The Truth Be Told (The Truth in Lies Saga #3) (7 page)

McKenzie

Neither the temperature nor the sunlight mirrored the darkness that engulfed Drew as we made our way along the path toward what he considered a reminder of his transgressions.  His feet dragged, shuffling along the walkway, almost forced.  I tried not to stare, but it was impossible not to when the man was barely breathing.  He held my hand so tight that it throbbed with each beat of my heart.  I was certain that held me so tight because he feared running away.

Not that I blamed him.  I knew the pain he felt.  I’d felt that way when Nate and I lost Evan.  My baby boy, never having been able to see the light of day, all because my body was too weak to carry him.  It was impossible for me to compare my pain to Drew’s. Even though Autumn was stillborn after the accident, he still had the ability to hold his child.  He saw her face, knew the feel of her skin against his.  His little girl wasn’t just a flutter in his belly.  She was real.

I kept quiet.  To be honest, I didn’t know what to say to him.  My mind was blank.  This place was beautiful, as much as a cemetery could be. And he seemed to know exactly where our path would take us.  Plush trees billowed in the wind.  Bright hues of color sprinkled the ground in striking floral arrangements.  Gravestones ushered the living to the final resting places of those who were left behind.  There was a solemn beauty to this place, yet it haunted the heart with ghosts of the past.

My fingers gripped the tulips tighter.  Sweat formed between my palm and the paper that encased the beautiful flowers.  Every time Drew pulled in a breath, I felt my heart flinch.  I hated the pain he felt.  He wore his sunglasses and visor like a mask, covering the agony that I could see written all over his face.

“There she is.” He pointed to a small cherub statue a few feet away.  With the face of a child, the concrete angel sat at the head of the grave, its knee pulled to its chest and its head resting on top.  It seemed sad but protective of its charge that lay in the ground.  Little feathery wings protruded from its back.  Wings I recognized.  

A small gasp escaped my lips.  “The wings,” I paused, squinting my eyes to better look at the figure, “they look just like…”

“My tattoo,” he finished.  The tattoo of a battered anatomical heart rested on his shoulder.  I first noticed it that fateful night at my apartment when I allowed my desire for him to overcome my resolve.  Even in my anger, I knew there was significance to that piece.  Drew wasn’t the type to mark his body unless it held meaning.  Two sets of angels’ wings encompassed the heart, holding it together.  One set was of a cherub’s wings, soft, small, and delicate.  The other was the long, flowing, elegant, and beautiful wings of an archangel: one that was meant for peace and protection.

He peered down at me, seeming so lost and helpless.  It pained me to see him in such a state.  A small, half-smile flattened his lips.  He sucked down air, fighting the storm of emotions that brewed deep inside him.  The corner of my mouth twitched and I blinked several times as the sunlight broke through the trees, pouring down on us.  “The other wings?” I asked, certain I knew how he would respond.  Drew had called me his angel once before, but I had to hear it for myself.  It was important to know that I held such a high place in his heart and in his mind.

“My heart is broken and bleeding, Mickie.  It’s because of you and Autumn that I survive.”  

Love swelled inside me.  Not that I would ever want to replace his daughter, but to know that I mattered meant the world to me.  Everything we’d endured and would endure still was worth it.  Our love was worth it.  A single tear trickled down my face.  I reached up with the back of my hand to wipe it away, the tulips brushing across my cheek in the process.  “You’re a survivor.”

“As are you, my love.”

In no time, we stood in front of the grave.  Time had leveled the dirt that housed the sleeping coffin below.  Soft, green grass, perfectly manicured shrouded the grave with warmth.  The alabaster angel pillar overshadowed the grave, standing guard over the child.  Along the base of the stone read the words:

A life so innocent and loved now rests in the arms of Heaven.  

Autumn Elizabeth Wise.  

February 17, 2005.

A spark of jealousy quaked inside me.  Drew had this reminder that his daughter existed—something I would’ve given anything to have—and he squandered it by never visiting.  If he only realized how lucky he was to have this.  I knelt down and placed the flowers in a metal vase encased in stone at the base of the headstone.  I never knew this child, but I felt a certain connection to her.  We had a bond, our love embodied in one man: Drew.

