Authors: Catherine Aird
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The Stately Home Murder
A C. D. Sloan Mystery
For Munroâor Ornumâwith love
“What may this mean,
That thou, dead corpse, again in complete steel
Revisit'st thus the glimpses of the moon â¦”
Hamlet to Ghost
Ornum House was open to the public, which did not help the police one little bit.
On the contrary, in fact â¦
It was open every Wednesday, Saturday, and Sunday from April to October, and to parties at other times by prior arrangement with the steward and comptroller.
It was also openâas all the guidebooks saidâBank Hols (Good Friday excepted). Henry Augustus Rudolfo Cremond Cremond, thirteenth Earl Ornum of Ornum in the County of Calleshire, drew the line at opening Ornum House on Good Friday.
“Religious holiday. Not a civil one. No beanfeasts in my house on Good Friday,” he had decreed, adding, as he always added when the subject came up, “Don't know what m'father would have thought about having people in the house for money.”
There was usually someone on hand to make a sympathetic noise at this point.
“Guests, family, and servants,” his Lordship would go on plaintively. “That was all in his day. Now it's half Calleshire.”
This understandable repugnance at having his family home tramped over did not, however, prevent him taking a close interest in the daily tally of visitors. At the end of every open day, Charles Purvis, his steward, was summoned to give an account of the numbersâmuch as in Scotland on the days succeeding the Glorious Twelfth of August, the gamekeeper presented himself each evening with the game bag totals.
Ornum House, attractive as it undoubtedly was, did not really compete in the Stately Home League Tablesâit was too far off the beaten tourist track for that. Nevertheless it did have a respectable number of visitors each year. It was sufficiently near to Berebury to constitute a “must” for people coming to that town, and sufficiently far from the industrial complex of Luston to be an “outing” for people living there.
The outing was usually extended to cover visits to the thirteenth-century church of St. Aidan or the twentieth-century roadhouse The Fiddler's Delightâbut seldom both.
On this particular Sunday in June the little church by the big house offered its own attractions. It was both quiet and cold and it was possible to sit down in a pew in peace and surreptitiously slip off shoes grown too small on a hot afternoon. It had the edgeâtemporarily, at leastâon The Fiddler's Delight, which would not be open until six o'clock.
Mrs. Pearl Fisher was a member of the public who had come to see over Ornum House and her feet hurt.
She hadn't even got as far as the house itself yet and they hurt already. This was partly because they were crammed into her best pair of shoes and partly because she had spent too long standing on them. In the ordinary way she spent her Sunday afternoons having a quiet nap, but this Sunday was different.
Just how different it was going to be had not yet become apparent to Mrs. Fisher when she and the twins and the rest of their party spilled out of the coach just before lunchtime.
The house and grounds were both fuller than usual. It had been wet for three weekends in a row, and now, suddenly, it was flaming June with a vengeance. There had been picnickers all over the park since noon disporting themselves among the trees in a manner not envisaged by Capability Brown when invited to lay out the great park in the then modern manner. (That had been after one of the Earls of Ornum had clapped a Palladian front on the south side of the medieval house. And
had been after he had got back from his first Grand Tour.)
The public, though, seemed to have got the idea of Capability's pleasances. They were positively full of people taking conscious pleasure from walking in them, enjoying their alternating sun and shade and the smooth grass underfoot, and, every now and then, exclaiming at an unexpected vista carefully planned by that master craftsman for them to exclaim at.
At least two people had entered into the spirit of the folly, which was set on a little rise some way from the house.
“No,” said Miss Mavis Palmer.
“Go on,” urged her ardent young man.
“No,” said Mavis, less firmly.
“Be a sport.”
They had come to Ornum House for the day with a coach party from Luston, and there was no question but that they were enjoying themselves.
Mrs. Pearl Fisher, who had come on the same coach, wasn't quite so sure she was. Apart from her feet, which were troubling her more than a little, there were the twins, Michael and Maureen, whom she had brought with her for the ample reason that Mr. Fisher would never have forgiven her for leaving them at home.
Sunday was sacrosanct to The King's Arms and his own armchair.
