The Sunburnt Country (25 page)

THREE
days later Jonny was back in the shed, sweeping the concrete and dragging out the old lounge suite Ryan had dropped off for her. The beer fridge was full, the table was loaded with chips, dips and crackers, and Zac had brought in Renae’s barbecue, which sat at the mouth of the shed. Ryan was bringing the meat, Renae was doing a salad and Jonny’s mum had insisted on making something for them too. They were set.

‘Hey, Jonny. I brought the music.’ Renae put her iPod dock on the table and plugged it into the extension cord nearby. ‘I’ve put together an awesome playlist,’ she said.

Jonny rested against her broom, watching Renae. ‘Sounds good, Nae.’

Renae carried over a black bag. ‘And I’ve got my costume,’ she said with a wink. ‘Have you got yours organised?’

‘Yep.’ The last time they were all together talking about the shed bash, they’d somehow come up with the wacky idea to not go as themselves. ‘Ryan is easy to do. Shirts, shorts and boots, not that different from me,’ Jonny said with a laugh.

‘Yeah, I think we did okay getting to be the boys. Zac trying to take on me will be hilarious. I can’t wait.’ Renae’s eyes sparkled with fun.

But Jonelle had been having a hard time finding the fun in anything these last few days. Every time she went past the bank or to Gabby’s shop for lunch, she thought of Dan. Just seeing her beat-up speedway car brought back all the memories of their time together. She had started pulling it apart, even though she couldn’t afford to go racing again. Stripping it back and inspecting the damage had kept her mind busy and she was thankful for the distraction.

‘Hey, you okay?’ Renae came and put her arm around Jonny.

Jonny shrugged. ‘I’m missing Dan more than I thought I would,’ she said truthfully.

‘So you really cared about him, huh?’ Renae raised an eyebrow. ‘I didn’t realise it was
that
serious.’

‘It wasn’t. Well, it wasn’t meant to be. We knew how it was going to end, but I just couldn’t fight it, Nae. I’m sure I’ll get over him,’ she said, struggling with the words. ‘I just need a bit of time. Some good distractions, like tonight.’

‘That’s right. Come on, the boys will be here soon. Let’s go get dressed.’ Renae got up and turned her music on. The Black Eyed Peas blared out of the speakers, bouncing across the tin. Renae started grooving on the spot. ‘Now this is what we need. Some party music.’ She danced over and grabbed Jonny’s arm.

Her energy was infectious, and so was the music. Together they danced their way to her room, and for a fleeting moment Jonny’s mind was somewhere other than lost in a faraway city.

‘There, you look fabulous,’ Renae said as she put the finishing touches on Jonny’s fake Ryan stubble. ‘I don’t know where you found that scruffy short wig but it really looks like Coop’s outta-control hair.’

‘Monique borrowed it from school while she was at work the other day. She got it from the kids’ dress-up box. Good, hey?’ Jonny had also borrowed Ryan’s shirt and his favourite farm shorts and they’d painstakingly drawn hair on her legs. Renae’s legs were the same – covered in thick drawn-on hairs. Renae had got one of Zac’s singlets, flattened her boobs with a bandage and filled her front with socks to finish the look. Jonny had tried to pin Renae’s hair back and under itself to look short. When they were ready, they swaggered out to the shed to wait for the boys and have a drink.

‘Oh my God!’ shrieked Renae as she spotted Zac walking into the shed. Jonny burst out laughing and applauded her brother for his Renae ‘do’. He had borrowed one of her black dresses, filled the cups with padding and wore a blonde wig.

‘That’s awesome,’ said Jonny as she watched her brother stagger in on black strappy heels he’d borrowed. That’s when she noticed his legs. ‘You shaved your legs!’ she screeched.

Renae spotted his smooth skin and practically wet herself laughing.

‘Hey, what kind of beautician would I be if I had gorilla legs?’ said Zac, as he tried to twirl a bit of blonde wig through his fingers like Renae did. He ended up pulling his fake hair askew. While Renae went to help him with it, Ryan turned up.

Jonny cracked up again. ‘Hey, that’s cheating,’ she said as she pointed to the pair of her work overalls that he was wearing.

‘Just wait,’ said Ryan in a high-pitched voice. He also wore a long blonde wig.

