The Truth About Air & Water (Truth in Lies #2) (39 page)

And we’re back to the matter at hand just like that.

“I don’t know. It’s not public knowledge. Maybe they’re guessing. But it doesn’t matter; it’s true. He does.” I frown.

“But he
told
you he didn’t want one even at Cara’s birthday party.” Marla’s eyes fill with fresh tears.

Clearly, she is taking this outwardly worse than I am.

And
clearly
, I’ve told Marla way too much about my last conversation with Lincoln Presley.

My heart is frozen, and the freezing is branching out like a spider web to the rest of me.

The pain is real and definite, but it is still far away, but I know it’s coming for me.

But the clarity I feel? Is fucking fantastic.

“He
told
you he didn’t care. He told you
nothing happened
,” she says shaking her head.

“Yep. Maybe he lied. The old Linc cared. He wanted a son. He told Pastor Dan that a long time ago. Maybe he remembers. Doesn’t matter.” I wave my hand dismissively about and grab my phone from the kitchen counter and note the number of missed calls.
Six in all. One from Sam. Five from Kimberley. Zero from Linc.
“He should have called me and told me about this himself. I don’t appreciate being blindsided like this.”
I silence the cell and slip it into the pocket of my jeans and nod with sudden decision. “Marla, I need you take Cara for a few days.”

She’s following me back up the stairs and looks confused about my request. “
Where
are you going?”

“I’m
going
to go figure this out.”

“
Where
are you going to go to figure it out?”

“Fresno. Mikhail was looking for someone to go over there and check things out for a possible fall program. So, I’ll go. But you need to watch Cara. I don’t want to burden Andy with this, since I don’t know how long I’m going to be gone exactly.”

“Why wouldn’t you know that? What are you going to do
exactly
? Why are you already packed?” She looks around the bedroom and sees my open bag and continues to follow me around the house asking more and more questions which I ignore while I feverishly shove more stuff in the overnight bag.
Now
, I grab the black lingerie I unpacked earlier because I’m going to need that after all. She watches me do this without comment. Her lips clamp together forming a thin pretty red-lipped line on her beautiful face. I think she’s afraid to say anything to me now. Speechless, she follows me into the guest bedroom where I grab the bride and groom gear and zip it up into a large black garment bag.

“
Why
are you taking your wedding dress and his tuxedo with you?
Tally.
Now, I’m really getting worried. What are you going to do?
For real
?”

I turn to her probably perfectly mimicking dear Elsa at the ice castle. “I’m going to ask him for the truth, and he’s going to tell me. Don’t worry so much. I’ve got this. Can you drive me to the bus station?”

“You’re taking the
bus
? Can’t you fly?”

“Not today. Today I need time to think, to prepare. The bus is
perfect
.” I award her a miraculous smile, and Marla looks stunned.
Yeah, me too, girlfriend. Me too.

We leave a bewildered Andy behind. She promises to clean the house and do the laundry. This generous offer almost causes me break down and cry—such a wealth of love and friendship right in my midst:
Cara. Sam. Marla. Charlie. Mom. Dad. Tommy. Andy.
I don’t need anyone else.

Why didn’t I realize this sooner?

Why did I waste so much time and energy on this hopeless love for Lincoln Presley?

Why?

We load up the kids in her SUV along with Cara’s overnight bag which Andy amazingly keeps packed for my baby now. I try not to dwell on the failure-as-a-mom stuff too much because I am overburdened as it is and not sure how long this calm-as-fuck state I’m rocking will hold out. Marla is awaiting my expected meltdown like a hawk looking for its next meal.

“Stop by
The Promissory Note
. I need to talk to Sam.”

“What are you going to do about him?” Marla sighs.

She looks conflicted.

Tell me about it.

“Cut him loose,” I say quietly. “I’m not ready. It’s not fair. I’ve got to solve this thing with Linc and I’ve hardly been fair to Sam. I’m all fu…s-c-r-e-w-e-d up.” I glance back at the kids in the back loaded in their car seats and smile wide at them. Marla pulls up along the restaurant’s front curb. I study the sign,
The Promissory Note
for a few seconds. “Five minutes,” I say getting out of the car. She nods and gives me her best I’m-in-this-with-you-no-matter-what-you-do look.

Yeah, I’m in this alone other than with Marla.

The idea of cutting Sam loose makes me sad but I can’t deny my visceral reaction to hearing Lincoln Presley’s latest news and I have to deal with that first. I walk through the doors in search of him. He’s at the bar stacking liquor bottles which he must have just unpacked from a recent delivery. He looks surprised to see me and then this notable disappointment crosses his face. I hear him sigh.

“Hi,” I say.

“Hi,” he says, shaking his head side-to-side at seeing me this early in the morning. “I’m assuming this isn't a social call to tell me how much you’re looking forward to the weekend,” he says dryly. “Geez, I knew it was coming, but I didn't expect it until Friday.” He gets this crooked smile and then frowns at me. “Don’t do this, Tally,” he whispers.

