The Survivors Book III: Winter (40 page)

Once it was over, Michael guided me back inside and helped me to change into my travel clothes.
 He and the others took care of everything – packing my bags, carrying things out to the car, organizing the group, and even the unpleasant task of going through Netty's supplies to see what we could make use of.  I hated that we had to, but I was grateful that they did it for me.  The thought of picking over that old woman's home like a pack of vultures made me feel even more nauseated than I already did.  It was like losing my grandmother all over again, and I wasn't sure how I was going to cope with that kind of pain.

Eventually, we were ready to leave.
 Michael helped me into the passenger's seat of the Hilux, then he vanished for a few minutes to make sure everything was in order.  When he returned, he glanced at me and gave me a weak smile.

"
I left everything unlocked but closed up," he said.  "With the keys on the front desk, and a note saying that anyone who needed a place to stay was welcome there, so long as they clean up after themselves – and stay out of Room 25.  I don't know if anyone will respect it, but… it seems like the least we can do."

I glanced at him and nodded my approval, unable to find the words to thank him.
 I didn't need to, though.  I could see it in his eyes.  He reached out to gently squeeze my hand, and from that gesture I knew that he understood my pain, and that I needed time.

When he put the car into gear and finally led our convoy away from the township of
Tokaanu, I closed my eyes and let the sound of the rain on the windshield soothe me.  I was almost asleep when something sharp stabbed me in the shoulder, taking me by surprise.  I flinched, but that just made Tigger dig her claws in deeper.  With stalwart determination, the kitten scrambled over me and descended down my shirt front into my lap, where she promptly curled up and went to sleep.

I was stunned by the gesture.
 Even though I had been the first human to feed her, Madeline had practically adopted the little tabby.  Tigger rarely let me pat her, let alone actually cuddle her.  Half-expecting to be clawed, I lifted a hand and gently ran it along her back, feeling the softness of her fur.

Tigger didn't claw me, though.
 She did quite the opposite.  She rolled onto her back and stretched out, purring contentedly.  The sight of it was beyond adorable, and I found myself smiling in spite of everything.

How was it that the animals always knew?

For three days, we travelled southwards, slowly but surely making our way up onto the central plateau.  The region had once been a national park, dominated by three massive volcanic cones, and miles of rocky desert.  Nature still stood strong, even after the laws protecting it had vanished.

I wasn't surprised to discover that the road had seen better days; there had been at least one eruption in the last ten years, and numerous earthquakes.
 Here, the roads had been shattered and torn apart, only to have the cracks filled in by dirt, dust, ash, and weeds.  It made for an uncomfortable journey, but that combination was still better than the deep mud on either side of the remains of the highway.

The group was subdued for most of the trip.
 I couldn't tell whether it was Netty's death bothering them, or if it was having the three volcanoes looming over them.  I couldn't even say which one bothered me more.  We made it past the two smaller cones without incident, but the sight of the last one – Mount Ruapehu – sent an ominous shiver down my spine.

Her familiar, jagged outline was hidden beneath a thick layer of cloud, but I didn't need to see her crest to recognise her.
 That mountain had been responsible for more deaths in my country than any other.  If she chose to, she could wipe out my tiny party in a single swipe, and with it destroy what little hope my species had left.  I kept my mouth shut, and my fears to myself.  There was no point in making the others any jumpier than they already were.

By midday on the third day, we were almost clear of the central plateau.
 The weather had eased over the course of the morning; for the first time in weeks, the sun came out from behind a cloud.

"
Let's stop for lunch," Michael suggested from the passenger seat.  "Let everyone stretch their legs, and enjoy the weather while it lasts."

"
I don't know," I admitted warily, my eye following Ruapehu's outline as the clouds began to lift away from her.  "I'd feel better if we pushed on for another hour or two."

"
Paranoid again, honey?" he teased, leaning over to playfully pat my thigh.

I gave him a dark look, then sighed and nodded.
 "Okay, okay.  Just for a couple of minutes."

"
Ten at the most."  He smiled and gave my knee a gentle squeeze.  "We won't even unpack anything, promise.  If anything happens, we'll be ready to run in a heartbeat."

I cringed internally and cursed myself for a fool.
 Of course Michael knew what I was thinking.  He could read me like a book.  I just muttered something inarticulate and made a vague gesture for him to make the arrangements, then I focused on finding somewhere solid to park the truck.

Within a few minutes, everyone was on their feet and lunch was being handed out.
 Michael took Alfred down to the bushes beside the road to address the call of nature, leaving me alone.  I took the opportunity to go find Dr Cross.

I found him sitting on the back bumper of one of the trucks, eating his lunch and absently swatting at the prolific sand flies that infested the region.
 He glanced up when I neared, adjusting his glasses.

"
Ms McDermott?" he enquired.  "May I assist with something?"

"
I need to talk to you for a second, Doc," I replied, nervously glancing back over my shoulder to make sure that we weren't being observed.  "Can we walk for a bit?"

"
Of course."  He eased himself up off the bumper, and gestured for me to lead on.  I did so, and took him down a rocky bank beside the road, so that we were out of sight.

As we walked, I found myself silently brooding again.
 There was no way to be sure, except to ask my doctor.  The problem was, I didn't entirely know how I felt, so I wasn't sure what answer I was hoping to hear.  On the one hand, the idea of having to lug a tiny person around inside me for nine months while struggling to lead my group to a new home and found a city was almost too much for me to bear.  On the other, I could imagine the look on Michael's face when I told him the news.  If I really was pregnant… that would give him a reason to go on.  And perhaps, it would give me one as well.

"
You seem awfully concerned about privacy, Ms McDermott," Dr Cross pointed out.  I looked at him, and found him watching me with the intense frown he got when he was trying to work out a puzzle.

