The Traitor's Daughter (21 page)

Edmund needed little persuading. “Then you must rest,” he
said, indicating the other bed. She knew then how much he, too, wanted to stay
with Hugh. His own trouble with Sir William would be great when they finally
returned to Liss. She considered his suggestion for a moment. It would make no
difference to Hugh, he could not be aware of who was holding his hand, or even
that someone was holding it at all and she knew that when he thought he was not
being observed Edmund would take Hugh’s hand in his own. It was that image that
decided her. Edmund also loved Hugh and she would not deprive him of this last
vigil.

“And you?” she asked, standing up to show that she was
going to take his advice.

“I will sit with him. Do not worry. I will wake you if
there is any change.” She showed him how to bathe Hugh’s face and body so that
he was kept cool and how to make a poultice so that he could change it in the
night. Then she removed her tunic and lay down in the empty bed. She did not
expect to sleep, how could she with Hugh dying six feet away from her? But the
worry of the last few days had exhausted her and she slept quickly and dreamed
uneasy dreams of finding Hugh dead and burying him, for she knew he must be
dead by morning.

Edmund woke her, shaking her shoulder gently. It was
still dark, but she knew that many hours had passed. “My lady, we must leave.”

“Hugh!” she turned and looked at the bed where he lay.
The blanket over his body was rising and falling as he drew shallow, irregular
breaths. “He still lives,” she whispered, wonderingly.

“Yes,” whispered Edmund, smiling. “You are a better
healer than you knew.”

“Then I will not leave him.”

Edmund was startled, “But, my lady…”

“While he still lives, I will not leave,” she said,
firmly, getting out of the bed. “You can leave,” she said pointedly, “but I
will not.” Edmund simply grunted, as she had known he would. He did not leave.

“There is food and drink on the table,” he said, taking
her place in the bed.

“And your own wound?” she asked softly.

“I am not in pain. Thank you.”

Alais turned her head so that he could not see her
smile. She had learned much about Edmund this past day and night and what she
had learned she liked. Before she ate, she examined Hugh. He was still very
hot, but was now still and quiet. The fever was in its final stages. Lifting
the poultice from the wound, she looked at it carefully. It looked better than
she could have hoped. She broke her fast and then began the task of washing
Hugh and keeping him cool and warm at the same time. She quickly realised that
she should have asked Edmund to do this before he slept, but once she had
started, she had to finish. If Hugh lived, he would not like to know that she
had done this for him.

It had not been a difficult decision to stay. She still
could not really hope that Hugh would live beyond this day and then she would
be free to return to Liss. She did not yet dare think about what a future
without Hugh meant. He had been her only hope for a bearable life in his
father’s house. Now there was nothing in her future but a vast emptiness. Since
she had left Leigh she had lost her mother and now she would lose the man she
loved.

Nonetheless, she had to return to her husband. She was
promised to him and would not break her word. An extra day on the journey could
easily be explained to Sir William. Even some form of the truth would surely be
acceptable to him. This was his son who had saved her life. Even Sir William
could not think the worst of her for spending a day trying to ease his death in
return, but she remembered what Edmund had said about the alliance that Sir
William had imagined between her and Hugh and wondered why he thought that two
people who were perfect strangers, and one of them his own heir, should join
together against him.

Hugh moaned and she wiped his face with the cloth. How
she loved his face and his inability to lie to her. Or anyone else, she
realised now. Sir William had known his son far longer than she had and he must
have known exactly what was going through Hugh’s mind when he sent the cloth to
her before Christmas. Sir William had drawn his own conclusion. It was an
incorrect conclusion and he did not have all the facts when he had decided not
to trust his son, but Alais could see what had happened and knew that her
husband now had even more reason to treat her badly.

The day passed slowly. In time, Hugh’s breathing became
even shallower. He stopped breathing and she thought this must surely be the
end, but each time she leant over him to see if he were dead, he managed to
draw in a small breath and then another. As it started to grow dark in the late
afternoon, she noticed a change.

“He sleeps!” she whispered in surprise, watching Hugh’s
chest rise and fall at a more regular rate.

