The Touch (Healer Series) (31 page)

**************************************************

  
AJ was at a crossroads and couldn’t sleep. He
walked as lightly and carefully as he could down the stairs to the kitchen,
trying his best not to wake up Helen. He didn’t want to see her; if he failed
tomorrow her life would be at risk and he couldn’t bear the thought of
something happening to her because he wasn’t strong or smart enough.

  
As he turned the corner of the last stair, he
saw Max seated at the table. He was hunched over a coffee mug, his strong
shoulders looking a bit wearier than they had in previous years.

  
“You can’t sleep either?” Max whispered, not
needing to turn to know his friend was there.

  
“Nope.
Seems to be
going around,” AJ replied, pulling up a chair and sitting down.

  
“You scared?”

  
“A little.
A lot, actually.
What if-”

  
Max cut him off immediately. “There’s no
‘what if’ AJ. It will work. It will be okay.”

  
“Did you see that in a vision?”

Max
didn’t respond. The silence spoke louder than words.

  
“Max, you need to take care of Addie
tomorrow.”

  
The desperateness in AJ’s tone was
unsettling. If Max could focus on Addie, AJ would be better able to focus more
intently on the Grim. He knew Max would protect her at all costs.

  
“You know I will,” Max said, placing his hand
on AJ’s arm. AJ took his free hand and placed it on top of Max’s.

  
“I know you will. I couldn’t take it if
something happened to her.”

  
“It won’t, AJ, I promise. I will take care of
her.”

  
Silence filled the room again, the only sound
between them coming from the crickets chirping outside. Max drank his coffee,
and AJ prayed for a miracle.

  
One he had to make himself.

  
“Do you believe that good always triumphs over
evil?” AJ asked quietly. He had wondered that question often but never had the
courage to ask. He feared he might not like the answer.

  
“In theory?
Or in reality?”

  
“Both I guess.”

  
“In theory, sure.
Somewhere down the road, even if the evil win battles, they’re bound to fall, just
as the good are bound to fall in the face of evil once in awhile, too. It’s a
circle, a continuing event in infinity, carrying on and on. In reality, it just
depends on your own personal views. You can either see the glass as half empty
or half full. It’s the same thing I always tell you – it’s your choice. We all
have the opportunity to make our choices and to live the life we choose to
live. As much as we dislike Devin, we can learn from him. He’s chosen his path,
knowing the full consequences of his actions. He hasn’t asked if he should
follow or break the rules, he simply chooses to do so. It’s that brand of
thinking that allows him the strength that he has. He has confidence in himself
and his choices. He believes in his cause. That’s what you need to find.”

  
AJ didn’t say a word.

  
“You need to quit asking everyone what you
should or shouldn’t do, kid. You’re a man, and life has dealt you some pretty -
pardon the term - grim hands. If you go through your life asking everyone else
what you should do or what they should do, you’re not living your life. You’re
living their versions of your life. That’s not how any person was meant to be.
We were meant to make our own decisions and to live with the consequences. I
can’t determine what would make you happy any more than a complete stranger
could. No matter what decision is made there are bound to be some regrets.
Those should be your regrets to own.”

  
“Why do you always have to make sense?” AJ
said, resting his head in his hands.

  
“I wasn’t always this wise,” Max laughed in
return.

  
“Really?
So when did
you get so smart?”

  
“After I grew tired of just
being so damn good looking!”

  
The laughter helped ease the tension –
although just a bit – that was palpable in the air.

  
“You boys still up?”

  
Helen came up behind them, the floral robe
tied tightly around her waist.

  
“Sorry Helen. Just couldn’t sleep.”

  
“Yeah,” Max added. “We’ll head upstairs now
so you can go back to bed.”

  
“That’s alright. I couldn’t sleep either,”
she said, pulling up a chair and picking up a deck of cards from the kitchen
drawer. “You boys play Gin Rummy?”

  
“Not well,” AJ replied with a laugh.

  
Helen took the cards out and shuffled them
carefully. AJ watched as the wrinkled hands moved with precision, cutting the
deck and flexing the cards to slide in between each other. She’d obviously been
playing for a long time.

  
She dealt the cards one by one, placing the
rest of the deck down and flipping the top card over.

