The Temptress (18 page)

Dom swung me around in his arms, with Coco clapping
in the background, as I clung to the 4D scan of my twenty eight week old baby,
a baby that we’d just been told was a boy. I’d paid to go privately to have the
special scan done, which was only normally done if there was some kind of
medical necessity, but given that I didn’t know anything about Luc or his
family history, they’d agreed. We’d all been relieved to hear that there was
nothing wrong and even Dom had shed a tear or two as we’d seen the baby’s face
on the monitor, his little thumb in his mouth.

‘So, now you know it’s a boy, are you going to
call him Luc, after his father?’ Dom asked, as he gently set me down and kissed
my forehead.

‘No,’ I smiled, as I shook my head. ‘There’ll
only ever be one Luc. I have found a name that’s very French too though,
Tristan. What do you think?’

‘I love it,’ Coco confirmed, linking arms with
me and kissing my temple. ‘I really do. So are you ready?’

‘As I’ll ever be,’ I nodded, as we headed to
the car loaded with our suitcases.

‘Why now?’ Dom frowned. ‘What changed?’

‘I don’t know,’ I shrugged. ‘I guess it didn’t
seem all that real until I’d passed the danger zone, then we’ve been busy
turning my study into the nursery and me training up Violet to cover for me. I
just feel like if I don’t do it now I never will and I don’t want to have any
more regrets than I already do. I want to be able to look my son in the eye one
day and tell him that I did everything in my power to try to find his father.’

‘You couldn’t have decided that before it was
the peak of Summer in Paris, where they’re having an unprecedented heatwave and
you’re waddling like a fat penguin?’ he asked, with a roll of his eyes. I
didn’t even have a chance to object as Coco launched herself at him, leaping onto
his back and clinging to him like a monkey, as he tried to shake her off, while
I laughed.

‘You are so mean to your sister,’ she uttered.
‘Take that back or I’ll tickle you, right where it hurts.’

‘You wouldn’t dare?’ he exclaimed, trying to
prise her legs from around his waist.

‘She knows all your secrets, Dom. Don’t tempt
her,’ I laughed, as I opened the car and lowered myself into the front seat, as
I heard her laughing and him squealing as she obviously got him right in the
ribs, the most ticklish spot on his body. ‘Your Uncle Dom and Auntie Coco love
each other really, take no notice of them,’ I whispered to my rather large
stomach. ‘I hope you get to have best friends just like them when you grow up.’

‘Stop, stop!’ Dom yelled, his face bright red, as
Coco chuckled on his back.

‘Apologise now,’ she ordered.

‘I’m sorry Lulu, you don’t look at all like a
fat penguin and you don’t waddle,’ he gasped. Coco grinned and hopped off his
back.

‘You look more like a beached whale,’ he
uttered, as he raced for the driver’s seat of his car and locked himself in,
with Coco glaring in his direction.

‘Thank you for defending my honour, but he’s
right, I’m bloody huge. Please can we go, I don’t want to miss our flight. And
if you bicker on the way to the airport, I’m telling you now that I’m going
alone, you’ll both be banned from coming.’

‘Are you
sure
you should be flying?’ Dom
asked for about the tenth time, as Coco strapped herself into the back seat.

‘Doctor’s letter’s in my bag to say I’m super
fit and healthy. Stop fussing, we have a baby’s daddy to find.’

‘I wonder how he’ll react when you turn up on
his doorstep looking like that. I’d have a heart attack.’

‘Well I should think so, as you only sleep with
men,’ I laughed. He grinned at me and started the engine. ‘Besides, we all know
the chances of finding him are slim to impossible, so let’s not get carried
away. I’m doing this because I need peace of mind that I tried, so I can look
my boy in the eye one day and say I did look. I have no expectations at all.’ I
saw them exchange a look in the rear view mirror and I sighed and looked out of
my window. Who was I kidding? I had so many expectations. I wanted to find him.
I wanted him to say that he’d at least want to be a part of his son’s life,
even if he didn’t want to try anything with me. Part of me couldn’t help
thinking, that even though we’d only had one night together, we were meant to
have more. We were just meant to be together. Another part of me was laughing
hysterically. This always happened, well the only two times it had happened, I
had amazing sex and fell really hard. It was probably just one sided. I was
just another one night stand to him, if I did find him, he’d probably take one
look at my ginormous stomach and slam the door in my face.

I curled up in bed, wedging a pillow under my heavy
stomach, pulled the duvet over my head and listened to them arguing outside my
bedroom door.

‘She’s not ok, this is her “I’m pretending
everything’s fine, when it’s really not” act. Trust me, I know her,’ advised
Coco.

‘You’re saying I don’t? I’m her brother. She
said she was fine, we went, we did the best we could. She knew going into this
that she had no chance of finding him. She decided she was going ahead with the
pregnancy on her own. I don’t see what could have changed,’ Dom muttered
stubbornly.

‘She’s pregnant, she’s emotional. She really
liked this guy and she’s carrying his baby. Of course she’s upset. No woman
wants to have a child and the father not want to be a part of its life. She
knew the odds of finding him were slim, but there’ll have been that small
glimmer of hope in the back of her mind that we would, that he’d have been
ecstatic to see her, that he’d have swept her onto his white charger and they’d
have ridden off into the sunset, to their happy ever after. That’s the
difference with us Dom, the difference between men and women. Little girls
dream of fairy tale endings, they don’t dream of being single parents and
having to explain to their child that they don’t know where their daddy is.’

