The Way Things Are (15 page)

“Even when life doesn’t work out the way we imagine,” Patrick said, “it’s still worthwhile.”

Chapter 6

A
T
FIRST
,
Patrick wondered just what giant karmic fuck-up he’d committed that had resulted in his son being stuck with Ken Atkins. As the weeks wore on, he’d realized Jay being assigned to Ken’s caseload was one of the best things that could have happened. Every Friday afternoon, he watched Ken turn Jay’s weekly check-in into a subtly disguised half hour of support and encouragement. Jay always came away thoughtful and quiet. Patrick was genuinely surprised Jay was home each night when he called and didn’t end up in jail again. Ken had an almost inhuman degree of patience when it came to dealing with Jay, and the kid was determined not to disappoint him.

During their Friday meetings, Ken ignored Patrick completely. He knew it shouldn’t bother him. He knew Ken was acting more grown-up about what had happened between them than Patrick was. But he wanted Ken’s attention. He wanted to see his gray-blue eyes focused on him, smiling at him.

On Saturdays, Ken was relaxed enough to at least say hello when Patrick dropped Jay off at the various parks, nursing homes, and soup kitchens Ken rotated his kids between. Ken still didn’t look at him, but the sound of his voice, even if Patrick only got to hear it for a few moments, felt like drops of water on Patrick’s drought-parched psyche. He found himself lingering when he dropped Jay off, and showing up almost an hour early on the off chance that he might get to hang out with Ken for a bit. After a joke to break the tension, they’d sit and talk while Ken kept his eyes focused on the kids working around them. The sound of his voice was still intoxicating, and Patrick found himself craving those casual chats on Saturdays. And afterward, when Ken would revert back to his professional, walled-off self, Patrick wanted to scream.

Screaming was pretty much the only thing he could do about the wave of nervous desire coursing through him. He’d hoped to get it out of his system that night in the club, but this psychotic attraction was getting worse. After weeks of dancing around it, Patrick was ready to give up. Ken was a dedicated professional who wouldn’t normally compromise his job for a bit of fun in bed. Those stolen moments in Corbin’s office hung over them, but Ken seemed determined to forget it had ever happened.

And Patrick couldn’t blame him. Even without the obvious conflict of interest, Patrick was painfully aware he had more baggage than most men. Ken was smart to keep his distance.

All Patrick could do was try to work out his frustrations in the gym, trying to stay far enough ahead of Corbin that the smaller man didn’t actually hurt him.

Patrick ducked as Corbin sent a jab straight for his temple, then had to step back as an uppercut and a series of roundhouse punches drove him back against the ropes. Corbin grinned at him, and danced back into the center of the ring. Patrick took the chance to recover, drawing in one deep lung-full of air after the other.

“This is too damn easy,” Corbin complained. He charged forward again, but Patrick managed to get his gloves up this time. He blocked punch after punch, but he still barely managed to hold his ground. “I think we should skip this on Saturdays until Jay’s off probation.”

Patrick flinched at the reference and Corbin managed to land a punch to his left cheek.

“See? Every time you come here after picking him up from community service, you’re distracted.”

Patrick didn’t want to admit just how true that was. Today marked Jay’s fifth week of probation. Today he hadn’t gotten to talk to Ken. Ken had been supervising his kids as they picked up litter along a long stretch of park. They were spread out over a couple miles, and since Ken couldn’t very well drive over the grass, he’d been on an old road bike instead. When Patrick had seen the way the man’s tight black bike shorts clung to him, his palms had itched to reach out and touch the fabric.

Last Saturday, it had been the way the man’s rumpled suit jacket fit over his shoulders, the fabric stretching tight. The week before, Patrick hadn’t been able to tear himself away when the cold autumn wind made Ken’s cheeks bright pink.

A jab cut through his nonexistent defense and hit him in the ribs. “I think I could get a better workout with the heavy bag,” Corbin teased him.