  
“How about loser does laundry for a week?”
she smirked.

  
“Deal,” the men agreed, knowing full well
she’d probably still do the laundry.

  
As they began to play, Helen engaged them in
conversation, keeping her eyes focused on her game. If they’d been in a casino,

AJ
would have believed she was trying to cause the others to slip up.

  
“So why are my boys having trouble sleeping?”

  
Her boys
.
AJ liked the sound of the words and the meaning
behind them.

  
“Just stuff,” Max replied.

  
“Does Devin have anything to do with this?”
she asked, continuing to pick and choose her cards, setting down the matching
pairs.

  
“No,” AJ lied, hating to do
so.
“Why?”

  
“I know he upset you enough that you told us
to be careful around him. Want to tell me why that is?”

  
“Just a bad guy, Helen.
He gives me the creeps.”

  
“Same here,” she replied. “He’s always in
town in the morning, chatting people up. I can’t even stand for him to look my
way. I almost dread going in for groceries tomorrow.”

  
AJ didn’t want her there either. Not anywhere
near the creep.

  
“Stay home tomorrow then Helen. You’ll feel
better and we’ll feel better. We’ll go get what you need,” he said, pointing at
Max.

  
“Rummy,” she said with a smile, all her cards
on the table. They hadn’t been paying close enough attention.

  
“Make sure you pick up extra laundry detergent.
You’re going to need it this week,” she said, moving over to the counter. “And
by the way, these are for you.” She turned to walk down the hallway and back to
bed.

  
She set in front of AJ two photos; the first
of him and Addie, dressed up for the dance, and the other of he and Helen, her
arm wrapped tightly around the man she’d come to love as her son. AJ stared at
the most touching gift he’d received in years.

  
“We better get some sleep too, kid,” Max
added, sliding his chair out and hoisting himself up. He put his cup in the
sink, and turned back to see AJ hadn’t moved.

  
“You really okay?”

  
“What do you think?”

  
“I think no.”

  
“Then you’d be right.”

  
“I’m not gonna lie and say tomorrow won’t be
bad. We’ll come out prevailing, AJ. Believe in who you are and believe in the
strength you possess."

  
“I’m
trying,” AJ whispered, pushing up from the table to head up to bed.
 
“I’m trying.”

19
Beginning of the End

The
last day of her life, AJ’s mom had been in the hospice-provided hospital bed,
far too weak to even raise her hand. He hadn’t thought much about the end. His
only focus had been on the future and making his mom better. Refusing to give
up hope, he did not allow others to talk about her not being cured; he had
complete faith she would, up until the moment she took her last breath.

Her
fingers lightly patted the bed, the biggest motion her frail body could make.
AJ climbed up beside her, wrapping her hand within his.

“Promise
me you’ll smile again,” she
said,
her voice barely
audible and certainly nearly unrecognizable.

Her
eyes were pleading with him to let go of the pain he felt and move on. She’d
told herself from the beginning that the hardest part was not the cancer or the
pain – she could deal with those. It was the knowledge she’d be leaving AJ
essentially alone after it had been the two of them against the world. The
thought was simply unbearable and caused her endless hours of worry and
exhaustion. It was what allowed her to hold on so long.

“Mom,
we’re going to be fine,” he replied, shushing her as he always did.

“AJ,
listen to me,” she pleaded, the sadness spreading across her face.

He
stopped talking, and instead listened to what she had to say. He didn’t want to
make this harder.

“Promise
me that above all else, you will learn to live and be happy. That’s what you
deserve. This right here, this illness, it doesn’t define what our life is. It
shouldn’t overshadow all of the good times we’ve had, all the memories we’ve
made. Those should be the things you think of when you remember me, not this.
Don’t remember me like this.”

He
didn’t say a word. If he had, he would have lost it. He hadn’t cried in front
of her yet in order to keep her spirits up. He wasn’t about to start.

“Remember
that road trip we took?” she asked, smiling at the memory. “Remember,” her
voice laughed, “how you fell in the lake while we were fishing off that dock?”

“Yeah,”
he replied, the smallest of laughs escaping his lips. It was far too funny not to
laugh. “You pushed me in.”

