The Vow: Dangerous Suggestions Book 1 (19 page)

“
Dawson …” I started, but
I didn’t know what to say. I knew he wanted me to feel for him, and
I was beginning to think I did, but I was afraid. I was afraid I
was controlling how he felt for me. I didn’t want to make him feel
for me. I wanted him to feel for me because it was how he truly
felt, not because of my voice, or whatever it was about me that
made people do what I asked.

He reached over and took my hand. His
touch made me crazy. I couldn’t think straight when he touched me
like this. “You were looking for somewhere that you belonged. You
belong here, with me. I know we haven’t known each other that long,
but I know what I feel. I have never felt like this for anyone,” he
said firmly.

I wanted to say yes, and move forward
with him, pretending there was nothing wrong. I wanted to believe
his feelings were his own, and I wasn’t influencing them, but I
couldn’t. I couldn’t just ignore the facts, and the fact was that I
was able to influence him. I’d done it before, and I would probably
do it again. “I’m sorry, Dawson, but I can’t feel this way for
you,” I said softly. My words hurt. I wasn’t looking at him; I
didn’t want to see what my words did to him.

“
You don’t mean that,” he
said softly. “I saw how you felt for me. I can feel it when you
touch me, and when you look at me,” he argued.

I looked at him, trying to figure out
what to say to him. I didn’t want to hurt him - it was the last
thing I wanted - but the only way this could end was with him
getting hurt. “I will only hurt you, Dawson. Please don’t make this
harder than it has to be. I should have never led you
on.”

He released my hand and looked away.
“I don’t believe that. I think you are just afraid of feeling
anything for anyone. Maybe Mason is right,” he growled, before he
opened his door and climbed out of the truck. He slammed the door,
making me jump.

I knew what he was talking about, and
it irritated me. He was calling me a robot, just like Mason
constantly did. The truth was, I wasn’t a robot. If anything, I was
far from it. I was crazy about Dawson, but I couldn’t trust
myself.

I watched Dawson disappear into a
small bar in the shopping center. I considered following him, but I
doubted he wanted anything to do with me. I decided to just give
him time. I would go talk to him in a little while, once he calmed
down.

* * *

After two hours of sitting in the
truck and watching the bar entrance, I was getting antsy. I climbed
out of the truck and shut the door. It was getting late. The only
thing open was the bar, and it seemed to be crowded. It was
probably the only bar for miles, other than the scary looking
werewolf-biker one down the road.

I gathered my courage and walked to
the bar. I walked inside, and it was dimly lit, like a normal bar
would be. I scanned the room hoping to find Dawson quickly. As far
as I could tell, the bar was full of humans, which was good for me.
I spotted Dawson at the bar with women surrounding him. It
irritated me a little, but it didn’t surprise me. Dawson was the
most attractive man in the place.

I slowly made my way through the crowd
over to him. He looked up, and his eyes locked with mine. The smile
faded from his face, then he looked away. “Go away,” he said
darkly, as he took another sip of the beer he was
holding.

“
I know you are mad at me,
and I don’t blame you. I just want to make sure you get home
safely,” I said, trying to keep my tone neutral. That he had women
hanging on him was slightly irritating, but I was making a point of
ignoring them.

He scoffed. “I don’t need you to take
me home. Here. Go home,” he growled, tossing his keys at
me.

I caught the keys and looked down at
them. I didn’t want to leave him here, but it was obvious he wasn’t
going to come with me. “Ok,” I said softly, giving in. I didn’t
want to force him to do what I wanted. I turned and hurried toward
the door. I didn’t want to be near him anymore. My heart was
pounding in my chest, but it was for a different reason than I had
experienced before. The feeling I was experiencing now wasn’t
excitement, it was sadness. It was so intense it was almost
stifling.

I made it outside the bar, and the
cool air hit my face. It helped a little, but not much. I walked
towards Dawson’s truck. I stopped at the driver’s door, trying to
decide what to do next. I didn’t want to take his truck, and I
didn’t want to go back to Selena’s house. I needed to get away from
here, away from Dawson. I put his keys under the floor mat. Then I
locked the truck so he couldn’t take it tonight.

I walked toward the road. I wasn’t
entirely sure what I was going to do. I needed to get back to the
city. I continued walking. I knew I was on the road headed to the
city, so I would get there eventually. I was running away, but I
didn’t care. I feared what would happen if I didn’t run. I wasn’t
prepared to feel the emotions Dawson made me experience. Those
feelings scared me. They came on so fast it didn’t make sense.
Everything I believed before meeting Dawson was crumbling, and I
hated it.

A small motel came into sight. It
wasn’t like the ones I normally stayed in. This was a cheap motel.
I really didn’t like the idea of staying in a place like the motel,
but it would have to do for the night. In the morning I would find
a way to get back to the city, and back to my old life.

I walked up to the front office. It
was the type with a large window that the clerk stood behind. There
was only a small hole through which to speak, and exchange money
and room keys.

“
Can I help you?” the
bored-looking clerk asked. He looked unhappy that he had to set his
comic book aside to assist me.

“
I need a room for one,” I
said softly. I really didn’t like the place, but I didn’t want to
keep walking so late at night.

“
It will be sixty dollars
for one night,” he said as he turned away from me to retrieve a
key.

“
I already paid,” I said,
as his back was turned to me. I wanted to know if there was any
merit to what Deek said. I wanted to know if I could control humans
without making eye contact.

He looked back at me with a blank
expression. “Oh, right,” he said, smiling as if he’d just realized
it. “Here’s your key.”

I hesitated. I couldn’t really believe
it worked. I’d previously believed I had to be looking at the
person, at least until Deek said I didn’t. “Thanks,” I said,
snapping out of it. I took the key and walked towards room
five.

