The Unexpected Life of Carnegie Lane (24 page)

“
I know what your dreaming when you sleep, baby you have secrets I will always keep. Then in every morning when we rise, well I see my reflection in your eyes.
”

What Carnegie had never realized, was that singing to objects in your lounge room, or singing to a crowd, was all practice. Nate had sung every day for 20 years, Carnegie had done the same, albeit to a different audience. With every note she worked hard on to hit, for the appreciation of the lounge, she had opened up her vocal range until it was as good as anyone’s who had practiced for that many hours a day, for that many years.

Oh, she could sing alright, just no one had been given the opportunity to know it. She could sing like a bird, which only made Nate Bowman
need
her a little bit more than he had.

“Carnegie…” He said quietly, when she stopped.

“Mhm?” She asked, not quite ready to let him go, since his chest was warm, and the rest of them were soaking wet.

“Thanks…” He held her a little tighter.

“You’re welcome.”

All amazing moments must come to an end. The rain began to settle, and the wind began to take its place. As much as they were in their own private Idaho, they were freezing.

“OK…Now it’s my turn to get you inside. Follow me.”

Nate had her by the hand, he watched the road, and made for the break in traffic and took her through a side service door in the hotel.

“What if someone sees us? Won’t security get angry?” Carnegie was brave, but this place was as well armed as Fort Knox.

“Trust me.” He said again, as they walked through a swinging door and into the back entrance to the kitchen. There were three staff members there who all looked at them, a little startled when they walked in.

“Oh my God! Nate Bowman.” One of them said, standing suddenly to attention as if the hotel boss had just caught them doing something they shouldn’t.

“Shhhhh…” Said Nate as he indicated he needed to get through and over to the service elevator. They got it, and helped him through, using their card to open the door and access his floor. Once the doors closed and they were on their way up, both of them burst out laughing.

“Oh you’re good.” Carnegie said, totally impressed.

“Better with you around. That’s for sure.”

Together they ran up the hall and back to her room.

“See you in a few.” She went in to get changed into something dry.

Nate made his way back to his room. He was just about to put the card in to activate his door, when something caught the corner of his eye. He didn’t look, he had seen it before. This time he could hear her… Singing.

“Taylor…” He said quietly as he opened the door, standing to allow her presence to be acknowledged just for a moment before he walked in to an expectant crowd.

“What happened to you?” One said, as the door closed behind him. Leaving the hall alone for Taylor to perform to no one but the doors, for nothing but the carpet. Nothing… but the memory of what was once hers and for the hope that he would find a way to let her go. Stevie Nicks had been their favorite singer…once. The other side of the mirror was the perfect reflection of the world in which she now lived.

“
It was one for you, It was three for me, It was very nice, It was everything. So here it is, In little pieces. I just played the part I didn’t win or lose. Maybe next time I’ll think about how I’m feeling, ‘cause I’m doing the best that I can.
” The ethereal voice continued long enough to find the soul of both Nate Bowman and Carnegie Lane, both of them falling in love, both of them not really sure why.

“
And the whispered secrets go on and on, no one says anything to anyone. You watched after her and your word is law, she thought she was out there, but nobody saw.
”

From inside her room, Carnegie continued the song that had for some reason, suddenly jumped into her head.

“
I didn’t win or lose, I just threw the card, but I paid a price for it and…It’s alright baby I’m doing the best that I can…
”

Down the hall, still soaking wet, Nate had picked up his guitar, almost ignoring his guests, and continued the same song, given to him from the same moment.

“
It’s alright baby I’m doing the best that I can. And I’m tryin’ hard to change but I’m doin’ it the best that I can… Well because… fame causes fortune, and fortune takes it away. Well it’s alright baby, I’m doing the best I can.
”

The moment became a harmony of three, Carnegie, Nate and Taylor, each of them singing only to themselves. Carnegie walked out into the hall way and down to Nate’s room, from inside, she could hear him singing the very song she had been, she whispered every word as she sang along. It made her smile. Closing her eyes to just listen, she thought for a moment she could hear another voice, one that wasn’t inside the room. She looked around, the hall was empty, although, she was sure she could feel something, other than suddenly cold. The song finished and she knocked. Leonie greeted her and stepped aside to let her through.

“Have fun did we?” She questioned with a grin.

“I’ll tell you tomorrow…it depends on the degree of pneumonia I wake up with.”

“You’ve got him singing after a show. That hasn’t happened for a very long time.” Leonie went and got her a red wine. As she poured it and handed it to Carnegie the words to the song were still resonating, although her interpretation was taking a different direction. She had no idea why.

“
Because… fame causes fortune, and fortune takes it away. Oooh and then, fortune causes nightmares, nightmares that make you crazy. But it’s alright baby, I’m doing the best that I can
.” Leonie couldn’t get the line out of her head.

