“I feel for Sam,” Adam said. “Women are tough.”
Luke was pretty sure Adam was thinking about Rocky. She’d messed with his head big-time. So much for the uncomplicated friends-with-benefits package. Thinking about his own relationships, or lack thereof, Luke was beginning to rethink his own dating style. “I don’t know what Sam sees in Rachel anyway.”
“She’s sweet,” Adam said.
“In a shy, insecure way,” Luke said. Qualities that had never raised his flagpole.
“She’s good with kids,” Kane offered. “Must be tough on Sam, raising Ben and Mina on his own. He can’t dick around with just any woman. She’s gotta be mom material.”
“I get that,” Luke said. “I want my young cousins to have a kind stepmother. God knows they’re missing out on a mother’s love and influence. And sure, yeah, I guess Rachel would be good with them. But she has to be a good fit for Sam, too.”
“In bed you mean,” Kane said.
“He may be nearing forty, but he’s not dead. He’s got needs. I assume. Then again, he’s been celibate for a couple of years now.” Luke uncorked a bottle of Merlot. “Can’t imagine.”
“That’s because you haven’t loved a woman the way Sam loved Paula,” Adam said.
“I’ve loved plenty of women.”
“Not like that.”
Luke didn’t argue, but as he poured two glasses of wine he did take stock of Adam’s body language. Did Adam feel the same kind of love for Rocky that Sam had felt for his wife? Luke hadn’t considered the true-love angle. He wasn’t privy to Adam’s feelings for Rocky. Hell, Adam wasn’t even aware Luke knew about the secret affair. Rocky had told Luke in confidence and, truth told, Luke didn’t give the secret affair a hell of a lot of thought. If he dwelled on the fact that his high-school bud had been having no-strings-attached hot and wild sex with his sister, he’d have a hard time getting past it. If, on the other hand, Adam and Rocky were to explore a serious relationship, Luke would be all for it. Adam was a great guy. Top-notch brother-in-law material. Luke wasn’t sure he could say the same for Jayce.
“They’re leaving.”
“Show’s over.”
“Sam’s not getting any tonight.”
Luke felt coldcocked by the Brodys’ exchange. He’d been at the other end of the bar filling Nell’s order, settling up a tab, and lost in his own thoughts. How much time had passed? Five minutes? Seven? Sam and Rachel were leaving? “Did they even have dessert?”
“Shortest date in history,” said Kane.
Adam shook his head, guzzled beer. “I feel for Sam.”
So did Luke.
Damn
. He thought about what a good soul Sam was. All he’d done in his life and all he’d done for Luke. He thought about how much Sam had loved Paula and how he’d mourned her death. He thought about his young cousins, Mina and Ben. Rachel
would
be good with them. “I should’ve helped.”
“No shit, Sherlock,” Kane said.
“There’s always tomorrow,” Adam said.
New day. New chance to put his expertise to good use. Luke knew Sam. Rachel—not so much. But Luke knew women, and he knew how to charm them into bed. Tomorrow he’d take his first shot at matchmaking. Why not? Just because Luke’s, Adam’s, and Rocky’s love lives were in a depressing black hole, no reason Sam couldn’t strike romantic gold.
Smiling, Luke topped off the Brodys’ mugs and poured himself a beer. “To second chances.”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Crappy life circumstances, including that damned run-in with Billy Burke, had caused Rocky a restless night’s sleep. Mostly she’d stared into the dark, dreading a phone call from Dev.
Just had a visit from Jayce …
Jayce just called.…
What the hell were you thinking?…
That call never came. Not in the middle of night and not at the crack of dawn. It would, though. Jayce was primed to spill. Every time Rocky thought about their blowout, her pulse spiked.
A headache and a bad attitude threatened to ruin her day, so she’d kicked off her morning, as was her routine, with a glass of OJ and a four-mile run along Pikeman’s Trail. Unfortunately, it didn’t rouse the anticipated meditative bliss. Strange given the blissful atmosphere. Yesterday she’d awoken to a cacophony of big-city noise … and the steady beat of Jayce’s heart.
It had been jolting, unsettling.
Exhilarating.
Today had arrived on a gentle hush. The familiar. The only sound in her room the thwacking whir of the ceiling fan. No beating heart, other than her own. Waking in her own bed should have been comforting, but she’d never felt more restless.