I tried to block out their voices as tears
started to stream down my face. Coco was right, I’d really wanted to find him,
even if not for me, for Tristan, for this tiny being growing inside me. I
didn’t want him to learn that he’d been a mistake, that the only reason he was
here was because two adults couldn’t contain their lust for each other and were
stupid enough to have sex without a condom. I knew I could tell Tristan that
I’d made the choice to keep him, that I’d chosen to love him, that I already loved
him more than I’d ever thought possible, but would that be enough? It wasn’t
his fault that he was here and was going to grow up without a father. I covered
my face with my hands as I sobbed. Being in Paris had been so much harder than
I’d expected. Retracing my footsteps from our day together, seeing all the
sights he’d shown me, places where he’d held my hand, or wrapped his arms
around me. Where he’d wiped the chocolate sauce off the corner of my lips with
his thumb after we’d eaten crepes. Everything had seemed so vivid, as if I was
right back there with him, feeling the chemistry that had shimmered between us.

It had taken us four days to do everything Luc
and I had done in one. Dom was right, I was waddling I was so large and with
the heatwave being experienced it made me even more tired, I’d had to have an
afternoon sleep each day, while they went out and explored on their own. The
bar staff at the club remembered him, but insisted he hadn’t been in for
months. I’d convinced Coco and Dom to stay in the club that night, to have fun
and I’d returned to the hotel, feeling lost and empty. I’d had no luck
remembering where he lived either, all I remembered was that there was a metal
front door to a marble lobby, an old fashioned lift and he’d been the top floor
apartment. In the morning I’d run out and had darted down numerous little
streets, trying to find a taxi and asking to return to the hotel. I’d had my
eyes shut for most of the journey back, my mind replaying the night I’d just
spent with him. Solidifying it in my memories, so I could return to it and live
it over and over again. Which I did. Often. Coco was right, I had been hanging
on to that small shred of hope that I’d bump into him, that I’d have come away
with at least his consent to be in Tristan’s life. It wasn’t about money, it
was never about money. I earned enough with my business to support us both. I’d
just wanted Tristan to have his father want to be involved. I’d also wanted for
him to want to be involved with me. Two nights and a day with my enigmatic
Frenchman and I missed him like I’d miss oxygen. It had to be the pregnancy
hormones, that was all this was. But if that was the case, why did it hurt so
much?

‘Hey, sssshhhh, you’ll get yourself and the
baby stressed if you carry on crying,’ Coco whispered, as she tucked into the
bed behind me and put her arm around me. I grabbed her hand and held it
tightly, my chest rattling and bottom lip quivering, as I tried to pull myself
together. ‘You tried, Lulu. You have to comfort yourself with the fact that you
can look Tristan in the eyes one day and say that you did everything you could
to look for his dad. There’s nothing more you could have done.’

‘Do you think I’m crazy?’ I moaned, between
gasps for air.

‘No. I think you’re seven months pregnant,
hormonal and emotional and you really liked this Luc. But there’s no point
beating yourself up for what might have been, it’s done. You have to focus on
you now, on you and this little boy who’s going to need all of your love and
support and you’re not doing it alone. You have your parents, me and unfortunately
your stupid brother.’

‘I heard that,’ came Dom’s voice, as I giggled
and wiped my face. I felt him lie down in front of me, on top of the duvet,
peeling it back to expose my face. ‘O crap, you look like shit.’

‘Not helping,’ warned Coco.

‘Well she does, but luckily her
amazing and
intelligent
brother knows that when she’s upset she loves a bag of lemon
bonbons and he has one right here.’

‘Where did you get those?’ I asked, using the
heels of my hands to try to dry my face.

‘I may have hidden a few bags around your house
for emergency purposes,’ he smiled, as he rummaged in the bag and pulled one
out, popping it into my mouth.

‘Thank you,’ I mumbled, as I tucked it into the
corner of my cheek and enjoyed the lemon flavour saturating my mouth. He held
my face and kissed my forehead. ‘Both of you,’ I added, as I squeezed Coco’s
hand.

‘I’m pregnant by proxy, don’t I get one?’ she
asked. Dom sighed and passed one over, helping himself to one as well, as we
all lay there.

‘Are you really going to be ok?’ he asked, with
a concerned frown.

‘Yes,’ I sighed. ‘I’m just sad that the door of
that possible chapter of my life has definitely been closed now. But Coco’s
right. I have Mum and Dad and you two, everyone at work is so excited too,
Violet especially. We’ll be fine. Tristan’s not going to lack for any love. But
once I’m back to full fitness, I need to think about looking for another house.
Somewhere bigger, so he has lots of room to run around and a garden to play
in.’

‘Well you have plenty of time before it gets to
that stage,’ Dom advised.

‘Thank you both for coming to Paris with me, I
couldn’t have done it on my own.’

‘You’ll never have to do anything on your own,
you have both of us,’ Coco whispered, as she kissed my hair. ‘Swallow that
toffee, so I know you’re not going to choke on it, then have a sleep. You’ve
over done it the last few days.’

‘I am pretty tired,’ Dom sighed as he snuggled
down, sharing my pillow.

‘I wasn’t talking to you and can’t you cover
your face? You’re so damn ugly it’s hurting my eyes.’

‘I love how you two get along so well,’ I smiled,
with a shake of my head. They bickered constantly, but they were best of
friends and would do anything for each other. No, Tristan wouldn’t miss out,
we’d make sure of it. But it didn’t stop a few more tears from falling, for
what I’d miss out on now I’d lost Luc for good.