The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy (14 page)

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Move your breasts from eye level onto the chest, then slide them down to crotch level. Your hands can follow their path and steady you as you sink to your knees.

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Caress your breasts and make sultry eye contact.

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Work bits and pieces of a striptease into your lap dance.

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Play with your hair, or any props you might have—for example, a maid might dust her audience from head to toe.

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Place one foot on their thigh (beware of high heels) and rotate your hips.

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Turn around to grind your butt into their crotch. Then lie back and press your whole body onto theirs, reaching back to play with their hair.

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Rub your breasts in their face.

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Straddle their legs and play with yourself.

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Grind your crotch onto their thigh.

Finish the routine any way you like—but the best way is with a hot bout of sex. From the start, your happy subject will be transfixed by your erotic show, and will have to make an effort to keep themselves from grabbing you, removing your clothes, and ravishing you on the spot. That's the point—get him or her as worked up as possible, but withhold sexual contact until you say so. If you choose to incorporate lap dancing with your strip routine, you'll be cranking up the heat every time you rub your body and breasts over their torso, tease by moving away, and then return for more. Pay special attention to grinding on the crotch area and, with a man, increasingly brushing up against his erection as you near the end of your show. For a finish, you can do any of the following:

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Take your partner's clothes off, too. Slowly peel off their shirt and open the top button of their pants, all the while continuing with your dancing and hip rotations.

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Slide down their body and remain on your knees to perform oral sex.

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Facing away, have sex in the “reverse cowgirl” position. Or turn around and ride him in the chair.

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Take your sweetie by the hand and lead them to the bedroom.

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Sink down to a kneeling position and pull your partner onto the floor with you.

The Art of Dirty Talk

Quiet, focused sex can be intense and climactic—but opening your mouth and telling your partner what you're thinking can really crank up the heat. Dirty talk
makes hot sex even hotter and can come in handy when you're separated by distance but connected by a phone or DSL line.

Hot talk means simply giving your partner an explicit description of sex, in as much detail as possible, with some drama and good timing and carefully chosen words. You don't necessarily have to use vulgar language, and you never have to use terms you're uncomfortable with. On the flip side, if you generally don't use coarse words like “pussy” or “cock,” hearing these words coming out of your mouth in a heated moment might just send your lover over the edge.

You can talk dirty before sex, during foreplay, or throughout the day in a series of phone messages or strategically placed notes. You can describe a sexual fantasy—yours or your partner's—in explicit detail from start to finish. Or, once you hit the sheets, you can describe what's actually happening right then and there. Further, you can tell your lover what you'd like them them to do, or what you'd like to do to them.

It's important to be as descriptive as possible. Slow down; don't rush anything. If you're concerned about saying dirty things out loud because it's new for you, find some private time, make a list of words you might have trouble with, and say them—out loud, over and over. Do it in front of a mirror. You may laugh at first—and it's even okay to laugh when you try it with your partner. What matters is that you speak the words and that your desire to turn yourself and your partner on says you
mean
it. If you still think it sounds silly, don't worry—when you say your words to your lover in person, it'll sound plenty sexy. Carol Queen, in
Exhibitionism for the Shy
, recommends talking dirty to yourself while you masturbate, using your arousal to
help you get comfortable saying filthy things.

Find your sexiest voice. Some people have a difficult time hearing their own voice and might find that trying a few vocal exercises gives them a sexier and more resonant sound. Practice speaking not from your throat, but from the center of your chest, powering the air up from your belly. You can relax your face by stretching the muscles of your jaw, lips, and tongue. This will also improve your sound.

Speak softly by lowering the volume and the pitch. Try a sentence in a low whisper, deeper than your normal voice. Then try it louder and still deeper. Next, hum, keeping your mouth closed. Now speak the sentence in your low whisper, but with the same resonance as the hum. You'll use these different techniques to find the sexy voice that works best for you (and to gauge your volume over any background music). During sex, you'll be speaking in an unrushed tempo in your sexy, low voice. Ask your partner a few questions, and match their response in timing, volume, and urgency. You'll tune right into their arousal.

But what do you say during dirty talk? Because hot talk relies on your own creativity, figuring out what to say can be daunting. Describing a fantasy—which takes guts and a sense of adventure—is one of the simplest and most delicious ways to spice up sex. If you don't know where to start, let someone else provide the words—pick up an erotic short-story collection that focuses on fantasies for couples and borrow a fantasy. Read erotica, look for dirty stories online, and make a note of whatever turns you on.

Another trick is to describe what you're doing at the moment, but make it dirtier. For instance, if you're caressing his thigh, you can say: “Your thigh feels really
good under my hand. I love touching you so close to your delicious cock. I can see you getting hard. Do you want me to touch your cock? I'd love to stroke you up and down your shaft, rub and press against your hard dick. It would feel so good to fondle your balls, slide my hand around the base of your shaft, and give it a squeeze. Then I could slide up your shaft and grip the tip of your cock in my soft fist.” Get the idea? Then deliver on your promise, describing what you're doing every step of the way.

