The rest of the day I've been with Kaoren – we went for a short walk, and then have been curled up in our room being overly mindful of the fact that I'm supposed to avoid strenuous exercise. We talked a lot about the Pillars and what Isten Notra had shown me, and what the Cruzatch might or might not be – and about deep-space physics, which he understands far better than I do. He's recovered fairly well from my latest near-death experience, but made me promise to be more cautious.
I read a great deal of my diary to him, and we're almost up to the point where I get rescued. It wasn't at all fun reading about my adventures in kissing-guys-while-drunk, but Kaoren was more interested in whether I missed being able to drink. He's never been drunk – and I suspect would find being at all not in control of himself horrifying – but he wanted to know if I resented the restriction. The aether tests put me off even the thought of drinking for a while, but I don't really like KOTIS being able to say I'm not allowed to drink.
I miss chocolate FAR more.
Most of the teams are being sent back to Tare tomorrow afternoon, after being suitably worked into the ground helping with the settlement again.
Wednesday, August 6
On the Menu
The first of today's ships – a Kolaren delivery – arrived while a group of us were sitting around the big flat steps outside the common room enjoying a patio breakfast and the increasingly warm temperatures. Lohn, who always keeps up with the news as the ships come in, said: "So that's why they're rushing getting these buildings done."
The Kolaren news feed was full of the prospective end of the months-long negotiations over the resettlement agreement, the complete detail of which would be made public at the official signing ceremony to be held in two weeks – at Pandora. Something which seems to involve everyone really important from two planets coming here for a big stickybeak. And lots of press.
Maze did some private communing with those in charge, then said: "The Council of Tare and the Rukmor. The Ormon of Nent, and the three Southern Ancipars. And their entourage and guests, estimated to be some two thousand people in all. A thousand various other dignitaries and a mere five hundred or so press. Arriving over two days, then the formalities and a grand celebration."
"Quite the timetable," Taarel said. "Do we take the role of guard or guest?"
"Tourist attraction," Lohn said, and grinned at me. "Hope you packed a pretty outfit. I'd wager you're listed as the main course."
"I'm going to be sick that week," I said firmly. They thought I was kidding. Well, Kaoren didn't, but I think he's waiting to see whether I get used to the idea.
The Council of Tare is the mayor (and some sub-mayors) of every major island. The Rukmor is kind of like the designated heads of a bunch of scholastic fields (Dean of Sport, Dean of Performance Art, Dean of Physical Sciences, except planet-wide). Together the Council and the Rukmor have a weighted voting system to make planetary decisions. The Ormon of Nent is the king of Kolar's north pole country, and the Southern Ancipars are the three elected leaders of Kolar's south pole country, which was only established after the Tarens showed up and raised Kolar's technological level enough so that they could travel past their burnt-toast equator.
Much unpacking of ships and hauling of cargo followed. KOTIS does have machinery which can do all this, but it's hard to beat the speed, versatility and flexibility of Telekinetics and Levitation talents – and everyone else treated hauling the small stuff about as weights training. The expansion is roaring along. It's quite something to look out over the growing streets of the settlement, and see balconies emerging in an eerie accompaniment to the fleshy green plants Eeli found poking through the snow (daffodils maybe?). The earliest buildings seeded will be ready for fitting-out by tomorrow.
The ships took away the extra squads, though Twelfth Squad's assignment here has been extended purely because Zan's strength is unmatched and she's considered too useful for the construction effort. I asked her if she minded, but she pointed out that it's giving her squad the opportunity to be involved in things like the Pillar missions. And she really loves it here. She hasn't exactly grown all chatty, but she seems far less separate and closed off and set apart than when I first knew her.
So, First, Third, Fourth, Eleventh and Twelfth now, as well as Squad Three.
Thursday, August 7
Forest rest
Back to Mesiath today, joining the exploration and sampling there. Just with Third and Fourth, while the other squads continue to assist with construction.
Friday, August 8
Part of it all
Breakfast is becoming the big group chat time – most evenings the squads are a bit too worn out to want to hang around chatting. The hot topic of discussion the past couple of days has been the translations of Lantaren teaching material. Everything they've found goes on about the connection with Muina, becoming one with Muina, feeling the world as a primary necessary first step to strengthening your talents.
This is completely not how the Setari learn how to use their powers. Their strength is something they develop in themselves. They've been having endless debates about whether the idea of feeling the world is simply a philosophy, or truly has an impact. I'm pretty sure every single one of them has had a shot at trying to establish some kind of connection, just to see. I know the idea is taking up an increasing amount of Kaoren's spare thoughts – it's hitting him both in his perfectionism and his Sights' drive to understand.
This morning Maze wanted to know whether I felt any connection with my surroundings when I was visualising or projecting, but I'm really not aware of anything like that and said so.
"It could explain the large variance in results, though," Zan said. She was sitting cross-legged on one of the individual chairs, looking incredibly petite as she tucked into one of the huge breakfasts Setari need to fuel themselves when they're expected to haul containers half the day. "Especially the effects you've achieved in sleep. If in sleep you are achieving a greater connection to – well, not the planet, but to the Ena or the universe or however one wants to term it – that would explain your sometimes disproportionate achievements. Particularly travelling back to your own world's near-space."
"That one I think I know how I did," I said, and wrinkled my nose at the way everyone around me went still for a moment, then tried to hide any reaction. I know that KOTIS doesn't truly want to find a way for me to go back to Earth, not in the near future. And the Setari really, really don't want to be in the position of being my jailers.
Kaoren was sitting next to me, and he'd reacted the same way, because I hadn't discussed this with him, but then he relaxed. He knows damn well what 'certain' means. "How?"
"I think I must have made an Ionoth," I said, turning to look at him. "If it was possible for me to fly, I'd be flying by now because that would be so cool, and believe me I've tried. I know I can't do that. So something which can fly must have carried me."
