“Xavier, just tell me what you want to say.”
“I want to go with you. I don’t know what you call it, but I want to be with you. I can’t explain how much I love you. You’re everything I’ve searched for. Will you take me?”
Thomas hugged Xavier tighter. “Of course, if that’s what you want.”
“Then when can we do it?” Xavier asked.
“Slow down.” Thomas laughed at Xavier. “Soon, I promise. But first I need to teach you. There are matters to consider.”
“What? Does this mean you might not do it?”
“It’s all up to you. You know my heart won’t change. But have you thought about the ethic and all that it implies? For example, you can’t interfere with humanity. You can see people and interact with them. You can even save the innocent. But you can’t get intimately involved with individuals and families, especially those that you knew in life.”
“Should I follow the edict as well as you have with my sister and me?” Xavier grinned. Thomas grabbed and tickled him.
“I have violated multiple rules, but there’s an exception if one seeks a mate. I can explain where I went wrong later. We need to deal with you at the moment. Vampires have to conceal our supernatural abilities and hide our immortality. So you can’t remain with those you love once I take you. It’s too dangerous. You can’t judge this by what you’ve seen me do,” Thomas said.
“I don’t understand.”
“I shouldn’t tell you this, but here’s an example. I know more about Marcel than I’ve ever told you. I know that he uses black magic and is incredibly dangerous. I know that he tried to manipulate your family from America, and returned to Paris long before he went to see Catherine. His business ventures thrive on hurting people. I’ve had many chances to kill him but never did because it would interfere too much with your family, though I love Catherine and hate the spell he has on her. I’ve allowed it to develop as much as possible without interference. I frightened him and had to protect you, but I left things alone with Catherine.”
“I know about the potion. I kept out of it, too.”
“But for different reasons,” Thomas said. “I knew that we’d be better off with him dead but had to leave him alone or I would have violated the ethic. It has to do with allowing humans to dictate their
own lives. Our power would dangerously confuse things.”
Xavier nodded. “You won’t let me see Catherine ever again?”
“Maybe. Can you do that?”
“Why should I? You disobeyed. Why can’t we ignore that part and beg forgiveness later? We could kill Marcel and protect Catherine, then worry about the ethic. He murdered my brother.”
“I’m not sure what to tell you. I’m certainly not a model vampire. But it’s dangerous. I can’t risk their wrath against you if you do something. I’ve fought too hard to win you to let them take you away.”
“Who is this mysterious ‘them’?”
“I don’t know. Anthony and others who govern the vampires and ensure that we obey the ethic. They have great power and act together. I want your assurance that you’d at least consult with me before you did anything. Promise me that and we can deal with this ethic matter as we go.”
“Of course you have my word. But there’s one more thing.”
“What?”
“It will be very hard for me not to protect Catherine. If I trust that we’ll be open and you’ll assist me then I need to know how you transformed without emotional suffering. Weren’t there people that you left behind? Thomas, where do you come from?”
18 October 1789
THOMAS PLAYED WITH Xavier’s fingers but fell silent as he thought about the question.
“I didn’t mean to pry.” Xavier pulled away before Thomas gently pulled him back into his arms.
“I hesitated because I’ve never told anyone.”
“Even Anthony?” Xavier asked.
“Not the entire story.”
Xavier turned around, kissed Thomas softly on the lips, and nestled against his chest.
“Where to begin?” Thomas asked. “I’m American.”
Xavier giggled, which relaxed Thomas.
“I’m more complex than you know. My father was born in the colonies, the son of a British official. But I never knew my grandfather, or any of my father’s relatives, because he was banished from the family for marrying my mother. She was an Indian, and she, too, was banished from her tribe for seeing my father. They met when my father went on a military expedition to explore the western territories of Massachusetts.
They never told me how they met or what led to their marriage. I mostly just remember that they were affectionate. Banished by their families, they cultivated some land on the Massachusetts frontier, between her homeland and my father’s, but as far away from people as possible.”
“So that’s where you get your long black hair and darker features,” Xavier said.
