‘They’re outside now,’ Zav announced from the door, and tugging it open he charged off to meet his new half-sister, apparently totally unfazed, or perhaps unaware, of the enormity of it all.
‘He’s weird,’ Tierney decided, straining to see past him to catch her first glimpse of Julia as the passenger door of Tom’s car opened.
Lainey was right behind her, trying to push her outside.
‘Oh my God, she’s
fat
,’ Tierney whispered in shock.
‘Shut up,’ Lainey hissed under her breath, and quickly stepping past Tierney out of the door, she watched the heavy-set blonde girl turn around to look at her.
The smile that lit up Julia’s sunny moon face was so radiantly happy that Lainey could feel it glowing straight into her heart.
‘Oh my God, Mum,’ Tierney murmured.
Lainey moved forward, but Tierney was the first to get to Julia, and the way she wrapped her new half-sister in her arms brought hot tears to Lainey’s eyes.
‘Oh Julia, Julia,’ Lainey sobbed, joining in the embrace. ‘How lovely it is to meet you.’
‘. . . to meet you,’ Julia said, her awkward voice muffled by Tierney’s shoulder.
‘I’m Tierney,’ Tierney said, still squeezing hard.
‘I’m Zav,’ her brother announced, watching with amusement.
‘I’m Julia,’ she told him, as Tierney let her go. Despite her distinctive Down’s speech she was easy enough to understand, and the sun that shone out of her seemed more dazzling than ever. ‘I’m very pleased to meet you,’ she slurred. She looked adoringly at Tom and raised her shoulders in glee.
Pressing a hand to her mouth to stop herself sobbing, Lainey watched him smooth Julia’s wispy blonde hair and wondered if she’d ever loved him more.
‘We’ve got biscuits,’ Tierney was saying while keeping a proprietorial arm around her new half-sister as she steered her towards the house, ‘and juice and squash and everything. My favourite’s apple, what’s yours?’
‘Apple,’ Julia repeated, though whether to be friends, or because it was true wasn’t possible for Lainey to know.
‘Grandpa’s inside,’ Zav informed her. ‘He’ll be your grandpa too. You’ll really love him, even though he’s not like he used to be. Do you like dogs?’
‘Yes, I like dogs. And horses.’
‘Mum said you’ve got two horses. What are their names?’
As they moved away Lainey turned around to find Tom opening the rear passenger door. Only then did she realise that Kirsten had been watching from the back seat.
Waiting until Kirsten was out of the car, looking tired, yet somehow indefatigable, Lainey said, ‘Why on earth didn’t you tell me you were coming?’
‘I only realised as they were leaving,’ Kirsten answered honestly, ‘that I wanted to see for myself how . . . well, how . . .’ Her mouth was trembling; a tear dropped from her lashless eyes. ‘Your children . . . They’ve taken my breath away.’
‘They often do that to me,’ Tom told her wryly. Though his eyes were on Lainey, Lainey’s attention was wholly on Kirsten as she watched the children disappearing into the house.
‘I won’t be able to stay for long,’ Kirsten said, as Tom ushered her in behind them.
‘It’s lovely that you’re here,’ Lainey told her, going ahead to rearrange the pillows on the most comfy sofa, ‘but we’d have come to you. It would have been so much easier for you.’
‘Maybe, but I’m stronger than I might look, and to be frank, I wanted to see where you live.’ As emotion fractured her voice, Lainey sat down with her and held her hands. She was a different woman to the one she’d met yesterday, and she knew instinctively that she was now meeting the Kirsten who lived behind all the pain and fear.
‘I wish I knew how to make things easier for you,’ Lainey said softly.
Kirsten’s gaze was fixed on Julia, who was on the floor with Zav fussing Sherman while Tierney explained to Peter that he had a new granddaughter. ‘You already have,’ Kirsten assured her. ‘Seeing how warmly you greeted her . . .’ She took a breath, and before she could continue Julia brought her face out of Sherman’s fur to say, ‘Mummy, it’s a dog. His name’s Sherman.’
‘He belongs to Grandpa really,’ Zav informed Kirsten, ‘but he doesn’t mind us playing with him, do you, Grandpa?’
Peter smiled as he patted Zav’s head.
‘Would you like some coffee, or tea?’ Tierney offered Kirsten.
Kirsten managed a smile. ‘Water is fine for me,’ she replied. She watched Tierney go to the fridge. ‘She’s a lovely girl,’ she commented, almost to herself. ‘Very like her father.’
