The Village Show (Tales from Turnham Malpas) (21 page)

The twins spent a very restless night, asking for drinks and crying for their mother. Caroline hardly slept at all. Twice Peter got up to them to give her a chance to rest, but they cried for their mother and refused to allow him to help them.

Caroline got up for good at six o’clock.

‘Look, my darling girl. You stay up till I get back from prayers. I won’t go for a run today, I can’t find the energy. You settle them back into bed again and you go to bed too and I’ll stay on duty while you sleep.’

‘Wonderful. Right, come along you two, Mummy get you drinkies and some porridge. You always love porridge when you’re not well, don’t you? Lovely swirly syrup too. How about that?’ Thumb in mouth Beth nodded, but Alex merely ignored what she said and demanded a cuddle.

Caroline had expected Peter back again by seven ready for his breakfast, but he hadn’t come. At a quarter past seven the doorbell rang. ‘Oh, he’s forgotten his key. Coming, darling.’ But it wasn’t Peter it was Sylvia, worried because she’d seen the car parked in the lane and wondered what the matter was. Caroline explained.

‘Oh no! Where are they? Alex, Beth, come to your Sylvie. Oh you poor sweethearts, oh my goodness me! Just look at your spots. Don’t scratch, Beth. Don’t they look dreadful? No wonder you had to come home.’

‘I’ve been up and down to them most of the night, so when Peter gets back from prayers he’s taking over. I shall put them back to bed and then I’ll go too.’

‘I’m so sorry about your holiday. What was the weather like?’

‘Well, it was lovely all the week. Sun shining every day, but then by Thursday the children began to droop, and that spoilt it for us, of course. Anything of any note happen while we’ve been away?’

‘No, nothing at all. Just the same sleepy village. You know what it’s like, one week runs into the next. You look tired, I must say. How about I dash home for breakfast and then come back to give you a hand?’

‘Certainly not, it’s your holiday and I insist we shall manage.’

‘If you’re sure?’

‘I am.’ She held open the rectory door and invited Sylvia to leave. As Caroline was about to shut the door, Alex popped under her arm and out into the road. He set off after Sylvia, his pyjama legs flapping furiously as he ran. Caroline stepped out to catch him. ‘Young man, you’ve had me up half the … night … and …’ As she caught hold of him she glanced up the lane. Coming out of the lych-gate was someone she had thought she would never see again. Surely not? It couldn’t be Suzy, could it? That silver-blonde hair of hers shining in the morning sun – there was no mistaking it. Oh, God! Caroline watched her pause for a moment, saw her turn back to face the church and give a slow gentle wave. There was obviously someone there returning her wave. Caroline snatched Alex back into the rectory, slammed the door shut and stood with her back pressed against it, breathing heavily. The shock of seeing Suzy again so unexpectedly made her heart pump frantically.

What was Suzy doing here? Hoping to see the twins? She wasn’t. She wasn’t seeing them. Over her dead body would
she see them. They were hers, not Suzy’s. She’d come to take Peter away from her and to get the twins – that was it. She’d come for Peter and therefore for the twins, they were theirs after all. Otherwise why was she here? What else was there for her to return to in the village, if not for the twins and Peter? God in heaven,
what was she to do
? Caroline felt crushed by the weight of her distress. In her agitation she clutched Alex against her chest and when he protested and struggled to get down she felt desolate, because his hatred of being squeezed felt like a rejection of her. Had he recognised his mother? Was he running to her and not to Sylvia? Had some sixth sense told him who she was? She mocked her own foolishness. Of course not, he didn’t know her from Adam. She was being a stupid idiot. But Peter and Suzy had obviously met in the church. What had they said to each other?

He hadn’t prayed at the main altar that morning but in the little side-chapel, converted to commemorate the men of the village killed in the First World War. Their surnames echoed those of the villagers of today.

Albert Biggs, William Biggs, Arnold Glover, Cecil Glover, Harold Glover, Sidney Glover, Fred Senior, Major Sir Bernard Templeton, 2nd Lieut. Ralph Templeton.

