Nel nodded. “I think that would be grand.”
“How about DH?” Jacob’s low voice sounded from the doorway.
Wednesday grinned. “You wouldn’t mind if I used your name? He ain’t got a pa to be named after.”
“Yes he does.” Jacob took a step into the room. “You just haven’t found a man worth being his pa yet. But one
day maybe you will.”
Wednesday liked that answer. Nel and Jacob stayed while she ate the tray of food Marla had brought up, then
she told everyone it was time for her and little DH to take a nap. Making a nest of pillows and blankets, she
cuddled in with her son.
When they reached the landing, Jacob bent down to lift Nell. She was almost in his arms when a blue and white
uniform stepped in front of them.
“Stop right there,” Mrs. O’Daniel said in her all-business voice. “Miss Nell will walk down the stairs.”
“But I’m . . .”
Nell let her arms slide down his chest. “I’l walk down,” she added, ending any argument Jacob had planned.
He let go of her reluctantly.
While Mrs. O’Daniel strapped the thick belt around her waist, Nell watched her ranger hurry down the stairs.
She knew he didn’t want to watch her struggle with each step. Not when he could have carried her.
Mrs. O’Daniel was right about one thing. Each time she forced herself to move down and up the steps, it got a
little easier. The nurse always let her set the pace, but Nell noticed the grip on the belt, though firm, no longer
carried most of her weight. Each time her leg took a step, pain throbbed along her spine, but she told herself
over and over she wouldn’t quit until she passed out. She’d learned to brace for the pain. As long as she could
stand ready against it, she could take it. The problem came in those times fire shot through her spine
unexpectedly.
When Nel final y joined the men for breakfast, she thought of doing the same thing that Wednesday did and
announcing it was time for a nap. Only, Nell knew if she wanted a nap, Mrs. O’Daniel would make her climb the
stairs again. So Nell took the lesser of two evils and decided to work with Harrison on the books.
As the day passed, the rain continued. Jacob paced, edgy at being wal ed in. He finally decided to ignore the rain
and go to the barn. To Nell’s surprise Mr. Harrison joined him after lunch.
She read and forced herself to work on a needlepoint, while Gypsy slept in her favorite chair and Brother Aaron
worked on a sermon at the dining table. Mrs. O’Daniel divided her time between Wednesday and the baby’s
care and Nell’s exercises. Nell took her first few steps alone, without the belt. She held onto a chair to balance,
but still for a few seconds she felt she was walking, even if Gypsy did remind her that she looked more like she
was falling in the general direction she’d been planning to walk.
When Jacob and Harrison returned from the barn an hour before supper, Jacob seemed in a good mood. He
talked and joked and, she noticed, paid very little attention to her. He was still angry she hadn’t agreed to marry
him.
When he went to the porch to watch the rain, Nell joined him. It wasn’t like them not to face their problems
head-on. She’d just have to make him understand that she needed time. And maybe, during that time, he’d see
that she wasn’t right for him as a wife and begin to look for someone else. She pulled her chair within a few feet
of him, but somehow he stil seemed distant.
Rain fell in a steady sheet off the porch roof. “It makes me feel closed in,” she opened the conversation, their
first alone since the night before.
Jacob didn’t look at her as he watched it pour. “It makes me glad not to be out in it.”
Neither of them said anything else. He seemed like someone she hardly knew. She watched him, wondering how
this silent man could be the same man who’d kissed her with such passion. His hands, the same hands that had
touched her so gently, now gripped the railing with an iron grip.
There was a gentleness inside him, but she felt like she had to fight to even be al owed to see it.
She’d had enough. “Are you going to ignore me for the rest of my life?” She decided she’d rather have him mad
at her than not even seem to notice she was in the room. “Can’t we have a calm discussion about what’s
bothering you?”
He didn’t answer for a moment, and she knew he was forcing himself not to yel . “I’m waiting for you to come to
your senses,” he answered just as formally.
“And if I don’t?”