Understanding what must be going through her mind, and how difficult it must be, Lainey tightened the hold on her hands. Though there was nothing she could do to change the way Julia was, or to make up for the time she’d lost with her father and siblings, she was already determined that her new stepdaughter was going to be a huge part of their lives from now on.
‘Julia, sweetheart, only one biscuit,’ Kirsten chided as Julia grabbed a handful from the plate Tierney held out. ‘You know what we’ve said about your weight.’
Obediently putting the extras back, Julia stuffed the remaining one in her mouth and grinned widely as Tierney did the same.
‘It looks easy when she’s being like this,’ Kirsten said quietly, ‘and on the whole she has a very sweet nature, but there are times when she can be very challenging.’
Not doubting it for a minute, Lainey concurred, ‘Show me a child who isn’t, but I understand her needs are different. I’ll make sure I know what they are for when she comes to stay. You can tell me, and I’ll get advice from specialists too, so please don’t worry. We’ll manage, I promise.’
Kirsten’s eyes followed Tom as he went to pick up the biscuit Peter had dropped into his lap.
‘Daddy,’ Julia said, beaming up at him.
‘Julia,’ he said, smiling down at her.
‘He’s my dad too,’ Zav told her.
Julia nodded, up and down, up and down.
Without saying where he was going, Tom turned away and left the room.
‘I’m still not sure how well he’s coming to terms with being the father of a Down’s child,’ Kirsten admitted. ‘Men often think it’s their fault.’
Realising that was something else she’d have to learn about, Lainey said, ‘I’ll go and talk to him. Will you be all right here for a moment?’
‘Of course,’ Kirsten assured her, and patting the seat next to her she said to Tierney, ‘come and tell me all about you.’
Finding Tom in his study, Lainey closed the door behind her and looked across to where he was standing, staring out of the window.
‘Why didn’t you tell me about Julia?’ she asked.
He didn’t answer, and realising he was too choked with emotion to utter a word, she went to rest her head on his shoulder. ‘She’s a lovely girl,’ she said softly.
He nodded.
‘It can’t have been easy for Kirsten, bringing her up alone.’
‘A thought that almost never leaves me,’ he responded hoarsely.
More minutes ticked by as they felt the burden of Kirsten’s struggle, and the guilt of not having been around to help her. Finally Lainey braced herself to ask the question she knew she couldn’t avoid any longer.
‘Did you get the letter Kirsten sent all those years ago?’
When only silence followed she knew, with a horrible, wrenching dismay, that she had her answer. ‘Oh God, Tom,’ she murmured, pulling away. ‘And when you cancelled seeing her . . .?’
‘Before you start jumping to conclusions,’ he broke in, ‘I didn’t open the letter, so I never knew Julia had Down’s.’
‘And if you had known?’
Pressing his fingers to his brows, he said, ‘I keep asking myself that question, and honestly, I don’t know what I’d have done. Obviously, I couldn’t have turned my back on her . . . I’d never have done that, and yet now it’s like that’s exactly what I did do.’
‘Without realising,’ Lainey reminded him.
‘It’s no excuse. To think, all these years, when we’ve been so happy, so blessed with our children . . .’
‘You surely can’t think Kirsten’s any less blessed. Julia’s as special to her as Tierney and Zav are to me.’
‘But Kirsten needed me there. She shouldn’t have had to bring her up alone. I know you, you’d have embraced her as warmly back then as you have today. We could have made such a difference to their lives.’
‘Of course, but it’s not too late. We can be there for them now, and God knows Kirsten could do with our support while she’s going through this, especially if, God forbid, she doesn’t pull through. She’ll need to know that Julia’s going to be loved and cared for in a family that’s genuinely hers.’
His eyes were gazing wondrously into hers. ‘You are so generous,’ he responded, ‘but I don’t think you realise what an enormous commitment it would be if we did take her on. No, hear me out,’ he objected as she made to interrupt. ‘You’ve already given me so much of your life . . . When I met you, you were so young, so fresh and full of possibilities. Yet you were willing to give up your studies, all the travelling you’d planned, the adventures every young person should have, the wonderful, exciting risk of just living, in order to be with me. And God help me, I let you because I couldn’t bear the thought of being without you. You meant everything to me, you still do, always will, but I can never reconcile myself to all you’ve missed out on because I turned you into a wife and mother before you even had a chance to be yourself.’