“My father’s farm did reasonably well, but he earned most of his income by trading. It was a precarious business. Some of the Indians didn’t like that he took one of their own, and the Americans were wary. Yet plenty of people wanted to profit from trade and my father’s knowledge of both cultures was invaluable to facilitating peaceful commerce. We didn’t live as Americans or as Indians. We just did things our own way. I was raised in an atmosphere that was both wonderful and alienating at the same time. I benefited from learning about both cultures, and my parents insisted that we not judge others for their choices. I was free to play with Indians or white children. I especially liked running through the woods with Indian boys as they taught me about the land and how to hunt. They even taught me how to read people’s emotions and characters. Yet there weren’t many people, Indian or white, who visited us. Mostly it was men in the trading business. Much of my childhood was lonely, but my parents showered me with love. Anthony thinks this created my selfishness because I normally got what I wanted.”
“I call it a noble determination.”
Thomas laughed. “Convince Anthony of that. He also blames my temper on my childhood.”
“Why?” Xavier nestled his head into Thomas’s chest and held his hand.
“Anthony says that I always portray too happy a picture of my growing up. That’s how I like to remember it. But there were bad times. And a lot of isolation. White people despised me for my ‘savage’ blood, and the Indians cast me aside because of my white father. So while I could traverse either world, I belonged to neither. This caused my parents to caution me all the time and demand that I behave perfectly to protect myself. People made fun of me, and threatened me, too. It took a long time for me to understand, after too many mistakes, that this loneliness intensified my longing for a mate. It made me angry.” Thomas hated saying these words out loud, it embarrassed him, but he had to say them to Xavier. “It made me violent. I’ll never forgive myself—“
“Shh. Stop. I have forgiven you.” Xavier pushed himself up, grabbed Thomas’s head, and pulled him into a kiss. “What else about your childhood?”
“There’s nothing else to tell. That was my entire life until I was twenty-six. I got a solid education from my father and mother, both practical and book learning. Strangely, despite the small world in which I lived, I developed a worldly understanding. As I grew, I helped more and more with the trading and became an especially good interpreter, even better than my father. I stayed near my home and did my part as a dutiful son.”
“You expect me to believe that you sat around the farm and obeyed all of their wishes, never once challenging authority?”
“So I gave you a utopian vision.”
“But?” Xavier prompted.
“I had a tendency to roam. Frequently. I wanted to know what lay beyond the limits of our small world, so I traveled with Indians into western Massachusetts and with Americans to the east, especially Boston. Though often alone or mocked when I went with people, I wanted to see other things. I never left the New England area, but at the time it seemed so far away from home. Each time my father reprimanded me, beat me for insubordination, and my mother used guilt. So I’d stay until called away again. But I listened to my parents most of the time.”
“So what happened ?”
Thomas stopped and touched Xavier’s fair skin. He was correct, leaving everything behind hurt.
“My world exploded. First, the war with France erupted, which put my family in an awful situation. We lived between the Indians, French, and English, and frankly none of us cared about their stupid war. But everyone tried to force us to choose sides. Our farm was raided and we were in constant danger. For the first time, my mother and father pleaded with me to leave so that I wouldn’t be killed, but I had no desire to leave them so vulnerable. And some men chided me for refusing to fight because most of our neighbors were British, or at least Americans. Instead, I wandered the countryside, protecting my family and others caught between the factions, especially unsuspecting Indians who accidentally wandered into a settlement. You could call me a roving guard. In the middle of this, a friend who owned a small pub in a nearby village asked me to come see a new arrival who concerned him. He said the gentleman was British but came around only in the evening and refused to tell anyone his business.”
“Anthony?” Xavier asked.
“Yes. I later learned that he came to watch the war because he loved adventure. He was especially excited to observe how Indians fought. So there he sat in the pub when I walked in. I was stunned by his beauty.”
Xavier glanced at Thomas.