‘God, don’t tell me you shaved your legs too!’

Ryan’s brow creased as he glanced at Zac. ‘You didn’t?’ he said.

‘If you’re gonna do a job, you gotta do it properly.’ Zac beamed out one of his grins. ‘Besides, they’ll grow back. No biggie.’

Ryan rolled his eyes at Zac before popping the top button on the overalls. Slowly he worked his way down the row of buttons before pulling them apart like a flasher.

Underneath he wore one of Jonny’s singlets, stretched tight across his chest. She could see a bra underneath and his cleavage looked real. Jonny went over and poked one of his breasts, then raised a quizzical brow.

‘Cool, hey. Nae helped with that.’ Ryan reached up and fondled his own breast. ‘Feel real as.’ Then he pulled the implant out. ‘See, it’s a chicken fillet,’ he said as Zac walked over for a feel. The boys shared a similar glance, their minds working overtime.

‘Can I have one?’ asked Zac.

‘No! They’re my boobs. Go get your own.’

Zac looked down. ‘But mine aren’t working. They don’t point right.’

Jonny and Renae looked at each other before snorting with laughter. Jonny wiped her eyes. ‘Man, this has been the best night out and it hasn’t even started.’

‘Hey, but I haven’t finished yet,’ said Ryan as he snatched back his padded insert and fixed himself. Then he pushed the overalls down to the floor.

‘Oh my —’ started Jonny.

‘God,’ finished Renae.

Ryan had on the tightest, smallest pair of denim shorts ever. Then he turned, showing them his behind. Two spanners were stuck in the back pockets, but that wasn’t what caught their eyes. The shorts had been cut high enough to show off his butt cheeks like those worn by sexy models. And he hadn’t shaved his legs.

‘Where’s my camera? This is brilliant.’

Both boys put their hands up. ‘Whoa! No need to document this,’ said Zac.

‘Yeah, this is just for you guys,’ added Ryan.

Jonelle and Renae shared a glance. ‘That’s sweet of you. All right, no pictures.’ But both of them had their fingers crossed behind their backs. Besides, later in the night, after a few drinks, the boys wouldn’t care.

The night was going great, the Doctor was in, sweeping a cool breeze through the shed, and they had the music blaring while they talked, drank and danced. Jonny was doing her best to keep all thoughts of Dan at bay. What would he be doing for New Year’s Eve? Would he be at a nightclub? Would he hook up with someone? Was he even thinking of her? She grimaced and pushed him from her mind.

The boys fired up the barbecue at nine o’clock, filling the shed with the mouth-watering smell of lamb, steak and prawns.

‘Zac, don’t you get any fat splats on my dress. It’s a favourite,’ said Renae, as she squeezed his bum.

‘Oi, I take great offence at that,’ said Zac, his pitch high. ‘You should do it more often,’ he said teasingly. Renae gave him a good hard slap to his backside before walking away with a smile.

Before they knew it the food was all gone, the drinks fridge was looking low, and the clock on the wall said it was nearly twelve. Ryan and Zac had lost their wigs after playing with them, pretending to have pet ferrets, and Zac’s chest had moved to various positions in his dress. All the wayward anatomy had them in fits of laughter. They tried to remember the words to a Kevin Bloody Wilson song about a potato down his bathers. Words were shouted out into the night with a slight drunken slur and totally out of tune.

‘Wow, that went quick. Better not miss the countdown.’ Renae checked her watch.

As they waited for Renae’s count, they could hear the countdown from the hall as voices echoed through the town. They all glanced at Renae.

‘Don’t know who’s running that show but they seriously jumped the gun,’ said Renae. ‘Okay, getting close. Now. Ten, nine, eight . . .’

They all joined in, getting louder as they went, their drinks in their hands at the ready.

‘Two, one . . . Happy New Year!’ they all cried.

‘Cheers.’ Together they toasted the New Year before the hugs began.

‘Happy New Year, bro,’ said Jonny, giving Zac a hug first as he was the closest. His heels had been ditched long ago and they were now the same height.

Then she moved on to Ryan, kissed his cheek and hugged him tight. ‘So what’s everyone’s New Year’s resolution?’ she asked.

When she glanced at Zac, he had his arms around Renae and they were in a full-on lip lock.

