The Wanted (40 page)

The boys ignored him.

I shifted on my haunches and knocked a branch. Snow fell from it and made a slight noise. Alexei’s eyes snapped to the origin of the noise and found mine. I scrunched them tight and took a breath. It felt like a dream.
Don’t be a dream
. I put my finger to my lips to stop him calling out and stood. I could hear the others tromping through my path behind me.

I strolled out, trying to look casual, and smiled down at the two boys. My voice shook like the branches around me. “You want to see a trick?” I asked, bending down to meet their eyes. I pressed my fingers to my side to stop myself from reaching out, grabbing them, and smashing them together in a crushing hug. They both nodded eagerly.

Long ago, my father had showed me how to do this in our front yard. I wasn’t allowed to keep it. Mother had stood impatiently at the door, tapping her foot and waiting until we had kicked it in and smoothed the snow over, like it had never been there. But for that brief moment, where I was falling and laughing, free, I had pure joy and no fear. I was a normal child, doing normal things. The boys blinked up at me expectantly. I put my hands out at ninety degrees to my body and let myself fall back into the deep snow, swishing my arms up and down. The boys watched in fascination. While I was lying there, flapping like a wounded bird, Orry jumped on me, his tiny body making little impact.

“Mama,” he whispered, grabbing my cheeks and squeezing them together. I was crushed leaves, bleeding sap into the snow.

I sat up and pulled us both out of the hole I’d made.

Alexei stumbled over to me, smothering me with a hug as I managed to splutter through my tears, “See the shape of the snow? It’s called a snow angel, I think.”

Orry scrambled out of my arms and dived face first into the snow to make his own, with Hessa following him.

“You’re here,” Alexei said into my hair, his stuttering voice as comforting as a warm drink.

“I’m here,” I whispered, wiping my eyes with the sleeve of Joseph’s shirt.

Joseph stomped through the snow. His worried face suddenly smoothed of concern as he eased Rosa-May from his back and lifted Orry up by his jacket, peering underneath to catch his son’s eyes. “There you are.”

Orry laughed again, and the feeling it created in me was huge. Bigger than the mountain, rumbling and shaking the snow from its back with laughter. Because Orry was
fine
. Our son was absolutely fine.

Joseph snagged my arm and pulled me close. I thudded against his chest and all four of us, me, Rosa-May, Joseph, and Orry squished together in a messy, perfect hug.

ROSA

My heart split like a broken zipper every time Deshi approached Hessa. The boy didn’t know him. It had been over six months since they’d seen each other, and Deshi was a stranger to him.

“You can hate me if you like,” I whispered as I watched the painful exchange of Deshi holding out his hand to Hessa and Hessa hiding behind Alexei’s leg.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Rosa,” he snapped. “I’m happy for you. God knows, you deserve some happiness.”

“Yeah, but so do you.” I thought about my month in the Superiors’ compound, understanding more than most what Deshi had been through to get here. I repeated back what Joseph had told me about Rosa-May. “He just needs time.”

Deshi waved me off, though I could tell his heart was punctured with a thousand holes. “I’ll be whatever he needs. If that’s no longer a father, I’ll accept that. I just want to be a part of his life.”

Joseph reentered the room, his face grave.

“How is he?” Alexei and I said at the same time.

Descending the stairs two at a time, he collapsed on the leather couch. He stared into the potbelly fireplace, which grinned ghoulishly back as he spoke. “Lucky we got here when we did. I’ve given him antibiotics. Now we just have to wait a few days to see how he responds.”

Pietre had bacterial pneumonia. I wasn’t sure what that was but from the coughing and swearing coming from the room, I assumed it was pretty bad.

Past the large, double-glazed door, piles of skins burdened the railing of the deck of the cabin.

“Where is she?” I asked Alexei about Careen.

He patted my arm. “She spends most of her day hunting. I don’t think she could stand to be here and watch him… but now that you’re here, things will be much better,” he replied, as if he were trying to talk himself into it.

I leaned my head on his rounded shoulder. I couldn’t believe I was here. It seemed unfair in a way that somehow I’d managed to get back to my family when so many had lost theirs. I had to be thankful that my suffering, my fight, had a good end. It brought me to the top of a mountain and to the boy sitting in my lap. Orry clambered off my leg and ran to Rosa-May, who was sitting on the edge of the rug, staring out of the window. He grabbed her arm and dragged her onto the deck. She went with him, still quiet but warming a little. I didn’t explain to them who they were to each other. They wouldn’t understand. All they needed to know was they were now family.

Denis hovered in the background, uncomfortable. We existed in a bubble he was unsure whether he should be in or outside of.

Alexei’s eyes slipped to the window, where a shock of red hair stood out against the white snow.

“Here she is,” he said happily, clapping his hands together and shaking them once.

I tripped over the solid wood coffee table and ran to the window, waving gawkily. Her eyes flickered up as I banged on the window. They widened with surprise, and I sprinted for the door. Joseph chuckled as my blunt footsteps made the glasses in the cabinet vibrate.

I sunk into the snow like a hot coal. She dropped her kill and glided gracefully towards me as if the ground were a meadow and she, a gazelle. We slammed into each other, and I felt the air leave her body. Dropping to her knees, she made an ugly gasping noise, tears pouring down her cheeks.

“You’re here. You’re alive,” she cried as I knelt down beside her and hugged her close, her heaving sobs reminding me that while I was being tortured, so was she, thinking Pietre might die and that we would never come home.

“Thank you so much,” I whispered, pulling her curves towards me. “Thank you so much for taking care of my son.” I owed her everything.

She pulled back, her big, blue eyes glistening with confusion.

“I said I would, didn’t I?”

