Authors: Rhiannon Jean
*****
Lily
I stared at him, dumbfounded and at a loss for words. “You don’t have to say it back, kitten, it’s ok. I just wanted you to know. I don’t play games like your hero on that screen down there. I’ve known you for two years and have been dying to tell you every day. I love you,” he repeated.
“T…two years?” I finally said, “That makes no sense Gabriel, we’ve only had the one class together.”
“I know you think we’ve only had one class together, but honestly there is so much more. I promise I will tell you everything, just not today, ok? I want today to be about you. Is that alright?” he pleaded. I took a moment to think, looking deep into his eyes. They were still so green, even in the dark, and mesmerizing. Something deep inside me stirred and I longed to trust him. I didn’t want to fight, and I didn’t want to ruin this beautiful moment.
“Please don’t hurt me, Gabriel. I couldn’t take it,” I implored. He brought my lips to his once more, his kiss pleading with me, his lips setting me on fire. His kiss was his promise. As his tongue entwined with mine again, I could feel his emotions flowing through me and I knew. He really was in love with me. I couldn’t explain it; it wasn’t rational, it simply was. I refused to fight it; I gave in to the kiss and let his love cocoon me.
The movie ended and the credits came on. We hadn’t seen the last half, so lost in each other. He helped me off his lap and we gathered our trash and headed for the door.
“What would you like for lunch, beautiful?”
“Chinese?”
“Sounds great; I know the perfect place,” he said as he grabbed my hand.
A few minutes later we arrived at this tiny little mom and pop restaurant and he led me inside. We grabbed a table in a secluded corner and looked over the menu. Everything looked so good, but I wanted my favorites: beef lo mein and vegetable egg rolls. My mouth was watering just thinking about it. He took my hand in his and smiled at me above his menu. His words kept replaying in my head over and over. He was so confident about saying those three little words. Most men only said them to get sex or because they had messed up. I gazed at him in wonder and smiled back. He was so beautiful to look at, it wasn’t hard getting caught up in staring at him.
Our server came by and we chatted with him for a few minutes then ordered our food. Gabriel poured me some hot tea and spooned a little sweetener in it. Of course he would know how I like my tea. I wondered how many times he had been at the same Starbucks as me, and I had never even noticed. How had I not seen this gorgeous man? I shook my head in wonder, mentally kicking myself.
“What’s going on in that head of yours, kitten?” he asked with a smile.
“I just don’t know how I never really noticed you before that last day of classes. You had to have been around me a lot, if you know all these things about me.”
“I’m very good at being a wallflower,” he replied.
“I doubt that,” I countered, “You’re too beautiful.” I gasped quietly, surprised at the words that had just flown out of my mouth. My face turned bright red and I wished I still had the menu to look at so I could hide behind it. He laughed softly.
“Thank you, gorgeous,” he said. I took a sip of my tea, trying to calm my nerves. I wondered if I’d ever feel calm around him. My body seemed to always be on high alert around him.
“So, Lily, tell me more about yourself. Where did you grow up? Do you have siblings? Are you close with your family?”
“So there ARE things you don’t know,” I replied, laughingly.
“Yeah, guess I’m not THAT good of a stalker, huh?” he said sheepishly.
I chuckled and told him about growing up in the suburbs of my no-name town, being picked on at school because of my weight and acne, and how I had basically raised my siblings. I adored my brother and sister and still kept in close contact with them even though they lived out of state. I explained that I had left home early, to live with family then friends, never having really connected with my mom. I explained that my sister had done the same thing but chose to live with her dad (my stepdad) instead. I talked about how we had grown apart until after I left for college, but how now we were closer than ever.
“So you never really connected with your mom?” he asked with concern.
“She had a lot of problems, I guess. I don’t think she really wanted to be a mom, but she felt she was supposed to have a family. She was not a nice person when we were growing up,” I replied quietly. He reached across the table and took my hand in his.
“What do you mean, Lily? Did she yell at you a lot?”
