The Truth Commission (26 page)

42
. School motto: Sustainability and Creativity in All Things. Of course, Green Pastures being Green Pastures, our school motto is always written in multiple languages, including Island Hul'q'umin'um' (the living language of the Snuneymuxw traditional territories, of which Nanaimo is a part), French, Spanish, Mandarin, Cantonese, Latin, and Braille.

43
. Parisian French. French-Canadian. Either/or. (I have never been to Quebec or to France. I'm just impressed by Frenchness in all forms.)

44
. Like this here work of creative nonfiction.

45
. You work in an art-focused high school, so I'm sure you understand the significance of this. It's a bit like saying you'd run over God in a Christian high school.

46
. For those of us who never get invited to vision board parties, not even late, such events involve cutting out magazine images that represent your hopes and dreams and gluing them to a piece of cardboard. You use the resulting collage of lifestyle and product images to focus your aspirations.

47
. It is a nice change from some of the more classically technical approaches.

48
. This happened in 2010.

49
. Which reminds me, I saw you and Mr. Wells talking in the parking lot after the riot. You laugh nicely together.

50
. I use photographs as my guide. Think of Chuck Close's portrait tapestries. That's the effect I'm aiming for.

51
. Meaning the body forms a fibrous shell around a foreign body, such as a breast implant. According to my online research, if this shell hardens, it can become quite painful—another reason I'm not going to spend the two hundred thirty dollars I have in my savings account on that particular upgrade.

52
. I don't know if he looked pained because he was worried about the state of Number Two or because he realized how far Aimee's confession put him into the friend zone.

53
. I guess I don't need to tell you that, Ms. Fowler.

54
. According to Wikipedia, this phrase was coined by Gertrude Stein in
Gertrude Stein, Everybody's Autobiography
(Random House, 1937) and is often applied to the city of her childhood, Oakland, California. She also said “Rose is a rose is a rose.” I find that quote less compelling. Perhaps due to its repetitiveness.

55
. In prison, they call that sort of thing “going gay for the stay.” Or so I hear.

56
. The screech of metaphors crashing into each other was overwhelming. That probably added to my pain.

57
. You, Ms. Fowler, may have noticed that I'm a big fan of warming up, or, as you have sometimes called it:
repeating myself
. Which reminds me, you looked really nice in that blue dress you had on yesterday. Mr. Wells was totally staring at you when you walked by. How is me being a fan of warming up connected to you and Mr. Wells? I think you know. First it's scent. Next it's blue dresses. I smell long walks on a warm beach in someone's future!

58
. Known for a time as the Queen Charlotte Islands. Haida Gwaii is on my list of places to visit at the first opportunity due to its culture and natural beauty.

59
. I figure the starfish is probably a psychologically revealing choice on Lisette's part. Wikipedia says that because some starfish can digest food outside the body, they hunt prey much larger than their mouths, including clams and oysters, arthropods, small fish, and mollusks. Starfish may also supplement their diets with algae or organic detritus.

60
. Button blankets are used as ceremonial garments and gifts by the Northwest tribes. They're usually made of wool and show a family crest. Hers was a fleece blanket with the green, red, yellow, and black Hudson's Bay Company stripes on it and some random buttons attached hither and yon around . . . you guessed it: a red starfish.

61
. Ms. Fowler, do you sometimes marvel at the budget this school has? I do, and I'm only sixteen. I've seen Season Four of
The Wire
, at Mr. Wells's suggestion. Not every school has studio pods, theaters, and roundhouses. Thanks be to our Founding Farmer!

62
. Here's a disturbing detail: a fleshing beam is used to scrape the extra flesh off the hide of an animal.

63
. “Contributing to the cultural life of this country.” Yes, I know the whole mission statement for G. P. Academy.

64
. Yes, yes, I know that metaphor doesn't hold up. But I do sort of like comparing my dad to puppies.

65
.