The room was as repulsive as I
expected. The mattress was lumpy, and the room did not smell very
good. I really didn’t want to spend the night here. I sighed in
annoyance. I doubted I would sleep anyway. I sat down on the edge
of the bed, trying to go over the events of the evening. My mind
was still racing, and I doubted it would stop long enough for me to
get some rest. I laid back on the bed and closed my eyes. I needed
sleep; maybe everything would seem better after I got some
rest.

I woke up to banging on the door of my
motel room. I sat up and looked around. It was still dark outside,
so I knew I hadn’t been asleep for long. I had no idea who would be
at the door. I got to my feet and walked to the door. “Who is it?”
I asked hesitantly.

“
It’s Dawson. Open the
door,” Dawson said grumpily from the other side.

I was both relieved and a little
worried that it was Dawson. I knew he was drunk. I opened the door,
and he looked down at me. He was supporting himself with the
doorjamb. I was looking at him, not sure what I should
say.

“
Are you going to invite
me in?” he asked testily.

I moved aside without saying anything.
He walked past me into the room. “Wow, this is a real shithole,” he
said, as he looked around the small room.

“
It’s just for the night,”
I said softly as I shut the door.

He turned and glared at me. “Then
what?” he asked, sounding slightly angry.

I didn’t want to fight with him, and
he obviously wanted a fight. “I don’t know,” I lied. The truth was
I was planning on going back to my old life, but I didn’t feel it
would be a good idea to tell him that. He was already drunk and
annoyed. I didn’t need to add to it.

He scoffed, like he didn’t believe me.
“Right,” he muttered as he kicked his shoes off.

“
How did you find me?” I
asked, trying to keep my tone casual.

He looked at me as though it was silly
that I needed an explanation. He walked toward me. He stopped only
inches from me. If he moved any closer, his body would have been
pressing against mine. The heavy scent of alcohol mixed with his
cologne washed over me. I felt the familiar change in my pulse. He
seemed to have that effect on me no matter what his mood was. He
leaned forward and inhaled. “I am a werewolf, remember? I followed
your scent,” he whispered. Something about the tone of his voice
was incredibly intimate.

I looked up at him, and his blue eyes
met mine. It was times like these I felt like my heart was going to
burst in my chest. He moved forward, suddenly, and pressed his lips
to mine. His kiss was passionate and aggressive; I could barely
catch my breath. I loved the taste of his mouth and the feel of his
soft lips on mine. I knew I had to stop, or I would never be able
to walk away from him. I was letting him too close, and that was my
problem.

I broke the kiss and turned away from
him. I couldn’t meet his eyes, not now. It was too much. The
feelings inside me were raging too strongly. “You should lie down
and get some rest,” I said softly. I made it a point to avoid eye
contact as I walked over to the bed. I pulled the comforter back
and arranged the pillows so he could lie down.

He didn’t look like he wanted to
agree, but I could tell he was exhausted, and he was drunk. The
combination made him a little more cooperative. He stripped his
shirt off and walked over to the bed. He climbed onto the bed, then
reached for me. He caught my hand and pulled me onto the bed next
to him. I tensed as he pulled me against his body. I was facing
away from him. My back was pressed to his chest. I had to remind
myself to breathe. His arm around me held me in place. He was
trying to make sure I couldn’t go anywhere while he slept. He
buried his face in my hair. I closed my eyes and attempted to
relax. My feelings were raging inside me. It wasn’t something I was
used to experiencing, and it was a little unnerving. After only a
few minutes, his soft snores filled the room. His arm relaxed
around me, indicating that he was asleep. I didn’t know if I should
stay next to him, or move. I laid there battling myself. I knew
what I wanted, but I also knew it wasn’t the most sensible thing to
do. I knew how I felt about the whole situation, yet I continually
defied those feelings by letting Dawson close to me.

I didn’t sleep. Dawson lying next to
me made it difficult for me to even think straight. I had feelings
for him that I didn’t understand. I wasn’t entirely sure I wanted
to understand. I never imagined I would be in this position. I
looked over at the clock; it was a little after three in the
afternoon.

Dawson moved next to me. I looked over
at him. His eyes were open. He was watching me, but I couldn’t tell
what he was thinking. His hand was still resting near my hip. He
didn’t make a move to pull away from me when he realized how close
we were. Apparently, he didn’t mind the closeness. He nuzzled my
ear, and kissed my cheek gently. “I didn’t think you would stick
around,” he whispered.

“
Should I have left?” I
asked breathlessly. The way he was touching me made my skin tingle
and my cheeks flush.

“
We both know you do
whatever you want,” he countered, as he sat up and began putting
his boots on. “I am surprised you even slept with me the whole
time. Isn’t that getting a little more intimate then you like?” he
asked condescendingly. He got to his feet and walked over to the
chair where his shirt was

I sighed. Even when he was sober he
was still looking for a fight. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be
intimate with him, because I was pretty sure I did. My problem was
that I didn’t know if he really wanted me, or if he just wanted me
because I wanted him. All the emotions and feelings involved in a
relationship were exhausting. “Dawson, it is so much more
complicated for me then you think.”

“
Then un-complicate it for
me, Larel. Tell me what I have to do to make you understand what I
feel,” he said impatiently. He was watching me, waiting for my
answer.

I sighed in annoyance and stood. “I’m
afraid you don’t really feel the way you think you do,” I said
softly, finally giving him the answer he was looking for. I knew
giving him the answers could lead to more problems, but I was going
to do it anyway.

Confusion crossed his face, like the
notion had never crossed his mind. He’d never considered I could
possibly sway his feelings. “You aren’t making any sense. I know
how I feel for you, Larel.”

I made an annoyed noise as I tried to
figure out how to say what I wanted. “What if I am making you feel
that way because of my ability?” I said softly as I watched
him.