I nodded and replied, “That and she was somewhat violent when we made her mad, which seemed really easy to do. She had a pretty bad temper and seemed to be angry a lot. Maybe she was just angry in general, at the hand life dealt her or something.” His eyes searched mine, looking somewhat angry. I wondered if I had told him too much.
“She hit you?” he asked through his teeth.
“It’s OK, Gabriel, it was a long time ago. I got over it and I’ve moved on.”
“It’s not OK, beautiful. It’s
never
OK to hit a child, or anyone for that matter,” he said, his fists clenching, “I want to know about it. When did it first start? How many years did it last?”
“Umm, are you sure you want to know this? I’m at peace with it now, Gabriel.”
“Yes, Lily. I want to know you, all of you.”
I took a deep breath and began the story of my childhood. I told him about my first memories of her and how she would scream at my sister and me when we were very little. How some days she wouldn’t get out of bed until the afternoon and we would have to wait to eat until she got up. I told him how she would make us go outside and play and lock the door so we couldn’t come back in until she was ready, which was usually around dinner time, and about how sometimes the neighbors would feed us and make sure we had water.
I told him about how she would smack us across the face if she ever thought we were talking back, and how we had gone to the principal about it once. I explained that Children Services had come over and how much of a show my mother had put on convincing them it was a misunderstanding; then how we both got spanked with a hanger later that night for telling on her. Needless to say we never spoke up again. I talked about how she refused to drive us to school some days so we had to find our own rides or walk the 2 miles there and back. Usually we could get a hold of our papaw and he’d take us, thankfully.
I went through her list of men and failed relationships and how it affected all three of us kids. I also told him about the day I grabbed her arm when she went to slap me for “talking back” and held it away from me. That was the day I had told her if she ever hit me again I’d hit her back. I was 15 and I was tired of her anger being directed at me. After that I went to live with relatives until I turned 18. At that point I had stayed with a friend until I went off to college. While I talked, Gabriel held my hand, forcing me to eat one handed. I didn’t mind it though, as his touch was very soothing and I was able to get through my story without crying. As I came to the end, I looked into his eyes. They were filled with pain and anger and love. There was no pity, no fear that I was crazy. I took a deep breath and set my chopsticks down.
“So there you have it. That’s me in a nutshell,” I joked softly.
“Jesus, baby. I had no idea how strong you really are,” he said in amazement. “Thank you for sharing that with me. I knew you were amazing, but I had no idea just how fucking perfect you were.”
“Gabriel, I’m not perfect. I mean, look at me,” I said pointing to myself.
“I AM looking at you Lily,” he said quietly, “I’ve been looking at you for two years and now I see how truly perfect you are…for me.” He took my hands in his once more. I sat there silently staring at him. I was on the verge of tears now, and took a few deep breaths.
He continued, “Thank you again for sharing your pain with me Lily. I want to know you, all of you, even the muddy, rainy, and cloudy parts.”
“Gabriel, this street goes both ways, though. I can’t keep baring my soul to you while you keep everything hidden.”
“I know, beautiful. Like I said, I promise I’ll tell you when I’m able to. I’m working through some things, and when I get everything sorted out, I will tell you everything I can.”
“OK, thank you. I don’t mean to rush you but I just want to know all about you too. Even the muddy parts,” I said with a small smile.
Gabriel smiled in return and went up to pay the check. He had never once expected me to pay for anything. It felt so nice being taken care of like this. If he needed a little more time to divulge his past, I would give it to him. I was afraid if I pushed him too hard, I might push him away. He came back over to the table and took my hand and led me to his car.
“I’ve got a busy day tomorrow, but I’d like to see you again tomorrow night. I’m performing at the Secret Word, and I’d love it if you were there.”
“Of course, Gabriel, I love watching you perform!” He kissed my forehead, tucked me into the car and drove me home.
