The Truth about Us (19 page)

Penny comes to my room and sits on the bed. I sit across from her. She glances around. “I've missed this room. Talking with you.” She picks up one of my pillows and hugs it close.

“Me too,” I tell her. “I'm sorry. I've wanted to tell you every day how sorry I am. But I was too scared.” I look down at my comforter. The purple is fading. “It got easier to avoid it. I've been such an asshole.”

“Well, things were kind of messed up,” she says. “At home.”

“You think?” I say and look up and smile. She moves so she's leaning against my headboard. I sit beside her and we stretch our legs out. Wiggle our toes.

“I don't know how I'd handle things if it happened to me. To my mom,” she says without looking at me.

“Well, you handled your dad's illness with a lot more grace.”

“We were younger,” she says.

“Yeah. Well, you wouldn't have gotten drunk and hooked up with Josh Reid.”

She makes a face and sticks out her tongue. “Ugh. You're right about that.” We both start laughing. It feels good. “Josh Reid,” she says and punches my arm.

“Ugh,” I tell her. “He's not that bad, you know. He's kind of insecure with girls. Except when he drinks. Kind of like me and guys. Until I met Flynn.”

“Really?” She tilts her head. “Huh.” Then she sticks out her tongue again. “But still. Ugh.” And then she smiles. “But what about Flynn? Your face lights up like a Christmas tree when you say his name.”

I grin and then frown. “Nance lied about him, you know. To cause trouble.”

“I'm gathering,” she says.

“My dad doesn't want me to see him.”

“That sucks.”

“I know. But he doesn't know him. Flynn is an amazing guy.” I jump off the bed and go to my dresser. I smile at my plant book but pick up the carved monkey. “He made this for me.” She puts out her hand and I place it inside. “He made it because he noticed my sock monkey on my purse.”

“Oh my God. That is so sweet.” She looks up. “Was it the one I gave you? Brave Monkey?”

I smile. Almost true.

“I still have Bill,” she says. “My sock monkey. The one you gave me when my dad was sick. The Protector.”

We both laugh, and then I ask her a zillion questions about Keith, and she tells me and we giggle and squeal and giggle some more. There's so much we have to say. But for the moment, we talk about boys, and it makes both of us happy. I can't believe how much has happened in this one day. I've been on an emo roller coaster.

“Are you hungry?” I ask when we have a lull in our conversation. Penny always had the metabolism of a small country, and she nods. When we go to the kitchen, Mom and Allie are sitting at the kitchen table, drinking tea.

“Sit,” I tell Penny and walk past and open the pantry door and spot a bag of ripple chips. Penny's favorite. When I grab them and hold them up, she smiles.

“Is Dad back yet?” I ask.

Allie and Mom shake their heads. “Don't worry,” Mom says. “He'll be back soon.”

I grab a bowl and dump the chips in and take them over to Penny.

“Are you and Keith heading to the Thompson bonfire tonight?” Allie asks Penny as she shoves a handful of chips in her mouth.

“Um. Not anymore,” she says between bites.

I glance at the clock on the wall. It's only eight thirty. “You're not going because of me?” I ask. I realize I didn't even know about the party. And that doesn't bother me, but Penny missing a date with Keith because of me does.

She shrugs.

“You have to go,” I tell her. “You're going with Keith Alex!”

Penny and I giggle when I say his name, like we're in seventh grade again or as if her relationship is brand-new. It's not. But it is to us.

Penny takes another chip. “Why don't you come with us?” she asks and glances at my mom.

I shake my head.

“Doug and I were going to go,” Allie says, but she glances at Mom too. “But I don't think we'll go now.”

“It's okay,” I say to her. “You go. I'll stay home with Mom.”

“Oh please,” Mom says. “You don't need to sit around and babysit me. Your dad will be home soon anyhow, and we need to talk. Privacy will be good. Go. Both of you.” She smiles at Penny. “I like seeing you two together again. Go have fun.” She waves her hand in the air to shoo us away.

“But…” I start.

“Take your skinny little chip-eating butts and go and have some fun.”

“You're sure?” Allie and I both say.

“Go!”

“I'll text Keith, and he can pick us up from here,” Penny says. “It's a bonfire party, so we don't have to do anything fancy. Maybe you can you lend me a hoodie?”