I reached up for his hand, but he stood still, unmoving.  The instant our skin touched, I felt a jolt of electricity ripple through me.  It wasn’t my usual feeling, the one of attraction and love for him.  Instead, it was of agony and heartbreak.  I could literally feel his whole body quake with pent up emotion.  He must have felt it too, because he ripped his hand away from me at the same time he pulled his sunglasses from his eyes.  Covering his face with both hands, his chest heaved between sobs.

Bouncing on the balls of my feet, I pulled myself upright and tried to take him in my arms.  My act of love was met with resistance.   Drew placed distance between us.  His red, tear-filled eyes met mine, and a vicious snarl flared his nose.  “What were you thinking bringing me here?  This was supposed to be a day of fun and you forced me to hell.”

I lifted my hands in defense but said nothing.  This was his grief talking, lashing out at the one person who was forcing him to face it.  “Was this your idea of a sick joke?  Maybe you wanted to get back at me for the shit I’ve put you through.  Is that what this is?” He pointed toward the headstone.  “Fuck this!”

Frozen in place, I wanted to rush him, to hold him, to take his pain away, but I couldn’t.  A force beyond my understanding held me in place.  He needed to let it all go, and my coddling him wouldn’t help.  

He had a wild look in his eyes, one that I knew oh so well.  He was ready to run, to scream, and possibly beat the crap out of something.  Each breath he took seemed forced.  Purple circles lined his eyes from tears pushing themselves past his barriers.  The walls that were Andrew Wise were breaking, and I was here to witness it.  The immensity of it all overpowered him.  He wrapped his hands around his throat, determined to choke back his anguish.  A feat to which he was unsuccessful.

“This isn’t fair,” he screamed.

Birds scattered, squawking at the sound of his voice echoing amongst the stones.  The sun slipped into the background, hiding behind the trees that rustled in the wind.  Nature felt his pain as much as I did.

The feelings he’d held back all these years rushed forth in a flood of anger.  “You hear me?  This isn’t fair!”  Nothing spoke back to him.  Not me.  Not the grave.  Not even the wind or the sun would whisper a word.  The world hinged on everything he had to say and how he felt.  Those blue eyes I loved so much were hard as stone.  He turned his anger from me to the sky.  “You hear me, God?” he screamed out to the heavens above.  “I hate you!  I hate you for everything that happened.  I hate you for losing
her
.”  His finger jabbed toward the statue.  “I hate you for letting my family fall apart.  You taunted me with happiness.  You teased me with the possibility of it.  You knew how important she was to me.  My family was everything and you took it away, you cruel bastard.”  

This conversation seemed private and I was eavesdropping on something I wasn’t meant to hear.  The intimacy, the despair, and the heartache kept me unable to move.  I was seeing Drew, my Drew, the man I loved, at his weakest.  Almost as if God knew I needed to be here just as much as he did.  Drew balled his fists tight at his sides.  Seven years was a long time to hold on to this much pain, and now the gates were open.  All that guilt and anger were ramped.  “I should’ve been the one to go that night.  It should’ve been me.  She had her whole life ahead of her.  She hadn’t even taken her first breath and you ripped her away.  How dare you? Merciful God!” he spat.  “There’s no mercy in a God that takes a child.  Not when you could’ve had me in her place.”

Drew dropped down to his knees, the image of a broken man.  His head fell to his chest and his voice lowered from a scream to a whimper.   “I was supposed to have years with her.  I was supposed to watch her take her first steps, say her first words, and lose her first tooth,” he cried.  “She was supposed to grow into a woman.  Go to college and get married.  I would’ve spoiled her, treated her like the little princess she was.  It was my right as her father to give her the world.”

The barrier that held me back, released me.  I dropped down beside him, pulling him into my arms.  Drew slumped into my embrace, his anger completely exhausted from him.  In my arms, he cried. His pain left his body in a flood of tears.  I ripped his visor from his head and tossed it to the ground beside us.  My hands wrapped around the back of his head as he buried his face in the nape of my neck.  His fingers dug into my hips.  We rocked to the rhythm of his sobs.  My own tears fell with his, grieving for the child that he loved.

“She’ll never know how much I loved her.”

