The Touch of a Woman (25 page)

Ellis hardly cared anymore about the settlement. If they took every dime, so be it. She just wanted it finished so she could get on with her life.

“They’ve already made one. It’s tentative though, depending on how you feel about the equity of the split. That’s why I wanted to meet today.” She handed over a second document with a summary of the terms. It divided her total assets by eight—one part for each victim and one for her.

“If it’s equity they want,” Ellis said, “I can live with that.”

That actually was a better outcome than she’d anticipated. Between their investment accounts and the sale of their houses, the estate was quite large. Even if the law firm took thirty percent of her portion, she’d be left with enough to cover Allison’s tuition and start a modest nest egg. That was far more than she’d hoped for.

“We’ll proceed then. With your signature, we can present it to the arbitrator as early as tomorrow.” Zimmer sounded almost eager, as though Sherrill had given her the directive to close the case no matter the terms. That made sense in light of her condition, especially if she was planning an extended maternity leave. The firm probably considered the settlement a money-loser for them at this point.

For Ellis, it had been an albatross. The idea that it might finally be lifted made her feel like celebrating for the first time since the shooting. Then her heart sank to realize she couldn’t call the one person she wanted most to tell.

* * *

The fog crested the ridge at Pacifica, marring an otherwise sunny ride south along the 280 to Woodside. It was fitting they should have lunch at Buck’s one more time before Roxanne left Silicon Valley for her new job.

The memory of her last drive along this route came at her in vicious spurts. The radio report, the frantic calls, the police officer who’d finally answered Bruce’s phone. It was a silent anniversary, one she refused to mark—the day her life changed forever.

Tears welled up as the rustic restaurant triggered long-lost recollections of happy times. She’d barely composed herself when the sight of her friend threatened to break her down again.

Roxanne leapt from a bench near the door and greeted her with the warmest hug they’d ever shared. For a full thirty seconds, they squeezed one another tightly until Ellis finally shed a tear.

“I am so sorry,” Roxanne murmured.

“For what? I’m the one who should be apologizing.”

“For not being there when you needed me most. For not calling you anyway.” She finally released the hug and held Ellis at arm’s length. “It’s a travesty we haven’t seen each other in so long. And I promise never to let this much time go by again.”

“Same here.” She got her first good look at her longtime friend, who’d eschewed her power suit for designer jeans and a blazer. “You look like you’re ready to go on vacation.”

“I’m heading to a beach in Thailand, but not till tonight. I’ve got the whole afternoon and I want to know everything. How’s life in the capital? How are the kids? How’s work?”

They walked arm in arm to a table in the corner beneath a sloping hardwood ceiling, where they ordered wine and perused the lunch menu.

“I’m more interested in you,” Ellis said. “How did it feel to jump off the Silicon Valley hamster wheel?”

“Oh no, you don’t. We talked all about me on the phone the other night. It’s your turn. What did your attorney say about the case?”

Ellis shared the high points, including her hope it would be over soon.

“It’s so unfair what they’re doing to you.”

She waved off the remark. “I’m over it. It finally hit me today that most of those people are just fighting for their kids. I’d be doing exactly the same thing. If money makes them feel better, then I’ll feel better if they have it.”

“You’re way more magnanimous than I’d be. Tell me about your kids.”

“Jonathan’s supposed to hear about law school this week, so that’ll be another worry off my plate. He’s a nervous wreck but I’m not. His grades are outstanding. And Allison likes UC-Davis. She made the Dean’s List first quarter, speaking of outstanding grades. It’s easier for her to focus now that she’s out of the City.” It didn’t feel right to share her suspicions about her daughter’s emotional struggles. That was a private family matter.

“And what about my Jeremy? I haven’t talked to him since October.” He’d always been Roxanne’s favorite.

“Still in love with Bruno. Enjoying his work.”

The past year’s strain on their friendship dissipated with every update, every anecdote that bolstered how satisfied she was with her new life in Sacramento.

Satisfied?
Only a few days ago, she would have said happy.

They were briefly interrupted by a waitress delivering their lunch, a pair of decadent turkey melts on sourdough. Roxanne had already insisted on picking up the tab, and for once, Ellis didn’t argue.