‘Oh,’ said Ryan.

Zac pulled back and smiled sheepishly. ‘Sorry. I had the chance and I went for it. Besides, that was my resolution.’

Renae was looking up at Zac with awe. ‘Kissing me was at the top of your list?’

Zac nodded. His dress strap had fallen off one shoulder.

Renae fixed it, smiled and then planted a kiss back on Zac, their arms snaking around each other tightly.

Jonny was so excited for them that she jumped up and down on the spot.

‘Did you know about this?’ asked Ryan, his eyes wide and baffled.

She shrugged. ‘Had a little feeling.’ She grinned stupidly. It was good to see someone’s relationship come to fruition.

‘You’re not getting one of them from me,’ he said, jokingly.

The only person Jonny wanted a New Year’s kiss from wasn’t here. Would Dan be kissing a gorgeous stranger at a fancy city party? She hoped not.

Zac and Renae were still at it until Ryan piped up. ‘Oi, get a room you two,’ he teased.

‘Let’s give them some space, shall we. Wanna walk?’ Jonny looped her arm around Ryan’s and together they headed out of the shed into the dark night. They followed the road, staying near the streetlights.

‘I still can’t believe those two . . .’ Ryan said, amazed.

‘That’s because you’re a bloke and guys aren’t so good at picking up on the signs.’

‘I noticed you and Dan.’ He shot her a
so there
look. ‘I’m glad he’s gone and he didn’t get the chance to break your heart.’

He squeezed her hand but Jonny wanted to tell him her heart felt broken anyway.

‘Well, that was still a gutsy resolution,’ said Ryan.

Jonny kept her steps in line with his. ‘I’ve got my own New Year’s resolution, you know.’

‘What’s that? To give your workshop a makeover?’ he said with a laugh.

‘No. To close my workshop and try to get a job on the mines.’

Ryan jerked to a stop and spun to face her. ‘Say what?’ He took her chin in his hand and held her face to the light. ‘What have you done with Jonny? Did hell just freeze over?’

She swiped his hand away. ‘Funny, ha ha.’ But Jonny was serious. After Dan had left she had really begun to think.
What am I to do now? Where could I go to from here?
She realised she needed to close down the workshop for a while and earn money. She couldn’t get a job around here. It had to be a well-paid job and that would mean going to the mines like Ryan.
God, could I do that?
she’d wondered.
Leave all this behind?
So then she’d spent the next few hours looking for jobs on the mines and seeing what the wages were like. Would it be enough to claw her way back out of the red? It sure looked like it would be a huge step in the right direction. If she could do a year, or two at the most, it would see her happily back on her feet.

They began to walk again, but only got a few steps before Ryan stopped again. ‘You really have been thinking about closing shop? I don’t believe it.’

Jonny was struggling to keep a straight face. ‘Yes. I’m serious. Dan was right. I’m defaulting on my loan and I’m not getting enough paid work to repay my loan.’

‘So . . . what? You’ll look for a job?’

Ryan looked so funny with his shocked expression and his itsy-bitsy shorts.

‘I guess I’ll try. It’d be a start. This year has to be different, Ryan.’

‘Yeah. I guess we’ve all had to make some pretty major changes.’

Jonny nodded, and without warning Ryan scooped her up in his arms and spun her around.

‘It’s okay. No matter what happens, we’ll still have each other,’ he said with a smile. ‘Oh, I shouldn’t have done that.’ Ryan put a hand up to stop his head from spinning.

‘Toughen up, princess,’ she teased.

‘Hey,’ he murmured, before dragging his hand away. ‘I just can’t believe that Jonelle Baxter, who swore she’d never leave this place or her workshop, is actually contemplating both. Bet you don’t go through with it,’ he teased.

‘I have to,’ she said soberly.

‘Hmm. Well, I may need another drink to process this. It’s too weird.’

Jonny punched his arm.

‘Okay, okay, enough of the punching. I’m a lady, remember?’ Ryan put a hand on his fake boob.

‘Yeah, one who’s had too much to drink. Come on. Let’s keep walking. It’s nice out.’

‘And who knows how long those two will need?’

