The Unwanted (A Novella of the FBI Psychics) (9 page)

But her gift didn’t work that way and the aftermath and misery, her constant companions, would whisper to her for days after she wrapped up a job. Nightmares where
she
was the victim. Where
she
was the one struggling to get away, to break free from hands that tore at her clothing and—

“Destin.”

She stopped in the middle of the floor, panting for air.

Her teeth were rattling and her hands were icy.

Caleb tugged on her arm and, blindly, she followed. When he stopped walking, she had no idea where they were, no idea if anybody was around them. Her breath was coming in harsh, shallow pants and she couldn’t seem to slow down the ragged pace of her heart.

Her teeth chattered. “Sorry. Reaction. Hitting hard this time.”

“Yeah.” He brushed her hair back from her face and cupped her chin, angling her face back until their gazes met. “I see that. Just breathe, baby. Just breathe…”

His voice, solid and steady, guided her through it and the fear, the panic and darkness faded back to the edges of her mind. None of it disappeared. It wouldn’t. Not as easy as that. But it was no longer everything she could see, touch, feel.

Moments passed before her mind was her own again. Before she could breathe without feeling the terror crowd her throat. When she could, she eased away from him and forced a smile. “I’m good now.”

“What happened?”

Destin jerked her shoulder up in a shrug. “I don’t know. Bits and pieces of that night still coming through, I think. Come on…I want to do a walk-through and finish up so I can go get a nap.”

She wasn’t telling him everything.

Hell, screw
everything
. She wasn’t telling him
anything
. Once they’d come into the library, things had started to change. He’d seen it as clearly as he could see the color of her eyes, the few freckles that dotted her nose, the way her breasts pressed against the simple white shirt she wore as she took a deep breath.

She’d gone from cool and prepared to icy and terrified in a matter of seconds. The fear coming off her had no longer been external. He’d felt the change in that easy enough. He knew Destin, knew the feel of her in his sleep, knew the feel of her in his bones. He knew what made her happy, what turned her on, what made her sigh and what made her laugh. He knew her fears.

And the fear coming off of her hadn’t been hers.

Then they’d pushed through the doors of the library.

To Caleb, it had felt peaceful. Cool, calm and quiet. The turmoil he’d sensed outside had faded away and he’d hoped maybe she’d find some peace in here.

But as his tension had faded, hers had mounted.

Then it spiked, going from tension into outright terror.

“She went this way,” Destin murmured, drawing him out of his thoughts. He trailed along behind her, watching as she made her way to one of the long counters. The woman behind it glanced at Destin, then at him, with curious eyes. Destin shifted direction and ambled away and he stayed on her tail, giving the woman behind the counter an absent smile.

“That was the woman she spoke with, the one behind the desk,” Destin said quietly. “I felt it. Every time the door opens, part of her worries now. I felt that jolt from her. She started taking self-defense classes. Carries mace. And it’s not enough because she reacts. Doesn’t act.”

“Better than to live in denial and pretend like it can’t happen.” He stroked a hand down her back, resting it low on her spine as she neared one of the study areas. “Is there anything here?”

“No.” She shook her head. “Nothing I can use, anyway.”

“Then let’s go. You need to rest.”

Destin gave one last, long look around the library, her gaze lingering on the girl sitting behind the counter. The younger woman sat with her head bowed, focused on a book in front of her, oblivious to her.

“Do you want to talk to her?” he asked quietly.

Moments of silence ticked away and then finally, Destin sighed and shook her head. “No.”

Caleb wasn’t surprised when she fell asleep in the car.

Luck was with him and he found a space close to the door. She was still sound asleep when he opened her door and crouched beside her. Lifting a hand, he cradled her cheek, stroking a thumb down the pale line of her scar. “Destin.”

She made a rough grumble low in her throat and rubbed her cheek against his hand, but other than that, showed no sign of waking up. “Fuck.” He shoved his fingers through his hair and stared at the pavement for a long moment. He could be an ass and wake her up. He knew how badly she needed the rest. Could feel the push of her exhaustion inside her even now.

Or he could do the nice thing and carry her inside her. Nice thing…which would involve holding that sleek, soft body against his once more. Blowing out a harsh breath, he reached over and undid the seat belt. Before he slid her out of the passenger seat, he made sure he’d locked the car, got each of their bags and slung the straps over his shoulder, made sure he had the keycard ready. When he couldn’t procrastinate any longer, he set his jaw.
Just do it.

She settled in his arms like she’d never left, her head tucking against his shoulder. She turned her face into his chest and made another one of those grumbling sounds, then she took a deep breath and sighed. It was as though all the tension faded away and even through the shields he was fighting hard to maintain, he could feel her pleasure.

Felt something echo through her…a bone-deep recognition. Welcome. Like she’d been missing him, waiting for him, the same way he’d been missing her, the same way he’d been waiting.

A soft murmur escaped her as she settled against him and although it was just a breath of a sound, he heard it clear as day. “Caleb…”

That soft, husky murmur left his knees weak and he wanted to just go to the ground and cradle her. Right there. Cradle her against him, make her all the promises he’d needed to give her years ago…but those promises would have broken the both of them then.

Could they do it now? Could they make it work this time?

He just didn’t know.

There were so many things unsaid between them, so many things undone and unknown. His heart tripped against his ribs, reminding him of yet another secret that lay between them, things he’d have to explain to her, things he’d have to make her understand before they’d ever have a chance.

But if he’d thought it was sheer hell to leave her then, it was nothing compared to the pain that was waiting if he had to walk away from her a second time.

