The Tome of Bill (Book 7): The Wicked Dead (32 page)

Francois’s eyes flashed black for a moment, but another growl from above apparently caused him to think better of any response. He merely held out a hand. One of his vamp minions immediately raced to his side and placed a handkerchief in it.

The prissy cocksucker took several seconds to wipe himself as clean as he could. By that point, the wound on my throat had closed up, and I could again breathe without inhaling a lungful of my own blood.

He glanced once more at Sally and then turned back to me. I thought perhaps he meant to continue slicing me to shreds, but instead, he smiled.

Somehow, I found that far worse.

* * *

“Your strumpet has been compelled,” he said.

“Okay, now I know you’re talking about me,” she said from behind him.

Francois ignored her, however, and continued to grin at me. “It would have to be someone powerful to ignore my will, far stronger than Ogedai’s lackey.”

I faced him with a grin of my own. “Oh, you mean the lackey who now outranks you.”

“
Used
to outrank me,” he spat, quite literally.

Gross. What was it with assholes and spittle? Goddamn, did nobody ever teach these fuckwads to say it not ... wait a second. “What do you mean ‘used to’? What happened to James?”

“Nothing, fool, so far that I am aware – unless I were supremely lucky. Alas, my presence here with you would seem to suggest I am not.”

“I think I get what he’s saying,” Christy said from her place against the wall.

That’s when realization sank in. “No way.”

“Theodora’s death. It left a vacuum of power within the thirteen,” he said, circling me as I took it in. “With what happened: the ambush, the loss of face in front of their allies, the embarrassment of being caught so
utterly
by surprise, they had little choice. Even Alex, supremely arrogant as he is, could not deny that doing anything other than immediately filling the void dear Thea left would be tantamount to courting disaster.”

“But you ... well, not to mince words, but I sort of got the impression Alex didn’t like you.”

Francois shrugged. “Nor I him. But there was no other. I am an elder among our kind, twice denied. There was no time for him to find a loyal scapegoat, nor anyone present with near my level of experience. Of course, he did not say this to my face. Even he is aware that such folly is best kept out of the political arena. After you and your pack of fools left, he turned to me, embraced me as a brother and I him – swearing undying loyalty to my brothers and sisters. Thus, the pact was sealed.”

“You can’t be serious.”

“Oh, I am. I shall let your slights of the past few moments pass for now. We shall call it a circumstance of your exceptional ignorance. But know this. I am of the First, boy, and should you ever cross me again, I will care not what anyone says nor what any prophecy proclaims. I will
end
you without a moment’s hesitation. Am I clear?”

An eternity passed in my head as I weighed my options. We were outnumbered, and three of my team had been sent to la-la land with a single sentence. I was trapped with an enemy who was several times faster and stronger than me. I had a monster in me that could probably even the odds, but he was best kept bottled up until I really needed him. Settling petty scores didn’t strike me as the most judicious use of that power. Oh well, it’s during times like these that you sometimes gotta tell pride to take one for the team.

“Crystal clear ... Francois of the First.”

That seemed to mollify the asshole, at least partially. He glanced back at Sally, but she was no moron. She’d overheard everything and, even with a Swiss cheese memory, probably understood it all. She gave Francois a deferential nod of her head.

“I am pleased to see you choose reason for a change, Freewill – however surprising that might be.”

Goddamn, the snide digs just kept coming. Suck it up, Bill.

“Now that we have all established the hierarchy of our situation...” Francois lowered his voice to a bare whisper, so low that even I strained to hear it, “it is time we planned our escape.”

Fuck it. If forced to choose between a smarmy asshole who hated me and a giant slobbering ape that smelled like ass and hated me, the choice seemed pretty goddamned clear. I was sure at some point I’d regret it, but for now, I just nodded.

“Good,” he replied. “Your allies?”

The Defilers were still doing their mannequin impersonations, but I had little doubt they’d help in the name of getting us out of here. Even if they didn’t want to, it wasn’t like Francois couldn’t compel them with no more effort than it took to breathe. I glanced at Sally and she rolled her eyes as if to say, “Of course I’m in, numb nuts.” Jeez, even in my imagination she was a bitch.

