Authors: K.L. Middleton,Cassie Alexandra,Kristen Middleton
“I noticed the way Jim was looking at you earlier. You and he got something going on?”
“Of course not! Look, I don’t know exactly
how
he was staring at me, and it doesn’t matter. You’re my husband and I…” I swallowed. “I love you.”
“You sure about that? You don’t sound like it.”
Truthfully, I wasn’t sure how I felt about the cruel stranger sitting next to me. A year ago, I would have thrown my arms around him and kissed his doubts away. But, he’d changed. So much. I honestly didn’t recognize the man sitting next to me, spouting off such horrible things. If it wasn’t for Emma, I’d have left him already. Instead, I’d tried to make things work by accepting his apologies and promises to treat me better the way he sometimes did when he was sober. But this was getting to be too much.
He
was beginning to be… too much.
“I didn’t think so,” he mumbled when I didn’t answer him.
I sighed. “It’s not that I don’t love you...”
He tightened his hands on the steering wheel and mimicked my voice. “
It’s not that I don’t love you
… Well, fuck you too, Sera. Maybe you should just pack up your shit and get the hell out of my house.”
“Ray… listen to me,” I said, trying to calm him. I put my hand on his thigh. “I’m not going anywhere and I never said that I didn’t love you.”
Ignoring me, he slapped my hand away. “You can leave, but one thing is for certain – you’re not taking Emma.”
“Don’t be like this, please…”
“I mean it, Sera. You
ever
try to
take Emma from me, I’ll fucking kill you.”
I stared at him in horror.
His smile sent chills down my spine. “I swear to God, I’ll put a bullet through your head. I’d get away with it, too. Don’t you ever forget that, you hear me?”
Nodding, I turned toward the passenger window and stared at the darkness through my tears.
Seattle, Washington
Six Months Later
Sera
“Mommy!” cried Emma, rushing toward me in her pink windbreaker with her pony-princess backpack slung over her shoulder.
Smiling, I bent down as she threw herself into my arms, hugging me tightly. “I’m sorry I’m late,” I whispered into her dark brown hair.
“It’s okay,” she whispered back. “I was getting worried, though.”
Squeezing her, I closed my eyes and took comfort in the apple scent of her hair. I had to admit – picking her up from school in the afternoons was the highlight of my day. “I’m sorry, pumpkin.”
The childcare attendant, an older woman with dark hair and a five-o’clock shadow, cleared her throat and pointed at her watch. “You’re five minutes late, Ms. Daniels. The afterschool program closes promptly at six. I’m sorry but we’ll have to charge you a late fee.”
Sighing, I straightened up. “I’m sorry, Mrs. Rogers. I ended up getting stuck in traffic. I left early enough from work, and that’s why I didn’t even bother calling you beforehand.”
That was their rule – if you were going to be late, they needed to know, although you’d still get charged the late fee. Unfortunately, I didn’t have a cell phone, and in reality, I probably wouldn’t have called anyway. My hands had been too busy gripping the steering wheel in terror, which had begun soon after I’d pulled out of the parking lot of Eagle Drugs. I’d been pretty certain that Ray had been tailing me at a distance. Fortunately, I’d lost him at a red light and was able to get back on track to pick up Emma.
“Well, things happen,” replied Mrs. Rogers, grabbing her purse. “I understand. Next time, however, be considerate and give us a call. We have families, too.”
“Of course and I’m really sorry.”
She nodded curtly and then hurried out of the gymnasium.
I looked down at Emma, the one true love of my life. She was now five-and-a-half, surprisingly well-adjusted, and had just started kindergarten. “How was school today?”
Her hazel eyes lit up. “It was really fun. I made you something with watercolors. It’s in my backpack.”
“Oh, I can’t wait to see it,” I answered, grabbing her hand as we started walking. “I bet it’s just beautiful. You’re such a great artist.”
She smiled up at me. “Do you want to see it?”
I squeezed her hand. “I’d love to, but let’s wait until we get home. I don’t want to get locked inside of the school.”
Her eyes widened. “That could happen?”
I laughed. “No, I’m only teasing. But, I think we should get going and you can show it to me when we get home. It will give me something to look forward to.”
“Oh. Okay.”
As we left the building, my eyes darted around the parking lot. Even though I was pretty certain that I’d lost him, I never let my guard down when it came to Ray. I couldn’t imagine what he’d do if he caught us. Now, it wouldn’t even matter if he was sober or drunk, my gut feeling told me that he hated me with a passion. It also told me that we needed to get out of town, and soon.