Or lonely.
As angry as she was with Jayce, she missed him.
Even now as she jogged through the woods, something she normally loved, her thoughts turned to walking in Central Park with the charismatic Adonis. She didn’t need to go back there, but she did want to turn back time.
No.
Capture
time.
Just that one day and night. The easy conversation, jovial moods, genuine smiles, and laughs.
The sizzling sex.
That day represented the life she’d imagined with Jayce in her wildest dreams.
How cruel that fate had doled out a slice of that dream only to rip it away. Rocky had tossed and turned all night trying to spin circumstances to her favor. Maybe her family wouldn’t care that Jayce had been her first lover. Maybe they’d shrug at the jailbait issue. Maybe they’d brush off thirteen years of lies.
Maybe the sun would rise in the west.
No matter how hard she tried, Rocky couldn’t think beyond the lie. She couldn’t accept that maybe, just maybe, she and Jayce had a solid chance at a normal relationship. A loving relationship that would lead to marriage and babies. Not that she wanted marriage and babies right now. She was too busy trying to resurrect her dream, her
other
dream—the Red Clover. She was too busy trying to make sure Tasha didn’t sully the reputation of the Cupcake Lovers and that the efforts of the club didn’t suffer as they pursued the recipe/memoir book.
Rocky stopped in her tracks and braced her hands on her knees as she fought to catch her breath. She rubbed her aching chest.
Overwhelmed.
She was drowning in a flood of responsibilities and expectations.
Chaos.
She needed to take control. Control was the key to contentment.
Sunbeams cut through the thick foliage, taking the edge off of the frosty morning air. A bird chirped, and the nearby creek, honest to God, babbled. The tension in Rocky’s shoulder’s eased; her temples ceased to throb. Her mind wasn’t totally clear, but she had at least one constructive thought.
Control.
Basking in a chilly breeze, the smell of pine, and the sounds of nature, Rocky turned her face to the sun and considered her options. Five seconds later, Jayce’s voice rang in her ears.
This
is what’s been festering inside you all these years?
Her stomach churned with doubt.
Had
she overreacted to his proposal?
Had
she been an insensitive bitch all these years? If she hadn’t been so hostile toward Jayce, Dev wouldn’t have suspected a rift. He wouldn’t have worried over the why. He wouldn’t have coaxed Jayce into staying at the Red Clover three weeks ago in order to mend bridges with Rocky.
And quite possibly, she wouldn’t be in the position she was in now.
Screw it.
Instead of living in dread, wondering when Jayce was going to come clean with Dev, and obsessing on the fallout, she’d take matters into her own hands. Contrary to what Jayce had intimated in New York, she was not an immature chickenshit. Wary, yes. Nervous, yes. But she’d be damned if she’d allow Jayce to call the shots concerning her damned life.
Hopped up on adrenaline, Rocky plucked her phone from her sport armband and seized the day.
* * *
It had taken Dev twenty minutes to get to the Red Clover. That meant twenty minutes to go over her story, pick and choose her words, and practice her tone of voice.
Twenty minutes to lose her nerve.
Rocky forced a smile when her brother crossed the threshold bearing a paper bag stamped with the logo from Moose-a-lotta.
“You promised coffee,” he said with a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “Figured I’d bring Danish. Chloe made them. Apple,” he added.
Rocky waved Dev inside and led him into the kitchen. Christ, he was as tense as she was. Although you wouldn’t know it to look at him. Dressed in business casual, he affected a confident and calm demeanor. Aside from their dad, Dev had always been the rock of the family.
“So what did you want to see me about?” he asked, getting to the point as she set out plates and poured them each a cup of banana fudge java. “I assume it’s not about the publishing contract or your stolen purse,” he said as she struggled with her opening line. “Otherwise we could have had this discussion over the phone.”
Rocky resisted the urge to pace. Instead, she sat across the kitchen table from her older brother. The protector. The stand-up guy who always did the right thing. “I need to talk to you about Jayce.”
“Okay.”
“I need you to listen and not interrupt. Just … let me get it out.”
He nodded, then placed a gooey Danish on her plate.
“It’s about the rift.” His gaze flicked to hers, and she felt the force of his curiosity and concern mixed with relief. As if he was thinking,
Finally.
Rocky broke his gaze, stared at her pastry. “Jayce and I … He was my first.”
