The Summer of Me & You (6 page)

“Please?”

I laughed. All of the children were so adorable. “Tomorrow, I promise.”

“Yay!” they cried out in excitement.

I gathered my miniature black box theater and the puppets, storing them away. Someone called my name—a familiar voice. I looked up. It was
him
. I didn't have anything to say to him. He hadn't even called me.

As soon as I spotted Kaleb, I pivoted in the other direction. With a quick pace he followed me.

“I'm sorry, but you just missed story time. If you wanna be here for the next story hour you will have to get your mommie to enroll you in our class. There are juice boxes and animal crackers in the next room, and recess on the playground in twenty minutes. After that is nap time.”

He smirked.

 “The last event on the activity list sounds rather nice. Are you gonna be around?”

I stopped walking and turned to face him. He grinned. “What are you doing here, Kaleb?”

He propped against the bookshelf, reached over and grabbed a children's book, thumbing through it.
There's a Wocket in my Pocket.
He laughed and I knew something perverted was traveling across his mind. “Yes, Dr. Seuss, I believe I
do
have a wocket in my pocket.”

I snatched the book away from him and placed it back on the shelf. “You are depraved!”

He eyed me with curiosity afloat in his eyes. “You're spending your entire summer volunteering at a daycare center doing puppet theater for kids. You must really be lonely.”

“Says the guy who
is
a loner.”

“Do you even have any friends?”

“Do
you
?”

“Well, I want to but she's avoiding me.” He submerged his hands in the pockets of his jeans, like he was waiting for an answer.

I
was avoiding
him
? Didn't think so.
 

“Forget it, Kaleb.”

But the boy was relentless. “Why are you walking away from me? I thought we had a lot of fun at the lake yesterday. What happened?”

“I thought we did, too. But apparently, I don't fascinate you. In the slightest.”

He sighed. “Kayleigh.” His voice sounded like a plea. He wanted me to forgive him for what he'd said to me at his graduation, but it'd hurt so much—I wanted to teach him a lesson. How not to say mean things to people and expect them to still like you afterward. But then—

His eyes sparked, and eyebrows arched. “You're not punishing me, you know. You said and did mean things to me as well. It's called forgiveness. And I know you like me, Kayleigh, so you're only hurting yourself.”

“Oh, you are
so
arrogant.”

He stepped closer to me, causing me to shiver. He leaned in close enough to whisper, “And I'm so right.”

“It took you a long time to get back to your house after taking Ashley home.”

“It was
raining.
”
 

“The rain stopped before you even left the lake. What an excuse.”

“So that's what you're mad at me about? It doesn't matter anyway, because even if I did everything perfectly you'd still find some small reason to be pissed at me. If you didn't want to hang out with me, or if you didn't want me around, then why did you stop by my house or leave me your number?”

There wasn't any time to respond to him. The children rushed back into the room and a little girl named Alison jumped into his arms.

“Kaleb!” she smiled. He hoisted her up, spinning her around. “Do you know Kayleigh? Isn't she pretty? She tells us stories with puppets!”

Alison noticed the band-aid on my knee, and exclaimed, “Kayleigh, we have matching boo-boo stickers. Strawberry Shortcake!”

I laughed. “Aww, we do, don't we?”

“Kaleb bandaged my knee when I fell on the playground. He's the best uncle ever.”

“You know what?” I asked her.

“What?”

“He bandaged mine, too.”

Kaleb's gaze bore into me—it was a gaze that said,
I'm seriously interested in you, Kayleigh.
The way he looked at me made me uncomfortable. He looked at me the way other guys hadn't. He looked at me the way I'd always wanted to be looked at. But suddenly, I feared it. It was real. He really liked me and wanted to be around me. I wanted to be around him, too. Liking someone this much could lead to other things—things I wanted with him that I shouldn't allow myself to even imagine, but I couldn't stop myself from thinking about them either—and that could lead to heartbreak.

“Uncle Kaleb, huh?” I said.

“Yep. Rebekah's my step-sister.” He sat Alison down.

“Kaleb needs a girlfriend,” she said directly to me.

I smiled. “Really? Why do you say that, Ali?”

“He's grouchy without one.”

I burst out laughing and Kaleb's eyes grew wide, he looked embarrassed. “Did you put her up to say this?!”

“
No
,” he drew out the word. “She's just a precocious kid.”

“Or, an observant one.”  

“Go play, Alison,” he said. She scurried off to play with the other children.

 “I didn't know that Rebekah was your step-sister. I just thought that...well...” There'd been rumors about Kaleb and Rebekah. I'd heard that they were together before her dad married his mom.

“No worries,” he assured me, sensing what I'd been thinking. “Rebekah is my step-sister now. Wouldn't go there.”

“I wasn't thinking that,” I said. Kaleb had a way of getting under my skin, reading my mind, and making me nervous.

“I see that you're still wearing that,” he pointed to the Strawberry Shortcake band-aid. I immediately felt like an idiot for not taking it off. I didn't even know why I still wore it. What a dweeb. “Why did you follow me to the train tracks, Kayleigh?” He picked up one of the toy trains from the kids table. “Are we going to talk about that day. Ever?”

“No, I am not going to talk about trains with the guy who tried to kill himself in my presence.”

“I wasn't really going to do that. I just wanted to worry you—scare you.”

“You're sick!” I couldn't believe him. I seriously wanted to strangle him right now.

“Maybe I am,” he said.

“Go away and leave me alone.” I turned and walked away but he still chased after me.

“Kayleigh, when I was absent from school all of that time, did you even notice?”

“Does it matter?”

“I thought it would matter to you. We were friends once.”