“You wil .” He tossed his cigar into the rain. “I know you well enough to know that you never let anything come
easy. If I have to, I’ll fight for you as well as with you about this, Nell, but make no mistake, in the end it wil be settled with a wedding. Ours!”
“You’re not bullying me into anything, Jacob Dalton. I’m no longer a child.” Nell tried to sit calmly in her chair,
but she had never wanted to stomp away so badly in her life. “This isn’t something you can just decide is good
for me and make me go along with.”
He stood over her looking like a warrior. “Stop trying to make me nuts. One minute you’re cuddling up beside
me all warm and willing, and the next you’re tel ing me you might marry another man. I’ve had enough, Nel . It’s
time you made up your mind.”
She lifted her chin. “I’ll marry when I want to.”
“You know you love me.” He gave a quick grin as if trying on charm like he might a new hat. “Don’t even try to
say you don’t feel something when you kiss me. You’ve always loved me. We’ve both known it.”
She didn’t buy the smile, so he went back to scowling. Harrison stepped out on the porch, took one look at
them, and turned around. The door closed behind him.
“Maybe I kiss every man like I kiss you,” Nell said when they were once again alone.
“Have you kissed Harrison like you kissed me?” The ranger’s hands gripped his gun belt.
“That’s none of your business, Jacob. You’re not my husband, or even my fiancé. You’re only Number Thirteen in
line to ask for my hand. Which, by the way, it took you long enough to get here. Were you hoping another might
sweep my heart away, and you wouldn’t have to bother with me?”
Jacob turned toward the front door.
“Where do you think you are going?”
“I’m going to go beat the answer about kissing out of poor Number Twelve.” He said the words as if it were a
chore he had to do. “Too bad, I really like the man.”
Nel fought down a laugh. “You wil do no such thing, Jacob. If you did, I’d never speak to you again, and that’s a
fact.”
He smiled, for real this time, and walked to where she sat. He knelt down in front of her. “Why don’t we settle
this between us and marry? I got here as fast as I could when I heard you wanted to get married. You stil want a
last name, and it might as well be mine. I don’t know why, but we’re connected, we always have been. You’re a
part of me and I’m a part of you.”
Nell raised her chin. Her pride wouldn’t let her tell him the real reason she turned him down. He deserved more
than she could offer. She’d never be able to love him the way he should be loved. She wasn’t sure she could
even be a real wife to him. What if their lovemaking brought her too much pain? How fast would his love die if
he thought every time he touched her she was in pain?
Nel closed her eyes. She shouldn’t have let him kiss her in the first place. She should have known better. But,
just for a few minutes, she wanted to live the dream of being in Jacob’s arms. Only, in the end, the pleasure
they’d shared would cost them both dearly.
“I can’t,” she said brushing his hair with her fingers. “It wouldn’t be fair.”
He met her gaze and held it. “To who, Nell? To me or to you?”
“To you,” she final y admitted. “I could never be the kind of wife you’d want.”
He stood, suddenly angry. “How do you know what kind of wife I want? Now who’s making decisions for the
other?”
Walking to the far end of the porch, he leaned against the railing. He seemed so powerful, so strong, but she
was hurting him, and it ripped her apart.
“Jacob, can we go back to being friends?” She’d been miserable all day. It felt like it had been raining in her
heart. “Can we not talk about getting married for a while?”
He slowly turned and walked back to her. “All right. Set the rules, Nell. I’ll play your game.”
She felt the chil of his words al the way to her bones. “I don’t know the rules.”
“Then how will I know when I step too far? I feel like you’ve drawn lines in the sand, and I have no idea where
they are. I swear I seem to bump into one every time I talk to you.”
She had no answer. Everything seemed so cold if she had to set down rules. But, he’d been right. He did seem to
step over the line. It occurred to her that maybe, for Jacob, there was no line between them.
Gypsy stepped onto the porch, saving her from answering. The little woman hurried up to Nel and asked, “If you
two are finished arguing, the rest of us would like to eat. Dinner’s getting cold.”
Nel nodded. “We’re on our way.”
This was Wednesday’s first time downstairs. They should make the dinner special. “We’ll talk about this later.”
