“And I’m right? Tomorrow is the formal dinner?” Kirra added.
“Yes, serra.”
“Good. I was afraid it might be tonight,” she said, and caught up with the others.
“We’ll ride up to the door with you,” Justin said so nonchalantly that she had to stop and realize that he didn’t really have to. Inside the royal compound, she was about as safe as a person could be, and the pathway to the barracks lay in a completely different direction. But she had finally started to figure Justin out a little.
The six of us . . . We’ll ride with you. . . .
When he said “we” or “us,” he meant this small core of friends that he hadn’t even known existed a year ago, and hadn’t really liked when they were first thrust upon him. Except for Tayse, of course. He had always worshipped Tayse. But the rest of them had surprised him by coming to mean so much to him. She thought he must still be astonished by his depth of feeling.
“You can take my horse for me,” she said casually.
He nodded. “Will do.”
Milo, the royal steward, was waiting at the door when their ragged little group rode up. “Serra Kirra,” he said in that voice that never showed dismay or disapproval. “The king will be glad you’re here. Your usual room has been reserved for you.”
Kirra slid from the saddle and unhooked her bags. Melly was also on the ground and retrieving luggage. Kirra handed her reins to Justin and gave him a friendlier smile than she usually bothered to show him. “Thanks,” she said. For returning the horse to the stables. For feeling the need to guard her on the way back from Rappengrass. For comforting her while she cried and never mentioning the incident again. “I’ll swing by the barracks before I leave.”
He nodded carelessly, as if it didn’t matter, and turned away, already talking to Cammon. Kirra smiled and followed Melly up the stairs to the grand entrance of the palace.
SENNETH wasn’t in her room. It seemed inappropriate to seek out Amalie or Valri, who would take on much different personas, Kirra thought, now that they were back in the royal compound. She didn’t dare go looking for Romar in broad daylight in the king’s palace. So she had to impatiently get through the intervening hours until dinner, unable to catch up on any good tales of the road.
Melly convinced her to nap, and then she luxuriated in a real bath, all scented soap and hot water. Melly seemed so eager to style her hair and help her with her clothes that Kirra submitted, just sitting and standing as Melly directed.
“This is the last time, though,” she warned. “Tonight and tomorrow night. I’m getting tired of being fussed over.”
“I know,” Melly said with a smile. “That’s why I want to do it.”
When Melly was done, Kirra was wearing a gown of deep violet silk edged with borders of velvet; against it, her hair looked bright as a pile of new coins. Melly had woven purple ribbons through the loose curls and set garnets and amethysts in Kirra’s ears and around her fingers. The ruby pendant of Danalustrous hung perfectly in the narrow V of the neckline. Kirra’s blue eyes looked smoky, tinged by the color of the dress.
“I hope I look this good tomorrow,” Kirra said, admiring herself in the mirror. “Thank you, Melly.”
Thank you for your patience and care and good humor these last few weeks.
“I was happy to do it,” Melly said.
I would do anything for House Danalustrous.
Kirra smiled and turned away. “Time to go charm the multitudes. I don’t know when I’ll be back.”
“I won’t wait up.”
Because I know Romar Brendyn is here.
Kirra was surprised into a laugh. “Good. Time you finally got a long night’s sleep on a real bed.”
She flitted downstairs toward the sound of voices and found twenty or thirty people gathered just outside the smaller of the palace’s two formal dining rooms. She didn’t get five steps into the room before someone called her name and she was drawn into light conversation. Senneth was across the room, looking bored but unable to break free from a conference with some ancient-looking lord. Kirra waved and Senneth nodded, not breaking into the smile Kirra expected. Kirra raised her brows. Was something wrong? She tried to ease out of her unwelcome tête-à-tête and edge toward Senneth, but three more people caught up with her before she had even made it halfway across the room.
And then there was Amalie, descending on her in a swirl of gold skirts. “Kirra!” the princess cried, giving her a hug. So maybe it would have been permissible for Kirra to seek her out earlier in the day, just two old friends chattering the hours away. Amalie seemed to think friendship still held off the road. “When did you arrive? You must have traveled so fast!”
“I’ve only been here a few hours. But I was worried! I was afraid the grand dinner was tonight and I didn’t want to miss it.”
“No, it’s tomorrow,” Amalie said, and if she added something, Kirra missed it. Wild Mother still her wild heart, there was Romar a few feet away, standing with a small group. He looked almost as serious as Senneth, or maybe that was irritation on his face. The large woman talking to him at just this moment looked pompous and overbearing.
“Have you seen Senneth? Have you said hello to everyone?” Amalie was asking now.
“No—I’ve really just walked through the door.”
Amalie took her arm and—
heart, please behave
—tugged her in Romar’s direction. Kirra shaped her face with her most serene expression. “Uncle Romar, look who’s arrived, a whole day before we expected her,” Amalie said, as Romar’s circle of friends parted to admit them.
Romar turned to them so smoothly, with so little surprise, that Kirra was sure he must have seen her when she stepped through the door. He was smiling, but something about his expression was shuttered. Perhaps, like her, he was striving not to let his emotions show in such a public place. Great gods, they’d been apart less than two weeks and it was already like some kind of breathless holiday when they were reunited. “Serra,” he said very formally. “I trust you had no troubles on the road?”
“No, we were a small party, and we traveled without incident,” she said, spreading her smile impartially over the other four people in the group. She didn’t recognize any of them, though she thought the overbearing woman might be from Tilt. Or possibly Merrenstow, which explained why Romar was trying to be civil to her.