Lainey could hardly believe what she was hearing. ‘Are you crazy?’ she cried. ‘After all these years of knowing me, of living with me, have I ever seemed to you as though I felt I was
missing out,
or not being myself? I love being a wife and mother. It’s who I am, what I do, how I think, even, and I’m not ashamed of it. I’m proud of it, because what I do here, taking care of our children, of you and all that comes with you is, for me, the best career in the world.’
With love shining in his eyes, he said, ‘But Tierney’s going to be leaving home soon, and it’s not so many years until Zav will too. What’s going to happen then if we do have Julia with us? You’ll be stuck here with a husband who’s turning into an old man before your eyes, and a stepdaughter who’s never going to be able to leave. She could be your responsibility long after I’ve gone, do you realise that? You’ll have sacrificed your entire life for me and a child who’s not even yours. I can’t let you do it, Lainey. You deserve your life . . .’
‘Tom, will you please listen to me,’ she cut in forcefully.
‘No. You’ve taken care of your mother, and your father . . .’
‘You will listen,’ she insisted. ‘You’re my family, all of you, and that’s what matters to me. Maybe it’s the Italian in me. OK, I wasn’t set much of an example, but taking care of you all, Max and Julia included, loving you, being with you and doing what I can to make you happy is what makes me happy. So please don’t keep going on with all this nonsense about sacrifices and what I deserve. I love you, Tom Hollingsworth, more than I know how to put into words, and sadly I can’t rely on you to provide them because you can’t seem to say it at all.’
Laughing past his frustration, he caught her to him and held her tight. ‘I’ll find the words,’ he promised.
Tilting her head back to gaze up at him, she said, ‘It’s not really about words in the end, is it? It’s about being together, getting through the bad times and enjoying the good, sharing everything of each other and knowing we’ll always be there for each other.’ She wrinkled her nose. ‘That was a lot of words, wasn’t it?’
Losing his kiss to another laugh, he suggested, ‘Maybe you should be the writer in the family.’
‘I have my job, thanks, and I happen to think I’m quite good at it.’
‘You’re certainly that,’ he told her softly.
Their kiss was long and tender, and might not have ended there if they hadn’t been forced to remember their visitors.
‘I’ve been giving this some thought,’ she said, linking his arm as they started for the door. ‘OK, not for long, I admit, but I’m pretty sure about it already. I think Kirsten and Julia should come here to stay while Kirsten’s recovering. That way she’ll be able to see Julia settling into the family, and will be able to feel a part of it herself.’
Tom’s eyes closed as he shook his head in quiet amazement. ‘I don’t know why I’m surprised, when I know you as well as I do,’ he murmured, turning her to face him. ‘In fact, I should have seen this coming.’
‘Do you think Kirsten will go for it?’
‘I’ve no idea, but I do know that this is why I find it so hard to tell you I love you, because where you’re concerned the way I feel goes so far beyond those three words that they’re not even beginning to express the strength of it.’
THOUGH KIRSTEN WAS
perfectly able to see the merits of Lainey’s suggestion, she still didn’t prove easy to persuade. As far as she was concerned, she couldn’t possibly allow herself to become such a burden. However, for Julia’s sake, she finally agreed to come for a few weeks, which ended up turning into a couple of months, then three, then four, as Julia seemed so settled and Lainey was so insistent that they really ought to hang on till after Christmas.
By then Kirsten’s recovery was making some progress, and since Max was now in London, renting a studio flat from Nadia while he helped out at the agency by day and gigged around town by night, she and Julia had taken over the annexe.
Though Lainey and Tom were seeing little of Max at Bannerleigh Cross, hardly a day went by when he wasn’t in touch with his father, or Lainey, usually because he needed something, while his Skyping with Tierney, Zav and Julia was solely because Julia seemed to love it so much.
‘I suppose there’s hope for him yet,’ Tom was occasionally heard to sigh, after he’d watched Max serenading his half-sister with lyrics written specially for her. Her pleasure at being made to feel so special, coupled with the sheer joy of having brothers and a sister, was as heart-warming to behold as her delight in being an extra in the Christmas panto. Or as touching as watching her running out of school with drawings for everyone clutched in her hands, and marks that showed the very real worth of her inclusive education. Though she wasn’t able to go to Tierney’s school in Stroud, she’d fitted in straight away at The Farnaways, where Lainey and Tom had both recently become governors.