“Don’t worry. I’m all yours.” Thomas squeezed Xavier tightly. “Unlike most, I had always been comfortable with my attraction to men because my mother’s brother had the same inclinations. I had always done things with boys, sexually. Of course that had often led to their teasing of me. The words they used still cut deeply. It didn’t take much for me to seduce Anthony. He relied on me to teach him about the war and Indians, and all the while I was learning that there was something different about him. Long before he told me, I knew that he was a vampire.”
“Didn’t that frighten you?”
“No, I wanted him to convert me.”
“What if he had murdered you instead?”
“I knew he was enchanted with me. So I seduced him into making me a vampire.”
“Wait.” Xavier said. “It happened that quickly?”
“It took time, but not too much. We were in love, though I deceived Anthony from the beginning.”
“How?”
“Promise you won’t laugh?”
“I’ll try.” But Xavier chuckled the whole time.
“I knew that Anthony wanted to dominate in sex.”
“Be the man?”
“You could call it that. So I played along.”
“You? In the passive role?”
Thomas laughed, too, mostly because Xavier laughed so hard.
“I disdained it but knew Anthony wanted it and would leave me otherwise. This was my only hope of becoming a vampire. So I played the perfect lover, just like the little man in my arms tonight.”
Xavier smacked Thomas on the shoulder.
“I fooled him until he admitted he was a vampire and transformed me. Then, over the next couple of weeks, I admitted what I had done.”
“Wasn’t he furious?”
“Not really. He was more disappointed than angry. We tried to be partners but it was impossible, so we ended our sexual attachment.”
“Yet you’re still friends?”
“Very much so. I love him. He taught me about the ethic and guided me through the transition as if we were still lovers and never held a grudge about what I had done. I still feel guilty about tricking him, because I really did like him, but it was the only way to get what I wanted.”
“Is that it? Is there anything else between you?”
“Believe me, Xavier, vampires couple. It’s part of the ethic, and I want you more than anything in the world. I’m all yours.”
“So you just left your parents forever?” Xavier asked.
“Yes.”
“It was that simple?”
“I’m not hiding some profound grief, if that’s what you mean. I often wonder what happened to them. But I made my decision and never looked back. We were a close family, but nothing compared to you, Michel, and Catherine. They never suspected I was leaving. To this day I’ve no idea what they think. They loved me and taught me well, but their suspicion of others’ motives kept them emotionally distant.
Sometimes from themselves and often from me. I think they knew that I’d eventually leave and gave me their blessing.
“Sometimes I regret not telling them anything, or maybe I’m angry that they so isolated me that I ended up wanting to leave. So, to answer your question, when Anthony agreed to transform me, I left them. I thought of plotting some ruse to see them one more time or of saying goodbye, but my mother would have known I’d changed. It would have killed her.” Thomas cuddled Xavier closer, kissed his ear, and whispered. “You’re not like me, Xavier. I could abandon my former life and never miss it, but I don’t expect you to feel the same way. I’ll support you in however we say goodbye to Catherine.” Thomas wiped the tears from Xavier’s eyes and kissed him. “Is there anything else?”
“How soon after did you and Anthony stop coupling?”
“Very soon. I despised allowing him to control me and told him so. It was only a month or two before we agreed to just be friends. Then we wandered the globe and fell into a favorite pastime: watching humanity. It was especially intriguing to watch the American revolution. I came to Paris when the vaguest rumors started that such a thing might happen here.”
“My God. You’re nearly sixty-five,” Xavier said, stunned.
“Not so old for a vampire.”
“But you look like me. I’ve always assumed, even after I knew, that you were my age. You could be my father.”
“That’s disgusting.” Thomas tickled Xavier again until he begged him to stop.
“I remember the American revolution but was young when they declared independence. And you watched it as an adult.”
“Have you finished being amused?”
“So you and Anthony wandered around the world and observed people, which brought you to this fair country and the misery about to ensue in 1789.”
Thomas rolled Xavier onto his back and pinned him in the hay. Xavier smiled, more happy than Thomas had ever seen him. His eyes sparkled, his teeth gleamed, and he relaxed entirely.