Carnegie smiled at her as she grabbed the wine and walked over to sit down next to Nate. Somewhere inside her, she was making a pact. Good or bad, right or wrong. There was an abyss before her, calling her into the darkness and offering her light on the other side. She closed her eyes, allowing herself to keep feeling whatever it was that was haunting her now. She knew what it was, she felt it before. All she had to do, was close her eyes….and jump.

The room was full of conversation, some of it directed at Nate, none of it to her, although right now, he couldn’t hear any of it. Nate picked up her hand, and gently kissed it not caring who was watching or what any of them thought. Whatever it was that had just moved within his heart, made him feel a joy, he hadn’t remembered since he was eighteen. Behind them both, a door opened, although it was one unseen to the unknowing eye. Taylor reached down and rested her hand on both of theirs. Into their hearts, she left a message. “
He is my gift, Carnegie, I give him to you. And Nate, I love you….just let me go
.” She stood up and walked back through that door, closing it gently, yet not before a slight breath of wind caught them both. Nate knew in that moment, no matter what, Carnegie Lane belonged to him, and he would love her along with those kids down the hall. Nothing would take her away, not this time and he promised himself to never ever let her go.

The moments became minutes and those minutes became hours. Finally, they were alone still holding on to one another, refusing to let go for fear that all they could feel would disappear into nothing more than a dream. Nate closed the door, and with his arms still around her, he moved to take off her shirt. There was a hunger between them, as he kissed her. They tore at each other’s clothes as if it were a violent act.

It was then, that Carnegie jumped, closing her eyes, exploring the darkness of that abyss, all the while, knowing that he was right there to catch her. He lay her back gently on his bed, carefully placing his guitar on the floor as he did and looking at her naked body as if he had found something loved yet misplaced for a long time. For a moment, Carnegie Lane became self conscious, it had been an eon since she was with a man, and the first time since the traces of birthing four children lay testimony to her life. It didn’t seem to matter to Nate, even though he had been with some of the most beautiful women in the world, all molded into photographic shape. He didn’t need them, not like he needed her. He saw her as beautiful as he made his way gently down her body, recognizing the enigma of what she was. Carnegie was perfect and he wanted every part of her. There was no competition between them, only acceptance.

He grabbed hold of her shoulders, pulling her forward, Carnegie rolled in sync with him as she gained control of the situation. They rolled off the bed, hardly even noticing, as both of them became lost in the need for each other. She gasped for breath, aware of every move he made, slowly building into a frenzy of emotion and physical need, part of a desperate consummation, that had been denied for too long. He screamed out and gripped her hair hard as he found the ecstasy he had been searching for. When it came, it took his breath away.

Carnegie lay still, holding him to her, not allowing him to move, aware that moving would mean separating the tie they had just made. Finally, she opened her eyes. There was no darkness, there was no sound except for Nate breathing as he began to speak, holding her tighter as he did.

“I’ll never let you go… I can’t… I need you too much.”

“I know...” She breathed, gently. Wrapping herself around him even tighter.

Suddenly and unexpectedly, Carnegie Lane, mother of four, idol to inanimate objects and almost Author… fell madly and hopelessly in love.

Don’t put your head on my shoulder

Sink me in a river of tears

This could be the best place yet

But you must overcome your fears

Time won’t give me time

And time makes loves feel like they’ve got

Something real

But you and me we know, they’ve got nothing but time

And time won’t give me time.

Culture Club – Time (Clock of the Heart) - 1982

14

A
hint of sunlight bore first witness to the sleeping bodies, still wrapped together as if they were one. Carnegie opened her eyes, aware of where she was, enjoying the moment.... Then she remembered she had four kids down the hall.

“Shit….shit…shit…” She said as she began to get up.

“What?” Nate questioned, still with his eyes closed his hand feeling around trying to touch her.

“I’ve got to get back…Sienna will be awake any minute now.”

“No you don’t…Leonie’s with them.”

“What?” She turned around and looked at Nate who had one eye opened and a grin on his face.

“I told her last night to stay there for them. We get to sleep in… Till 8am anyway. Come back here.” He reached over and pulled her back into bed and wrapped himself back around her.

“Carnegie… Come to Sydney with me.” Nate was aware he had one more concert in Brisbane before they moved on.

“I can’t…Girls have exams. We need to get back.”

There was silence for a moment. Carnegie was thinking of all the things Leonie had said, about getting lost in his world and not her own. Somehow, she felt she belonged here, with him, yet there was another reality she lived. One she couldn’t ignore.

“How are we going to do this Nate?” It wasn’t much of a question, yet it was the only one she could think of.

“We will find a way… I promise.”

The clock on the table beside them rolled over to 6am. She had two hours. Two hours to be here, two hours of freedom. Two hours to get lost in a world other than her own. Carnegie tried to believe this was her life, and as he slept, she watched him breathing, aware that the man who lay beside her was just as vulnerable as she was. No matter how famous he had become.