She stared at Jacob, daring him to argue.
“We sure as hel wil ,” he added and held the door as she moved inside.
She could feel his anger as she passed him. He was a straightforward man. Right and wrong were clear in his
mind. Playing games was not something a man like him had ever done.
She avoided his gaze as they ate dinner. Marla had baked a cake and decorated it with sugar in honor of the
baby’s first party. Everyone brought presents. Marla gave Wednesday a comb and brush set with hummingbirds
carved on it. The girl cried because she’d never had anything so nice. Nell gave her a Bible to write her son’s
name in. Harrison bought a windup top that clanked as it rol ed around. The preacher gave her a handkerchief
with fine lace to use when she wanted little DH christened. Gypsy gave her ribbons and a rattle made from a
gourd.
Mrs. O’Daniel offered the most unusual gift, a tiny pouch to put a piece of the umbilical cord in. She said the
Apache mothers wore them so they would always be connected with their sons. Jacob brought in a crib he’d
found in the attic and repainted. But the air was so damp the paint hadn’t dried, so with blue paint on his hands
he promised he’d finish it again on a sunny day.
Everyone laughed and talked at once. Nel tried to push the argument with Jacob out of her mind. She would
never hurt him, but she couldn’t ruin his life.
When dinner was over, she didn’t miss the look Jacob gave Harrison. Something was up; she could feel it. The
men had spent most of the day busy and away from the house. Even the preacher seemed to have something on
his mind. She’d seen the sheriff ride in twice, but he’d done his talking to the men in the barn.
The fact that Jacob had strapped his Colts on that morning had started her thinking, and now that they were
moving toward the door, she knew something was wrong.
She rolled toward them. “What is it?”
“Nothing.” Harrison was a lousy liar.
“We just thought we’d go into town,” Jacob said without looking at her. “The rain seems to have let up, and I
figure we’ll be back in less than an hour.”
“Both of you?” Nel tapped the arm of her chair, hating the invisible chains that held her to it.
“Brother Aaron said he’d sit on the porch while we’re gone. He says if he hears even a mouse in the barn, he’ll
fire off a couple of shots. We’ll be back at full gallop.”
Harrison placed his hand on Nell’s arm. “Don’t worry about us. We’l be back in no time. We just want to check
on Hank and talk to the sheriff.”
His reassuring words did little to calm her. She guessed what they were about. They were going to help Hank,
maybe even get him out of jail. She couldn’t say more without worrying the others.
She met Jacob’s eyes. “Whatever you are planning, I’l help if I can. You know that, don’t you?”
He nodded and lifted a rifle. “I’m not expecting any trouble.” His smile seemed a little forced.
Maybe he didn’t expect it, Nel thought, but he would be ready if it came. That was Jacob’s way.
“Don’t worry, we’ll be back in time to have another bowl of Marla’s cobbler with you before we all turn in,” he
said as he moved toward the door.
“Be careful.” She turned to Harrison, knowing Jacob was making light of whatever he planned. They wouldn’t be
going out in the rain if it wasn’t something important. They wouldn’t be leaving her. “Take care of him. He’s not
fully recovered from the knifing.”
“I will.” Harrison lightly kissed her cheek. “I promise.”
Jacob had been pul ing on his coat, and Nel thought he hadn’t noticed Harrison’s light kiss, until Harrison joined
him at the door and the ranger mumbled, “When you get through covering my back tonight, I may have to beat
some sense into you, bookkeeper.”
Harrison didn’t look the least bit frightened. “Maybe I’l get lucky and beat some into you, Ranger.”
They were gone before she could hear more.
While the others talked and sewed baby things in a circle around the fire, Nell asked Mrs. O’Daniel to help her to
her room. She got ready for bed but rol ed to the window to wait.
The men had already been gone over an hour.
She listened to the clock chime once more. Two hours, she thought, realizing they’d told her once too often that
they’d be home early. They’d both been trying to oversel a lie.
Trouble whispered in the wind tonight, and al she seemed able to do was wait.