“I
did no…such…thing,” she said between gasps of breath. “You fell while you…were
leaning over…too far. I think that was the funniest thing…I’d …ever seen.”

She
was tired and still thinking only about him; forcing him to remember the good
things about her so his memories were of the fun they’d had. She knew from
experience that having to take care of someone sick would leave a lasting
impression. From her days of taking care of her own sick parents she knew even
though there was nothing she could have done to cure them, AJ would carry the
same guilt she did about not being able to do more. Seeing a parent who had
been unbreakable for so long crumbling under the guise of an illness was a
lasting and haunting memory. It would take a lot for AJ to remember the better
days.

He
pulled her closer. She couldn’t leave him, he thought. She couldn’t go away
when there was so much life left to live. As they grew silent, she drifted off
to sleep and that night, went home to the angels.

Despite
looking at every photo of every vacation and smile in the days after that, AJ
could only feel the loss of his mother. He wondered if that would ever change.

**************************************************

  
He had managed to fall asleep for a couple
hours, awaking to the sound of the phone ringing well before the sun came up.
He grabbed it, worrying it could be Addie and hoping Helen hadn’t woken up.

  
“Hello?” he whispered. He was already making
his way to the window to check for any signs of distress at Addie’s home.

  
“AJ?”

  
It was Gram, her voice tense. It instantly
set the pit of AJ’s stomach on fire.
“Gram?”

  
“Yes. I couldn’t sleep. At all! Rose is out
like a light. I can’t close my eyes no matter how tired this old body is.”

  
AJ listened as he had grown so accustomed to
doing with the women in his life. Sometimes he had no words to say, and being
quiet felt safer than speaking.

  
“You’ll protect her, right?” she begged, the
pleading radiating from her voice. “I know you already promised once, but
promise me again that you will protect her.”

  
“I promise,” he said, realizing he needed to
sound more confident if he wanted to ease her fears even in the slightest. “I
will protect her with my life. He will not hurt her.”

  
There was silence on the phone except for
Gram’s worried breathing.

  
“I can’t save her. I’m…I’m starting to regret
making the decision I did years ago. If I hadn’t…if I hadn’t, she wouldn’t be
in a position to get hurt-”

  
AJ cut her off. “She wouldn’t have had a
chance to live, either Gram.”

  
“I suppose we’re both right.”

  
He knew the recommendation would cause a
fight with Addie.
 
After listening to the
trepidation in Gram’s voice, he knew he make the request if only to allay
Gram’s fears.

  
“Do you want me to tell her she can’t? Make
her stay behind?”
 

  
“She’ll never listen to you,” she replied,
knowing her granddaughter well. “She’ll go anyway, unprepared and unprotected,
just to keep you safe.”

  
“I will protect her,” AJ said with a more
forceful, sure voice. “I can promise you that at the end of the day, she will
return to you in one, whole, safe piece. I will not let anything happen to
her.”

  
His voice reassured her, and she whispered
her thanks into the phone.

  
“I know you will, AJ. I trust in you. I
believe in you.”

  
He slid the phone back onto its base, sinking
back down into bed as another hour passed. As the sun rose, he saw Addie out in
the yard trying to remain as normal as possible. The sight of her out there
made the churning in the pit of his stomach stop.

  
He watched her movements, every one of them
so graceful. He thought of Addie shaking and crying as she had run into the
house the night before. He thought of Rose falling off the ladder. He thought
of Helen hiding with her binoculars in the living room.

He
was suddenly unafraid of what was coming. There was nothing in this world more
daunting than any of these women in his life being hurt, and he felt a relief
as the notion swept over him.

  
He was not scared to die for them.

  
The uneasiness was replaced by faith in the
mission ahead and his sureness in the fact that no harm would come to Addie. He
couldn’t control what happened to his mother. This time, he had a chance to
determine the outcome.

  
He sat down at the desk, his last
conversation with his mother ringing in his ears. Watching Addie on the phone
hours before, and talking to Gram that morning had solidified the feeling he’d
held within his heart for days now: today would be his last day on earth.