*****
Lily
After a long day of cleaning and packing and paperwork, I was so ready for a few drinks and more time with Gabriel. I couldn’t wait to hear him sing again. He looked so sexy playing his guitar and singing into the mic with his eyes on me. I had chosen to wear some skinny jeans, a simple white tank, and my black leather jacket to blend in with the hip crowd at The Secret Word. Desperately wanting more kisses, I hoped Gabriel thought it was just as sexy as the red dress from the other night. I applied another coat of lip-gloss and walked into the club to the sound of someone screeching into the microphone.
OMG, Gabriel had invited me to karaoke night! There was no way I was going to get out of this. We had already made one bet that I had somehow gotten out of, mostly because we couldn’t help but kiss each other. I looked around the club and realized it was packed. The stage where I had first seen Gabriel perform was set up with a mic and a teleprompter. Oh god, I needed my liquid courage. Gabriel came up and squeezed my hand, bringing me out of my reverie, and I turned my face to look up at him.
“Ready to sing, beautiful?” he asked with a smirk.
“Seriously? I’m gonna need some whiskey, Gabriel!” I almost shrieked. He started laughing quietly and signaled to the bartender. Rosy came bounding over with two shots for me and a beer for Gabriel. I grabbed them off the tray and downed them quickly. If my gut instinct was right, we would be up very soon. Since Gabriel owned the place, he pretty much got whatever he wanted.
Rosy laughed and said, “Slow down there love, you’ve got a couple of songs to go. Gabriel is singing first.” I grinned at her and motioned for another round. She smiled and looked at Gabriel for the go ahead. He gave her a thumbs-up and looked back at me, still laughing and shaking his head. He led me to a table close to the front, in fact it was the exact same table I had had before. There was another long stemmed pink rose sitting on the table, next to a small jewelry box. I stopped breathing as we got closer to the table, afraid of what was in the jewelry box. Once we had reached the table, I let out my breath; it wasn’t a ring box. My brain had gone crazy for a minute.
“Open it, kitten,” he said quietly. I took the chair he had pulled out for me and waited for him to sit beside me. I looked into his eyes and searched for any clue as to what he might be thinking. He looked at me with such intensity and such desire that it was almost too much to take. I took the box in my hands and slowly opened it. Inside was a beautiful silver bracelet. The chain was delicate and had an intricate weave. What stood out was the clasp, one side was a tiny lock and the other was a key.
“Oh Gabriel, it’s beautiful,” I said softly. He took it out of my hands and unclasped it.
“Hold out your left arm,” he said, “This will have to do until you’re ready for another piece of jewelry on this hand.”
I gulped and said, “W…w…what does it mean?”
“It means you are the key to unlocking me, all of me, my desires, my passion, my love.” Tears began to well in my eyes and I couldn’t find any words to respond. I took a deep breath and pulled his head close to mine. I stared into his eyes, hoping he would see what I wanted to say, but couldn’t just yet.
“You’re welcome kitten,” he said, “Now, I’m afraid it’s my turn to sing.” I smiled at him and nodded, still unable to speak. He kissed me softly on the lips and went up to the stage. The crowd erupted into loud applause just as Rosy appeared by my side. She had brought two more shots and a sparkling water.
“You’re amazing, Rosy, thank you so much!”
“You’re welcome love. I’ve got a break coming up here in a few, mind if I sit with you next time he’s up?”
“Of course! I’d love that!” I exclaimed. I had wanted to have a little one-on- one time with Rosy ever since I found out she was Gabriel’s best friend. He had finally shared a bit with me about himself, and I wanted to pick her brain about him to see if I could find out more.
The music had started so I turned my attention back to Gabriel. He completely owned the stage and I couldn’t help but lick my lips at how gorgeous he looked. He caught me licking them and smirked and shook his head. I knew I was in for it after the song. I sighed as he began to sing in that smoky, scratchy low tone of his.
