The Ultimate Guide to Fellatio (19 page)

Fellatio for Injured or Disabled People

An injury that impairs movement, comfort, or response to stimulation can affect the choices we make when fellatio is on the menu. When either you or your lover are physically limited in some way, sometimes a blow job is the best (or only) kind of sex play you can feasibly engage in—and we all know that most injuries, even painful ones, don’t interfere with lust or horniness. Wanting to get off when you’ve got something you need to work around, such as a cast, a strained back, or limited privacy, just means you need to get a little more creative.

When you’re hurting or limited in your movement, props, bolsters, and pillows are your erotic handmaidens. People with neck injuries should choose positions that support the head: sideways 69 with a pillow under your head, man on top, having him stand while you’re seated, or sitting reverse in a high-backed chair with him on a higher surface. Folks with back injuries already know how pillows provide relief under their knees, and pillows can also go between the knees of whoever’s hurting and lying sideways—let comfort in nonsexual situations be your guide. You may even end up on your back with your head and back piled on pillows, like a pasha, as your lover thrusts into your mouth, but if it feels good, who minds? Also, for back pain, make use of furniture such as low stools, which can be used bedside—or anywhere, for that matter.

Men with disabilities will have varying capacities for receiving oral stimulation, but this depends on the type of disability and, if it is progressive, how far it has progressed. Needless to say, you should never consider a disabled man asexual—we’re all pleasure-seekers, no matter what type of house we live in. Disabilities fit into various categories: mobility, communication, deafness, vision impairment, or other diagnosed conditions such as multiple sclerosis, diabetes, or attention deficit disorder (ADD).

A man with multiple sclerosis might find genital stimulation pleasurable but may have difficulty achieving orgasm, he may be combating fatigue, and erections may not be possible, or reliable—but do not assume that if he doesn’t have an erection, he’s not enjoying himself. The common mistake the medical community makes time and again when encountering
sex, men,
and
MS
in the same sentence is reducing everything to terms of erectile dysfunction. Let’s toss yet another oversimplification of male sexuality right out. MS is a disease of the central nervous system (brain and spinal cord), and it interferes with erections. It can cause numbing or tingling sensations in the genitals, difficulty feeling or achieving orgasms, and fatigue, and it can make focusing on stimulation difficult. Because it affects the pathways from brain to genitals, willed sexual response becomes less reliable; reflexive responses (involuntary erection, orgasm, sensation) can remain intact. And these things can change over time. Because some men with MS may experience pain during stimulation, communication about sex is essential. Some things may feel wonderful for a few weeks, then unpleasant for a while. Talking about how things feel to him, and becoming comfortable with talking about oral sex while you’re doing it, makes oral sex better—and hotter.

Diabetes can also affect sexual functions; it’s not unheard of for a man to see his doctor about erection issues only to discover he has diabetes. The reasons the disease interferes with his sexuality vary, but vascular disease (a frequent diabetes complication) can reduce blood flow and affect erection, neuropathy can cause nerve damage and reduce sensation, orgasm may become increasingly difficult to achieve, and ejaculation may not occur. Oral sex may still feel delightful; be sure to check in with him about varying your levels of stimulation.

ADD sufferers will find that their mind is racing uncontrollably when they want to be relaxing and enjoying fellatio—their brain is traveling at warp speed when they just want to sustain a fantasy, watch you work, or focus on orgasm. Treatment for ADD can help, but because many of the prescribed pharmaceuticals inhibit erection and/or orgasm, you should stress the importance of sexual functioning to your doctor before the prescription is written.

For some paraplegic and quadriplegic men, sexual function is impaired, but for others it’s not impaired at all. Perhaps the fun is in finding out! If there is some impairment, it’s possible that function and feeling can be increased over time—practice, anyone? After a spinal cord injury, the spinal center for sexual functioning is generally intact; it’s the communication center from brain to spinal center that’s usually disrupted. Unless some sensation in the area of his genitals remains, the usual sensation of orgasm is lost, and erections and ejaculation will be involuntary if they occur, though he may experience phantom orgasm elsewhere in his body. A playful, communicative partner makes all the difference in the world.

