The Valkyrie's Guardian (34 page)

“Tell me, Jack.”

“No.”

He could see she wasn't going to drop it. That false calm and the avaricious gleam in her eye was a bad mix.

“You want me to say I'm not a murderer? I've killed more people than I can count, and I've lied about it, smooth as the devil. You'd have no idea either way. So either you think I did it, or you don't.”

She followed him into the bedroom. “Of course I don't. But I can't hear something so outrageous without wanting the explanation.”

Jack sat on the bed then fell backward, making the springs groan. “Home has never been good for me. And I didn't always behave. You're asking me to tell the one thing I would ever keep from you.”

“I never expected you to be perfect.”

“Liar. You've always wanted me to be Superman, and I can't stand the look on your face when I disappoint you. I don't want to see it now.”

“Give me some credit for growing up. I understand, Jack. I won't love you less for it.”

“Yes, you will.”

“Obviously you've done something wrong. I already know half of it, just tell me the rest. This is important.”

He decided the wheedling was worse, like pressure building in his skull. “Fine! I'll tell you every last humiliating detail, and you'll regret it.” He stalled, blinking at the ceiling and enjoying the simple task of breathing in and out.

Fitting that he lay naked on the bed, about to tell a tale that made him feel even more vulnerable and exposed. “Where to start … ”

“So her name was Kelly,” Cassie prompted. “Did you really cheat with her?”

Jack exhaled and turned to look her in the eye. “Yes.”

She didn't succeed in hiding her surprise, and the neutral expression she pasted on disgusted him. Because he disgusted himself. This sucked. He almost got up and dashed out the door. But he'd already unwrapped a steaming pile of it, hadn't he?

“Ben married Kelly when I was sixteen, the year it became clear I was abnormal. There was a big ruckus over it in the clan. I got a lot of attention. Didn't go over well with Ben.”

Jack glanced at Cassie. He couldn't imagine why she was smiling.

“Ben's wife was always … sad. The oldest boy was born, and she got worse. Very quiet, a loner. She watched me a lot, and I was too dense to know what it meant. Ben was always out working, fixing something, and she came around. I liked to hear her talk. She told me her secrets and stroked my ego. Ben was such a jerk, I justified it when she made a pass at me.”

Jack squirmed, uncomfortable. What he really wanted to was to get away from himself. To his horror, the story spilled out anyway. “At that age I was out of control. I was provoked into a rage at the drop of a hat, and aroused as easily. I was a weak target for Kelly. So stupid. I never actually had her, just … you know, messed around. It went on for a few weeks until Ben walked into the barn while I had her against the wall. It looked worse than it was.

“Ben raised hell, I got the punishment I deserved, but it got painted like I was the aggressor and she was the victim. No way was I going to drag her name through the mud, so I took the abuse. She was already pregnant with the second boy, but everyone wondered if it was mine. You can bet everyone's watched the lad grow up, looking for ginger in his hair, watching to see if he'll start throwing around freight cars.”

He looked at Cassie again. She sat slumped, staring at her lap. She'd given up pretending to be calm and accepting, and there was the devastated expression he'd been waiting for. He could almost hear stone crumbling — there went his pedestal. It hurt worse than he'd expected, disillusioning her. Probably because he'd never admitted to himself that he liked being her hero. Past tense.

Might as well finish. “I kept away, but Kelly worried me. Her mind wasn't right. The baby made it worse. I followed her one day and caught her cutting herself with a knife. The day I found her with her belly slashed and her wrists slit, I knew I'd failed her. I got her home in time for the baby to be born, but too late for her.

“I was the only one who heard her dangerous thoughts day after day, yet I did nothing. So in a way I did kill her. Some thought I did it to her, the cutting. Others knew better, the ones who saw enough to know she was suicidal. Maybe it was a bad idea, but I didn't deny it when I was accused. I just couldn't say it, that she killed herself. It was too ugly. It was my fault anyway, so it didn't matter.”

When did Cassie join him on the bed? Her head rested on his shoulder and her breath raised tiny bumps on his skin, making him blisteringly aware of the contact. He draped his other arm across his face, and it gave him the illusion of hiding from her. At least she was still here, listening.