66
. You know how there's a chapter in
As I Lay Dying
that consists of only five words: “My mother is a fish”? Well, in the interest of pushing the envelope, footnote-wise, I offer you a chapter that contains only a single footnote. Hilarious, right?

Here is what I wrote to Lisette DeVries:
Do you really think you are aboriginal? Or are you just lying? Again
.

The second I sent it, I wanted to delete it. I settled for deleting my fake profile and prayed that the message would disappear with it.

For sure, not my finest moment.

67
. Speaking of disapproving adults, you were pretty free with the green pen on my Q&A chapter. You used it with such vigor that part of me thinks you were reacting to more than just a chapter with minimal action. It's okay. Teachers are allowed to be not self-aware, just like everyone except me. I saw you and Mr. W. talking in the parking lot. It looked intense, but not in a bad way. Maybe you two are having troubles and you took it out on my chapter? It's fine. I'm used to being held to the highest standard at all times.

68
. A fascination with a small format and precision, maybe?

69
. I'd never really aspired to feel gritty before, and dressing like a character in a movie isn't exactly the essence of personal authenticity, but there
was
something fun about it.

70
. My dialogue in this scene was less than sparkling. This is a constant problem in scenes and in life.

71
. Her boyfriend.

72
. I really want to end this chapter here. I know most of what happens in this chapter is flashback, a bunch of thoughts, a list, and some text messages. This is not the stuff of narrative greatness, unless you are Marcel Proust, who, as you pointed out in your last set of comments, could write pages about a single cookie and make it great. I think we can agree that I am no Marcel Proust. Please note that I took
In Search of Lost Time
out of the library. I think I may have strained something just lifting it off the shelf. Imagine if he wrote about an entire cake or something! I know. I'll insert a scene break and then go for another partial scene. Sweet! I'm getting the hang of this structure thing!

73
.  

74
. Here's a question: If I become a better writer, will my details become less blatantly symbolic? Will my life be more subtle? I mean seriously: ostriches, closets? These would be frowned on by the Annie Dillards of the world. Her symbols are always like wind and shit like that. Sorry for the swear.

75
. I'm not even sure you're allowed to be an art student if you don't worship at the Anderson altar.

76
. Mr. Wells is sort of cute when he's being authoritarian and teacher-ish. I can see what you see in him! Not that I see you seeing anything in him. Ahem. How is that going, by the way? I haven't seen you guys together lately. I know, I know: out-of-bounds footnote!

77
. If I ever write a novel, I might do some experiments with point of view, even though I'm finding it hard to even figure out my own point of view.

78
. That's not just me sucking up in preparation for Mr. Wells to be the second reader of this project. His remarks really were interesting.

79
. Interesting fact about Mr. Wells and something I'm sure I don't need to tell you, Ms. Fowler: he can say things that would sound snotty if another teacher said them but somehow coming from him they sound friendly and sincere. That is a pretty great quality.

80
. I know you said that nodding is the cheapest and most pointless thing characters can do and that authors rely far too much on nodding and staring to convey meaning. But what about when people actually nod a lot? I can't pretend Dusk scratched her nose significantly or that Neil rubbed his temples. Sigh. Writing is hard. Especially true writing.

81
. Which was excellent.

82
. I hope it's not too jarring. You said in class that using present tense is like making everything a little speedier and emphatic. It's the tense equivalent of shouting. This experience felt pretty emphatic to me.

83
. A member of the Group of Seven.

84
. Hence the lack of a question mark.

85
. My guess is that you see her a lot in your capacity as a guidance counselor, because she probably needs to talk about issues pertaining to excellence.

86
. For those who are not currently taking advanced gym, muscle-fiber types are divided into two types: fast twitch and slow twitch. If you have superstar slow-twitch muscles you can run marathons and do other unpleasant-sounding activities. If you have top-notch fast-twitch muscles, you can go very fast for short distances, which also sounds unpleasant. That pretty much sums up what I know about muscle twitch.