“And so what else? Have you made any new friends?”

“Yes, one very good friend. A woman who lives in the next building.” Her
neighbor
, she recalled with shame. “We work out together in the fitness room…have coffee together. She’s an interesting woman. I’ve enjoyed getting to know her.”

She wanted very badly to tell Roxanne about Summer, that she’d fallen in love. Except there was nothing to tell now that their relationship had come apart. It couldn’t possibly have been love if she was willing to walk away from it for Allison.

“And I’ll have you know I actually went on a date.” Pushing aside her thoughts of Summer, she shared the details of her dinner with Rex, ending with his disturbing mention of the Transamerica Pyramid. “Needless to say, that freaked me out.”

“Is this Rex Brenneman, the political columnist?”

“You’ve heard of him?”

“He interviewed me over the phone a few years back about a political contribution I made. Had me scared shitless I’d done something illegal.”

Ellis laughed. She could well imagine Rex intimidating the hell out of everyone he spoke to. “If you had, I’m sure he’d have printed it. The man’s a bulldog.”

“A handsome bulldog. He was one of
Chron Magazine
’s Most Eligible Bachelors in Northern California.” She patted Ellis’s hand. “And
you
went out with him.”

“I hadn’t realized he was such a catch. I can see why though. He’s very nice…to me, anyway.” She thought of how he tormented her coworkers. “Too bad there wasn’t anything between us. At least I didn’t feel it.”

“Of course you didn’t, sweetie. That’s going to take some time. It hasn’t been that long since Bruce died. Obviously you’re not ready.”

Bruce had nothing to do with the readiness of her feelings. As she’d lain in bed with Summer, she hadn’t given her wounds a thought. “I don’t think that’s it. The truth is I was seeing someone else too, but we’re a little on the outs right now. It sure felt like I was ready for that…but it’s complicated. We have issues to work out. Maybe too many…but maybe not.”

It was surprising to hear herself characterize her relationship with Summer as though their parting might be temporary. For all she knew, Summer had washed her hands of her. Plus there was no indication Allison would lighten up. She still hadn’t responded to her messages.

Roxanne lit up with delight. “This sounds juicy. Spill it.”

Her sudden willingness to talk about Summer was spurred by excitement, just as when she’d rushed to tell Jeremy. “You aren’t going to believe this, Roxie. I had trouble believing it myself. I’ve been seeing my friend, the woman who lives in my apartment complex.”

Roxanne laughed. “Now there’s an idea. Imagine how fast men would shape up if we threatened to leave them altogether.”

It was hard enough to say it the first time. Now she had to be more convincing.

“Roxie, I’m serious. The woman I’ve been working out with, she’s a lesbian. She started flirting with me. Not in a creepy way, just…” She recalled her daughter’s description and made certain to note she wasn’t offended in any way. “She’d say things like how nice I looked, and she joked around that if I ever decided to date women, she wanted to be at the front of the line. It wasn’t pushy or anything. Next thing I knew I was thinking about her all the time. This has never happened to me before.”

“Oh, honey.” Roxanne reached over and squeezed her hand. “I’m sure it’s nothing. Of course lesbians are going to think you’re lovely—because you are. But men think so too. We all like getting compliments, no matter where they come from. You started thinking about moving on from Bruce and she happened to be there. So did Rex Brenneman, by the way. I’m telling you, he’s a catch. You need to give him another chance. Once you get out and start dating more, you’ll be back to your old self.”

“It wasn’t just a fluke. It was real.” She put both hands over her heart. “I felt something for her. It’s not like you and me. We’re friends and that’s all there is to it. I love you dearly. But it never crossed my mind to want to kiss you, or—”

“Have you slept with her?”

The words seemed to echo throughout the dining room and she felt her face grow hot.
“Yes,” she whispered, looking about surreptitiously.

“And?” Roxanne’s look of surprise was replaced by casual amusement.

This was her oldest friend, the one with whom she’d traded dozens of tales of her sexual romps, including intimate details of her life with Bruce. Girl talk, usually shared over a bottle of wine.

Ellis leaned closer and kept her voice low. “Would you believe seven times in one night?”