“I didn't last at Kinmylies much longer. When Kyros found me I was a rabid animal messed up in the cage fighting circuit in Edinburgh. I didn't care if I got hurt, and I cared even less if I hurt someone else. I let the rage take over, because it was a hell of a lot better than reality. Sometimes it still tempts me, the oblivion. It's so much easier to give in than to always, always, be fighting it. Exhausting, Cass. So I'm not a hero. Now you know.”

He didn't know what he expected, but definitely not the tears welled in her eyes. She raised her head to meet his gaze, wearing an expression that looked a lot like compassion. “I healed a six-year-old of a gunshot wound to the throat. It was in the E.R., some people saw. Kyros swept it under the rug; fixing it was expensive and unethical. The next time I faced a life-and-death situation, do you know what I did? I behaved like a human surgeon. I let a twenty-year-old pregnant mother die of anaphylactic shock. Allergic reaction to epinephrine. I remember her face, Jack. She was scared. Her baby suffocated, slowly. When I have nightmares, that's what torments me. I could have saved them both, but because I was afraid, I let them die.”

He had wondered why she'd tripped at the finish line. She didn't know what he'd sacrificed so she could go through med school and residency, and he'd resented her dropping out. Now he knew why she couldn't stay. It would have destroyed her.

Jack was starting to feel numb. He couldn't take much more.

“Life gets ugly, Jack. Good people do bad things. I don't have a touching proverb from a dead Chinese guy to make us feel better about it.”

She rolled to lie on his chest. Her fingertips teased the hair across his pecs. It made the nerves in the hollow of his back tingle and riot.

“You were wrong, Jack. If anything, I love you more. You've always been my hero.”

That broke his heart and he had no idea what to do about it. He could only touch her, kiss her like there was no tomorrow. He wanted her closer. Had to lose himself in her. He'd never thought of it that way, but she took away his pain. With her near, he felt whole, contented,
free.

“I love you too, Cass. Don't think I ever said it in English.”

She smiled and rolled again with her thighs locked over his, pulling him on top.

He loved it when she got feisty.

“Words, Jack. Do you bite too or just bark?” She flashed that lazy-hungry look that meant she was in the mood for something dirty.

Oh yeah, she rocked his world.

As iron is eaten away by rust,

so the envious are consumed by their own passion.

—Antisthenes, 445 – 365
BCE

Cassie found Ben waiting in the shadows under the eaves of an ancient stone chapel. He beckoned her silently, and she followed him along a rampart. He paused under the opaque shadow of a huge tree. Ben opened his mouth to ask Cassie if she could climb the wall, and she scaled it before he could breathe a word. Two SEALs guarded the gates, with any luck neither saw them slip over the wall.

She jogged behind Ben, trusting his night vision. He hugged the shadows and snaked through the foliage as though he knew every tree and hill. No doubt he did. Cassie hadn't even gone two miles before the contractions seized her, buckling her knees. It was getting worse. She curled into a tight ball and gasped through the pain. Raw-nerved stinging rode every throb of her pulse, radiating from her womb, numbing her legs. Women called contractions like this hard labor. For Cassie — evidence something was wrong.

She finally noticed Ben crouched down, cradling her head. “You okay?” he whispered.

It was a few more minutes before she could answer. “Help me up. We have to hurry.”

“How do I know Jack won't come charging after me?” He looked around as though half expecting it.

“I can only guarantee a half hour. That should be plenty.”

“What did you do to him?”

She looked sideways at him. “You don't want to know.”

Ben grimaced — he got it. Thirty minutes was the approximate time it took a berserker to recharge after an energy crash. A ‘crash' was caused by extreme physical exertion. A rage could do it, heavy combat caused it, but Ben knew what else she meant.

“Ooh, he's goin' to be rabid.”

“Which is why we need to run for it.” A fine idea, except she simply couldn't run anymore. Her body wouldn't allow it. This time she only made it fifty yards before collapsing. Cassie heaved, lying in the grass, infuriated with her disability.

“That's bad, lass. You shouldn't have this so early.” At least he was honest. Refreshing, in a morbid way. Ben eyed her warily. “Let me carry you. We can't keep stopping like this.”