“I thought he was already asleep,” admitted Edmund,
confused, from the hearth where he was heating up some of the ingredients of
her poultice.

“No, before he was unconscious. Now he sleeps.”

“And is this good?” asked Edmund.

“He should be dead,” she reminded him, “not sleeping.
This is very good.”

As the evening wore on Hugh’s breathing became easier
and she began to hope that he might live after all. That night she refused to
sleep, sitting instead by Hugh’s side and her vigil was rewarded when she
realised that Hugh was no longer feverish. She washed his face and upper body
and waited for a while. When she finally touched him, he was cool and dry.
Could it be that he would live?

When Alais awoke, it was dark and her mother was
stroking her hair. Her touch was gentle, rhythmic and very comforting. Alais
sighed and shifted slightly so that her mother could reach more easily. She
seemed to be floating on a cloud, but paid the thought little heed, drifting
off to sleep again, wrapped in the warm cocoon that was her mother’s love. Then
she remembered that her mother was dead. For an awful moment she thought she
must be dead herself, who else could be touching her like this? Then she
realised that her head rested on warm, bony flesh. She had fallen asleep on
Hugh. Her weight must be uncomfortable for him.

“My lord?” she muttered sleepily.

“Go back to sleep, Alais. All is well.” Relief swept
through her and she felt her eyes fill with tears. He was going to live!

She made to lift her head, but he held her down.

“I must be causing you pain.”

“Less than if you were to move away.” His voice was weak
from the fever, but he spoke clearly and sanely. Nevertheless, she did move
turning her face to his, brushing her lips across his shoulder as if by
accident. She felt him shiver as she made herself comfortable again and his
hand cupped her face, his thumb gently stroking her cheek in the silence. He
held her like that until he slept again. Alais knew that she should sit up, or
Edmund would find them like that in the morning, but she was too happy to move
and soon fell asleep herself.

When Alais woke again, Edmund was moving quietly around
the room. She could not work out what he was doing, but it seemed important to
him and he could not spare her any attention. She sat up and looked around.
Edmund had put bread, cheese and beer on the small table and moved it next to
her. He was on the other side of the room, doing something with his back to
her. She had never seen him concentrate so intently on something. She reached
out and took the mug of beer. The noise seemed to attract Edmund’s attention
and he crossed the room to her. “How is he?” Alais could not stop the smile
that immediately spread across her face. “I think you can go to Edwina and ask
her for a little porridge, if she has some. Hugh will be hungry when he wakes
up again.”

Edmund’s smile matched her own. “He will live?”

“He will live.”

She was not sure which of them was the more surprised
when he bent down and kissed her cheek, “Thank you, my lady.” He turned quickly
and left the room. While he was gone, Alais picked up the table and moved it
back to the window, where she sat and broke her fast. When Edmund returned she
indicated that he should sit next to Hugh. In the same way that he had not
noticed that she had fallen asleep with her head on his friend’s shoulder, so
she did not notice, because she was looking at something extremely interesting
out of the window, the swift kiss that Edmund placed on Hugh’s forehead as he
sat beside him.

Hugh’s first reaction to finding himself awake had been
surprise. Dead men surely did not wake up in gloomy, firelit rooms with the
heads of angels on their shoulders. It was only when he had the strength to
move his head that he realised that it was Alais’ head on his shoulder and he
was not dead. He had dreamed so often these last few days of waking with Alais
in his bed that his next thought was that this was another dream, but in his
dreams he had never felt the pain that was dimly edging its way into his
consciousness. Such pain! But he could bear it because Alais was here and he
loved her. Before he could think about it, he slowly lifted his hand, dragged
it across his chest and began to stroke her hair. It was as soft as he
remembered. It had not occurred to him that Alais would not welcome his
actions, she could not turn him away. She had not yet admitted that she loved
him, but she had come to London to save him, surely that meant she was not
indifferent to him. Even if she regarded him as an older brother, she must have
some affection for him. Then he remembered why she must not show him what she
felt, if she felt anything.