There was little chance of Christy having overheard our whispers, but there was no doubt in my mind she’d take any opportunity presented to her. “The witch is with me. She’ll help,” I replied softly.

“Good. We will need her. Turd has brought considerable forces to bear. This is a much larger offensive than we anticipated and much sooner too.”

“That’s bad for Vehron,” I pointed out.

“Perhaps, but worse for us since we are in the middle of it.”

“How did you end up here anyway?”

He glared at me, his ego probably amplified at least tenfold by his promotion.

“Please, sir. I’d like to know. It might help us in our efforts.” Goddamn, why couldn’t James have mentioned this shit to me when he called? Well, it probably wasn’t any of my business to begin with. Also, how was he to know that I’d run into this asshole? My God, the world was a small place when it wanted to be.

“I was returning to my troops in Canada when I decided to make a stopover to check on our covens north of here. I didn’t realize my trip coincided with the Sasquatches’ push south. I had barely touched down when the trees began to grow at an abnormal rate. I did my best to rally our people, but there were too many of them. We were quickly overrun.”

Something in his voice told me that was bullshit. The fucker probably ran back to his plane double-time, but chances are the runway was already overgrown by then. However, I kept these doubts to myself.

“Turd was not at all pleased to see me following our botched dealings in the Northwest Territories. If not for my new station, he would have surely had me executed by now. Thankfully, the fool thinks to use me as a pawn, as leverage once The Destroyer is defeated.”

“Any chance of a rescue party?” I doubted the Draculas were in a position to let their newest member rot, no matter how much they disliked him. I, for one, wouldn’t say no to some heavy duty backup right about then. Hell, maybe I could even convince them to help me retake Boston.

“If they knew of my predicament, perhaps,” he replied with a pained sigh. “Alas, I was not given the chance to contact them. Turd’s ambush was too quick, too overwhelming. We are on our own for now, but once we have an opportunity, then I have no doubt my
dear siblings
will come to my aid.”

I couldn’t help but notice it was
his
aid and not ours. I glanced at Sally and then at Christy, who’d moved close enough so that she’d probably gotten the gist of what we were talking about. The look on their faces echoed what I was thinking. If we relaxed our guard for even a second, we’d be thrown to the wolves or worse.

We didn’t have much choice in the matter, but that didn’t mean we needed to go into this with our eyes closed. A silent agreement passed between the three of us, hopefully more than my imagination, and I turned back to Francois. “What’s the plan?”

“The plan for now is to wait. Once the time is right, then Francois of the First and the legendary Freewill shall show our enemies how truly formidable a pairing we can be.”

Ugh. I felt like Superman being forced to team up with Lex Luthor to stop Darkseid.

No matter who won, I had a feeling I’d lose.

* * *

“I’m telling you, you should have taken lunge as a feat for Kelvin. Would’ve saved you from getting your ass handed to you over and over again. You’re not a melee tank.”

“Well, it might make more sense if
someone
,” I glared at Dave, “didn’t give every single monster we fought extended reach. I mean, seriously, how the hell did that beggar in Oncara hit me from fifteen feet away?”

Dave shrugged from where he lay sprawled out on the rocky ground. “He was enchanted.”

“If he was so fucking enchanted, then why was he still living in the fucking gutter?”

“You don’t know. Next time, don’t whiff your diplomacy roll and maybe he’ll tell you before he kicks your ass.”

Fucking cock. I swear, if I wasn’t afraid of getting a Sasquatch-sized shit ball tossed down at me, I’d compel the fucker to stop being such a dick.

Oh well, talking game strategy helped to pass the time. It was either that or fraternize with Francois and his minions. I’d have sooner risked the shit ball.

Sally and Christy had gone off to their own corner. Christy wasn’t going to risk using magic, at least not until it made sense to, but she was still trying to help Sally with some meditation techniques – or so I gathered from my eavesdropping. Sadly for them, our cell wasn’t quite large enough to afford us the comforts of privacy.

That definitely didn’t help when it came to taking a piss. The Feet apparently didn’t believe in toilets or even a freaking chamber pot. I prayed that Francois would put his plan into effect before the need to drop a deuce arose.