Roxanne made no effort to be quiet. “Get out of here!”

“Cross my heart. Only two for her, but that’s because I’m just a novice.” As soon as she said it, she felt guilty for trivializing their lovemaking.

“I need to give this lesbian business a try. What’s this woman’s number?”

“It wasn’t just sex. We were such good friends…and before I knew it I was falling in love.”

“Oh, don’t be ridiculous. You’re as straight as I am.”

“That’s what I always thought too.” Though her tone was serious now, she didn’t want this to turn into a heavy conversation. It served no purpose to argue over something Roxanne couldn’t understand. “But it turns out I might not be.”

“I’ve known you thirty years, Ellis, and I’m telling you—ain’t no way.” She waved a hand dismissively before taking a monstrous bite of her sandwich.

“I would have said the same thing, but I swear this is different. The problem right now is Allison’s freaking out. Jeremy’s cool with it though. He likes her.”

“Of course he does. It validates his choice. But I’m with Allison on this one.”

“His
choice
?” Now she was irritated.

“Not for Jeremy. It’s his orientation.” She was at least mildly contrite. “But it isn’t
yours
, sweetie. You spent twenty-five years with Bruce, and I know for a fact you were happy with him.”

It was probably no use to share her theory that sexuality could shift for anyone. Roxanne would surely insist it would never shift for her.

“Listen to me, Ellis. I personally don’t care what people do in the privacy of their bedrooms. Whatever floats their boat. But you’re in a vulnerable place right now. You shouldn’t let anyone—not a man, woman or dog—take advantage of that.” She stopped eating and took her hand. “I’m not saying you shouldn’t enjoy it. Seven times in one night? Go for it.”

Typical Roxanne, decisive and strident. And take no prisoners along the way. She always processed information quickly, instinctively arriving at conclusions far more quickly than her peers. Then she was ready to move on to the next topic. It was a trait that served her well in her career, but it wasn’t always conducive to sensitive talks.

None of that mattered to Ellis. She had her best friend back.

Without looking up, Summer fell into step with a small group of pedestrians at the crossing, trusting them to save her from herself. She was too busy texting to watch for traffic lights.

I miss my friend. Can we talk tonight?

Her thumb hovered over the
Send
key, but at the last second, she hit
Cancel
. Though the handwriting was on the wall—there would be no romance with Ellis—she wasn’t ready to admit it.

She’d made no overtures since the weekend, despite the intensive soul-searching that reminded her of how she’d come to the decision to leave Rita once and for all. In one column were the reasons she should try again to persuade Ellis to give their relationship another chance. At the top of that list was the fact that both of them had said they were in love. Real, honest love, or so it seemed. Add to that their compatibility and genuine friendship, and it was hard even to see the other side.

But those things obviously hadn’t carried much weight with Ellis. Her quick, decisive retreat was enough to make Summer doubt the veracity of her feelings, as if their fling had been purely sexual. In a moment of indignation, she’d even imagined Ellis checking “bi-curious experience” off her bucket list.

There was nothing to be gained by thinking the worst. Besides, she knew better. It was an impossible set of circumstances that left Ellis feeling she had to choose between her own needs and desires and those of her daughter. Instead of piling on to her worries, a real friend would support whatever she felt she had to do.

Ellis might well ignore any of her messages anyway—and for good reason—but Summer had to think this through for a way forward. Their breakup had left her miserable.

Had she known she’d still be undecided today, she’d have postponed her lunch with Sam Lotti to another day. That would have freed her to wait outside the
Vista
building and try to talk to Ellis in person. The worst that could happen was Ellis refusing to see her. Since that was already the case, there was nothing to lose.

Sam waved through the window of Vallejo’s, where she sat at a table for two.

With her text message deleted, Summer resolved to set aside her cell phone, at least long enough to enjoy lunch. “How’s it going, Sam? You look great, woman.”

Like Summer, Sam worked for the state, but two blocks away in the Department of Water Resources. Her transformation for work was remarkable. She wore a black skirt and jacket over a silk blouse, accented with silver jewelry and red lipstick. It was quite a contrast to the laid-back jeans and sweaters she wore at home. Like two completely different people, and Summer enjoyed them both.