I collapsed over her, laughing, my arms wings ready to fold her into my heart. “Yes, you did.”

Her voice was muffled by my shoulder, but I still heard her say, “Your hair looks very strange, Rosa.” Our giggles rattled and shook the little hooks of pain that hung from my ribs, a few falling from my body and burying themselves in the snow.

It was strange and right, sitting around a chunky, wooden table, warm light bouncing off the timber that lined every part of what Alexei informed me was a ski chalet. It didn’t sound like the name for a building; it sounded like one of the pretentious dishes Grant would have served. At the thought of him, chills crept up my spine, ruffling my skin and making me shudder.

The surviving members of our original group of escapees sat at the table. And despite their physical absence, the spirits of Apella and Clara were still there, in Hessa’s eyes and Alexei’s sad, wandering smile. Every time he shook his head slightly, or closed his eyes longer than normal, I felt he was having an invented conversation with her. It caused an aching and a comfort in me like a pillow stuffed with spiky grass.

Over cooked game and tinned vegetables, we talked about what had happened and what was yet to happen. We couldn’t leave until Pietre was well enough, in a few days, which was fine by all of us. It gave us sorely needed time to prepare ourselves.

“I can’t believe they went that far, to kill that many citizens in one dreadful act,” Alexei muttered into his food. “I also can’t believe two Superiors are dead.”

Joseph and I exchanged a glance that spun and collided. Words traveled silently, bouncing off each other, in the space between our gaze.

“And four towns are free?” Careen asked Joseph, her elbows propped up on the table, leaning forward intently.

He shifted uncomfortably in his chair. “I think they are at least on their way to being free,” he answered.

“I wish I’d seen it,” I mumbled.

Joseph’s gaze folded over me, a scorch, a cinder, an ember. “I wish that too.”

“So much has changed in such a short period of time!” Alexei exclaimed. “It’s unbelievable.”

“It sure is,” I said, my face pulling into a nasty frown that I directed towards Joseph. He leaned back, his face drowning in hurt and regret.

He stood up suddenly. “I’m going to check on the patient.”

I stood too, glancing at the rabble of three children getting to know each other the way they knew best, tumbling in a ball and throwing things around the room. “I think I’ll put the children to bed.”

We left a cloud of concern hovering over the table.

I had more hands to hold than I could manage, and I beckoned Deshi to help me. We scooped the children up and climbed the short flight of stairs to the room that Hessa and Orry had been sharing.

Rosa-May undressed herself easily. The boys needed help, and I was glad to see Hessa allowing Deshi to help him pull on his pajama top. I felt sure they’d get there.

We tucked them in, their eyes already heavy as the light was turned down low. I kneeled down on the floor, my eyes finding each sleepy face. I kissed them. Deshi sat neatly beside me, his arm loosely on my shoulder.

I opened my mouth to say goodnight, but music flowed from my lips instead. “
Once there was a way to get back homeward.

Once there was a way to get back home.
”

Orry’s eyes were pools of innocence, cool blue and rich brown. Pure, muddy waters.

“
Sleep pretty darling, do not cry,

And I will sing a lullaby.
”

Hessa’s face was at peace. He smiled drowsily and dug his head deeper into his pillow. His mother’s face rose from him.

“
Golden slumbers fill your eyes.

Smiles await you when you rise.

Sleep pretty darling, do not cry,

And I will sing a lullaby
.”

Rosa-May’s husky voice whispered through the dark, “Guhnight,” and my smile glowed like a nightlight.

JOSEPH

I didn’t know it could hurt this much, to hear her voice. Because I’m scared she won’t ever look at me the same. I’m scared I’ll only ever get to hear her from a distance now.

I was outside the door, shamelessly listening to Rosa sing, when they both backed out and smacked into me.

She turned suddenly and was pressed against my chest, her beautiful eyes fluttering up at me. I could feel that she loved me, wanted me. But she would always fight against it, and she had every right to be angry.

My eyes slipped to her lips, pursed in frustration, and I wanted to kiss her. Every minute of every day, I wanted to kiss her. I cursed myself for not doing it when I first held her, dirt-crusted and wearing that hideous dress. But that kiss would have been a lie. Until I’d told her the truth, everything would have been a lie.

“I’m going to bed, guys,” Desh muttered, squeezing passed us.

“Night,” I said without looking at him.

She brought her arms up to my chest. I breathed in, hoping she was going to lean towards me, but she pushed us apart.

Alexei clattered in the kitchen, wiped his hands on a tea towel, and looked at us both over his glasses.

She squirmed uncomfortably. “You look tired. You should go to bed too,” she said, flustered. At least I think that was what she said. I was watching her lips move but not really listening to her words. I couldn’t stand this barrier between us. I didn’t want to be in the eye of her storm, where it was calm, still, infuriatingly quiet. If I couldn’t be out there with the rain stinging my face, the wind sending a blur of leaves and debris dashing in front of my eyes, then I wasn’t really
with
her.

“Joseph…?” My arms had wrapped around her waist of their own accord. She wiggled out of my grasp and walked down the stairs to the lounge area where Careen sat, sipping tea. I shrugged and went to the room we’d been given. I promised I would do what she wanted.

I flicked on the light by the bed and undressed. It was so warm in the chalet that I only needed the lightweight pajamas I found in a drawer. I slid under the warm quilt and praised the Survivors for their planning. This place was like their other hideaways, well stocked, comfortable, and like home.

I turned off the light and lay on my side of the bed, leaving wishful room for her. Staring out of the window at the moonlight reflecting off the snow, I hoped the door would creak open, that she’d crawl in beside me, wrap her arms around my shoulders, and the last month would just melt away.