“I can’t help it,” Patrick muttered. “He’s hot. And the worst part is, he doesn’t even know it. I swear there was another guy checking him out at the park today and he was totally oblivious.”

Corbin stared at him and slowly shook his head. “You’re hopeless, Pat.”

Jay, who was doing math homework with one of the other kids from the Golden Gloves class, was staring at him with a curious expression on his face. Patrick cocked an eyebrow at his son, but the boy just rolled his eyes and went back to his textbook.

“Even Jay can tell you’ve got a thing for this guy,” Corbin said, charging forward again.

“He’s only got one more week, then he’s done with all of this shit.”

“I’m surprised you’re not slacking off, hoping he’s going to get caught again.”

“I wouldn’t do that,” Patrick said seriously.

“Even if it’s the only way you get to drool over the sexy probation officer some more?”

“Could you keep it down?” Patrick hissed, casting a meaningful glance at Jay. He didn’t think Jay was close enough to hear them over the clanking of weights and the grunts and thuds coming from the other rings, but he didn’t want to risk it. “There’s just something about him.” Patrick tried to shrug it off like it was no big deal. “I’ll be so glad when this is over.”

“He definitely seemed like he was into you that night at the club.”

“He was drunk. I probably took advantage of him. Now he’s just uncomfortable around me. I should be grateful he’s not acting like a complete dick.”

Jay hopped off of the wooden bench. “I got it all done! Can I spend the night at Michael’s now?”

“Every math problem? Not just the odd-numbered ones with the answers from the back of the book?”

“Yep!” Jay held up an illegible piece of notebook paper triumphantly.

Patrick glanced at the other boy. He was about Jay’s age, with dark brown skin, short, neat hair, and a bright smile. “You’re totally caught up the rest of your homework?”

“Yes. It’s all done. Come on, Pop, I haven’t been grounded for weeks, and I finished the last of my community service this morning. Please?”

“What time are you going to be home tomorrow?”

“Three?” Jay looked hopeful.

“And it’s okay with your folks?” Patrick asked the other boy.

“Yeah. I called my dad to ask just a minute ago. He’s on his way to pick me up anyway, so we figured Jay could just ride home with us.” Michael held up an iPhone. “Actually, he just sent me a text. He’s waiting outside.”

“Yeah, okay,” Patrick agreed. “I need you to write down your address and your home phone number for me, though. And you”—he looked at Jay—“home by three and call if you need a ride.”

In a whirlwind of notebooks, backpacks, and gym bags, both boys were gone, sprinting out the door fast.

Corbin wandered over to the bench and grabbed a bottle of water. “They’re cute together, huh?”

Patrick shrugged. “They’re just friends.”

“So were we,” Corbin reminded him.

“And we remember how well
that
worked. Besides, I’m 70 percent sure Jay’s straight. His friend definitely is.”

Corbin tossed Patrick a sweat towel.

“Jay’s going to spend the night at his house. I only grounded him for two weeks.” Patrick shrugged. “It’s nice to see him finally making friends.”

“You could make an effort to meet people too, Pat. Other than your sexy probation officer.”

“Once the kid’s off probation, when I don’t need to drive him to check-ins and community service, and I don’t have to call home every two hours, sure.”

“Even if he makes it through this week, how long do you think it’ll last?”

“Until he gets caught again.” Patrick didn’t delude himself into thinking that Jay hadn’t actually been out painting graffiti over the last five weeks. He knew his son better than that. Jay had just found someplace to paint where he wasn’t likely to get caught. Until he got caught again, Patrick was looking forward to having a bit of a break from chauffeuring the kid to community service and status meetings.

It’d be nice to have a break from the cold look Ken gave him every time he overstepped the boundaries set between them. Over ten years of being married to Denise had made him an expert at concealing his own frustrations, but the implication that Patrick even smiling at him was all some warped manipulation tactic hurt.

Corbin smacked him with one of his boxing gloves. “I’ve got a beer truck tonight, so I’ve got to get going.”

“Don’t you have employees for that?”

“I like doing it.”