“Keith Alex,” I squeal and jump to my feet, jumping up and down. Penny smiles while I jump up and down and pogo without a pogo stick.

Mom and Allie laugh and then we sit, and even Allie reaches for a chip as Penny texts Keith.

I think about Flynn. At home, babysitting his brother. How great would it be to be able to text Flynn? Or even call him. Ask him to join me at a bonfire party. I wonder if it will always be this way? Together, but not.

I don't care. He's worth it.

Keith arrives at my place in a hatchback. It's new and clean but not over the top. Penny kisses his cheek when she climbs in the front beside him. I sit in the backseat, watching the two of them. They're so cute together, it makes me jealous. Happy for her. Really happy. But jealous.

Penny insists we drive to Wendy's before the bonfire. I guess she wants Keith and me to get a chance to talk before the party. I wonder if she's nervous. I've known him for years, but never as Penny's boyfriend. And he's probably heard lots of things about me lately. Lots of them not nice. And probably true. The two of them order enough food for three people twice their size.

“It amazes me how much this little girl can eat,” Keith tells me proudly as we sit in the parking lot, stuffing our faces.

We make jokes about how much food Penny can consume, and then finally he's done and he tells Penny he's driving to the party and fires up the car, does a U-turn at a set of lights, and starts driving toward the country road that leads to the bonfire.

“Hey? Does it sound like upsexy in here?” he suddenly asks Penny.

“What's upsexy?” she asks.

“Not much, what's up with you?”

Penny punches him on the arm, and I giggle. It's not funny; it's just so freaking adorable, and I'm still getting used to them. PennyandKeith!

“Does she always punch people?” he asks me. “Or is it just me?”

“She always punches people,” I tell him.

He looks at Penny and then at me in the rearview mirror. “Penny missed you a lot,” he says.

“Don't tell her that.” Penny punches him again. “She's not off probation yet.” She's kidding. But she's not.

My heart aches a little. “I missed her too,” I tell Keith, but it's meant for her.

I love that Keith isn't threatened by our old friendship. That he's trying to make things better, as tentative as they still are. The guys Nance hooked up with always hated having me tag along with them, as if I was a competitor for her attention or something.

“Did you know she used to write things about you in her diary?” I ask Keith, leaning forward and sticking my head between them and grinning.

“Jess,” she says. “Do not tell him my secrets. Because remember, I know yours too.”

I laugh and lean back in my seat. “Not anymore, you don't.”

“I'd like to read what she writes now,” he says. “It would be X-rated.”

She punches him one more time.

By the time Keith reaches the farmer's field, it's getting dark. Cars are parked in uneven rows. There's a big turnout, not a huge surprise for a bonfire party as summer is winding down. The farmer's field is owned by Greg Thompson's family. He's a senior next year and the last of three brothers. There have been lots of parties out this way. They sometimes end up getting busted by cops if things get out of control. I've been to a couple of the bonfire parties, but I try not to think of the last one. Mostly because I only remember the beginning of the evening. There was beer. Lots of it. And the end of the party is kind of a blank. Of course, it involved waking up at Nance's. And Josh.

When Keith parks, we climb out of the car, and Penny asks me to grab a blanket and chair from the trunk. I drape the blanket around my shoulders and take a lawn chair. Keith pulls out a six-pack of beer from the trunk and a chair.

“You're sure you're going to be okay?” Penny asks as she takes the last lawn chair. “Not drinking?”

“It's fine,” I tell her. “I really don't want to.”

She hesitates for a second. “Okay. Well, good. I'm kind of glad.”

“It won't happen again, Pen,” I tell her. “What I did to you. I promise.” I have no desire to get messy drunk and risk the friendship I want to rebuild.

She nods. “Okay.” She grabs a six-pack of Coke and slams the trunk down. “We can have these. I'm Keith's designated driver. That's the only reason he takes me places.”

He bends down to kiss her on the lips. “Not even close,” he says.

The three of us walk toward the noise and the smell of smoke and bright flames shooting up from the fire. The party sounds like it's in second gear. It'll go up a few more notches before the night is over.