Keep Your Lipstick Perfect

Those of us who do our best to get through a cocktail party or dinner out while keeping lipstick a) on, and b) where it’s supposed to stay—on our lips—have unique concerns when it comes to giving head. Of course, women in the movies go down, come up, and it’s as if nothing happened. But when we try it in real life, it winds up looking like a car wreck between us and his cock. Fortunately for us, a higher power invented the drag queen.

Drag queens brought the technology of stay-put lipsticks from the theater to the streets. The best, though difficult to find, is a liquid used in the theater called Lip Set by Signature Solutions. You apply your lipstick (sorry, no gloss under or over), paint it on with the supplied brush, and let it dry. Then you have perfect lipstick that you can do anything with for four to six hours. There is a version of this same product from a different company, sold in drugstores, that comes in a roll-on applicator. It works for only about two hours, and sadly, your lipstick comes off right away when you give a blow job—due largely, I think, to the imprecise application of the roll-on. Some more commercially available options come from major cosmetic companies, sold under the heading of “stay put” lipsticks. These come in a variety of colors, and some can survive pretty heavy make-out sessions—perfect for our purposes. Cover Girl’s Outlast was the best competitor for Lip Set, and I might add that the testing was rigorous.

How to Go Down on a Strap-On

Strap-on sex isn’t just for breakfast anymore: not only are all types of people experimenting with strap-on sex, but they’re not just using it for vaginal or anal penetration.
Strap-on sex
refers to having sex with a dildo and harness. You and your partner get a harness made to fit a dildo, and a dildo that’s the size and shape of your preference, and one of you wears it during sex. The common conception is that only lesbian couples use strap-ons (and they do) but gay men also strap it on every now and then, and in increasing numbers, hordes of straight couples are adding strap-ons to their sex lives.

There are many contexts for strap-on use. In lesbian sex, strap-ons can be used to enhance fantasy play, to delineate roles, or simply for hands-free penetration. Gay men strap it on for the same reasons, but the harness is worn differently; either it is worn above the penis, or the harness has room for penis and testicles to hang freely. Straight men can employ a dildo and harness for a variety of reasons (for instance, erectile dysfunctions), or the female partner can wear the harness and penetrate her male lover in any context that turns the two of them on. Strap-ons are great whenever you want an extra erection, and they are highly erotic visually for both the wearer and the intended recipient.

Women or men who are inclined to give or receive head with a strap-on dildo may find that the subject brings up some interesting questions about their own (or their partner’s) gender roles. Some folks find this titillating; swapping or sharing roles for a hot round of sex play opens whole new doors of sexual arousal and fantasy, which for some people is an aphrodisiac. However, others find that the very idea of opening these doors makes them uncomfortable. The notion of having the gender they identify with reshaped for a sexual fantasy may be felt as a challenge to who they are—at the very core of their being. For them, it’s not okay to play with this stuff, and not fun to even think about it. If you find yourself accidentally stumbling across an emotional land mine, backtrack, be a supportive listener, and let it go. There are plenty of other ways to have fun with your lover.

Fellatio lends itself perfectly to strap-on sex. One look at your lover in a sexy harness, all buckles and straps, with an erect member jutting suggestively from their body, and it’s difficult to resist the temptation to swallow them whole. Many of the same principles, tricks, and skills apply to fellating a dildo on your lover as to going down on an actual cock. You can create any context for the encounter you like: you can be in control and taking charge of that cock, or out of control and being used like a toy, you can demonstrate your naughty skills to your lover, or you can tenderly be making love to every inch of them. Reading up on techniques in other chapters of the book, such as types of strokes, controlling your gag reflex, or positioning, will give you a lot of the information you need when you go down. But the important difference in giving head to a strap-on is that you will approach the techniques you apply from a different angle: instead of being focused on the way the penis
feels
, you’re focused on how the owner
sees
you.