“David’s the guy you’ve got unloading with you?”

Corbin’s face had never, in his entire life, looked innocent. He didn’t even try to hide the sappy expression on his face. “Technically, yes. But I’d be doing it anyway.”

“Well, have fun with that.” Patrick wiped a bit of sweat from his eyes.

“Hey, Connelly!”

Patrick groaned.

“Sexy probation officer at six o’clock,” Corbin warned.

“What can I do for you, Mr. Atkins?” he asked, not looking up. He’d picked Jay up from the park almost three hours ago, so there was no logical reason why Ken would still be in those fucking bike shorts. But he was.

“Well, I realized I forgot to schedule Jay’s status hearing when you brought him in on Friday. I figured you’d be here, and I was in the neighborhood, so I thought I’d just stop in.”

“You could have called,” Patrick said.

“It kept going to voice mail, and I wanted to get it done first thing Monday morning.”

“It’s Saturday. Doesn’t that shit have to be scheduled with the courts?”

“It’s youth court, it’s not that formal. Mornings are open session. If I have the clerk add it to the docket at seven, we’re good.”

Patrick took a deep breath and looked up at Ken, forcing himself not to focus on the black fabric wrapped around Ken’s thighs. “Monday morning?” He fought to keep his tone passive. “Jay would have to skip school.”

Ken’s professional smile fell a little. “I just thought you might want to get this off your plate. Afternoons are usually violations, failure to complies, and new charges, but I can schedule something. Would Thursday afternoon be all right? I know it’s at the end of your workweek.”

“Shifting from one job to another means the week never, ever ends,” Patrick muttered.

Corbin slapped Patrick on the shoulder. “All the more reason for you to take advantage of tonight.”

Ken narrowed his eyes and frowned. “Tonight?”

“I’ve got plenty of staff, and Jay’s spending the night at a friend’s house. Which, if I’m doing the math right, means Pat has an actual chance to pick somebody up for the first time in three years? Four?”

Patrick choked on his automatic denial. No matter how pathetic it made him feel, it was the truth. “Not your business,” he said.

“Whatever. I just think it’s time you get back in the saddle. Start to live your life again.” Corbin leaned around him toward the edge of the ring, where Ken stood gaping at him. “You work with those CPS guys, right? Would you tell him he doesn’t have to be celibate until Jay turns eighteen to be a decent father?”

“Corbin, please stop. I tried the whole ‘get back in the saddle’ thing. It didn’t work.” Patrick risked another quick glance at Ken. “The guy thought I was a total douche bag who was just pretending to be attracted to him to manipulate him.”

Corbin rolled his eyes. “Okay, fine. Stopping.”

“Besides, Ethan’s working all weekend and he was going to try and get me some overtime tonight. No offense, but he pays better than you.”

“All weekend?”

“Thanksgiving’s coming up. All that shit in stores for Black Friday has to get unloaded and sent on its way. Besides, I want to earn extra money to get the new PlayStation Jay wants for Christmas.”

“Well, if he doesn’t have work for you, you should come in just to hang out. I swear, I won’t try to hook you up with anybody this time. Unless you want me to.”

Patrick’s chest tightened in panic, and he avoided looking in Ken’s direction. He wracked his brain to think of some excuse, then wondered why. Jay was spending the night at a friend’s house, he didn’t have to work, and saying no just because he didn’t want Ken Atkins to think he was out fucking around was stupid. Maybe getting laid would take the edge off the tension he felt every time he saw Ken, and he’d be able to get through the last week of hearings and meetings without going totally nuts.

“I am child-free tonight,” said Patrick, laughing. “Do you have any idea how weird that feels?”

Corbin smirked. “No. Thank God. Come down to the club?”

Patrick finished his water and nodded slowly. “Yeah, if Ethan doesn’t call, I’ll come. And you know what, Atkins? Thursday afternoon really is better than Monday. I don’t want to take Jay out of school for this. He has enough trouble keeping up in algebra when he’s actually there.”