I pulled back, my gaze meeting tear swollen eyes.  “Don’t you dare say that, Andrew Wise.  That little girl knew how much you loved her just as my son knew how much I loved him.”  My jaw set and my tears ceased.  I was determined to make him see the truth.  The truth about Autumn, about me, but most of all, the truth about himself.  “Neither of us honor them by blaming ourselves for what happened.  You’re the one who made me see that.  Now you need to, as well.”  I pointed toward the cold, alabaster stone.  “That little angel was brought into this world for one purpose—for you to love her.  Carrying around this guilt doesn’t honor her memory, nor does it reflect the love you have for her.”  I stood up, pulling him with me.  It was time for him to accept what happened, just as I had.  “Remember her, Andy, but let go of the guilt.  You both deserve that.  To be honest, if you and I are to continue, I deserve it, too.  It’s not easy.  I know.  I’ve spent the last two months wallowing in my own guilt and pain, but it can be done.  Do it for Autumn and me, but most of all, do it for you.”

Drew stared at me, his mouth agape.  I reached up and wiped the tears from his eyes.  “Remember her every day, Andy.  Talk to her, tell her how you feel, but don’t blame yourself any longer.  The past is behind you and we have the future to look forward to.”

Closing any gap between us, Drew pulled me against his chest and kissed me.  He caught me by surprise.  All of the anger I’d just witnessed didn’t fit the intensity of this kiss.  Hard and deep our mouths moved, unabashed by the fact that we were in a cemetery or at Autumn’s grave.  This kiss was healing, forgiving, and a step toward our new beginning.  

I pulled back, breathless, my hands flat against his chest.  A smile donned his beautiful lips.  He touched my face, brushing my hair back.  The crinkles around his eyes deepened, letting me know this smile was real and genuine.  “Thank you for loving me,” he whispered.

“You’re worth loving.”  A gentle breeze whistled around us, pushing us closer together.  I laughed and tilted my head toward the stone that somehow seemed brighter now than it had before.  “You agree, huh?  Smart girl.  Your daddy’s very much worth loving.”

“You think she’s here?”

“Of course.  She’s been here all along.”

“How do you know that?”

I reached up and pulled his face down to mine, pressing a sweet kiss to his lips.  “Because you’re here, Andy.  She’s with you wherever you go.”  I rested my hands, one on top of the other, over his heart.  “As long as this beats, Autumn is here.”

We stood in that spot, for God only knew how long, in complete silence.  No longer did the past hang over us.  The silence was now reverence not remorse.  “Thank you,” he whispered, his voice hoarse but free.

“For what?”

Drew pressed his lips to the top of my head.  “For being you.”

I chuckled softly and rested my head to his chest, listening to the tender thump of his heartbeat.  It now beat in a steady rhythm of healing.  A tune that would become more refined as forgiveness and acceptance set in.

Drew rested his hand on the small of my back, his focus on the stone.  “If she’s really here, then it’s only prudent that I introduce you two.”  I looked up to catch that beautiful smirk that was only Drew.

“Yes, it’s quite rude that you’ve neglected to do so.  Where are your manners, Mr. Wise?”

Drew laughed, a good solid laugh.  I turned to face the stone as he extended his hand out in an introduction.  “McKenzie Evans, this is my daughter, Autumn.”  The way he said her name brought tears back to my eyes.  It was said with the love a father.  “Autumn, this is McKenzie, my girlfriend.”

I greeted her, a sense of love engulfing me.  Here I was, in the presence of a father with his daughter.  That’s what this had turned into.  Exactly as I wished when I made the suggestion for us to come.  Drew needed this, and truth be told, so did I.  We were two souls broken, lost, and alone, that came together to heal.

Drew shifted from my grasp as he bent down to pick up his sunglasses.  As his fingers touched the soft earth, a gentle sigh released from his chest.  I rested my hand on his shoulder and let the moment sink in a little longer.  “I’m going to give you a moment,” I told him.  Looking back at the stone, I smiled.  “Take care of my little Evan.  He needs a big sister to care for him up there.”  The whisper of the breeze moving amongst the trees told me that she heard me and that my baby was safe.  Love brought them together just as it had Drew and me.