Dear Lord, what a loss. Four Glover boys. Four sons. How did their parents survive after that terrible blow? His own problems began to fade away, and he slipped into deep concentration and then to prayer.

He didn’t hear Suzy’s footsteps, and she didn’t know he was there, hidden as he was by the oak screen carved in memory of so much horror. It was the sound of her accidentally sending a hymn-book spinning to the floor which disturbed Peter’s absorption. He stood up and found
himself looking at her through the screen. His heart missed a beat. Convinced he must be dreaming, he watched her walking about the church. What on earth was she doing here? Her lovely round cheeks were thinner than he remembered, but they still had that innocent glow to them; her splendid blue eyes were just as beautiful, and her hair, that lovely silvery-blonde hair, gleamed in the shaft of sunlight coming through the window above the altar. She hadn’t changed much except she looked at peace now and not haunted.

He’d feel a fool if she came into the chapel and caught him hiding, so he stepped out from behind the screen and stood by the pulpit. She caught sight of him and he heard the swift intake of her breath. They looked intensely at each other, spanning the years with their memories. It was Suzy who spoke first.

‘I’m so sorry, Peter. So sorry. I was told you were away from home. I was surprised to find the door open. I should have known. I’ve come to say goodbye to Turnham Malpas. You see, Michael’s cooking our breakfast. If I’d known, I wouldn’t have …’

‘That’s all right, we’ve had to come home because of illness.’ He took a deep breath and making a huge effort to remember his duties as priest said, ‘How are you, Suzy? You’re looking very well.’

‘I’m fine, Peter, thank you. How are you?’ She reached out her hand but he ignored it. She put her hands behind her back. ‘You’re looking well. Everything is fine with me, is it with you?’

‘Yes, thank you.’ Peter paused for a moment and then said, ‘Caroline and I are forever in your debt.’

There was a tremor in her voice as she said, ‘No, you’re not, not ever. The gift was freely given. I only gave you
what was yours. I don’t know why two old friends should be so solemn. I’ll cheer you up. Michael Palmer and I are getting married in the summer. He’s a lovely man, I feel so secure with him. I can depend on him – rely on him, you know.’

‘Yes, I can understand that. Married? That’s good. Wonderful news. I am glad.’

‘This is goodbye then. I shan’t be coming here again. I’m driving home this morning straight after breakfast. Don’t tell Caroline you’ve seen me. I don’t want her to be upset.’

Peter hesitated for a moment and then said abruptly, ‘The children have chickenpox – that’s why we’ve come home. They’re covered in spots, and not at all well. She’s been up most of the night with them.’

‘I see, I’m sorry. Children can be a trial.’

‘But worth it, worth it, you know. They are delightful.’ He regretted those words the moment they were out of his mouth. What a fool he was to have said that.

Suzy’s whole demeanour altered when Peter said how delightful they were. She became agitated. She twisted her hands together, then she put them to her mouth and almost gnawed on her knuckles. Then with her arms by her sides and her hands clenched tightly in her cardigan pockets she said, ‘Delightful? Are they really? Are they … do they look like … like … me … or you?’

Peter felt himself to be reaching dangerous ground. ‘They’re both … that is, Alex … is like me but Beth is simply Beth.’

Suzy half-turned away from him and said quietly, ‘Alex and Beth. They sound lovely. What I wouldn’t give just for a goodbye peep. Just to say goodbye for ever.’ Suzy faced him again. ‘I wouldn’t trouble you again, honestly I wouldn’t and it wouldn’t have occurred to me if you hadn’t
had to come home and been here when I … Please, Peter, please let me see them. It would kind of by a ghost to rest if you would let me. Surely Caroline would … She knows I can’t take them when they’re yours, she knows they’re safe. Please, just a peep.’

‘No, no, no.’ Peter backed away. ‘Don’t ask me, please don’t ask me. Caroline is so deeply attached to them, almost more than if they were her own, if that’s possible. The damage it would cause would be immeasurable. You really can’t ask it of her. Your seeing them would distress her terribly.’

‘But she has them for the rest of her life. I’ve lost them for ever.’

‘You and I have caused her more than a lifetime of agony. It would be cruel, downright cruel of us to ask that of her. I’m sorry but no. Definitely no.’