"
Well, it's a private matter," I admitted.  I took a deep breath, and glanced back over my shoulder to make sure no one had noticed our departure.  No one had.  I turned my full attention to the doctor.  "Doc… you remember when we first met, you gave me a prescription of the contraceptive pill?  And you made me promise to take one every day, at the same time, and never miss a day?"

"
I issue a lot of prescriptions to a lot of people, but that does sound like something I'd say," he replied in a half-hearted attempt at humour.  "What of it?  Do you need some more?"

"
No, it's not that."  I folded my arms across my chest, and stared thoughtfully across the plains at the vast, sprawling flanks of the volcano.  "I've been taking them every day, just like you told me.  Every day, at the same time, and I haven't missed any days.  Is there… is there any chance that the pills could fail?"

"
There's always a chance," he answered.  "There is with any medication, particularly when we're relying on chemicals that may be well past their use-by date."  He paused, then looked at me.  "Do you think you're pregnant, Ms McDermott?"

"
I don't know, Doc."  Suddenly, I found tears welling up in my eyes, no matter how hard I tried to stay strong.  "Maddy said I was.  She said that Netty knew, and now that I think about it, I have been feeling pretty odd recently.  Is there… is there any chance she's right?"

"
There's always a chance.  No contraceptive is a hundred percent effective," he answered dryly.  "How long has it been since you last menstruated?"

"
About six, maybe seven weeks," I replied, fighting the urge to panic.  "But you said I could expect them to be irregular for a while, so I didn't notice."

"
Which is entirely possible," he agreed.  "Have you experienced any dizziness or nausea?"

"
Yes, both."  I hugged myself a little tighter, and closed my eyes to try and steady myself.  "But not just in the mornings.  I've always gotten travel sickness though, and I did have a concussion.  I assumed that was why."

"
It very well could have been either of those things.  You've also been eating food that you're not used to, which can set off nausea as well," he said.  "You may also be particularly sensitive due to hormonal changes in your body, pregnant or not.  I believe I have some anti-nausea medication in my kit.  Remind me to prescribe you some medication for the travel sickness.  Now, have you noticed any tenderness, swelling, or general discomfort in your joints?  Unusual fatigue?"

"
My back hurts a little," I replied, with a vague shrug.  "And I feel tired all the time, but I think we all do right now."

"
Well, I can't tell you for sure until we've run the appropriate tests, but it does sound like congratulations may be in order," he commented thoughtfully.  "Or perhaps, commiserations?  I can understand if you're not particularly comfortable with the idea, after what happened to your sister."

"
Christ!"  The word just exploded out of me, and I buried my face in my hands.  "It's not just that, Doc.  I've… I've… been pregnant before, after the… the… you know… my body couldn't support it, I was too malnourished, and… God, Doc – I'm scared.  I don't know if I want this or not.  I don't know how to feel.  What if… what if I have it, and it's born infected?"

I felt a sympathetic hand on my back, and heard him make a few reassuring noises.
 "It's all right, Sandy.  If you don't want this, then we can… take care of it.  If you are pregnant, then it's still early enough to—"

"
What?"  I jerked my head up and stared at him.  "Are you suggesting…"

He shrugged helplessly, and gave me a weak smile.
 "Only as an option.  No one's going to force you to do anything that you don't want to do.  We don't even know for sure that you are pregnant yet.  Don't jump to conclusions.  Still, if it turns out that you are and you don't want the baby, then you don't have to have it."

"
No!" I cried, horrified beyond words by the mere suggestion.  "No, God, no – I'm not going to kill Michael's baby!  No, no, no—"

"
You don't have to."  He grabbed my shoulders suddenly, bracing me upright.  "Believe me, the last thing I want is for you to take that option but I would be doing you a disservice as your physician if I didn't at least make it available to you.  You're in control of your own destiny now.  You have the right to choose.  No one can make the decision for you.  Not Michael, not me, not your sister, not anyone else – only you get to make the choice."

"
I-I… I can't do that."  I swallowed a lungful of air and squeezed my eyes closed.  "I just need time to think, to accept it.  Please don't tell Michael, not until I'm sure."

"
It's for the best.  The first trimester is a dangerous period, particularly when you're still recovering," Dr Cross explained gently.  Suddenly, he froze, staring over my shoulder.  "Uh… Ms McDermott, perhaps it would be best if we continued this conversation another time?"

"
Huh?"  I glanced back over my shoulder, and stared at the not-so-distant mountain.  "Is that what I think it is?"

From the crater of the mountain, a thin tendril of white smoke swirled up into the blue sky above.
 It looked so small, so innocent, and yet we both instinctively knew what was about to happen.  We exchanged a look, then we turned and ran back towards the convoy.

We almost made it before the first earthquake struck.
 Almost, but not quite.  Just as I tried to scream a warning to my friends and family, the ground jerked sharply and my legs went right out from under me.  Panic took over when my strength failed me; the moment that the earthquake died down, I leapt back to my feet and grabbed Doc by the elbow.

"
Go!  Get to the cars!" I cried, half-dragging and half-guiding him the last few meters towards the nearest truck.  Around us, people were screaming.  A couple of the children were on the ground not far away, cowering in terror; I grabbed them, and guided them to a vehicle.

"
What's going on?"  I barely heard Skye's voice over the chaos, but I felt her grab my arm.

"
Ruapehu's erupting!" I yelled back, forcing my voice to pierce the noise all around us.  It wasn't just human voices trying to drown me out, though; a low, deep rumble echoed through the earth all around us, making it hard to hear, and nearly impossible to think.  I looked at Skylar, and then I lifted my voice as high as it could go and screamed an order.  "Everyone, in the cars!  Go!  Don't stop unless you can't drive anymore!  Go, go, go!"