The leaves swirled around us as we headed toward the Chevy Cavalier. Normally, this was my favorite time of the year, with the beautiful autumn colors and long-sweater weather. Tonight, however, I was too nervous to appreciate anything other than the fact that I had my daughter with me. That we were alive and he hadn’t gotten to us yet.
I buckled Emma into her car seat and then got in myself, locking the doors quickly. Holding my breath, I put the key into the ignition and sighed in relief when it started. It was twelve years old, had a lot of miles, and from the ticking in the engine, needed repairs, But money was tight, especially after the last couple of months. Not having any medical insurance, I’d needed to get Emma’s immunization shots for kindergarten, which had been quite a bit more money than I’d anticipated. Then she’d gotten an ear infection, which meant antibiotics and more money. Now, I needed to pay for the afterschool care and it seemed like there was a never-ending battle when it came to bills.
As we started driving, Emma asked me to turn on the radio, so I did. One of her favorite songs began to play, by Katy Perry, and she began singing the lyrics. As she did, I kept an eye out for Ray’s black pickup and wondered how he’d found us.
Easily, his friends are cops
, I reminded myself.
We’d been gone for six months, soon after Jim’s birthday party. Ray had come home from the bar the following weekend, and when I’d asked him where he’d been, he beat me so badly that this time, even Emma had noticed. It was then that I finally realized I’d had enough. That I didn’t want my daughter growing up in a home where her mother allowed herself to be a victim. I knew the chances of her following in my footsteps were great, and that I’d never forgive myself if she, like me, had become someone else’s punching bag. So we’d quietly snuck away after he’d passed out on the bathroom floor, his face next to the toilet bowl. We’d driven to an old friend’s house, where we’d stayed for a couple of days. Thankfully, she loaned us some money and we were able to drive to Seattle where my mother lived. Now we were staying in her trailer home until I could save up enough money to get an apartment. Unfortunately, it seemed like we would be dependent on her longer than I’d wanted. But thankfully, she didn’t seem to mind. In fact, she encouraged us to stay. What she didn’t know was that the longer we stayed, the more dangerous it would be for everyone, including her. I hadn’t told her about Ray’s abusive nature. She was a recovering alcoholic, and had enough problems to worry about, so I’d kept it a secret. All she knew was that we were separated, and that I didn’t want any contact with him.
“Mommy?”
I turned down the radio. “Yes, honey?”
“Do you think Grandma will be home, tonight?”
“I’m not sure.” I looked back at Emma in the rearview mirror and then my eyes strayed to the road behind us.
Still no sign of Ray.
I relaxed. “She might be.”
My mother worked in a diner and was currently dating Sam Bailey, one of the short-order cooks. He seemed nice, and treated her like a queen, which was a breath of fresh air, compared to Ray. She usually stayed overnight at his place, when she worked a later shift, but always came home in the mornings to fix Emma breakfast. Mom loved Emma and Emma just adored her. It made my heart swell watching them grow closer with each passing day. By losing her violent, demented father, she’d gained a gentle, loving grandmother. It was sadly ironic.
“Today is Tuesday, October fifth. That was on our calendar at school.”
“Yes, it is. Great memory.”
“Grandma has Tuesdays off. I hope she’s home when we get there. I want her to see my picture, too. She can put it on the fridge. You both can share it, if you’d like.”
I smiled back at her. “That’s sweet of you.”
Emma talked about school for the rest of the ride while I kept my eyes peeled for any signs of Ray. The fact that he’d found my place of employment was frightening. I wondered if he’d somehow tracked me down using my social security number, since I hadn’t changed my driver’s license over from our Wisconsin address. I’d also never shared anything about my mother, mostly because we’d had a strained relationship and had drifted apart. Now it looked like it had been a blessing in disguise. Had he known about her, I don’t know where we would have gone.
As we drew closer to the exit that would take us to the trailer courts, an overwhelming sense of doom rushed through me and my stomach clenched up in fear.
Don’t go home…
I immediately turned down the next block and headed the opposite way. I’d recently found that these sudden gut instincts weren’t anything to question. In fact, they were almost always dead on, especially now that I’d left Ray. It was as if letting go of him had opened up some kind of an intuitiveness that I’d never noticed before. Sometimes it was so accurate, that it made the hair stand up on the back of my neck.