Like Miss Mavis Palmer and her young man, Bernard, she came from Paradise Row, Luston. Any student of industrial philanthropy would immediately recognize this as a particularly grimy part of that particularly grimy town. By some Victorian quirk of self-righteousness the street names there varied in inverse proportion to their amenity.
The coach had been booked from door to doorâwhich was one of the reasons why Mrs. Fisher had put her best shoes on. What she had not reckoned with was the distance within the doors. There was no distance to speak of inside the house in Paradise Row, Luston, but there was a great deal of it once through the portals of Ornum House.
It had been an old house by the time Capability Brown saw it, and now it was an architectural nightmare. It was true to no one period, representational of nothing but a series of improvements by a series of owners. Behind the Palladian south front were Tudor bricks and behind those the remains of a donjonâa reminder that before the house there had been a castle with a great central keep.
Lord Ornum himself never forgot this.
“Those were the days,” he would sigh. “Drawbridge, portcullis, and broadsword in that order and you were all right. Keep all your enemies at bay. But now”âhere he would open his hands expressivelyâ“now to keep out the enemy”â(he was referring to Her Majesty's Commissioners of Inland Revenue)â“I have to lower the drawbridge and let everyone else in.”
Mrs. Pearl Fisher and the twins didn't join the other picnickers in the park.
They had their sandwiches near the little church that was not far from the house. Churches were something that the utterly urban Mrs. Fisher understood. She mistrusted large areas of grass and woodland. Grass other than corporation grass behind railings was outside her experience and such woodland as she knew in the ordinary way in Luston was no place to take thirteen-year-old twins.
“Let's go in them woods, Mum,” suggested Maureen.
Mrs. Fisher set her lips. Like Disraeli, she never apologized, she never explained. She took a deep breath. “You'll have your sandwiches over there by them graves.”
“I don't want to go near the moldy old church,” protested Maureen, but both the twins recognized the note of flat command in their mother's voice and obediently settled themselves down among the headstones. Afterwards, while waiting for the next conducted tour of the house to begin, they went inside the church.
In view of what was to happen later, this was a pity.
True, Mrs. Fisher promptly sat down in a pew and eased off her shoes, but it was too early in what was to prove a very long day for her to have any real benefit from this short period of shoelessness. Besides, there was the discomfort of getting feet back into shoes now too small â¦
While she sat there Michael and Maureen scampered about the church in a singularly uninhibited fashion. Mrs. Fisher had noticed before that there had been no wonder left in either twin since they had gone to a brand new comprehensive school in the middle of Luston that had everythingâincluding showers, which Mrs. Fisher didn't think were quite nice. (This last opinion was in no wise influenced by the fact that there were no bathrooms in Paradise Row.)
Not unexpectedly, the chief objects of interest to the Fishers in the little church were connected with the Ornums. The family pew, for instance, with its coat of arms emblazoned on the wooden door. Strictly speaking, both family pew and coat of arms should doubtless have gone with the abolition of pew rents, but as the Earl of Ornum was patron of the living the question hadâsomehowânever arisen.
“Mum â¦” That was Michael.
“What is it now?”
“What does âatone' mean?”
“What do you want to know for?” temporized Mrs. Fisher.
“It's on this picture thing.” Michael traced out the heraldic lettering on the coat of arms with a grubby finger. “It says here, âI will atone.'”
“Does it?” said Mrs. Fisher with genuine interest. “I wonder what they got up to then?”
But Michael Fisher had by then moved on to a tomb where a stone man lay in effigy, his stone wife by his side, his stone hands clasped round the hilt of a sword. A little stone dog lay at his feetâwhich Mrs. Fisher thought sillyâand his legs were crossed, which privately Mrs. Fisher thought sillier still. Everyone knew you straightened out someone's legs when he died. Mrs. Fisher, who had been in at nearly every death in Paradise Row since she married (marriage was the emotional coming-of-age in her part of Luston), lost interest in that particular Earl of Ornum who had gone to the Crusades.
Maureen was standing before a much later memorial. There was enough color still to attract the eye to this one and a lot of gold lettering on black marble. Two figuresâman and wifeâwere kneeling opposite each other. On either side of them was a row of smaller kneeling figures.