Once they were inside their room, he carried her into the bedroom she’d chosen and laid her on the bed. Taking a minute to go dump the bags on the couch, he went back into the bedroom and stopped dead in the door.

She’d already curled up into a tight, small ball in the middle of the bed, arms wrapped around her knees, like she was trying to hide. His heart twisted and he dragged a hand down his face, tried to think past the misery inside him.

A soft moan escaped her, low and raw, like it had come from her very soul. And although the very last thing he needed to do was touch her—for both of their sakes—he couldn’t stay away. He stripped off the jacket he’d pulled on to cover his weapon and tossed it on the foot of the bed. Sitting on the side of the mattress, he rested a hand on her hip and used the other to free the side holster he wore. The moment he touched her, some of the tension gripping her eased. Once he’d laid the weapon down, he stretched out on the bed but as he rolled to curve his body around her, Destin moved. She came at him like a desperate, drowning woman, one arm wrapping around his waist, clinging to him like he was the only thing in the world that could save her.

But he’d been the one to walk away from her.

His heart broke a little more.

He didn’t need to ask, didn’t need to think about it to know she still suffered like this on a regular basis.

The agents who hadn’t known Destin had seen a shallow woman. One who loved pretty clothes, pretty jewelry and loved to tease and laugh, one who used her gift in an almost nonchalant fashion…careless with it. A woman who had a gift that should have been a terrible burden…and it was. She didn’t let them see the burden she carried, though. She pretended like the weight was nothing. Like her troubles were nothing.

They all believed it.

They’d never seen the woman she truly was.

But Caleb had seen beneath that bright and laughing exterior she wore as a shield, hiding the brittle, broken warrior she truly was.

Everything she saw now stayed with her….stayed with her, and tormented her. Ghosts of the present, ghosts of the past, they tangled inside her as she tried to sleep and threatened to drive her mad.

But Destin had never been able to see the truth that Caleb had seen so long ago.

Some of the nightmares weren’t from other people.

There had been a time when Destin had been the victim.

And right now, that was the devil she fought in her dreams.

He pressed his lips to hers. “I’d kill him for you if I could, baby.”

She sobbed quietly.

But other than that, she made no sound.

Chapter Eight

The feel of the nightmares was one Destin was used to. There were some that would cling to her, like a spider’s web, and she’d be struggling with the fibers of it all day, plucking useful threads from it and discarding everything else.

Other dreams would cling to her…but there would be nothing useful. They were dark and terrible and unwelcome, but she remembered nothing of those.

They were the ones she hated the most because she had to suffer the darkness, the pain, the fear…all for nothing.

The terror was choking. Cloying and thick, and the pain was unending. Laughter surrounded her and she knew the sound of that laughter, knew it as well as she knew her own name.

But even as she tried to grasp the threads of the dream, hold them together, they fell apart. This wasn’t one of those dreams that she’d been able to save. It would just linger in the depths of her mind, tormenting her, but never showing its true face. Like so many others.

The slow, terrible slide into wakefulness couldn’t be rushed. Bit by bit, the dream faded into nothingness, while the echo of that laughter danced in her mind.

Bit by bit, the memory of pain retreated. Pain that wracked her, everywhere. Forgotten tears dried, and her chest, aching from the sobs, eased as she was able to draw a deep, easier breath.

Gone…the dream was gone.

For now.

And then awareness slammed into her.

Warm arms held her. Against her cheek, she could hear the steady beat of a heart. And even as she tensed and started to process what was happening, Caleb stroked a hand up her back and curved it over her neck.

“You fell asleep in the car. I carried you inside and was going to leave you in here to sleep it off but the nightmares had already started.” He nuzzled her temple, his lips soft, gentle…breaking her heart. “I couldn’t leave you alone.”

“Why not? You did it five years ago easy enough.” The question tumbled out of her before she could stop it. Immediately, she wanted to kick herself. “Never mind. Forget I said that.” She untangled her arms and legs from him.

Or at least she tried.

Caleb switched their positions and instead of laying sprawled half on top of him, he was lying on top of her, his hips caught in the cradle of hers and she could feel the massive wall of his chest crushing against her breasts. Her breath caught and her heart settled into a mad gallop that would have done any horse running in the Kentucky Derby proud.

“Easy,” he murmured, reaching up and splaying a hand over her cheek. “You think it was an easy thing to leave you.”

The heat that had started to uncurl through her belly went icy. Pain slashed through her heart and she stared up into his brown eyes, recalling the way he had watched her, so unaffected, so untouched, before he’d turned away and walked out of her life five years ago.

“Yes.” She swallowed the knot in her throat even as her brain screamed at her not to say anything else.
Let it go…just let it go…
But her brain was saying one thing and she heard herself doing the exact opposite. “I mean, you tell me you were waiting for me to ask you to stay, but all I saw was you walking out the door and it looked like you didn’t have any trouble at all doing it.”

She forced herself to smile despite the pain that threatened to tear her apart.

“Walking away was the hardest thing I’d ever done in my life.” He stared at her, and the look on his face wasn’t all that much different than the one he’d worn the day he walked.

He dipped his head and pressed his brow to hers, his voice low and rough as he said, “I had my reasons for doing it, and if the situation was the same, it might kill me, but I’d probably have to make the same choice. But I didn’t do it because I wanted to. The only thing I ever wanted was what I left behind that day.”

And then he did something unexpected…he lowered the solid, rock-hard shields he never went without.

The emotion that crashed into her was like waves slamming into the rocks during a storm. She tried to suck in a breath, but the intensity of it left her battered, left her
shattered
.