The Three Sisters (21 page)

Read The Three Sisters Online

Authors: Bryan Taylor

Tags: #Humour

Benny followed alongside the detective who was almost smiling. Detective Hole’s disposition had changed in a matter of minutes, and being in a good mood now, Detective Hole turned to what he enjoyed doing
the most.

“Bernard, do you
like riddles?”

“Uh, Detective Hole, I just remembered, I need to call my wife. You’ll excuse me, won’t you?” asked
John Hotchkiss.

“Isn’t she asleep
now, John?”

“Oh, well, yes, but she said for me to call
her anyway.”

“All right John, you’ve heard this one anyway,” commented the detective as John Hotchkiss quickly walked away. “Are you
ready, Bernard?”

“Well, sure, I like
riddles, but—”

“Good, try this one. What did Nebuchadnezzar call Shadrach, Meshach,
and Abednego?”

“I don’t know,” Benny replied,
not caring.

“No, no, take your time and try to figure
it out.”

“I don’t even know who they are. Are they in a circus
or something?”

“Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego? They were the three Hebrews whom King Nebuchadnezzar sent into the fiery furnace in
the Bible.”

“Oh, well, I still can’t figure
it out.”

“The Asbestos Brothers,” said Detective Hole as he began to laugh, though it sounded to Benny more like the detective had the hiccups. Benny did not laugh, however, and the two walked back toward the top of the hill where Detective Hole told his new plan to the other law officials. Benny looked forward to the three’s capture and anticipated seeing Regina
once more.

After Detective Hole spoke with Captain Edwards and the two men who were supervising the siege, it was decided that Detective Hole’s (formerly Benny’s) plan would be used so the authorities could safely and speedily recapture the three scornful sisters. The one advantage of sending in the SWAT team to capture the criminals was the deterrent effect it had on others. The group was pleased to have discovered a safe way of catching the criminals off guard in order to safely end
the siege.

Once the decision to attack had been made, the only issue which remained was how to distract the demonesses so they could be taken by surprise. The answer to this question lay in Coito’s second demand. Initially, Detective Hole’s antipathy to the Pope had made him dismiss the idea of getting His Holiness to convince the three Catholic criminals to surrender, but when he realized that the Pope’s phone call could distract Our Ladies of the Washington Monument long enough for the SWAT team to move in and capture the anuminous nuns, he immediately supported
the idea.

Using the offices of the State Department, His Eminence was contacted and asked to intervene. The Pope agreed to talk with the three, and all the necessary arrangements for the phone call were made. But in typical American fashion, the Pope was not told that the SWAT team would attack during his phone call lest the Pope accidentally tip Asmodeus, Mammon, and Beelzebub off to the
government’s plans.

Later that morning, Detective Hole called up Coito and told her that the government had agreed to meet her demands. They would send three well-built men to the top of the Washington Monument. Though Coito had never expected any of her demands to be met, she had no choice but to accept the imminent arrival of three more men at the top of the national monument. Nevertheless, Coito insisted that they would not surrender until they spoke directly to
the Pope.

Coito was secretly pleased that three well-built men were soon to join her upstairs. The male employees whom the three had seduced were quite exhausted by now, and Coito felt she could use new material to experiment with. Yet K was not sure if she had done right in accepting the three well-built men. She was certain that meeting the first of her demands was some kind of a trick, but she also knew that she would inevitably be captured anyway. Until they were in custody, however, she would enjoy herself as much as possible.

Though the people at the base of the Washington Monument did not realize it, Theodora had been working more earnestly than Detective Hole to get Coito to surrender. Theodora was eager to do anything she could so it would appear as if the three were ready to compromise. For her own sake, she wanted to surrender before the police ended the siege
by force.

Theodora, on the other hand, had no taste for futilely defying the law. After K called Detective Hole back, Theodora again tried to get Coito to surrender with her and Regina, but Coito told her to wait until after they had seen the three well-built men. Realizing Coito would continue to put off surrendering as each new development occurred. Theodora decided that if she could not get K to surrender by mid-afternoon, she would break ranks and give up on her own to force Coito’s hand. For once, Theodora was not going to back down.

“Is this Miss
Gott again?”

“Sure is,” said contemptuous Coito. “Anything happen since I last listened to your insults, my dear amblothridian?” asked Coito. It was late morning, and having been cramped up in the Washington Monument for almost a day, K had
grown querulous.

“I had hoped that after agreeing to meet one of your demands, you would begin working with us for the sake of the innocent hostages who are up there
with you.”

“If you could’ve seen them last night, you wouldn’t’ve thought they were so innocent,” corrected K. “And when the three well-built men get up here, they’d better bring some food with them. Get to the point, Schmuck Hole, why’d
you call?”

“I have something of vital importance to talk to you about,” he began slowly.

“Come on, Schmuck Hole, cut the crap. I’m getting pretty sick and tired of listening to you. Just tell me what it is and get it
over with.”

Coito’s reply made it obvious to Detective Hole that K was losing her mental balance. The decision to assault the upper floors had been the right one.

“We’ve already agreed to meet one of your demands. I would hope that you would be willing to cooperate with us now, Miss Gott. You must remember that the building is surrounded, and there is no means of escape. You’re only hurting yourself by
not surrendering.”