“I’m not ready.” I hang my head and wipe away a tear because it is really crazy to be letting go of a such a great guy like Sam. “It’s not fair to you. I’m broken and you can’t fix me. Not right now. I have to do this on my own.”

“What happened that made you draw this conclusion,” he asks studying me intently.

“A few things. My inability to pack lingerie for this weekend.” I try to laugh and he smiles. “Some unfinished business with Linc.” I wince as the image of happy pregnant Trinna flits through my head causing me fresh pain. “I can’t do this to you or
with you
, right now. It’s definitely not fair to you and there are things…I need to do for myself.” He sets down the liquor bottle he’s been holding since I got here and comes around the bar and puts his arms around me.

“We’ll be friends. We’ve
been
friends,” he says into my hair. His chin fitting perfectly on the top of my head. His breath stirs my hair.

I pull back a little and look up at his sad face. “It’s not enough and you know that. It’s too one-sided, and I can’t take anything else from you. I can’t. I need to be free in order to give something back to you, and right now I can’t do that. I haven’t been doing that. I’m not free of him.”

He closes his eyes and nods. He said this a long time ago.

Deep down, I think he knows I’m right in what I’m saying. “As I said,” my voice wavers on the words, “I have some unfinished business with Linc, and you might not like all that entails.” My eyes sting. Sam nods and gently kisses my forehead. I close my eyes, and wish time would go back to two hours ago when I was packing for an experience with Sam that held the potential of our future.

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Have I
ever
been okay?” I ask.

Sam pulls back and studies my face. “You are a lot more together than you ever give yourself credit for,” he says softly.

What am I doing? Why am I giving this superhero up?

“Thank you for being you and allowing me to be me.” I pull him to me and kiss him. He pulls me in tight and kisses me thoroughly back. There’s a hint of sadness and inevitability in it all though that we both seem to feel. It really does feel like good-bye. “Thank you,” I whisper.

“I’m here for you, Tally. Do what you have to do but know that you can always come back to me. I’ll still be here.”

“Like a promissory note. Thank you for always being here for me. You are more than I deserve. Thank you.” I kiss him again and then step back because there is a huge part of me that would rather stay and do inventory with Sam and find a future with him and I need to leave like right now.

He nods and then looks a little wistful. “Call me if you need me, okay?”

“Okay. Then.”

I walk out before I can change my mind. The vacillation back and forth of breaking things off with him has already been more difficult than I ever thought it would be. But you can’t stay with someone because it’s easier. And I finally have to ask myself, if Linc got his memory back tomorrow and our history was cobbled back together, despite the Trinna thing, would I still be with Sam? Probably not. And we’re back to me and my sudden urge to be free of Lincoln Presley and how to make that happen to have any chance a future with anyone else, including Sam.

Marla give me the hawkish look all over again as I slide back into the passenger seat. I don’t say anything as she starts the car and heads toward the bus station.

“So?” She asks after few minutes. “What did
we
do?”

“
We
cut him loose.” I wipe at my face and look out the car window as she maneuvers onto the freeway. Now she looks as completely undone as I suddenly feel.
Granted, it’s been quite a morning already.
“Tell me it’s the right thing to do.
Go.
”

“Okay. Then,” she says, rewarding me one of her fake-it-until-you-make-it smiles even as her words echo mine to Sam and cut me to the core. “You’re doing the right thing for you. Today. Now, you’re clear to do anything you want. There’s that. We do what we have to do. We don’t do what is easiest anymore now, do we?”

“Not often enough.” I half-smile because she’s right. Sam was easier—in a good way—but how fair is that? Cutting him loose doesn’t feel great. In fact, it feels downright insane because I’m on my own all at once.
Completely alone.
I’ve got nothing but my best friend and the kids in the backseat of this car in this particular moment.
Yay, team!

“Geez, Tally,” she says shaking her head as the decision of what I’ve done cuts in on both of us. “When are you going to catch a break?”

“I don’t know. Maybe I just have to make my own from now on.”

“What does that mean?" She asks looking anxious.

“Not sure yet. All I know for sure is I’ve got to come up with a plan. Thus, a bus ride to Fresno.” I shake my head and try to smile. The implications of it all start to weigh me down.
Linc. Babies. Trinna. Me. Sam. When did it all go so wrong? Why is it all so impossible? Where do I go from here?
I nod at Marla and tell her I can’t do more than that take a bus ride and think it all through.

On the way to the bus station, I call Mikhail and finalize the details about going to Fresno for SFB. My boss is too surprised that I’m willing to schlep it to Fresno for SFB to question my motives, and I’m too stunned by his rare gratitude to fully explain. I’m taking one for the team, and Mikhail Rostov is pleased. The world is righted for a few hours more at least for one of us.