Emma stopped singing. “Mommy, where are we going?”
I forced a smile. “It’s a surprise.”
Her forehead scrunched up and I could tell the wheels were spinning in her head. “Okay, mommy.”
“I’ll bet you’re hungry, right?”
“Yes. I’m so hungry that my tummy is rumbling,” she answered, touching it.
I knew it had been a few hours since she’d eaten lunch, so it didn’t surprise me. “How about a cheeseburger and malt?”
Her eyebrows shot up. “At Jake’s?”
Jake’s was the diner where Mom worked. “Yes. Does that sound yummy?”
She clapped her hands together. “Yes! Can I have a strawberry shake with whipped cream and… and a cherry on top?”
“Of course.”
Her eyebrows furrowed and the smile slipped away. “Why are we going there now? We never do that after school.”
“I just thought it would be fun.”
‘Okay,” she replied, although from the look in her eyes, I could tell that she was still confused.
“Hey.”
“What?”
“I love you more than ice cream,” I teased, playing our little game.
She smiled. “I love you more than rainbows.”
“I love you more than… unicorns.”
“I love you more than castles,” she answered.
“I love you more than gold.”
“I love you even more than gold or diamonds.” She grinned. “Beat that!”
“I love you infinitely more than anything.”
“What does ‘infinitely’ mean again?”
“It means that my love will never end.”
Her eyes twinkled. “I love you infinitely more than that.”
I laughed. “You’re too smart for your own good.”
She bit her lower lip. “That’s what daddy used to say.”
I smiled sadly. “Well, he was right about that.”
Nodding, she looked down at her hands but didn’t say anything.
“Do you miss him?”
Emma looked up but remained silent.
“It’s okay, if you do,” I replied, my heart aching for her. It was the only father Emma knew and she was such a sweet little girl. I knew that she could never hate anyone, let alone Ray, who’d, thankfully, never raised his voice or a hand to her. It had been one of the reasons I’d tried so hard to make things work. Even though he’d been a total asshole to me, he’d managed to treat Emma fairly well. “He’s your daddy and you haven’t seen him for a while.”
She bit her lower lip. “I miss him, but… he hurt you. That was really bad.”
“Yes. It was.”
“Why did he do it then?”
“Honey, I’m not really sure. I don’t know… maybe someone was mean to him when he was younger, and now he doesn’t know any better?”
“Like Grandpa Joe?”
Grandpa Joe was Ray’s father. He’d had a stroke a few years ago, and was pretty docile these days. But Ray had mentioned more than once what a son-of-a-bitch he’d once been. I had a pretty good feeling that he
had
learned his behavior from his dad, but I didn’t want to get into it with Emma. She was the kind of girl who would overthink things until they ate her up inside. She’d once asked me about dying, and for two weeks straight, I’d had to try and reassure her that we were both too young to die, even though I knew that death was unpredictable. Then, another time, she’d been frightened about going to “the bad place”, if she had mean thoughts about someone else. Her mean thoughts at the time, I’d learned, had been nothing more than getting mad at another girl at school, for bullying her. She was definitely a girl who worried about certain things to the extreme.
“I’m not really sure,” I answered and then changed the subject quickly. “You know what I
am
sure about, however?”
“What?”
“That I can talk someone into giving us more than one cherry on your milkshake.”
Her face broke out into a smile. “They can do that?”
“They can,” I answered, winking at her in the mirror. “Especially when you know the right people, and we know
all
of the waitresses, don’t we?”
“We do!”
“Well, there you go. Let’s see if we can sweet-talk them into it.”
“Okay!”
When we arrived at the diner, I sighed in relief when I noticed my mother’s Ford Focus behind the building. I pointed to her car as we turned toward the front entrance. “Look who’s here, Emma.”
Her eyes lit up. “Yaay! Can we sit in her section?”
“Of course,” I answered, parking in front of the restaurant. I got out, unbuckled Emma, and we hurried into the diner with her skipping beside me.
“Grandma!” called Emma, waving at my mother, who was standing next to a booth in the back of the diner. Her silvery-blonde hair was pulled back into a hairnet and she had more makeup on than usual, which made me think that Sam was also working, or she had plans with him for later.
Mom waved back, smiling, and then finished taking her customer’s order, while we waited by the register.
“Mommy, look at that pie,” said Emma, staring into the glass enclosure of the bakery goods. There were pies, cookies, muffins, and scones. My own stomach growled from looking at the tantalizing treats.