He was still the same Kaleb, doing everything he could possibly do to get my attention. At times, he could be dramatic.

“I know you'd never really kill yourself,” I said. “You have too much life in you.”

“Yeah, but sometimes it's the things that burn the brightest, that burn out first.”

“You and your obscure philosophy.”

Sometimes I thought Kaleb would follow me wherever I went for life. After two years, I thought he'd forget about me, get a girlfriend and move on with his life. He hadn't even gone to his senior prom. I know, because I was there and Kaleb wasn't.

I left my date and walked home. I ended up strolling by Kaleb's house. I wasn't sure why. Maybe I was worried about him? His mom had told me I could find him at the train tracks that day. It was just before my junior prom. I wanted him as my date, but when I saw him lying there like that, and after he'd gotten rude with me, I changed my mind.

I left prom because I was afraid he'd try something stupid again. I didn't care about dancing with Seth. He wasn't the guy I wanted to remember prom with anyway.

I ducked behind a tree so he didn't see me. But I saw him. He sat on the porch in a tux, his head bowed. His expression held deep disappointment. Why? What'd went wrong? Had his date ditched him at the last minute?

And—Kaleb? Prom? I couldn't imagine it. As I observed him from a distance, I hoped that no one had died because he looked like he'd just gotten back from attending a funeral.

For a fleeting moment, I wanted to jump out of the shadows and surprise him, thinking that maybe he'd be so happy to see me that he'd twirl me around in the grass and we'd have prom right there on his front lawn. But his dismal mood stopped me from going to him. He'd been so mean earlier, I feared going near him. Couldn't take the chance he'd push me away again. Since that one moment, I'd been wary about getting too close because at any second, his mood might shift and shatter the happiness I felt when I was near him.

How had we ended up this way?

He handed me a blue crayon.

“I know you see things, Kayleigh. I know that somewhere in there you see me.”

I thought about the various shades of blue—azure, cerulean, cobalt, indigo, navy, turquoise, sapphire, and blue-gray—just like his moods—I thought.

“You don't remember, do you?”

“I have no idea what you're talking about.”

“I'm hoping that one day you will. Because I do.” I didn't know what to say. He kept talking.“Sometimes I can't tell if I'm still here or not.”

“You're here,” I told him.

“Help me control it.”

“Help you control what?”

“My moods.”

“I can't do that, Kaleb. That's too much to ask someone.”

“—Please. And I'll be something for you, too. I'm not sure what, but something.”

“No.”

“Fine. See if I call.”

I watched as he stormed out the door, wondering if he'd be mad at me forever. As I cleaned up the toy room, I lost myself in thoughts of him. At the end of the day, when the parents picked up their children, I decided when I left I would swing by Kaleb's house. I couldn't do this anymore. I needed to talk to him. As I was straightening the room and putting everything back in place, I realized that Alison had left her stuffed blue bear behind. I tucked him under my arm, turned off the light, and rode my bike to go see him. I felt terrible for what I'd told Kaleb about not wanting to help him. I cared about him. I just didn't know what he needed from me.

When I arrived, he was sitting on his front porch. His hair was feathered back so effortlessly that it looked like he didn't even have to style it—almost as if his hair was naturally that way. He was shirtless—I traced every line, every muscle, every ab. His jeans were ripped and torn at the knees and he was barefoot. Apathetic, Kaleb just sat there with an unlit cigarette dangling between his fingers. He was about to strike flame to light it, but his eyes glided up from beneath his dark lashes and he paused, gazing at me with his dramatic eyes.

My heart rate sky rocketed.

Just looking at him was dangerous for me. He was the guy I knew I should stay away from. He was the one I feared because I knew he would be able to coerce me into almost anything—and he was the one I wanted so badly I would break all the rules just to have him.

“What do you want?”

Suddenly, I'd forgotten why I'd stopped by.

I watched how he placed the cigarette between his parted lips, and brought the lighter to the end and struck it alight. He blew out smoke. He held the smoke monster delicately between his fingers—so lightly in fact, it appeared that it might slip away to the ground. He brought it to his lips again and inhaled, his eyes locked on mine. He was looking at me funny. That's when I realized I was holding the stuffed blue bear in my arms. My face flushed with embarrassment.

“Alison left this behind today. It's her favorite toy. She carries it everywhere.” I handed it to him. He reached out, grasping the bear's blue paw, but instead of taking it, he just paused there. We both held the bear. He gazed at me, awkwardly.

“You know, you don't have to keep returning things just to have an excuse to come and talk to me.”

“I—” I opened my mouth to speak, but faltered instead.

“What—are we going to play ring-around-the-rosie now? 'Cause all I have are ashes.”

I realized that the reason he hadn't taken the bear was because I still held onto it like an idiot. I let go at the same moment he nearly snatched it away.

“Thanks,” he said in monotone. “I'll give this to her when she gets back.”

Everything that I had planned to say to him quickly vanished. The summer afternoon quietly burned, leaving behind an afterglow. Kaleb extinguished his cigarette and sauntered back into his house.

Glitter. Glow. Flicker. Gone.

I wanted desperately to forget about him. This summer would be the summer that Kaleb disappeared from my mind for good. Forever. And I would do everything in my power to make that possible. In a couple of months he'd be leaving anyway, right? No point in trying to get close to him now.

When I arrived back at home my mother had already left. She was a nurse at the local hospital and she worked the late shift. She wouldn't be home until morning. Great. I'd be alone all night. But being alone was something I'd grown used to over the years. It was also something that Kaleb and I had in common. We were both loners. I just wasn't sure if that was something we'd chosen to be, or something we'd learned.