As they strolled up the road in the middle of the night, Jonny actually felt like the new year had started well. All she had to do was leave all thoughts of Dan in the past and continue moving forward. Hopefully a new job would keep her mind busy and eventually the memories of Dan would fade. She just had to keep telling herself that.

DENISE
looked almost exactly as he remembered her. She’d looked sporty in joggers, shorts and a white polo shirt. Her hair was still a rich shade of brown, thanks to a talented hairdresser, and styled in a neat short cut. Of course there were a few extra lines on her face but he couldn’t mistake his own mother.

Now, a few days later, he was wondering why he’d bailed so quickly. Yes, some of it had been the years of anger that had sat in his heart like a black cancerous tumour. It had made him feel like a teenager again, all the hate rushing back. But he was a grown man now, so surely he should be able to be reasonable about his past. Right? Surely he could go back and discuss his pain and anger at her abandonment with her rationally?

Unpacking his box of belongings at his new job, Dan had just pulled out the engraved pen that his father had bought him when he got his last promotion, when he heard his father’s voice.

‘Hey, you still have that?’

John stood by the open door, immaculate in his work suit, short grey hair neatly trimmed. Dan smiled as John stepped into Dan’s new office and held out his hand. ‘Congratulations on the new job, son.’

‘Thanks, Dad.’ It was these moments that Dan waited for, longed for.

‘I finally had a few minutes to pop down and check out the new office. Very nice.’

‘Thanks. I’m sorry I didn’t get back to you, I’ve been busy unpacking at home and getting ready for the new job,’ he fibbed.

‘Not a problem, I know what it’s like. So, how about we go out for dinner on Saturday night to celebrate properly? My shout.’ His father smiled and Dan realised how well he had aged. He knew he had a lot of interest from women but John would never allow anything to get too serious, he had been burnt too much the first time.

‘Sure, sounds great. Thanks, John.’

Clapping his large hands together, John gave Dan’s office one last approving glance and headed back to his own office at the top of the large bank building.

When Dan got home that evening, he thought back on his dad’s visit and it made him feel worse about seeing his mum. He’d already been using work as an excuse not to go back and see her, when really he should go back and get some answers. Would she be wondering about him? Sitting at his kitchen table he thought about getting started on dinner as he tapped his fingers against his glass of whisky. But his mind kept wandering, restless.

At some stage he needed to find out why she gave up on him. He couldn’t fix the hole in his heart that leaving Jonny had caused but maybe he could fix the black rotten part his mother had created.

Grabbing his car keys, he left his whisky behind and headed to the door with all the courage he could muster.

It was nearly seven so he figured she would be home, hoped she’d be home.

Peak hour traffic had died off so he arrived at her door in a flash, not sure how he managed it. Nervously he got out of his car, straightened his tie and shirt. He should have changed out of his work clothes. Twenty-three steps later he was in front of her door. Would she be happy to see him again?

Raising his hand he knocked twice and cleared his throat.

He heard feet shuffling and then the door creaked open. Denise stood wide-eyed on the other side of the threshold. Neither of them moved or said anything. Dan was too busy taking in his mum’s face. She seemed shorter and older but her eyes were the same. He’d never forget those piercing blue eyes.

‘Hi,’ he managed to squeak out. ‘I hope you don’t mind me dropping by but I thought . . .’

His words seemed to wake her. She stepped closer. ‘Daniel?’

‘Have you forgotten what your oldest son looks like? It wouldn’t surprise me, you never did care about me.’ His throat constricted as he voiced his hurt. Tears were welling in her eyes. Was that from seeing him or the fact that he was finally saying the truth?

‘I’ve never forgotten you, Daniel.’ Her voice was so sincere he almost believed her.

‘Then why did you give up on me? You just abandoned me! What mother does that?’ He couldn’t control the angry rise of his voice.

Just as he finished, a blurry object rushed towards him and he felt a thump in his chest. He was pushed back against the wall and a man held him there with a fist full of his shirt.

‘Who do you think you are, speaking to
my
mother like that? You want to compare shit? Then try this on for size. How about a big brother abandoning his younger brother, huh? Where were you when I needed you?’

Dan blinked, trying to take in the large form of his younger brother, Cam. The years had turned him into a strong man in every way. But he was still recognisable with his long, ruffled, jet-black hair, thick dark eyebrows and chiselled jaw. His cheeky smile was nowhere to be seen. Instead, there was fire in his dark eyes and pain in his grimace.