“You’re Kirra Danalustrous, aren’t you?” the large woman said, grabbing for Kirra’s hand without waiting for introductions. “Pretty as everyone says. I’m Macey Carrostan from Merrenstow.”
“Ah—forgive my rudeness,” Romar said. “Serramarra Kirra Danalustrous. That’s Lady Macey and her husband, George. Lord Gilbert Porrin. And my wife, Belinda.”
She was holding Lord Gilbert’s hand at the moment or Kirra would have fallen over. As it was, she felt the foundations of the palace shake and the walls pounce forward in one dark swoop. She could not falter; she could not scream. She could not crumple to the ground in a small, bleeding heap.
“Lady Belinda,” she said, making a quarter turn and keeping her smile perfectly in place. “I didn’t realize we would have the pleasure of your company for this event.”
Belinda placed her little hand in Kirra’s and offered a shy smile. She was small but not overly delicate. The bones of her face were prominent; her grip was strong. She had dark hair and a determined chin and the look of someone who was, quite simply, kind. But she was obviously a little dazzled at the exalted company she was keeping.
“I don’t often come to court, but my husband says it’s something I’ll have to get used to,” she said, giving Romar a swift sideways glance. “I must say, everyone has been most gracious.”
I want to strike you. I want to hurt you. I want to see you run whimpering from the room.
Kirra forced a smile. “Oh, people are pretty much the same everywhere,” she said breezily. “Title or no. Some are pleasant and some aren’t. But I’m glad you’ve enjoyed yourself so far.”
She felt a touch on her arm and turned blindly to see who might have accosted her. Senneth. “Kirra, can I drag you away for a minute?” Senneth asked, giving everyone else an apologetic glance. “I need a favor.”
Kirra shook her head in mock dismay. “She always does this,” she informed the Merrenstow contingent. “It was very nice to meet all of you. I’m sure we’ll get a chance to talk later.”
And she allowed Senneth to pull her away. No, she leaned on Senneth with all her weight as Senneth helped her escape.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I thought I would intercept you before you got down here,” Senneth was murmuring in her ear. “She arrived this morning. I’m not sure Romar had any clue she was coming. Baryn must have invited her. There was no way to warn you—”
“Do I look all right? Do I look pale? Do I look like I’m going to throw up? Because I think I’m going to throw up. I don’t want to embarrass Romar. I don’t want anyone to notice anything—”
“You look fine. Do you want to sit down? I made Amalie put me at your table for tonight.”
“I’m not going to be able to eat anything. Senneth, really, I’m going to start retching.”
“Here. Sit down. Here.”
Senneth pushed her to a striped divan situated at the edge of the room. Her hand was still on Kirra’s arm, unbelievably warm, unbelievably reassuring. Kirra closed her eyes and concentrated on breathing, concentrated on not emptying the contents of her stomach here outside the king’s dining room.
“If someone comes over and wants to talk to me, say that I’m faint,” Kirra said. She was leaning back against the stuffed cushions, trying to keep her back straight, but she really wanted to bend over so her head touched her knees. Or lie on the cold floor, curled in a ball.
“No one will see us,” Senneth said.
Kirra was able to summon a small flare of amusement. “What? You’re using your invisibility spell on both of us?”
“Something like that.”
Kirra took two deep breaths and slowly let them out. “I’m a fool,” she said at last. “I should have expected—I should
always
expect—of course she would be here. It’s surprising she didn’t make the whole circuit with him this summer. Everywhere he goes, I should expect to see her.”
Senneth made no reply, though Kirra could imagine a few choice words the other woman could have spoken.
If you had not allowed yourself to love a married man, you would not care if his wife was present or not.
True. True. She was a fool for so many reasons.
“I think I’m feeling a little better now,” Kirra said. “I think I’ll be able to stand up when dinner is announced.”
“He made sure I met her,” Senneth said. “I know he wanted me to tell you she was here. I thought I would—but then the king called me in and—I should have left a note. I should have given it to Milo. I thought I would see you before you walked in the room.”
Kirra turned her head to stare at Senneth and found that the motion did not make her dizzy. She
would
be able to stand up. She wouldn’t be able to eat a bite of dinner, of course—she’d change every forkful to water as soon as she slipped it into her mouth—but she would be able to survive the meal. She thought. “Of all the people in the room, you are the last one who needs to be apologizing,” she said.
“It’s just that you’re breaking my heart,” Senneth said.
At that moment, the meal was announced. Kirra relied on Senneth to help her to her feet, but after that she moved under her own power. A few more diners stopped them to greet the serramarra, and Kirra was astonished to find that she could smile and talk as if nothing had happened. As if nothing was wrong.
She sat at a table with Senneth and six others, and she continued to laugh and chatter so charmingly that she saw Senneth smile at her more than once. The food was served, and it didn’t make her gag, though she put her plan into practice and altered every single mouthful. The man sitting next to her, a lord from Tilt, leaned over as dessert was passed around and touched her arm. “I’m following you home to Danalustrous and asking for your hand in marriage,” he said. “No one ever told me you were so delightful.”
The whole time, a voice in her head was screaming, was sobbing, was whispering that the world had ended.
CHAPTER
39
R
AIN came as dawn’s escort, moving in a little after sunrise and hanging around glumly no matter how many hours passed. While the gray skies perfectly suited Kirra’s mood, she found it in her heart to pity the late arrivals journeying to Ghosenhall for tonight’s event. Nothing worse than traveling in bad weather.