innocent people off the train and shot them.
Farrow, or Kelly, would probably buy everyone a few drinks before announcing his plan. Since he was a lawyer,
he might reason that they could have a trial now and save time. Kelly would agree to take Hank’s body back to
Fort Worth.
And finally, when the crowd was ready, Farrow would lead them out to Nel ’s place to do what he’d decided had
to be done. By the time they’d get to the house by the tracks, the crowd would have turned into an angry mob,
and not even Farrow would have control.
Jacob couldn’t risk that on Nell’s property. He had a feeling if there was a fight, Nell would be right in the middle
of it, even in her wheelchair. So his only choice was to stay out of sight and wait for midnight.
By midafternoon, when Nell and the nurse left to go to the river for a swim, he was starting to bump into
furniture like the top Harrison had bought the baby. He tried reading but couldn’t settle enough to pay
attention. He talked to Wednesday for a while, but to his surprise, the girl didn’t seem all that interested in
keeping him company. He cleaned and reloaded every weapon in the house, including his own Colt that had
been packed in dried mud.
Jacob could only think of one other thing he could do with Nel to pass the time, and she was never alone. Even
staying in the same room with her and not being free to touch her bothered him. So he paced and ate. Then, for
a change, he ate and paced.
If the sun didn’t set soon, they’d have to rol him out of the house.
Harrison seemed to be gone for hours with Nel and the nurse. Jacob was glad to see them return and frustrated
when he couldn’t go out front to carry her in. She looked tired even from twenty feet away.
Marla hurried out with more blankets and then stayed to help lift her off the wagon. Even Gypsy ran outside,
leaving Jacob alone in the shadows.
When Harrison and Marla reached the entry, Jacob took Nell from them and carried her upstairs. Before he had
time to say more than a few words to her, Mrs. O’Daniel ordered him out so they could give her a warm bath.
Jacob was banished back downstairs, where he pestered Harrison in the study until suppertime. Then,
thankful y, Nel asked him to have dinner upstairs with her. She said she was tired, and he might be seen
downstairs once the lights were lit.
Jacob didn’t argue, and neither did anyone else in the house. In fact, Harrison and Gypsy almost pushed him up
the stairs just before dark with a tray to take to Nell’s room.
He shoved open her door and found her watching the evening shadows from her window. She was already in
her gown and robe, with her hair combed down over her shoulders. The angels couldn’t be more beautiful, he
decided and was glad he’d finally have some time alone with her.
“I drove everyone nuts downstairs, and they sent me up here,” he joked.
“I know,” she answered. “Gypsy said you’re harder to keep inside than a wild cat.”
Jacob shrugged. “I don’t care. This is where I’d rather be, anyway.”
This time she smiled. “I know that, too.”
He placed the tray on the tiny table between them and didn’t bother to turn up the light. He pul ed his chair
close but out of view if anyone were watching the upstairs windows.
They ate the meat pies and sugared fruit Marla had cooked. To his surprise, Nell was quiet, only answering
questions when he asked. He didn’t care; it was good to be alone with her. She said she enjoyed the swim more
each time, and Harrison had figured out how he could pul the wagon within a few feet of the bank, so she didn’t
have to walk much.
They fell silent as they nibbled on buttermilk pie. Jacob leaned back and reminded himself that no matter what,
he wouldn’t get angry tonight. This might be their last time together for a while, and he wanted to enjoy every
minute.
Finally, he decided to bring up a subject he’d been careful to avoid talking about al day. He couldn’t leave with
something not clear between them. “I didn’t sleep with Pearlie in town,” he blurted out, tel ing himself he
wasn’t apologizing, only stating a fact.
She grinned. “I know. I never thought you did.”
“But I was in her room al night. She and Dave carried me in when I was knocked out cold.”
“Jacob, we’re not married. I have no strings tied to you.” She held her head high like she did when she knew she
was saying something that was the right thing to say. “You’re a free man.”