Suzy came close to Peter and laid her hand on his arm. She looked intently up at him. He recalled the last time she’d laid her hand on his arm, when he’d been totally captivated by her gentle beauty. His innards turned to pulp. She tugged at his sleeve. ‘Please.’

Peter brusquely pushed her away from him. ‘I’m sorry, Suzy, but the answer is no. I can’t let you down gently, I’ve got to be firm. No, absolutely no, both for her sake and yours. You’ve never seen them and that’s the best way. If you do see them you’ll never be free from heartache. This way at least you haven’t got a picture of them in your heart for the rest of your life. It’s best, believe me.’

He made the sign of the cross on her forehead, took her hand and slowly led her from the church. Her feet stumbled a little as the two of them walked down the aisle, and he sensed her struggle to control the sobs coming
from deep within her. By the time they reached the church door, she had mastered her grief.

She turned to him and said sadly, ‘Tomorrow, perhaps, I shall know you’re right, but today I feel you’ve been very hard. I would have loved to have seen them, even if only a glimpse. Give them each a kiss from me, will you? Promise?’ Peter nodded. ‘I’ll leave you then to finish your prayers.’ When they reached the porch Suzy held out her hand. ‘Goodbye, Peter. Be happy.’ Peter shook hands, and then impulsively bent his head and kissed her, just one gentle kiss on her forehead, and for a moment he held her close.

‘God bless you, Suzy. From the bottom of my heart I sincerely hope that your life with Michael will be tremendously rewarding, full of happiness and a great joy for you both.’

‘I’m sure it will. Stay there and wave to me when I reach the gate, just this one last time. Just for me?’

He watched her walking slowly down the path to the gate. Michael was a lucky man. As she stepped out into the lane she turned and raised her hand to him. He raised his in blessing and then went back inside.

Caroline’s prayer book was on the shelf in the rectory pew.

He read the words he’d written on the morning of their wedding day and knew how true they were. She was his and he was hers, ‘
from this day unto eternity’
. No one could part them. Suzy’s ghost was at last laid to rest. He sat for a while and then realised that someone had entered the church. It was Willie, come to get ready for early service.

‘Oh, good morning, Rector. Sorry you’ve had to come home. Right surprised we were when we opened the curtains and saw your car there. Sylvia popped in to see if
she could give a hand but Dr Harris said you’d manage.’ Willie peered closely at Peter’s face. ‘You not feeling too good, sir? You look peaky to me.’

‘Put it down to a bad night with the children, Willie. I’ll be off then. Don’t want to upset things with my stand-in. I’ll ring him later today – perhaps I could do Evensong.’

‘No such thing. You keep out of the way, sir. It is your holiday after all. Looks to me as if you could do with some sleep. I’ll see to everything, don’t you fret.’

At home the twins were in their beds, eyes beginning to close. He found a place on Alex’s face which was free from spots and kissed him. He took hold of Beth’s hand and raised it to his lips. Caroline was already in bed. Now he’d have to find the right words.

Peter took off his shoes and laid himself down quietly beside her and tried to think how best to tell her what had happened. Once before he’d not told the truth; this time he had to tell her everything, no matter how much it hurt them both. But at least now he could say that he’d seen Suzy and he knew she didn’t matter one jot to him because it was she, Caroline, whom he loved beyond all and …

‘I’m taking the twins up home tomorrow.’

Peter half-sat up, resting his body weight on his elbow. He leaned over her and said, ‘Up home? What for?’

‘Because I need time to myself.’

‘Why?’ She didn’t answer him. ‘They’re too ill to travel all that way.’

‘They’ll survive.’

‘You’re going to see your mother and father?’

‘They should be leaving hospital tomorrow. They need me. You can tell everyone that’s why I’ve gone.’

‘But, darling, what help will you be to them with two small children to care for? They are such hard work, the pair of them. Leave them here. I’m off all this week – I can care for them.’ Caroline didn’t reply. He touched her arm and
realised she was incredibly tense. What on earth was the matter with her? ‘Look at me.’

‘No, I shan’t.’

‘
Please
look at me.’