Silence.
“Lover,” she added, risking Dev’s gaze.
Dev raised a brow.
Rocky wanted to die. “It was all my doing. Well, not all. I mean it takes two. Obviously. But I started it and made it pretty damned hard for him to refuse. I mean he’s a guy after all and I was naked—”
Dev cut her off with a raised hand. “
When
was this exactly?”
She flushed. “The night of my seventeenth birthday.” She saw Dev do the math, saw his jaw clench in anger. “For what it’s worth,” she rushed on, “Jayce proposed marriage the morning after. Sort of. Said we should get married. So he tried to do the right thing, I guess, only it felt all wrong. Who wants to marry a man out of old-fashioned duty? Not me. I told him to piss off.”
Dev stared.
“Harsh, I guess.”
“You think?”
Rocky’s temper flared. “I
loved
him. Heart and soul. Blinding passion. Jayce offered to marry me out of guilt and a sense of obligation. Why doesn’t anyone, aside from me, see the insult?”
Dev dragged a hand down his face.
“He crushed my heart and I put up a wall. A huge wall of seething resentment. I didn’t think he’d actually move away, but I was glad when he did. It made things easier. Sort of. He wanted to tell you a long time ago, but I urged him not to. What was the point? I knew you’d be angry and I didn’t want you to think less of me or Jayce. I certainly didn’t want to jeopardize your friendship.” Rocky’s throat clogged; her eyes teared. “I’m sorry we weren’t honest with you, Dev. I just … I couldn’t see past my mangled illusions.”
Her brother sat stock-still, his expression enigmatic. What was he thinking? What was he feeling? She couldn’t take the suspense. “Aren’t you going to say anything?”
“I’m trying to figure out when and how I failed you.”
“What?” Rocky furrowed her brow. “You think my seducing Jayce was somehow your fault?”
He barked a humorless laugh. “God, no.” He pushed out of the chair, braced his hands on the wall, and dropped his head. In frustration? Denial? Fury?
Five seconds of tense silence seemed like an eternity, and when he turned back around Rocky’s heart ached so bad, she could scarcely breathe. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen Dev look so
hurt.
“It kills me that you didn’t feel you could share something with me that weighed so heavily on your heart and mind, Rocky,” he said in a grave voice. “Given the situation, maybe at first, but a year or two after? You struggled with this for thirteen years because, why? Did you ever think that it might’ve helped to mend your heart, your pride, and anything else that needed tending by confiding in someone who could be objective?”
“
Could
you have been objective, Dev?”
He looked her dead in the eye. “After I got over the initial shock and considering my own history regarding marrying out of guilt and obligation … yes.”
He was referring to his high-school sweetheart, his first wife … until she’d miscarried and run off to reclaim her freedom. Rocky’s heartbreak had been nothing compared to her brother’s. For some reason, that hadn’t resonated until now. Never had she felt so childish, so petty. She fought to rally but was stumped for words.
Dev moved toward her then, and Rocky’s heart pounded even harder. He rounded the table, cupped the back of her neck, and kissed the top of her head.
She blinked, panicking when he turned suddenly and left the room. The embrace had been gentle, but the air vibrated with turmoil. Rocky jumped to her feet and followed. “Where are you going?”
“I need to clear my head.”
Did he mean that? Was he going for a brisk walk? A fast ride? Or was he heading over to Jayce’s for a showdown? She hated that Dev was so calm, so quiet. That was never a good thing with him. It meant he was stewing and when he blew …
“Point of interest, why tell me this now?” Dev asked, pausing on the threshold.
“How can I persist with the lie with Jayce living here? Also…” She looked away, shamed because she probably
would
have tried to live with it if she’d trusted Jayce to stay quiet. “I know he intended to tell you, but I wanted it to come from me.” She blew out a nervous breath. “What are Mom and Dad going to think?”
“Why would you tell them? You think Luke and I had a heart-to-heart with Mom or Dad about the first time we had sex?”
“But it was with Jayce.”
“Yeah, I got that.” He braced his hands on his hips, glanced toward Thrush Mountain as if gleaning serenity from the rustling foliage. “Speaking of Luke, something tells me he already knows about this.”
Rocky blew out a nervous breath. “Don’t take this personally—like you’re the last one to know, because you’re not. And believe me I hadn’t planned on spilling to Luke.”