The pain was growing worse, but he would not give in to
it, he doubted he would ever hold Alais like this again. When she woke, she
would not let him caress her like this. She would move away from him and he
would wish that he had died anyway. There was nothing for him now. He must
either live at Liss and watch his father kill her little by little, or live at
Hill and imagine it. Even at Liss he could not protect her. No one could come
between a man and his wife. He had tried with his mother, but by the time he
was old enough to understand, it was too late. He had tried with Elizabeth and Geoffrey
had laughed at him. He could not even say that it was because of Elizabeth that
he had killed Geoffrey; it had simply been the child and what Geoffrey was
doing to him. No, Hugh knew that he would not interfere between his father and
his wife, no matter how much he loved Alais.

He heard her voice and it roused him from his reverie.
Now it would end, he thought, now she will leave me and I can never touch her
again, but she kissed him, he was sure she had kissed him, it had not been an
accident. And she let him touch her face and hold her through the night. He
knew he would sleep before he had enough of it and he did, but he woke again
and felt her sweet face beneath his hand. Then he knew that what he had felt
for her before had been a pale imitation of love. She was his, she loved him
and he would do everything necessary to save her even if it destroyed his own
life. He did not know how long they had been in Thomas’ house; he thought it
might not be much more than two days. If it still snowed Edmund could
truthfully say that it had delayed them and he and Alais could return to Liss
leaving him to recover in Southwark. There would be no need to say that they had
spent time with Hugh. He could appear himself some weeks later, having been
cared for by Edwina. His father acknowledged none of his illegitimate children,
apart from Edmund, so he would never know the lie, unless he cared to find out.
By then his marriage to Alais would have been consummated. The thought gave
Hugh more pain than his wound, but it was the only hope for Alais. But Alais
and Edmund must leave today or it would be too late.

When Hugh woke later in the morning, it was Edmund who
held him and helped him to eat a little of the thin porridge that Edwina had
made for him. While he ate, he stared at Alais, frowning and she wondered what
troubled him. She hoped there was not some other wound that they had missed
that caused him pain as he tried to sit up. After he had eaten, Edmund tried to
make him lie down again, but he struggled to remain sitting until Edmund gave
in and continued to hold him, shifting his own position to provide greater
comfort for them both.

“You must leave me now,” Hugh said, as they both looked
at him. “You have been here too many days.”

Edmund and Alais exchanged glances. How strange it felt
to be allied with Edmund against Hugh. Hugh noticed and tried to glare at
Edmund, but he could not turn his neck enough and moving his body caused him a
sharp pain.

“No,” said Alais, simply.

“I am not going to die. It would be better for you to go
to Liss now.”

Edmund grunted, “You know it will not be safe for Lady
Alais to return to Liss now unless you are with her and strong enough to protect
her.”

Hugh became even paler and Alais thought they must have
tired him too much. “I could not even protect my mother and my sister from him.
How will I be able to protect you?”

“You cannot,” she admitted. “But Edmund is correct, my
chances are better if you are there, too.” She doubted it would make any
difference whether he were there or not, she just wanted to spend as much time
as possible with him before her husband finally claimed her for his own.

“I should have let those French swine kill you. At least
it would have been quick.”

Alais was shaken. “I am glad you did not,” she said
quickly and as brightly as possible, blinking away the tears that threatened to
stream from her eyes.

“Put me down, Edmund.”

“Hugh, please tell me you would not rather that I were
dead.” Alais grasped his hand and held it tightly in both of hers.

“He will kill you, as he killed them. You thought you
sent me to my death, but you want me to take you to yours a second time.”
Released from Edmund’s grasp, he turned his face to the wall so that Alais
could no longer see it and tried to pull his hand away. She released it rather
than cause him further discomfort.

Seeing Edmund’s face grow angry, Alais shook her head,
then turned her face away so that he could not see her tears, as she gave them
release, unable to hold them back any longer.

The day seemed interminable to Alais. She and Edmund
still kept watch beside Hugh, but all three of them were ill-tempered when Hugh
was awake and Hugh seemed lost without Edmund’s unquestioning support. They
should have been joyful that Hugh was saved, but so much had changed and Alais
did not believe that things could return to the way they had been before.
Edwina brought them food in the evening and was pleased to be able to say that
Hugh looked much better, although he was not awake to acknowledge her presence.
Alais had no appetite, but ate to keep her strength up.

