, “They asked for what happened to them. Both of them. They shouldn’t have made me angry the way they did. They were stupid with pride, the both of them.”
‘And what are you,“ Dame Frevisse had said back coldly, ”but stupid with even worse pride? They were guilty of scorn because of theirs. You’re guilty of murder because of yours. That makes your pride by far more stupid and damning than ever theirs was.“
Geoffrey had opened his mouth to answer, then closed it, confusion briefly on his face before Ned took hold on his arm, wrenched him to his feet, and shoved him out of the room to find somewhere to keep him until the crowner came and took him away.
And now…
Robert had carefully done what needed doing through these past four days and held to thoughts of Robin and John and Tacine while he did because they were all that was left to him out of what had been his life.
He had spent as much time as he could with them, had done what he could to help them understand what had happened, had comforted them, had cried with them, been grateful for the comfort that being with them gave. Been grateful, too, that much of the time when he could not be with them, Katherine had been.
But Katherine was among the things he did not want to think on anymore. The settlement with Sir Lewis was postponed, that was all, and all that meant was that he had more days to be gone through until she was safely married and out of his life.
More days of more despair before he could even begin to hope the sharp-edged pain of finally losing her would begin to dull.
A spring wind, fresh with the greening promise of the world, eased through the window, gentle on his face, and only because he was for the moment out of tears did he not cry with weary grief for everything that was and was not and would never be.
‘Robert,“ Dame Frevisse said behind him with the gentleness of these past days that had at first seemed to him odd, until he had realized that gentleness was a true part of her, seldom seen because she seldom felt there was need to give it. That she was giving it to him told him how much his pain must be showing but he was past being able to hide it and he turned from the window to her and said the one thing to which his mind kept returning. ”They’re dead.“
Dame Frevisse’s agreement was blessedly simple. “They’re dead. And part of you will never cease to grieve for it.” She paused, then added, “But you’ll go on living nonetheless. Katherine wishes to speak with you, with me to listen while she does.”
From the moment he had turned around, Robert had been aware that Katherine was there, standing a little beyond Dame Frevisse, and had kept his eyes from her. He had been too much aware of Katherine all these four days; knew how much she had taken on herself besides the children; had wanted to comfort her the times he had seen she had been crying but had kept away from her because comforting her belonged to Drew Allesley; had kept away from ever looking directly at her and did not want to now, but Dame Frevisse was there, waiting, and he turned his gaze toward her.
Katherine…
Like all the household except for the lowest servants, she was dressed in mourning black. It made her look so very young and she was standing there as if somehow afraid but determined not to be and at the same time in need of being held until the fear went away, that he said more harshly than he meant to, “Yes?” because she was Drew Allesley’s to hold, not his. Not ever his.
* * *
Katherine stiffened at his voice and started to draw back but Frevisse took her by the arm, drew her forward, said, “Tell him,” and moved aside herself, leaving them facing each other. Neither Robert nor Katherine looked happy at that but she had not brought Katherine to this point to let her off it and she said again, crisply, when Katherine held silent, “Tell him.”
Katherine glanced back at her, asking for help but must have seen that Frevisse was not going to give it because she dropped her gaze to the floor, took a large, uneven breath, and said, to have it over with, “I was talking with Dame Frevisse. About becoming a nun.”
Because she was looking down, she did not see Robert flinch back from that, his eyes startled with pain; and by the time she looked up at him he had recovered himself so that it was to his cold stare that she had to say, “I’ve told her I don’t want to marry Drew Allesley. I’m sorry. I don’t. We went—Drew and I—we went to Sir Lewis while he was still here and told him…”
‘You told Sir Lewis
what
?’
Robert’s voice rose in what Frevisse heard as pain and disbelief but Katherine maybe heard only as anger because she said on a dry sob and with great desperation, “We told him we didn’t want to marry each other. We…”
‘But you both… you and Drew…“
Katherine straightened, lifted her chin, and said at Robert almost angrily, “There’s someone else his father was dealing for. Before me. Someone Drew would rather have, if given a choice. He told me so before we’d been two hours in each other’s company, but Sir Lewis changed his mind, decided to be set on having me and my fortune as a way to cost Lady Blaunche for having made so much trouble for so long. You were willing to it, too, and neither Drew nor I saw way out of it, but now that Lady Blaunche is…”
Katherine abruptly stopped, afraid she would give pain, but Robert said it for her unflinchingly. “Now that Blaunche is dead.”
‘Yes. Because he likes you and nothing will count with her anymore, Sir Lewis is willing to let go the marriage, he said. When Drew and I told him we didn’t want it, he said that. He said…“ Katherine fumbled to a stop, searching Robert’s face for something besides the emptiness with which he was staring at her. Not finding it, she finished quickly, looking at the floor again, ”He said to tell you he’d settle with you without there was a marriage and now I’ve told you so and beg your pardon if I’ve offended.“