  
He was no longer worried about death. The
certainty he felt about his end was eerily calming. There would be no surviving
the battle he was about to face, because he would use every last ounce of his
being to stop Devin and keep Addie and her family safe. The fear he’d been
struggling to overcome in the previous days was suddenly nonexistent. He was
strong, relieved almost. With no fear about dying, he felt more powerful
against Devin. This would be his defining moment, and he was ready for it.

  
The pen and paper seemed like gold to him, an
opportunity to write down how he felt so that for the rest of eternity it would
be known. There would be no guessing, no wondering what he would have or should
have said. It would be in his lazy scribble, spread across the page.

  
He had so much to say, although he didn’t
know how to get it all out. He simply started writing.

  
His hand moved furiously, scribbling out as
legibly as possible the feelings in his heart. He wanted her to spend the rest
of her life smiling and remembering their good times, just as his mother had
made him promise. He knew Addie well enough to know that when he died, she’d
blame herself for not doing enough. He wanted her to understand. He made it
clear that he had made the decision to give his life that day, taking the blame
out of her hands. It was his choice and he wouldn’t regret it.

  
The words poured out and gave him power over
his fears. Max found him sitting at the table near the window and slid into the
extra chair.

  
AJ had just finished signing the letter,
which he folded up carefully. Writing Addie’s name on the front and sliding the
picture of the two of them inside, he set it in front of Max on the table. It
looked like one of the notes he would have written in grade school, folded as
tiny as possible to prevent the teacher from seeing it.

  
“Bury me by a tree,” AJ said to Max, breaking
the silence as he looked down at his hands; the hands that had given life anew
and the hands that would take Devin’s away.
“An oak tree.”

  
“AJ-”

  
“Today is the day Max. It’s not a maybe. It’s
not a possibility. It’s a certainty. I can feel it. And I am okay with it. I’ll
be leaving this earth knowing I’ve done a good job. I will defeat Devin and I
will give my all to protect this town and that woman across the street. You
need to tell her this – it was my decision. She doesn’t need to spend her life
carrying that guilt.”

  
“AJ, come on-”

  
He cut Max off again. “Max, really, it’s
okay. I’m making the decision, making the choices in my life. I choose this. I
choose doing this for everyone. When I go out there today, your only job is to
keep her safe. Get her out of there as soon as it starts, and keep her away no
matter how hard she fights. And when it’s done, bury me by an oak tree. It’s
the strongest tree I know and that’s how I want her to remember me.”

  
“That’s how we’ll all remember you,” Max
said, resignation in his voice. He didn’t like it. He respected it, though. AJ
had finally grown up.

  
The men stood and AJ placed the letter into
his best friend’s hands.
 
Max pulled him
into a hug, patting his back and holding back his own tears. This was a real
man, a man of honor, Max thought.

  
“Give this to her afterwards, not before. If
you do it before, she’ll fight you to get back to me.”

  
Max nodded, stepping back. He knew AJ was
right. It would take everything he had to get her away from the fight when AJ
was still in the middle of it.

  
Max left AJ to prepare. AJ shut and locked
his door. He turned to face his room, the last time he would be inside it. It
had become home to him in such a short time, the walls becoming the most
familiar thing he had in his life since his mother. He had memorized them, down
to every crease in the wallpaper, the many times he had plopped down on the old
quilt to think about his life. The residents of Lee had become his family and
eased the loss of his mother within his own heart. Helen made life bearable
again as she adopted him as her own, without any paperwork necessary. Their
bond rose above the

written
laws of the state. He picked up the
picture of them off the table next to his bed and smiled.

  
He sat back down at the table, wanting to write
Helen a note as well. She would feel as though she lost another son and the
thought broke his heart.

    
“Dear
Helen,

    
I’m
sorry that we didn’t get to know each other better. I want you to know what an
amazing woman I think you are. You are brave and resilient, and I hope that for
the rest of your days you carry those strengths and pass them onto other
strangers that pass through your door. There are a lot of us out there – lost
boys and girls who just need someone to love us like we’ve been yours all our
lives. You did just that, and not many people would. You should be proud of the
woman you’ve become.

    
Take
care of Max for me, and Addie and Matthew. Max won’t admit it, but he enjoys
home cooking over his burned burgers from the grill. And Addie will need
someone who knew me to understand what she’s going through. You’ve loved and
lost before, and you’ll be able to help her appreciate all that we shared.