Keith holds Penny's hand and carries his six-pack in the other. I think of Flynn's hand and hope sometime the four of us will hang out. Keith drops Penny's hand to check his phone. “Keep your eye out for drunk creeps,” Keith says to us both. “And don't wander off anywhere alone or take a drink from anyone. Cale texted me earlier and said there are a few assholes here.”

Penny and I make the same wrinkly face.

He shoves his phone in his jacket pocket and takes back Penny's hand. The music gets louder as we get closer to the swarm of bodies buzzing around the fire. My stomach does a nervous little dip. It's weird. I'm not with Nance; I don't have to do anything or impress anyone. Boring me is fine. As if she senses my nerves, Penny grabs my hand and squeezes. “You okay?” she whispers.

I nod.

She unfolds her lawn chair, and I do the same. Then she sets out a blanket and Keith puts down his beer and pulls one from the case and pops it open. I watch him.

“You want one?” he asks

“No, thanks.”

Penny leans closer. “Keith is cool to go off on his own for a while. I'm not going to leave you alone,” she tells me.

She remembers how nervous I get at parties. Got. Without alcohol. Get. I can do this. “Thank you,” I tell her and mean it so much.

On cue, Keith bends down and kisses her cheek. “I'm going to find Cale. Don't go far from here, okay? I'll be back,” he says. He disappears in a twist of bodies moving around us.

Penny plops down in the lawn chair. “Want to people-watch?” she asks. It feels so good having her to talk to. I have some proving to do, I know that, but it definitely feels like we're on our way. I plop down beside her and look at the kids sitting around, some on lawn chairs, some on blankets, and some closer to the fire on long log seats. The flames from the fire light up the face of a boy heading toward us, a smile on his face.

He pushed glasses up on his freckled nose, his hair a mop of messiness.

“Cale!” Penny jumps up to hug him. “Keith just went to look for you.”

He walks forward and lifts Penny off the ground in a bear hug. I guess they've gotten closer because of Keith. “Penster,” he says.

Penny laughs as he puts her back down. He pushes his eyeglasses up on his nose.

“Do you know Jess?” Penny says.

“Hey, Cale.” We had a class together early in high school. Freshman year, before I started taking easier classes.

“Hey, Jess,” he says, lifting his hand.

“You still the smartest guy in high school?” I ask.

He looks away, as if I'm making fun of him.

“No. I mean, it's cool. That you're top-of-the-class smart.”

Penny puts an arm around him. “He's not only brilliant, he's the sweetest boy on earth.”

“Sweet as a Nerd,” Cale says. “And I do mean the candy.”

“JESS-I-CUP!!” a voice calls from behind Cale. I recognize it immediately and cringe. Great. Everyone turns to the staggering mess approaching us. Nance. Loaded. It's apparent before she opens her mouth to say a word.

“I'm schtill mad at you.” She stumbles right into me and attaches herself to my side. She's wearing a tank top cut low to show off her boobs. Around her neck are neon glow stick necklaces. “But I'm
so
glad you're here.” She throws both arms around my neck, even though one is holding a plastic cup of beer and it spills all over my hoodie. Nice. She tugs on my neck, almost pulling me over. “Let's party, gurl. No one parties like my Jess-I-cup.” She lets go of me and starts dancing, but despite all those dance lessons, she still has no rhythm.

I can't meet Penny's eyes. I stare at the ground, embarrassed for Nance, embarrassed for me because this is what I used to look like at parties too. Is it too much to ask for the ground to open up and swallow me whole?

“Ugh. You!” she says to Penny. “Are you here with
her
?” she yells in my ear. “I thought you two were best friends for never.”

I glance at Penny and try to apologize through my eyes and then glare at Nance. “Why'd you tell my sister those things about Flynn?” I demand.

She makes a very unattractive face. “Oh, that boy. Braxton saw you in Clover Lawn with him, and he told Jennifer. I was worried.” She drags out the last word and giggles, immediately forgiving herself for lying to my sister. There's no use getting into it now. She makes another face at me. “I told Jennifer to stop with her summer fling. And she listened.” She turns to Cale and pokes him in the chest. “Hey, Cale. Got a smoke?”

“Sorry,” Cale says. “Last time I smoked, my hair was on fire.”

She tries to take a sip of her beer but misses her mouth and it slides down her top, soaking her in the front. She laughs, and my cringe grows in intensity. “You're mad at me?” she slurs.