As she ate, she sat by the bed, watching Hugh. What did
he fear for her, she wondered, that he thought it would be better if she were
dead? He had said that his father had killed his mother and sister. Having seen
Hilda, Alais could believe that sharing Sir William’s bed was not something
that led to a long and healthy life, but life itself was precarious. She alone
of her siblings survived. They had died from war, disease and accident. Life
with Sir William could be no more dangerous than life with another husband,
even with Hugh himself. She could not wish herself dead without having known
Hugh. His love and friendship meant more to her than anything. She had lost
everything else that was dear to her: her family, her home and her friends. Now
she had Hugh’s love.

Hugh did not speak for the rest of the day. Alais did
not know how he could do it. Edmund was desperate to share his happiness with
him and Hugh himself seemed very unhappy for a man who had so narrowly escaped
death and was with his best friend and the woman he loved. Not only did Hugh
not speak, he avoided catching her eye. Edmund grew more sullen as the day
passed and went to bed as soon as they had eaten in the evening.

“Wake me up when you wish to sleep, my lady,” he said,
as he settled beneath the blankets and Alais was a left alone with a man who
thought she would be better off dead.

The days gradually became indistinguishable to Alais.
There was no more talk of Alais and Edmund returning to Liss after Hugh’s first
attempt to make them leave. For the first two days Hugh slept. When he was
awake he was silent and thoughtful. Alais wondered whether he said anything to
Edmund when she left them alone, but there was no sign from either of them that
he had. On the third day it was as if the previous two days had not happened
and Hugh involved himself in their conversations. Alais could almost persuade
herself that he had been too ill and tired to speak before, but she could not
quite manage it.

The three of them would break their fast together each
morning. Alais was heartened to see Hugh’s appetite gradually returning. While
Edmund washed Hugh, she took Full Moon and Edmund’s horse out for a short walk
through the cold, ice-covered streets.

Hugh would often be asleep again when she returned and
that was the time that she taught Edmund to read. He had resisted at first; she
did not know why he did not want to learn. It seemed to her to be a necessity,
especially as she now knew that Edmund wished to be a steward and not a
soldier. Eventually, he gave way and on the second day of their lessons became
very enthusiastic. He smiled a lot and laughed. This was a new Edmund and at
first she felt uncomfortable with him. Gradually she realised that this was the
true Edmund, the one that Hugh knew. The Edmund that she knew had been false
and his only purpose, she now realised, had been to distance her from Hugh. She
began to enjoy his company and laugh with him.

In the afternoons she read to them from her father’s
book. It was slow, as she had to translate the book into English for Edmund.
Sometimes she and Hugh would argue over the correct translation of a word or
phrase. The first time this happened Edmund just watched in amazement. The
second time, he joined in and Alais realised that he had been using her
translation as a means of learning Anglo-Norman as well. She laughed at Hugh’s
expression when he, too, understood that Edmund already understood a lot of
Anglo-Norman.

“You will have no more secrets from Edmund, that much is
clear,” she said.

“I have very few secrets from Edmund as it is.” Hugh
frowned. “The few that I have, I want to keep.” And the moment was spoiled as
Alais realised that Edmund did not know that Hugh had killed his brother. Part
of her was glad that she knew something about Hugh that Edmund did not know;
part of her recognised the burden that Hugh had carried alone and the depth of
trust in her that had led him to share it with her.

Alais was surprised that deeper intimacy with Hugh meant
growing closer to Edmund as well. Edmund became her champion, shielding her
from the more unpleasant tasks of caring for a sick man and ensuring that she
took care of her own needs. Hugh soon learned that it was pointless to argue
with him when he stood up for Alais against his lord’s demands, but not before
he had caused Alais many tears. He wanted her to tell him that she loved him as
much as he loved her. That she did love him seemed so obvious to Alais that she
wondered he needed to hear it. Alais grew weary of telling him that she
belonged to her husband and not to him. She almost grew weary of reminding
herself, but when she did, she remembered her mother’s last words to her and
knew that she had to obey her mother as she always had.