I only hoped Ed was doing better than we were. Maybe he’d gotten lucky and some mother Sasquatch was picking nits out of his hair and grooming him. It was probably too much to hope that he took any selfies of his predicament.

A lone screech sounded from above, catching my attention. It was followed by the shuffling of large feet. Within a few seconds, more cries filtered down to us – a few cutting off abruptly.

“What’s going on?” Dave asked.

“Maybe Turd let one loose and now they’re evacuating the village.”

My friends chuckled, but Francois’s voice cut in and immediately silenced them.

“Freewill,” he hissed, “to my side.” Pushy motherfucker, wasn’t he? “Our time is now.”

I signaled for Sally and Christy to join us as I walked over. All of Francois’s men were still seated, but upon closer look, I could see it was a ruse. Though appearing to relax, each was coiled and ready to strike.

“What’s going on?”

“It matters not, child,” Francois replied. “Listen. There is something afoot.”

Ugh, the puns, they burned. “I gathered that, but we don’t know what.”

“It is a distraction. That’s all that is important.”

“It could be anything,” I protested. “A passing deer, a hiker wandering into the area.”

“I think not.”

“Fine, but think about where we are. It could be Vehron making a counterattack. He could...”

“
SILENCE!!
” The compulsion wasn’t full power, but it was more than enough to hit me in the head like a brick. “Remember your place, boy.”

God, I so wanted to wipe that fucking smirk off his face, but for now, I simply nodded like an obedient child.

He had a point anyway. We had maybe an hour or two of darkness left. Although the canopy of trees above us was thick, I had little doubt our odds of escape wouldn’t be made easier with the sun shining above.

“Even if it is our great enemy, do you propose we wait down here for him to arrive?” Francois asked, a sneer on his face. “Would that not be convenient, for you to offer yourself up to him already a prisoner?”

“What are you getting at?”

“Alexander’s court proceedings stunk worse than this place. It was one misdirection after another, ignoring the true facts.”

“True facts?”

“You were the one who released Vehron upon the world. That much my spies have gathered. Who is to say that you did not manipulate events? Perhaps your mission’s true intent is to merely mask that you’re journeying to Boston to join your Freewill brethren?”

What? This fucker thought I was in cahoots with that muscle-bound cock-knocker? “We’re heading there to kill him. End of story.”

“Very well, so then prove it. Join me now and together we shall see.”

Motherfucker! I should have followed after Sheila. Hell, dealing with the pomposity of the Templar beat spending even a minute with this asshole.

Regardless, it still struck me as stupid to act without having any idea what was going on above us. For all we knew, it was just some military drill and we’d pop out of this hole to find Turd and his buddies waiting to smash our heads with rocks.

Fuck. We needed to act, but maybe it didn’t need to be stupidly. “Christy,” I asked, “I know they said no magic, but is there any chance you could maybe do some subtle sort of scrying up top? Something to let us know if the coast is clear?”

“I can try,” she replied with a sly grin. A red glow erupted from her body. Before I could question what she was trying to do, a lance of pure power shot out of her. It hit the beams at the top of our prison and exploded, sending a shower of splinters raining down on us.

“That subtle enough for you?” After a moment, when no guards appeared, she added, “Looks like the way is clear.”

“Umm, yeah ... let’s go find Tom.”

“Somehow, I knew you’d say that.”

I turned back toward Francois, mentally reminding myself to never ever piss Christy off again. “Looks like we’re committed. Let’s...”

I stopped when I saw that he was busy tearing off a sleeve from his jacket.

He held out his arm to me. “Drink.”

“What?”

“It is as distasteful for me as it is for you – more so, I can assure you – but we need every advantage we can get.”

He had a point. I’d gotten a taste of his blood during the fracas in Canada. His power was immense, more than enough to take down the average Squatch. We were still badly outnumbered, but maybe it could make a difference.

“One Battlestar is badass, but let’s see how these Cylon fuckers handle two.”

Francois took a half step back, confusion on his face.

“Never mind. Let’s do this.”