“I don't want to talk about it now,” I say in a low voice.

“Well, la dee da.” She makes a rude gesture with her hips. “Go ahead. Surround yourself with losers. Your dad will kill you.” And then, as if a switch turned, the way it goes with drunk people sometimes, Nance starts to cry. And because she's drunk, it's not a tiny, sad little sound—it's loud and wet and messy. “Don't hate me, Jess.”

“Oh God,” I say and pat her arm as she throws herself on me, sobbing.

“Oh God,” Penny repeats. “I'd forgotten the drama.” But she helps her off me and shushes her.

Cale moves in, blocking her from other kids starting to look over at the train wreck.

I bend down to her level. “What's wrong?” I ask. “Why are you crying?”

“My mom.” She slides to the ground. “My mom doesn't love meeeeeee.”

“There's some strong stuff floating around here,” Cale says. “Did she take anything?”

“It's possible.” I sigh and kneel down beside her on the ground. “Nance?” I say. “Did you take anything? Besides alcohol?”

Despite what a jerk Nance is, Penny kneels down on her other side and strokes her arm and reassures her.

“I don't know,” Nance mumbles to her knees. She grabs my hand and squeezes pretty hard, considering. “She's always gone. With her boyfriend.” Mascara runs down her cheeks and circles her eyes. “Why doesn't anyone love me?”

“Your parents love you.” I try to wipe away the mess on her face. Despite everything, my heart aches for her. She's got a lot of things bubbling under the surface too.

“No,” she says. “They don't.” And then she sobs some more.

“I should get her home,” I say to Penny. “I need to find Allie. She'll be pissed off, but she'll take her home.”

“Don't be silly,” Penny says.

“No. I have to get her home. She's a mess.”

“I know that. I mean you don't have to get Allie.” She stands up and reaches for her phone. “I'll text Keith. We'll take her home.” She's so nice, it almost makes me cry myself.

“Are you sure?” I stand up. “You guys just got here.”

She rolls her eyes. “She can't stay here like this. There will be more parties. It's okay.”

Nance cries on, and I look around. The party keeps on going. People are talking, laughing, smoking, and drinking from plastic cups. It's noisy and only getting louder.

“Want me to go find Keith?” Cale offers.

“Do you mind?” Penny asks. “He's the worst at checking his phone.”

“Course not. I'll bring him back.” He disappears into the crowd.

“Thank you,” I say to Penny, my voice small. “This isn't your problem.”

“Let's just get her home.”

“Wait.” Nance gets up. “I don't want to go home.” She slips on her ass but manages to stand. “I'm not going home,” she repeats. The sadness is gone from her voice, and now she's mad.

“Jennifer!” she yells loudly. “Jennifer!” She staggers a little as she tries to leave us, but I grab her by the arm and try to hold her back.

“Nance,” I say. “We're going to go.”

“Jennifer!” she yells again.

A body crashes into me. “There you are!” Jennifer yells at Nance. “I was looking for you.” Jennifer is holding a beer cup and wearing an outfit similar to Nance's, but it's obvious she's not nearly as drunk.

“She's pretty out of it,” I say, gesturing to Nance. “We were going to take her home.”

“Home? The party's barely started.” Jennifer links her arm with Nance's. “You don't want to go home, do you, Nance?”

“Course not,” Nance shouts and stumbles as Jennifer tugs on her arm.

Cale appears from the dark, Keith at his side.

“She should really go home,” I say to Jennifer again.

“She's fine,” Jennifer says over her shoulder. “I take care of her now. Not you.”

The two of them stumble off.

“That is not going to end well,” I say.

“It's okay,” Penny says to me. “You can't make her.”

Keith is at her side, his arm around her shoulder. “Not if she doesn't want to,” he adds.

“I have some experience with girls of this nature,” Cale says wryly. “Trust me, somehow they end up fine. It's usually the people around them who pay.”

“You still want to go home?” Penny asks, touching my arm.

I do. I want out of this place and away from the horrible feelings. I don't want to be that girl anymore. “You and Keith probably want to stay though? We just got here.”

“Meh.” She glances at Keith.

He shakes his head. “I have to work in the morning. It's no big deal,” he says.

“I feel bad though. Leaving Nance too.”