He shoved his empty plate aside. “That’s just it, Nell. I don’t feel like a free man. Most of the time I feel like
we’re already married.” He’d never thought a lot about it, but since she’d come home from school grown, he’d
never looked at another woman. He’d told himself he was too busy, but it was more than that. He might not
admit it to himself, but he wanted her. Not just in his bed, but in his life. When she’d run to him that first time,
looking all grown, he’d known, deep down inside, that he really was her ranger for as long as she wanted him to
be.
He studied her and final y said what he felt. “I don’t want to leave you, Nell, not tonight, not ever. It doesn’t
matter whether I go to Stockard’s place or halfway across the state, a part of me is always here with you.”
She looked away. “I know, but we don’t fit together. You’d hate staying here and running the ranges. I’d never
be able to travel with you. There are so many things I’d never be able to do with you.”
He stood and walked to the door. “When I come back from the Stockard place, I’l have to take Hank to Fort
Worth and stay with him until the trial. I don’t know how long it will be until I get back.” Without saying a word,
he closed the door and turned the lock. “One thing we can do, just for tonight. I’d like to hold you for a while
before I have to leave. I’m not demanding you marry me or wait for me. I just don’t want to go the rest of my life
without this time alone with you.”
Nel looked up at him, and even in the shadows of the room he could see her nod. “I’d like that, too.”
He picked her up and carried her to the bed. Before he lowered her, he kissed her cheek lightly and rubbed his
nose against her hair. “I love the way you smell.”
“It’s soap.” She laughed as he lowered her atop the covers.
She watched him unbuckle his gun belt and pul off his boots. Her eyes were warm with need, but she didn’t say
a word.
When he knelt on the bed above her, he almost abandoned his plan. How could he hold her tonight and not
make her his? He’d be in hell and heaven at the same time. The longing to be near her had pounded through
him all day as steady as a heartbeat, and now, here she was, all soft and beautiful.
He slid beside her, letting his body touch hers from shoulder to leg. “Are you cold?” he asked.
“No.” She cuddled closer.
He kissed her then as tenderly as he knew how. She felt so right in his arms, as if they’d both known forever that
she’d find her way there eventual y.
His hand moved over her gown, barely brushing her, but memorizing her curves. Her hair was still damp from
being freshly washed, her skin soft from the water.
For the first time, he knew here was home. Not the house, or the town, or even Texas. His home was beside
Nell.
Rolling toward her, he let his chest rest lightly atop her, pressing her breasts against him. She felt so good, so
right beneath him. He swore he felt her heartbeat match his own.
The kiss deepened, and the warmth of her body set him on fire. He touched her throat, then gently moved his
hand down the front of her gown, parting the robe as he moved. She was perfection beneath the thin cotton
gown.
Her fingers dug into his hair, pul ing him closer, demanding he please her.
With a slow pleasure, he spread his hand across her tummy and lower. Touching her where he knew no man had
ever touched her. Loving the way she moaned and pul ed him closer. Loving that she wanted him as dearly as he
desired her.
He rol ed above her, pressing her into the bed, needing to feel her body beneath him.
Then, through the passion, he felt her struggle and break the kiss. A moment later, she cried out in pain.
Jacob rol ed from her, shaken to the core as he watched her fight for breath enough to scream.
He’d hurt her. Oh, God, he’d hurt her!
He climbed off the bed and ran for the door, hearing her behind him as she tried not to cry out.
Mrs. O’Daniel was at the door when he unlocked it. She pushed him aside and rushed to Nel .
Jacob stood helpless as Mrs. O’Daniel leaned her head close to Nel and whispered, “Relax, dear. Just relax.
You’ve had these pains before. You know they will pass.” As if Nell were a doll, Mrs. O’Daniel moved her, taking
as much pressure off the small of Nell’s back as possible.
Nell calmed, crying softly, silently, as Mrs. O’Daniel whispered, “Would you like some of your medicine?”
Jacob glanced at the tiny bottle of opium he’d seen before.
“No,” Nel answered. “I can stand it.”
He felt bad that he’d once warned her about getting dependent on the drug. Until this moment he had no idea
how terrible her hell could be. But this time, he felt the pain with her.