“Fine.” At least he didn't toss her over his shoulder in the fireman hold — she didn't think her stomach could take it. He cradled her in his arms the way Jack used to, tucking her in tightly as he ran. Berserkers did have their uses, and although Ben didn't move with anywhere near the power or speed Jack did, he showed no signs of slowing under the extra burden.

At the bank of the river he halted and set her down. He twitched with the same nose-to-the-air look Jack wore when he heard a sound that bothered him. Ben held up a hand to silence her question and sniffed, stepping cautiously in the direction of the water. “Someone's here,” he breathed.

Cassie drew in a deep breath. If it was Mr. X, she should know, because he stank to high heaven even from far away.

The unmistakable
sha-shuck
of a rifle chambering broke the silence, followed by “Freeze. Don't move.” She recognized that harsh baritone voice.

Cassie groaned. “Pops, it's me. And Ben MacGunn. Stand down.”

“What the hell?” A tall silhouette approached, the business end of his rifle pointed down. She heard another SEAL approach from her six. Neither of them shined a light, and Ben exhaled in relief.

In the faint moonlight she saw the familiar form pull something from his face and perch it on his head. “Thundercat, you have five seconds to explain what in blazes you're up to before I frog-march you back to HQ.”

“But how did you catch us?” She thought Ben had been silent and invisible. Her own breathing was the loudest noise to her ears when he ran.

“NV goggles, princess. You lit up like a Christmas tree. Now 'fess up.”

“We know where the OpFor camp is. I'm going to go play bait. Your favorite game — you should appreciate that.”

Pops choked on his surprise. She recognized Chet behind him, also struck dumb.

She took advantage of their shock. “You've got to let me go, Pops. You didn't radio in, did you?”

“No,” he ground, hating what he already knew she would ask of him. “But I should.”

“The dirty little secret no one here will tell you is that Mr. X is after me.”

“Why?”

“Tell you when we get there. Here's the deal. Either you let me pass and say I zapped your brain with freaky blue lightning, or I actually zap your brain so I can pass. I'll knock you out if I have to.” Cassie snapped her fingers and shot a tiny blue spark in warning. She'd been practicing all day, learning to summon and hone the energy.

The others cursed and jumped back a step.

“I'm not bluffing. Five, four, three — ”

“Okay!” Pops hissed. “But where's Doolittle?”

“Out cold for at least another twenty minutes.”

Pops swore. “It's gonna hit the fan. And when it does, I'm saying you took me hostage with freaky blue lightning. Ain't no way I'm telling Doolittle I let his wife run off and play bait while I sat here with my thumb up my — ”

“Fine. We're off to see the Wizard. Bring ammo. Tell him about the mercenaries, Ben.”

No one asked why Ben carried her, and the SEALs kept up with Ben's pace, listening as he briefed them.

Pops cursed, halting them only a mile out. “Aw, hell. This is Chief's patrol. I'm so going to burn for this, but if we cut across the river, I don't think he'll catch us.”

No such luck. And Chief wasn't as easy to persuade. He nodded to Pops and Chet. “You boys had better start thinking about how to spell
court martial.
”

“Don't, Chief. I coerced them. They escorted me to provide security.” That sounded good in military jargon, the kind of fluff that goes on reports.

He walked toward Cassie shaking his head. “Either you explain to Kyros why you're out of your nice warm bed, or I'll do it.” He held the radio out and clicked the call button.

Cassie snatched it and shoved it down her shirt. She got in his face, daring him to do something about it.

Now he was ticked. “When I don't make checkpoint in fifteen minutes, the op defaults to Plan B. You won't like Plan B.”

“Oh, you'll make checkpoint, because in fifteen minutes, you're going to
lie.
” She stepped back, giving Chief the visual of Ben, Pops, and Chet standing in line beside her. “I hate asking you to do something that feels wrong, but — ”

“Insane, is the word.”

“You're probably right. But this man is not just a terrorist. He's a child-murdering psychopath and an extra-sentient — you call it supernatural
.
I can take him out. Let me do it. You know a fight is always better on your own terms. ”