"That makes sense," Kaoren said. "Do you remember dreaming of being carried?"
"No. Don't remember dreaming at all. But isn't the Ena the source of psychic powers? When I first got to Tare, I was sure I was told that all strays have a strong connection to Ena, and that's why end up getting displaced."
"Ena manipulation or Gate sight, perhaps," Taarel said. She was perched on one arm of the sofa Eeli was using, looking regal as usual. "Those are very common talents for the displaced to exhibit. But there's no established link between, say, elementals and the Ena."
They had a long discussion on whether they really could be channelling some form of external power rather than producing it themselves, and just not be aware of it. I talked it over with Kaoren much later, when we were taking a lunch break at Mesiath. It's really frustrating him, to simply not be sure, to feel he's missing something.
Mesiath's such a gorgeous place, just starting to edge into Autumn as Pandora lets go of Winter. We were sitting on some shattered whitestone which had fallen into the lake, paddling bare feet into the cool water. Most of the trees are pine, but there are a lot of the broader-leaf trees which are just starting to think about changing colour – much taller, grander ones than those at Pandora. Masses of birds and animals, and the lake incredibly deep, cold even in Summer.
"That's what you're doing freezing out on the balcony at dawn, right? Trying to channel your talents through a connection to Muina?" I only knew he was doing this because he comes back inside, chilled through and all wound up, and makes himself feel better by carrying me off into the shower. Which at least means we both feel happily relaxed when we go down to breakfast.
"It may be something the younger Kalrani can learn, even if we cannot," Kaoren said, philosophically. "I am only fracturing myself, trying to take a different approach to using my talents."
"Pandora isn't the right place to try and be all connected anyway," I said, leaning against him. "Since the temperature makes you want to lock yourself inside, to put on lots of layers of clothes. Plus, first step supposedly is to be connected, not to do anything with powers. We should just go skinny-dipping here, enjoy the world."
I had to explain what skinny-dipping is – definitely not a word Tarens have – and was surprised when Kaoren nodded and acted like I'd made a good suggestion.
"Perhaps not entirely without clothing, but you make a good point. I'll talk to Surion about scheduling."
That made me laugh at him, that he would schedule skinny-dipping, and he surprised me again by kissing me. We were in a relatively sheltered spot, but not completely out of sight, and Kaoren is so not into public displays of affection. I think it's a sign of how stymied he feels by the Lantaren teaching tracts.
Maze thinks swimming at Mesiath a reasonable idea as well – whether to attempt some sort of connection, as training, or simply for a fun break. He's said anyone who wants to can take a lunchtime swimming break there during the next week, but of course set a bunch of safety rules about not going off alone and not going too far from the main expeditionary force.
I think all the squads are planning to go tomorrow.
The part of my diary I read to Kaoren today was about what 'Cassandra' means. I could tell he thought that 'she who entangles men' was very funny, but he focused more on the prophecy stuff, of course. He said Symbol Sight hadn't shown him any precise significance to my name, and we turned over how my strange Sight seems to let me see everything
except
the future. And then whether I should try and see the future, which I said I'd probably refuse to try to do. Mainly because I just don't want to be able to do that, but it does also seem to be a far more dangerous thing to do, since I might end up seeing bunches of possible futures.
He asked if it would bother me if he reported the meaning, and I said "Yes," and I think he's going to leave it at that. I'm glad he asked.
Saturday, August 9
Quadrangles
I am increasingly convinced that it's a requirement to be in love with Maze if you're a female Setari captain. All the squads went to Mesiath today, and had a very good time away from the main expeditionary force. Zan came, but didn't swim, and fell asleep tucked against a rock on the bank and Maze found her still asleep and carried her back. She looked really tiny and young against his chest (and I got the impression that her squad wanted to rescue her).
Endaran, the captain of Eleventh, went really thin about the mouth and got ominously quiet. Taarel handled it better, just saying, "She's being overworked," to Maze, and nodding when he said he'd rearrange Twelfth's scheduling. But later on, after only Third and Fourth were left to continue assisting the sampling expedition, I saw for a moment that she looked very alone. Whether Zan woke up before Maze put her to bed, or if anyone told her, I don't know. Maze was looking pretty damn tired at dinner tonight as well.
I'm feeling very lucky to be me today. We had a really gorgeous day. Long walks in the forest, with just a bit of side-fuss due to the swarms of greysuits which need herding. Then swimming before lunch – very easy to get rid of the arms and feet of the nanosuits and set the cloth to a thinner, finer texture. After some initial noise and splashing, we spread out in a side-branch of the lake where we'd found all these drowned and shattered whitestone buildings mostly submerged, and everyone either sunned themselves on sticking-out bits of stone or floated on their backs in the water.
The day was very warm, and floating on my back in cold water with my eyes half-closed looking at the beams of sunlight was really the best way I could imagine spending my time. I have to admit I wasn't really trying to do any of this connecting with the world thing, just enjoying myself and trying not to distract Kaoren. Place Sight and Sight Sight make this complicated for him, but he was very thoughtful about it afterwards and said at dinner that he felt that it was a valuable exercise and one worth continuing. All the captains seem to be in agreement about that, whether because they think it a good thing for squad morale or whether they were succeeding in feeling all connected I can't tell. None of them were yelling Eureka, anyway.
Endaran was being ever-so-slightly catty toward Zan. Channelling her inner Forel.
I ravished Kaoren most forcefully after we went back to our room – I don't take the lead in bedroom very often, but I have great fun when I do – Kaoren seems to find it maddening and incredibly arousing at the same time and I love watching him trying to control himself. I read some more of my diary to him – all of the day I was rescued – and he's very amused that he made so little impression on me.