The pain and a loss deep inside him.
He’d caused it, he realized as he swore he’d never cause her to suffer so again. Even now, pale and curled on the
bed, she was so beautiful. His body, his soul ached for her, but he knew he’d never touch her again.
Jacob grabbed his boots and gun belt and closed the door silently. For the hundredth, maybe the thousandth
time, he wished he could take the pain for her. He would die for her. He would love her until his last breath. But,
he would never touch her again.
NELL CRIED SOFTLY LONG AFTER MRS. O’DANIEL SAID good night. The nurse asked her what happened, but Nel
hadn’t answered. She couldn’t tel the nurse, or anyone. Mrs. O’Daniel finally decided the ranger must have
turned Nel wrong when he’d tried to put her in bed. She offered to sit by Nel ’s bed for a while, but Nel needed
to be alone.
She knew Jacob wouldn’t be back. No tonight, maybe not ever. He’d blame himself for something they’d both
started, both wanted. She wanted to tel him that the bul et left lodged along her spine had hurt her, not him,
but he wouldn’t listen. He wouldn’t believe her.
She heard a horse outside her window and knew that somewhere in the darkness he was looking up, watching,
longing for her. Then she heard him ride away into the night and knew he was gone. Her ranger had done the
one thing he could never forgive himself for doing: he’d hurt her.
Tears fell silently, for Nell knew it was all her fault. If she’d kept her distance. If she’d have married another. If she’d told him from the first that she’d never accept his proposal. Then maybe he would have felt rejected, but
he’d have gotten over it. He would have gone on with his life.
But now. Now he loved her and wanted her. She knew her memory would torture him the rest of his life. And
the memory of how he touched her so gently would stay forever in the back of her mind. A promise of
something she’d never have.
Wednesday slipped into her room. “Miss Nell, are you still awake?”
“I’m awake,” Nel whispered. “Is the ranger gone?”
“He’s gone,” Wednesday said. “I just wanted to check on you. Mrs. O’Daniel said you got hurt again. Was it a bad
fall?” The girl took Nell’s hand.
“The worst yet,” Nell whispered knowing she might never recover.
“I’m so sorry,” Wednesday whispered. “Is there anything I can do to help?”
“No.” Nel tried to smile but couldn’t manage it. “I’ll be better in the morning. Just help Mrs. O’Daniel out with
Hank.”
“I’l do that. And, Miss Nel , I want you to know that I love you.”
“I love you, too, Wednesday.”
The girl pul ed the door as she backed out of the room, leaving Nel alone in the silence once more.
Nel closed her eyes, picturing Jacob riding through the night on his powerful horse. “I love you, too,” she
whispered wishing her words would carry on the wind to him but knowing that he wouldn’t be listening.
JACOB RODE WEST INTO THE NIGHT. WHEN HE reached the river, he fol owed the tree line, staying well into the
shadows so no one could fol ow. He knew when the river turned, he’d have to leave the shadows along the bank
and ride north onto old Stockard’s land. Part of him wanted to keep heading west and go straight into the bad-
lands where no one had bothered to settle and law rarely ventured. He’d get lost there, maybe change his
name. Start over.
After all, what was he leaving behind? A few dollars in the bank. A few clothes and guns in a trunk at Ranger
headquarters. A few memories that would rip his gut wide open if he thought about them too much.
The night felt warm, but a chill moved over his heart. He couldn’t get Nell’s brown eyes filled with tears out of
his mind. He wasn’t sure he ever would. When he’d realized he’d hurt her, his heart stopped.
Jacob tried to remember if he’d said he was sorry. No. He hadn’t said a word. He’d just stood there and stared as
Mrs. O’Daniel tried to comfort her. Then he’d disappeared like a coward. He wouldn’t blame Nell for hating him.
He hated himself.
The river bent south, and Jacob turned north across open country. Stars were out in ful force, making the night
bright, but he doubted anyone would see him riding so late. Though ranches bordered the Stockard place, none
had homes that were close enough to see onto the property.