Once you unleash your dirty-talk skills, and what they can do for your sex life, you'll feel as if you've discovered a secret superhero power. Use your power to turn your good-girl persona into a tigress between the sheets, or your femme fatale identity into a prowling seductress. Dirty-talk skills can be used in bed, over the phone, in a chat room, in a crowded restaurant, or anywhere that turns you on. Mask, cape, and boots are optional.

Giving an Erotic Massage

No role-playing scenario involving nurses or masseuses can convince, no public hand job can really sing, no seductive pampering session can be complete without the tricks and delights of genital massage. Erotic massage is also a great skill if your fantasy is to sexually “service” your partner with your hands. I highly recommend watching the videos listed in the Resources chapter at the end of this book, especially those from The New School of Erotic Touch.

Plan your massage and meals accordingly; don't offer a massage to someone who has just eaten a large meal. If you have to eat, make it a light, sensual snack.
Having your massage subject take a bath or shower beforehand is relaxing and warms up the skin. Have massage oil ready (unscented or lightly scented), some water-based lubricant for genital massage, and if you feel playful, other sensation toys such as feathers, fur mitts, or a soft body brush.

Before applying oil, slowly and sensually stroke your lover's entire body from head to toe with feathers, other sensation toys, or your caressing hands. Relax them with gentle strokes; try a variety of sensations on their skin to warm them up and awaken their senses. You may start with your lover on their stomach, giving a luxurious back-of-the-body massage before you roll them over and concentrate on the front. Or you can begin with the front for a more overtly sexual massage. Either way, don't start with the genitals (unless this is the plan and you know your partner is ready). Instead, tease, touch, and knead other areas such as the face, shoulders, back, chest, breasts, thighs, and hips. Really adventurous lovers can incorporate front-slide lap-dancing moves, essentially massaging with the whole body—an incredibly arousing experience for the recipient. Take time to work up your lover's arousal before you move to genital massage.

Oil is great for massage on external genitals but isn't latex-compatible (it will break condoms easily) and isn't suitable for vaginal penetration. Because oil is difficult to flush from the vaginal canal, it can remain there and encourage bacterial infections, so use water-based lube for vaginal penetration. Plan ahead if you use condoms during sex.

You can apply lube to your partner's genitals in a number of sexy ways. Pour it directly onto their penis or vulva from a height of a few inches or more; warm
it in your hands first and smooth it on; or cup your hand over their genitals and pour the lube over the back of your hand, allowing it to seep through your fingers.

Massaging the Vulva

Try these tips for vulva massage:

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Cup your hand over her entire vulva and knead, rub in circles, or keep your hand still and apply pressure.

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Alternating hands, slide the lube downward, from the pubic bone to the lower part of the vulva. Reverse direction and pull the lube up.

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If you massage the anal area, don a latex or polyurethane glove. (Never allow anal bacteria to enter the vagina; it can cause infection.)

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Rub the outer lips in small circles with flattened fingers. Gently pull and tug on them in sync, using the thumb and forefinger of both hands.

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With one or two fingers, rub upward or downward along the inside of the outer lips, along the sides of the clitoris. Circle in the furrow for variation.

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Pay attention to her body language. If she seems to pull away, reduce your pressure. If she's grinding into your hand, follow her cues and match her rhythm.

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Ask her what she wants.

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Build up to massaging her clit. It will be extremely sensitive to direct touch, though less so as she becomes more aroused. Start with several flattened fingers to diffuse the sensation. Find a spot she likes on the side, top, or below the glans of her clit. Play around with sensations here, then find a rhythm and stick to it.

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She may or may not want penetration—ask. If she does, insert one or two fingers (more if she asks) and allow them to follow the natural curve of her vaginal canal. Keep your fingers firm, but follow her internal angle. Make your in-and-out rhythm steady and slow, quickening when she requests it.

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When you get a rhythm going that she likes, don't stop or change it.

Massaging the Penis

Try these strokes for the penis:

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Massage lube all over his cock and balls, and into the furrows where his thighs meet his body.

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Alternating hands, slide the lube downward, from the pubic bone to the top of his cock and balls. Reverse direction and pull the lube up.

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Using a glove for anal massage is highly recommended, though not necessary unless your hands or his penis will be in vaginal contact later.

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Alternating hands, circle the base of his shaft and pull the lube up to the top.

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The tip of his penis is usually the most sensitive part. Stimulating him here may be too intense, though this may change as he becomes more aroused.

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Include his testicles in your affections. Give them gentle squeezes and tugs, and roll lube over the surface.

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Hold the base of his cock in one hand and stroke the top with the other hand. The stroking hand can twist up, pull up, move up and down, or grip rhythmically in a fist.

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Hold the base of his cock and pull downward on his testicles.

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Begin a stroking rhythm on his shaft, using both hands to form a long tunnel, holding the base, or using one hand only on the end.

Erotic massage proceeds in stages of intensity, from rubbing lube onto your squirming sweetie all the way to intense and rhythmic strokes at the end. Begin with the lighter stuff. Vary your techniques until your partner's arousal really builds, then narrow your strokes to simple rhythmic ones, focusing on a single final technique to bring them to orgasm. Many people make the mistake of changing strokes and pacing as orgasm nears. Rather, help your lover concentrate by zeroing in on the technique that will take them over the edge.