The lyrics to
Hanging By A Moment
by Lifehouse started pouring from that beautiful mouth of his; I
loved
this song. I had sung it so many times by myself in my car and wished over and over that someone would feel that way about me. Ryan had never been into my music and never understood how songs like this tugged at my heart. The lyrics talked about how the singer wanted his girl to forget all he was lacking and how he was incomplete.
How did Gabriel know the right words to sing to me yet again? I didn’t understand how this guy was so attuned to what I needed to hear. I wanted it to be romantic, but something in the back of my mind kept nagging me and I couldn’t ignore it. The voice was getting louder and louder. How
did
he know these songs were my favorite? How
did
he know I loved pink roses? How
did
he know I’d wanted to try that steak restaurant?
I shook my head trying to clear my thoughts, and he looked at me questioningly as he finished up the song. Smiling at him, I gave a little wave so he wouldn’t worry. I knew I was up next so I threw back another shot and took a sip of my water. I needed to figure out what song to sing that would blow him away and was thinking of going back to my roots and doing an 80s song.
Gabriel left the stage and sat back down next to me. He took my hand in his and looked into my eyes with concern.
“Are you alright, kitten?”
“Oh yeah, I’m good! I’ve had liquid courage and now I’m going to blow your mind with my screeching,” I said jokingly. He smiled back at me, but the smile didn’t quite reach his eyes.
“I can’t wait, beautiful, go make me proud,” he said as they called my name. I had decided to do
Get You Alone
by Heart. It was a good throaty song to sing after whiskey, and it told Gabriel a bit of what I was feeling.
I looked up at Gabriel after belting out the chorus and he was smirking that signature smirk. God he was sexy. I brushed off my nerves and stepped out my right leg to stand with my feet apart. I grabbed the mic, closed my eyes, and really got into the next verse. I was sultry, sexy, and powerful and I wanted to seduce him with my singing.
I continued to sing about how much I wanted to get Gabriel alone and gave it my all until the very last note. At that point
I opened my eyes to a standing ovation. I began blushing furiously as I remembered I was on stage in front of a very large crowd. I had lost myself in the lyrics, imagining singing them directly to Gabriel. I scanned the crowd trying to find him and didn’t see him anywhere. Oh shit, did I scare him off? Was this too direct?
I was beginning to panic when I felt two strong arms circle my waist from behind.
His lips touched my ear and he whispered, “All you have to do is ask, kitten.” His hot breath sent a chill up my spine and I turned to face him. His was grinning a silly grin and looked proud of me. I had never had ANYONE look proud of me before! I was so excited that I threw my arms around his neck and pulled him down for a rough kiss. He smirked against my lips and deepened the kiss. His tongue played slowly and erotically with mine, until we heard catcalls from the audience. I had totally forgotten where we were! My face turned bright red once again, and he led me off stage. We sat back down at the table and I took a big gulp of my water.
“That was amazing, Lily. I knew you had it in you,” he said.
“It was all the Jameson,” I laughed, “and you. You inspired the song choice.”
“I was hoping so,” he said quietly, “I can’t wait to be alone with you Lily. I don’t know how much longer I can wait to get you into my bed, naked and writhing underneath me.” I squirmed in my seat, his words making me wet. I didn’t know how to respond to that, afraid I would stutter and make a fool of myself. I nodded in agreement instead and heard his name being called by the DJ.
“This won’t be as good as yours, sweetheart, but I hope you like it anyway,” he said jokingly. I kissed him on the cheek and nodded, still thinking about his bed. He grinned as he walked away. He waited for the music to start, moved the stool out of the way, and took the mic off the stand.
“This is for Lily,” he said. The opening notes came on and I couldn’t believe my ears. He was singing
Demons
by Imagine Dragons, which of course was another one of my favorites. How did he keep doing this?
As I was trying not to freak out, Rosy came over and sat next to me. “Hey love,” she said.
“Hey Rosy, how’s your night?”
“Busy, very busy. Look, I don’t have a lot of time, but I wanted to come over and talk to you while Gabriel was busy singing.” She looked worried and a little pissed off.