When you suck strap-on cock, you’re putting on a show, and making the wearer feel hot in that harness—and it’s probably a big turn-on for you, too. See how you treat the dildo visually, and maintain plenty of eye contact, employ very visual oral techniques, and use your hands a lot. Your hands can roam, jerk the dildo off in your face, or grab your lover’s hips to pull them into you, or they can stimulate the wearer beneath the harness (though you should make sure this is okay before you try it—some people don’t want that type of stimulation, so ask permission first). The way you give head to a dildo is different for the reasons I just mentioned, but strap-on fellatio is also unique in that you aren’t necessarily giving a blow job that ends with an orgasm. You’re down there until you or your lover decide you’re finished, or you both decide to switch activities.

Harnesses and dildos can be bought in adult sex toy stores, though for good quality and ease of use, you can find better toys in the more upscale shops, boutiques, and stores that cater to women (see chapter 13, “Resources,” for stores). When choosing a harness, determine your price range, which material you’d like it made of (leather, fabric, neoprene), and how you’d like to wear it. Do you want an opening for access to your genitals, do you prefer a snug or very adjustable fit, do you want it to be easy to conceal beneath your clothes? Dildos come in more shapes, sizes, and colors than you can imagine, but be sure you purchase one made to be worn in a harness, and that it will fit into the harness you want. Dildos that can be worn with a harness have wide, circular bases to help them stay put. Most of the all-in-one strap-on units you’ll find in mainstream adult toy stores are cheaply made and not worth your money—skip ’em. Read more about sex toys and materials in chapter 10, “More Techniques.” One nice thing about purchasing the penis you’re going to fellate is that you can practice in private before the main event—highly recommended!

Back Alley Baby

by Alison Tyler

“Do we want one made from neon pink jelly?” Chelsea murmurs. “Or a black-and-white marble swirl?”

I giggle as my lover points to a cock as long as my forearm. Wouldn’t want to play hide-and-seek with that. Still, the crazier the space-age colors, the odder the textures, the wetter my panties. Who would have guessed that shopping for a sex toy would be this much of a turn-on? And it’s not just because we’re in a hip, sex-positive store surrounded by helpful salesgirls who look as if they wrote the manual on fucking. No, what really appeals to me is the same thing I find alluring about the Nordstrom shoe department: the outrageous selection. I mean, there are literally hundreds of different types of toys to choose from. We’re not just talking length and girth, but colors, features, materials.

“How about that one?” Chelsea asks, obviously teasing as she indicates a monstrous devil-red number decorated with rounded bumps and a cynical smile.

I wonder who would choose a dildo like that, and suddenly, I’m no longer centered on the thought of the two us shopping for a sex toy. I’m lost in the thought of all the different people who have considered these items in the past, who have chosen the one they wanted and taken their precious treasures home to play with. What type of woman would like the dildo with the rabbit ears? Who would choose the double-headed U-shaped creation that can fill two holes at once?

“This one,” Chelsea says finally, and I realize with a tightness in my chest that she’s right. It doesn’t actually look like a penis. Too smooth. Too perfectly rocket shaped. Too sapphire blue.

I nod and watch the sultry brunette sales chick pluck a box from a high-up shelf, handing over the toy and a harness to Chelsea in exchange for her credit card. Pussy, I think, be still. We have to get home before you can get served.

That admonition doesn’t stop my clit from twitching or my cheeks from flushing neon-pink as Chelsea whispers in my ear. “You’re going to get this nice and wet for me, aren’t you, girl?”

“Mm hmmm.”

“Wet with your hungry mouth.”

“Mm hmmm,” I say again.

“Wet back there in the alley—”

Now, I pause, but she doesn’t. With a request spoken in undertone to the pierced sales dyke, she disappears behind a door that says Employees Only. When she returns, I immediately sense that something has changed. Her stride is different in her indigo boot-cut jeans. Her gray eyes are glowing. Empty-handed, she leads me in a pony-step out the door and around the corner. Presses me up against the chipped brick wall between two gray metal dumpsters, opens her fly with a single tug, and then pushes me down on my knees.