‘Don’t you dare speak to her like that,’ he said, giving Dan one last push before letting go of his shirt. ‘You know nothing about what she’s been through, what we’ve all been through.’ He turned back to Denise and put a gentle hand on her shoulder. ‘Are you okay, Mum?’

‘I’m fine, Cameron. It’s okay. Daniel has questions, I understand. You can go.’ Denise held her hand up against Cam’s face as if trying to tame a wild bull. Cam’s wide shoulders began to soften.

‘Cam . . . I’m sorry,’ said Dan, still getting over the shock of seeing his brother. He wanted to reach out and hug him, to show just how amazing it was to see him again. ‘I missed you, little brother.’

Cam swung back to Dan, hatred flicking across his features. ‘Don’t you talk to me. You wanted nothing to do with me then, so why start now?’ Without waiting for a reply, Cam rushed past Dan into the evening light, climbed into his ute parked on the curb and left with a squeal of tyres.

Dan clenched his shaking hands together. Had he caused all that anguish? He’d never once thought he’d abandoned his brother but maybe he had? It wasn’t Cam’s fault that his mum gave up on Dan. Sure there were times that Dan was jealous of Cam but he never meant to cause Cam pain.

Denise was still standing in the doorway, her face calm, as if ready for his questions.

‘I didn’t know Cam felt that way,’ Dan said.

‘How could you. When was the last time you saw him?’

Her question made his skin crawl and regret leached through him. ‘When was the last time you saw me?’ he asked. He wasn’t trying to be hurtful, just wanting the truth.

‘A year ago on your birthday.’

His legs almost gave out under him. ‘On my birthday?’ he whispered as he tried to come to terms with this news.

Denise nodded and a warm smile appeared. ‘How about you come in and we’ll put the kettle on,’ she said, reaching out to touch his arm.

Her touch was everything he’d been craving, so warm and nurturing. Dan blinked to keep his tears from falling. She gripped him more firmly, stared straight at him and declared, ‘I’ve never stopped loving you, Daniel.’

His body flushed with warmth and he realised how much he needed to hear those words. She cared for him. The tears he saw falling freely down her face added depth to her words.

When Denise saw his shoulders shake, she stepped into his arms and rubbed his back. ‘You are my boy and always will be no matter how far away you are from me.’

Her delicate body held so much strength as she gripped him tightly and he realised how much he’d yearned for this, how much he’d missed it. Years of pain poured out of him like the rain Bundara so desperately needed. He’d never felt so relieved. It was as if something was beginning to break free, something he’d been holding onto for so long.

Minutes passed as they clung to each other, then Denise stepped back, but still she didn’t let him go.

‘Come inside, son. Let’s talk.’

Denise went into the kitchen, while Dan looked around the house. His old home. Some rooms were painted differently and there was new furniture but the main thing that hadn’t changed were the photos on the walls. Dan with his medallion for the athletics carnival, Dan and Cam dressed up for the school play, the boys together with their ‘racing car’ and their uncle. The feelings that rushed through his body were strange. He felt happiness for those moments they’d shared and sadness that they’d passed so long ago. He loved looking at his history and realising that he was still loved.

He went to the kitchen, where his mum had set out teacups on the table.

They sat opposite each other.

‘I have been waiting for this day to come. You don’t know how long I’ve waited for you, Daniel.’

Dan tilted his head to the side. ‘What do you mean? How come you saw me on my birthday but I didn’t see you?’ Was she making it up?

‘I always celebrate your birthday and for years I’ve watched you on your way to work, sitting in the coffee shop by the bank. I’ve watched you grow into a man and I’ve been so proud of you.’ Her bottom lip quivered.

‘You could have come and seen me anytime. Or called. I know I was angry and pushing you away but I still wanted you to keep trying.’ He dropped his head and voice. ‘I wanted you to still care.’

‘Oh, Daniel.’ Denise reached across for his hand and held it tightly. ‘My boy, I wanted to. Not a day went by that I didn’t think of you.’ Denise brushed a tear from her cheek. ‘Your father was very angry and hurt. I didn’t mean to hurt you all and I didn’t want your father to find out the way he did. I’m not proud of sneaking around behind his back with Derek.’