Coito knew this, but the question uppermost in her mind was how to surrender with honor. “I still think meeting one of our demands is some kind of trick. And if it is, you’ll be sorry. If something happens to the hostages because of your bungling, I hope it rests heavily upon your conscience ’till the day you die. So what did you call us up about, anyway?” Coito picked up the phone and began pacing
the floor.

“Miss Gott, I have spoken with Pope John Paul II, or rather some people in the State Department have spoken with him. He has agreed to call and talk with the three of you. You should realize that it is a great honor to talk to such an
important man.”

“The Pope actually agreed to speak to us?” asked K in amazement. She paused for a moment, not knowing what to say. “I hope he doesn’t expect us to go back to that dungeon of a nunnery, because if
he does…”

“He hopes he can reason
with you.”

“Yeah sure, he’s just going to try and convince us to surrender.” Despite the pretense, the idea of talking to the Pope appealed to Coito, and she began thinking of interesting things to say to
His Holiness.

“The call has already been arranged,” Detective Hole said, hoping all the government’s efforts would not be in vain. “Miss Gott, though I realize you are no longer religious, I do not think that there is a person alive who would not be honored to speak with
the Pope.”

“Except
maybe you.”

“We have already set the time for the call, and all you have to do is agree to receive it. He is a very busy man,
you know.”

“Don’t be patronizing, Schmuck Hole. When is he supposed
to call?”

“The call is tentatively set for two P.M. Eastern Daylight Time.” Detective Hole said a quick prayer so Coito would accept
the call.

“Well, I’ll have to consult my sisters up here and see what they say. This is a democratic group you know, but for now, go ahead with the call as scheduled. But if we decide against it, the deal is
off, understand?”

“Yes.” She had taken the bait. Detective Hole knew there was
a God.

Coito could not believe the sudden turn of events. Who would have guessed that only hours after having had an orgy in the Washington Monument, she would be talking with the Pope? Coito was incredulous. The sacrilege of the situation threw her into a paroxysm of laughter which she only managed to stop when Theodora, Regina, and their hostages ran downstairs to see what had happened. For several minutes, Coito tried desperately to stop laughing and tell the others what she had just learned, but every time she was able to put on a straight face, she began laughing again. At last she gained control of herself and said, “Thea, Regina,
guess what?”

“What?” they asked, anxious to find out what
Coito knew.

“We are going to receive,” she said while still half-laughing, her cheeks flushed, “a phone call from none other than The Bishop of Rome, Vicar of Christ, Successor of St. Peter, Prince of the West, Primate of Italy, Archbishop and Metropolitan of the Roman Province, and Sovereign of the State of
Vatican City.”

“You mean Popesy-baby?”
asked Regina.

“That’s right,” replied Coito. Mr. Simpson, the only Catholic guard there, crossed himself. “I never thought they’d get the Pope to speak to us, but I guess it just goes to prove that miracles still occur. That could be the first of my three miracles if they ever beatify me. Well, should we talk to our erstwhile spiritual leader?” asked K, seeking
a consensus.

“Why not?” replied Regina. “What have we got
to lose?”

“Certainly not our virginity,” answered Coito. “If only we had videophones to talk to Pope Johnny with, we’d show him a thing
or two.”

“K, don’t be crude and start telling your dead Pope jokes like you did last year when Pope John Paul I died,”
said Theodora.

“Damn, I’d forgotten all about those. I wrote some of them down, but they’re back at the house. Just
my luck.”

“So when is he supposed
to call?”

“At two. Oh, I just remembered one!” K exclaimed. “How do you make a dead
Pope float?”

“K! Will you forget your childish jokes? Now look, K, they have met your demands. After the phone call is over with, we will have
to surrender.”

“But if we surrender, we’ll never find out what else they might cook up
for us.”

“K!” Theodora yelled. “You’re not even listening to me. I don’t want to stay here any longer. Nor does Regina. Nor do the National
Parks employees.”

“But Thea, we can’t surrender after the Pope calls. It’d look like we gave into him. We have our self-respect
you know.”

“K, I don’t care. You promised you would surrender if they met your two demands, and now you have to keep your end of the bargain. The longer we stay up here, the more trouble we’re going to get ourselves into when we are taken into custody. I’ve talked with Regina and everyone else, and we’re not going to stay up here any longer for your sake. We’re tired, and we want
to leave.”

“And what if I
don’t leave?”

“That’s fine with me, K, but you’ll be up here all alone. And knowing what little I do about SWAT teams, I personally wouldn’t feel
too safe.”

“And what about the three well-built men and
the Pope?”

“Look, K, we’ll stay until the Pope calls. But after that, we’re all leaving whether you come with us or not. K, you can’t have your way all of the time, and sooner or later you’re going to have to face reality. I’ve given into you too many times before. I didn’t stop you from escaping jail in Tennessee; I let you leave Joan’s house; I didn’t stop you from having your orgy. K, you can only push other people so far, and I’m not going to be pushed
any further.”

Coito was silent. She knew she could not stop the others any longer, and she would have to give in. Realizing this, Coito gave the only reply possible. “All right then,” she said nonchalantly. “I knew we’d have to give in sooner or later. I just wanted us all to enjoy our freedom as long as we could,” she
calmly explained.

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