“Oh, ok, is everything OK?”
“Lily, look, I like you so I’m going to be honest with you. Gabriel’s my best friend so I don’t want to see him get hurt.”
“Me neither, Rosy, I think I’m falling in love with him,” I replied honestly.
“That’s what I was afraid of love. Look Gabriel’s got a past, a BAD one. He’s got a lot of issues, issues that no one can help him with.”
“W…what do you mean?” I stammered.
“Listen to the song Lily, he’s trying to tell you himself. He’s got demons that he refuses to deal with and they’ve messed him up. He’s no good for a sweet girl like you. Believe me, I’ve been there myself.”
“You’ve b…been there?” I asked incredulously.
“Yes, we dated a little over two years ago. He’s not right in the head and it shows once you get too close to him. He’ll pull you in and, just when you think you’ve helped him overcome his demons, he shuts you out. Please, Lily, listen to this song. It’s his warning to you. He may not know it, but it is. I told him this was his song when we broke up. It was perfect for him…and now he’s singing it to you.”
“But it’s one of my favorite songs, that’s what he usually sings.”
“How do you think he knows those songs Lily? I know what he is and the truth isn’t pretty. Get out while you still can.”
“What do you mean you know WHAT he is? What the hell is he?”
“That’s for him to tell you, but just know that I’m looking out for you because I like you and you deserve better. He’s not good for you. Walk away before it’s too late.”
She had left the table before the song ended, and I was dumbfounded. What the fuck had just happened? I took my last shot and sipped my water, getting ready for my next song. Gabriel made his way back to our table and I put on the mask of happiness I had practically perfected with Ryan. He looked at me questioningly and I just said, “I’m so nervous! I think the Jameson is wearing off,” as I smiled at him. The DJ called my name and I kissed Gabriel’s cheek and headed for the stage. I needed a song that really said how I felt after talking to Rosy. Alanis Morissette was always a good choice for a pissed off female, right? I chose
Uninvited
and gave it my all.
I took the mic off the stand and began pacing the stage. I had a lot of bottled up energy and I was really getting into the song. These lyrics were perfect for how pissed off I felt right now. The more I sang, the angrier I got. Rosy knew what Gabriel was and why he knew everything about me. She knew because SHE HAD DATED HIM! He had fucking kept that from me. I thought she was just his best friend; not someone he’d fucked before me. I turned to Gabriel and sang directly to him.
At the instrumental part, I let the words hang in the air, listening to the music. I had made up my mind as he stared back at me intensely. He never even blinked. He knew that Rosy had just told me something, and I didn’t want to deal with any of this right now.
I sang the final two lines, let the mic drop, and walked off stage. I didn’t need this shit. I was smack dab in the middle of a divorce nightmare and I didn’t need any more men trying to ruin my life. I found the back door and walked outside. I quickly texted the cab service on my cabbie app and went to walk around to the front of the building. A strong hand grabbed ahold of my arm and stopped me in my tracks.
“Where are you going?” Gabriel asked quietly.
“Far away from you,” I responded without turning around.
“Rosy?” he asked.
“So you know. Good,” I said as I turned to face him. “I’m done with this, whatever this is! You keep everything from me and I’m done being lied to.”
“I didn’t lie to you Lily, I simply haven’t told you everything.”
“Omissions ARE lies, Gabriel. Saying someone is your best friend, but forgetting to mention you’ve fucked her is a huge omission!”
“It’s none of your business who I’ve fucked Lily.”
“Seriously, Gabriel? You know EVERYTHING about me! Yet, it isn’t my business that you’re still VERY close to your ex. How is that fair? And for the last time, how the fuck do you know everything about me?!” I practically screamed.
“Lower your voice, Lily,” he said softly. His eyes were hard and his mouth was set in a straight line. That cold side of him was back, but he had never talked to me like this. Was this what Rosy was talking about? Was this the other side of him?