Dan winced.

‘But you must understand that the young, determined and dedicated man I married changed. Well, maybe he didn’t but I’d hoped he would, especially when you boys came along. He missed so many of this family’s milestones and work was always put before us. Then I met Derek, and I discovered what it was to be loved and cherished. I didn’t mean to rip us all apart like that. I was planning to leave your father but when he came home sick and caught us . . . well.’ She glanced away as a pink splash rose across her skin.

Dan held his cup tight as he listened and tried to understand. ‘I felt his pain, Mum. I was young and didn’t realise you weren’t happy. Us kids weren’t happy with the way Dad was either but still he was our dad and this was our family.’

Denise nodded while her fingers played with the edge of the tablecloth.

‘You could have stayed in touch,’ he said.

‘I tried but every time your father found out I’d been calling or trying to see you he’d come around and cause a scene that was hard on us all. He told me that you hated me and by trying to contact you I was making it worse. He also said that if I didn’t leave you alone he’d take a job over east so I’d never be able to see you again.’ Big sorrowful eyes pleaded with him. ‘I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t have you hate me but I didn’t want John to take you away either. I was so confused. In the end I agreed to leave you alone, at least this way I knew you were still close and I could catch glimpses of you. I hoped that one day you’d be old enough to make up your own mind and come and find me when the time was right. I didn’t want to push you further from me. You have to understand just how much I love you.’

Resting his head in his hand, Dan tried to slow his thoughts. How dare his dad do that? His mum had always loved him. Had his dad done this to get back at his wife and to hurt her? Would he really have made them move to another state or were they empty threats? Dan’s head exploded with bitterness at his father and relief that his mum never forgot him. ‘So you wanted to see me?’

‘Yes. You probably didn’t ever notice me but I’d try to keep track of you. Driving past your work hoping to catch a glimpse to see if you were happy; hanging out at the coffee shop on your birthday became an annual event. I used to dream of you recognising me and we could be a family again. So many times I wanted to come and see you, approach you, but I was scared.’ Denise dropped her head. ‘I was scared you would still hate me and not want to see me. My poor heart couldn’t take it if that happened —’

‘I wouldn’t . . . hate’s a strong word,’ he said cutting in. He wondered what he would have done if his mum had come up to him. He was sure he wouldn’t have turned her away, but then he had used the word hate to express his emotions towards his mother more than once over the years.

‘Derek told me to just wait. He was certain you’d come back,’ she finished.

‘So you’re still with Derek?’ he asked.

‘Yes, we’ve been married now for ten years.’

Wow
. Dan sat back in his chair
. Ten years
. ‘Is he here?’

‘No, he’s off with his mother at the moment. She’s just been put into a nursing home so he’s trying to help her adjust. He would like to meet you again one day. When you’re ready.’

They were quiet for a moment as they both processed all that had been said.

‘Would you like to see your old room?’ Denise asked.

Dan smiled. ‘Really? Have you changed it much?’ They got up and she took him down the hallway.

Amazingly his room was still blue, and the shelves on the wall still had some of his old trophies, too. He checked out each one, a smile plastered on his face. Life had seemed so much easier just being a kid at school. As he looked over the rest of the room, he noticed that his bed was gone, replaced by a big computer desk, but it was still his room. From the dent on his wall where he always rested his cricket bat to the glow-in-the-dark stars he could still see on the ceiling.

On the way down the corridor he snuck a look into Cam’s room, which had a single bed and a baby’s cot in the corner.
A cot? Was Cam a father? Was he married?
Have I missed all the important things in Cam’s life? No wonder Cam was so hurt
. Dan’s mind was spinning with his thoughts. Dan realised the magnitude of his abandonment. He felt so bad and upset with himself for being so arrogant. He was just like his father. Hanging his head, he moved back to the kitchen.

‘You all right? Is this all a bit too much?’ Denise asked.

He could see that she was worried he’d be scared off. Dan sat down, resting his arms on the table. ‘No, it’s about time the air was cleared. You don’t have to worry, Mum. I’m not going anywhere.’ She smiled so brightly his chest swelled. ‘I’m just a bit upset about Cam. I just never thought . . .’